1
00:00:34,076 --> 00:00:36,078
T-t-t-this is just
sloppy craftsmanship.

2
00:00:36,162 --> 00:00:37,496
Hey, Rick.

3
00:00:37,580 --> 00:00:40,750
Boy, sure is really especially
beautiful out there today, huh?

4
00:00:40,833 --> 00:00:42,043
Oh, yes, morty.

5
00:00:42,126 --> 00:00:43,920
I-It's almost unbelievable,
isn't it?

6
00:00:44,003 --> 00:00:45,046
Yeah, you know?

7
00:00:45,129 --> 00:00:46,356
There's something about the air

8
00:00:46,380 --> 00:00:48,007
and just the way the sunshine is.

9
00:00:48,090 --> 00:00:49,008
Uh, sure, buddy. Yeah.

10
00:00:49,091 --> 00:00:50,760
Sure. B-Brilliant. Very convincing.

11
00:00:50,843 --> 00:00:51,761
Wha... convincing?

12
00:00:51,844 --> 00:00:52,929
Oh. Responsive, too.

13
00:00:53,012 --> 00:00:54,305
In real time. I love it.

14
00:00:54,388 --> 00:00:55,973
Uhh... okay.

15
00:00:56,057 --> 00:00:57,257
[ Robotic ] I'm going to work.

16
00:00:57,308 --> 00:00:58,643
Morty, good morning.

17
00:00:58,726 --> 00:00:59,769
Dad, good morning.

18
00:00:59,852 --> 00:01:01,729
I am going to work. Goodbye.

19
00:01:01,812 --> 00:01:03,231
What's with mom?

20
00:01:03,314 --> 00:01:04,732
Oh, what's with mom?

21
00:01:04,815 --> 00:01:06,651
So, you're saying that
she's acting weird?

22
00:01:06,734 --> 00:01:08,236
How soph[Burps]isticated.

23
00:01:08,319 --> 00:01:09,528
Careful, guys.

24
00:01:09,612 --> 00:01:11,405
You're gonna burn out
the cpu with this one.

25
00:01:11,489 --> 00:01:12,698
Okay, you know what, Rick?

26
00:01:12,782 --> 00:01:13,866
You're acting weird, too.

27
00:01:13,950 --> 00:01:16,702
Whatever, quote-unquote "morty."

28
00:01:16,786 --> 00:01:17,954
All right, well...

29
00:01:18,037 --> 00:01:19,288
I'll see you after school.

30
00:01:19,372 --> 00:01:21,123
Ow! Oof! Ugh!

31
00:01:21,207 --> 00:01:22,208
Damn it!

32
00:01:22,291 --> 00:01:23,459
I'm all right. I'm okay.

33
00:01:23,542 --> 00:01:25,711
[Slurps]

34
00:01:25,795 --> 00:01:28,965
All right, who can tell
me what 5 x 9 is?

35
00:01:29,048 --> 00:01:30,675
[Students whispering]

36
00:01:30,758 --> 00:01:31,592
Morty?

37
00:01:31,676 --> 00:01:32,551
Uh, me?

38
00:01:32,635 --> 00:01:33,803
What is 5 x 9?

39
00:01:33,886 --> 00:01:36,973
Umm... you know,
it's uhh ...At least 40.

40
00:01:37,056 --> 00:01:38,140
[Students gasp]

41
00:01:38,224 --> 00:01:40,434
Morty, that's exactly correct!

42
00:01:40,518 --> 00:01:43,020
5 x 9 is at least 40!

43
00:01:43,104 --> 00:01:43,980
Come up here.

44
00:01:44,063 --> 00:01:45,398
Whoo! Way to go, morty!

45
00:01:45,481 --> 00:01:47,858
Everybody,
this is the best student.

46
00:01:47,942 --> 00:01:49,860
I want you to be
the teacher today.

47
00:01:49,944 --> 00:01:51,320
Teach us, morty!

48
00:01:51,404 --> 00:01:52,571
Interesting.

49
00:01:52,655 --> 00:01:54,091
W-W-W—what do you
want me to teach you?

50
00:01:54,115 --> 00:01:55,157
Ooh, ooh!

51
00:01:55,241 --> 00:01:56,993
How do you make
concentrated dark matter?

52
00:01:57,076 --> 00:01:58,244
Oh, that's a good question.

53
00:01:58,327 --> 00:01:59,662
Concentrated huh?

54
00:01:59,745 --> 00:02:00,871
Concentrated dark matter...

55
00:02:00,955 --> 00:02:03,457
The fuel for accelerated
space travel.

56
00:02:03,541 --> 00:02:04,601
Now, do you know how to make it?

57
00:02:04,625 --> 00:02:05,501
Umm...

58
00:02:05,584 --> 00:02:06,502
Jessica: Come on, morty.

59
00:02:06,585 --> 00:02:08,754
Isn't your grandpa,
like, a scientist?

60
00:02:08,838 --> 00:02:11,382
Oh, yeah, but, you know,
he told me that I shouldn't go

61
00:02:11,465 --> 00:02:14,093
around spouting off about, you
know, his science and stuff.

62
00:02:14,176 --> 00:02:17,179
I bet you've seen him make
concentrated dark matter a lot.

63
00:02:17,263 --> 00:02:20,433
You know, if you tell us,
I'll be your girlfriend.

64
00:02:20,516 --> 00:02:21,600
Uh, y-you will?

65
00:02:21,684 --> 00:02:23,602
Seems like a rare opportunity,
morty.

66
00:02:23,686 --> 00:02:24,979
[Blaml]

67
00:02:25,062 --> 00:02:26,873
Morty, u-uh, come on.
There's a family emergency.

68
00:02:26,897 --> 00:02:27,982
Stop right there!

69
00:02:28,065 --> 00:02:29,251
If he leaves,
I'm giving him an "f."

70
00:02:29,275 --> 00:02:30,275
Rick: He doesn't care.

71
00:02:30,318 --> 00:02:31,318
Aw, man!

72
00:02:31,360 --> 00:02:32,695
Rick, I have to go back!

73
00:02:32,778 --> 00:02:34,155
I think I was about
to get married!

74
00:02:34,238 --> 00:02:35,382
Ugh! Take a shower with me,
morty.

75
00:02:35,406 --> 00:02:36,240
What?!

76
00:02:36,324 --> 00:02:37,533
Listen to me, morty.

77
00:02:37,616 --> 00:02:39,469
Get your clothes off and
get in the shower right now.

78
00:02:39,493 --> 00:02:41,203
Y—y-y-you got to
trust me, morty.

79
00:02:41,287 --> 00:02:42,287
Ugh!

80
00:02:42,330 --> 00:02:43,682
I'm gonna get an
"f" in class, Rick.

81
00:02:43,706 --> 00:02:44,832
Morty, that's not class.

82
00:02:44,915 --> 00:02:46,375
T-t-t-that wasn't your teacher.

83
00:02:46,459 --> 00:02:47,626
This isn't your school.

84
00:02:47,710 --> 00:02:49,253
This entire world
is not the world.

85
00:02:49,337 --> 00:02:51,737
We're inside a huge simulation
chamber on an alien spaceship.

86
00:02:51,797 --> 00:02:52,715
Wait a minute.

87
00:02:52,798 --> 00:02:53,966
W-What are you talking about?

88
00:02:54,050 --> 00:02:55,885
It's all fake [burps] morty...
All of it.

89
00:02:55,968 --> 00:02:59,722
Nanobotic renderings, a bunch
of crazy fake nonsense, morty.

90
00:02:59,805 --> 00:03:01,565
I couldn't say so until
we got in the shower.

91
00:03:01,640 --> 00:03:02,850
They won't monitor us in here.

92
00:03:02,933 --> 00:03:04,435
Monitor us?! W-Who?!

93
00:03:04,518 --> 00:03:05,936
Zigerion scammers, morty —-

94
00:03:06,020 --> 00:03:09,106
the galaxy's most ambitious,
least successful con artists.

95
00:03:09,190 --> 00:03:11,359
You know, it's lucky for
us they're also really

96
00:03:11,442 --> 00:03:12,461
uncomfortable with nudity.

97
00:03:12,485 --> 00:03:13,652
Aw, come on, Rick.

98
00:03:13,736 --> 00:03:15,047
If everyone's just
gonna be insane today,

99
00:03:15,071 --> 00:03:17,114
at least let me be
insane with Jessica.

100
00:03:17,198 --> 00:03:18,216
I can't [burps] let
you do that, morty.

101
00:03:18,240 --> 00:03:19,033
Give it to me!

102
00:03:19,116 --> 00:03:19,909
No! [ Burps]

103
00:03:19,992 --> 00:03:20,826
You give it to me!

104
00:03:20,910 --> 00:03:22,745
G-G-Give it! No, Rick!

105
00:03:30,294 --> 00:03:31,462
[Aliens groaning]

106
00:03:31,545 --> 00:03:33,214
Oh, god, sir!
They're still naked!

107
00:03:33,297 --> 00:03:34,757
Ugh.

108
00:03:34,840 --> 00:03:37,152
Well, check every five quintons
and tell me when they're not.

109
00:03:37,176 --> 00:03:39,387
I think we should
make kev/n look, sir.

110
00:03:39,470 --> 00:03:40,470
What?! No!

111
00:03:40,513 --> 00:03:41,931
W-W-Why would you even say that?

112
00:03:42,014 --> 00:03:44,058
Uh, sir, we have
a situation over here.

113
00:03:44,141 --> 00:03:45,684
If there's a wiener on that
monitor,

114
00:03:45,768 --> 00:03:47,269
I swear to god, stu...

115
00:03:47,353 --> 00:03:49,271
Something is drawing a
lot of processing power.

116
00:03:49,355 --> 00:03:50,523
Oh, wait. No wonder.

117
00:03:50,606 --> 00:03:52,983
There's another real
human in the simulator.

118
00:03:53,067 --> 00:03:55,319
Okay, Jerry...
Big pitch meeting.

119
00:03:55,403 --> 00:03:56,529
Make-or-break rime.

120
00:03:56,612 --> 00:03:57,530
[ Whirring]

121
00:03:57,613 --> 00:03:58,531
You can do this.

122
00:03:58,614 --> 00:03:59,657
How did this happen?!

123
00:03:59,740 --> 00:04:01,158
Where's the
abductions department?

124
00:04:01,242 --> 00:04:03,786
Hey, man, abductions just
follows the acquisition order.

125
00:04:03,869 --> 00:04:05,287
Don't put this on acquisitions!

126
00:04:05,371 --> 00:04:07,915
We only acquire humans that
haven'tbeen simulated!

127
00:04:07,998 --> 00:04:10,709
Well, simulations doesn't
simulate anybody that's been

128
00:04:10,793 --> 00:04:12,920
abducted,
so [chuckles] oh, I see!

129
00:04:13,003 --> 00:04:14,296
Oh, oh! It was no one's fault.

130
00:04:14,380 --> 00:04:15,548
Oh, okay. [Chuckles]

131
00:04:15,631 --> 00:04:16,858
I'm sorry.
Well, then, problem solved.

132
00:04:16,882 --> 00:04:17,925
Oh, wait... no.

133
00:04:18,008 --> 00:04:19,969
There's still another
human in here!

134
00:04:20,052 --> 00:04:21,387
Who is he?

135
00:04:21,470 --> 00:04:22,972
Rick's son-in-law, Jerry Smith.

136
00:04:23,055 --> 00:04:25,850
So far, he hasn't noticed
he's in a simulation.

137
00:04:25,933 --> 00:04:26,934
[Sighs]

138
00:04:27,017 --> 00:04:28,497
Well, cap his sector at 5%
processing,

139
00:04:28,561 --> 00:04:30,747
keep his settings on auto, and
we'll deal with him later.

140
00:04:30,771 --> 00:04:32,898
Rick Sanchez is the target.

141
00:04:35,484 --> 00:04:36,545
[Inhales deeply] Got to relax.

142
00:04:36,569 --> 00:04:37,862
It's just a pitch.

143
00:04:37,945 --> 00:04:39,196
Got to relax.

144
00:04:39,280 --> 00:04:40,072
[Click]

145
00:04:40,156 --> 00:04:40,990
[ Static ]

146
00:04:41,073 --> 00:04:42,533
This is Ean'h radio.

147
00:04:42,616 --> 00:04:45,244
And now, here 's... humah music.

148
00:04:45,327 --> 00:04:48,456
[ Repetitive rhythmic beeping]

149
00:04:48,539 --> 00:04:50,458
Hmm. Human music.

150
00:04:50,541 --> 00:04:53,002
I like it.

151
00:04:53,085 --> 00:04:55,004
[ Beeping continues]

152
00:05:02,845 --> 00:05:06,015
[Rick and morty panting]

153
00:05:06,098 --> 00:05:07,016
Rick!

154
00:05:07,099 --> 00:05:08,184
Uhp, uhp, uhp!

155
00:05:08,267 --> 00:05:09,619
Morty, keep your hands
off your ding—dong!

156
00:05:09,643 --> 00:05:11,121
It's the only way
we can speak freely.

157
00:05:11,145 --> 00:05:12,354
Look around you, morty.

158
00:05:12,438 --> 00:05:14,482
Do you really think
this [burps] world is real?

159
00:05:14,565 --> 00:05:17,151
You'd have to be an idiot not to
notice all the sloppy details.

160
00:05:17,234 --> 00:05:19,361
Look —- that guy's putting
a bun between two hot dogs.

161
00:05:19,445 --> 00:05:20,488
Morty: I don't know, Rick.

162
00:05:20,571 --> 00:05:22,090
I mean, I've seen people
do that before.

163
00:05:22,114 --> 00:05:23,425
Rick:
Well, look at that old lady.

164
00:05:23,449 --> 00:05:25,075
She's... she's walking
a cat on a leash.

165
00:05:25,159 --> 00:05:27,077
Uh, Mrs. Spencer does
that all the time, Rick.

166
00:05:27,161 --> 00:05:29,497
Look, I-I-I don't want to
hear about Mrs. Spencer, morty!

167
00:05:29,580 --> 00:05:30,664
She's an idiot!

168
00:05:30,748 --> 00:05:31,624
All right, all right, there.

169
00:05:31,707 --> 00:05:32,875
W-What about that, morty?

170
00:05:32,958 --> 00:05:34,710
Morty:
Okay, okay, you got me on that one.

171
00:05:34,793 --> 00:05:35,920
Oh, really, morty?

172
00:05:36,003 --> 00:05:37,522
Are you sure you haven't
seen that somewhere

173
00:05:37,546 --> 00:05:38,422
in real life before?

174
00:05:38,506 --> 00:05:39,757
No, no. I haven't seen that.

175
00:05:39,840 --> 00:05:41,800
I mean, why would a
pop tart want to live inside

176
00:05:41,884 --> 00:05:43,219
a toaster, Rick?

177
00:05:43,302 --> 00:05:45,739
I mean, that would be, like, the
scariest place for them to live.

178
00:05:45,763 --> 00:05:46,805
You know what I mean?

179
00:05:46,889 --> 00:05:48,116
You're missing the point, morty.

180
00:05:48,140 --> 00:05:50,060
Why would he drive a smaller
toaster with wheels?

181
00:05:50,142 --> 00:05:52,662
I mean, does your car look like
a smaller version of your house?

182
00:05:52,728 --> 00:05:53,771
No.

183
00:05:53,854 --> 00:05:54,915
So, why are they doing this?

184
00:05:54,939 --> 00:05:56,023
W-What do they want?

185
00:05:56,106 --> 00:05:57,250
Well, that would be
obvious to you, morty,

186
00:05:57,274 --> 00:05:58,514
if you'd been paying attention.

187
00:05:58,567 --> 00:05:59,735
[Siren wails]

188
00:05:59,818 --> 00:06:01,070
[Tires screech ]

189
00:06:01,153 --> 00:06:03,048
We got the president of the
United States in here!

190
00:06:03,072 --> 00:06:05,908
We need 1000 of concentrated
dark matter, stat, or he'll die!

191
00:06:05,991 --> 00:06:07,952
Concentrated dark matter?

192
00:06:08,035 --> 00:06:09,662
They were asking
about that in class.

193
00:06:09,745 --> 00:06:11,473
Yeah, it's a special fuel I
invented to travel through

194
00:06:11,497 --> 00:06:13,123
space faster than anybody else.

195
00:06:13,207 --> 00:06:15,435
These zigerions are always
trying to scam me out of my secrets,

196
00:06:15,459 --> 00:06:18,003
but they made a big
mistake this time, morty.

197
00:06:18,087 --> 00:06:19,880
They dragged you into this.

198
00:06:19,964 --> 00:06:21,048
Now they're gonna pay!

199
00:06:21,131 --> 00:06:22,691
What do you...
W-W-What are we gonna do?

200
00:06:22,758 --> 00:06:24,677
We'll scam the scammers, morty.

201
00:06:24,760 --> 00:06:27,471
And we're gonna take them for
everything they've got.

202
00:06:27,555 --> 00:06:30,182
Jerry:
National apple farmers of america,

203
00:06:30,266 --> 00:06:32,351
welcome to our ad agency.

204
00:06:32,434 --> 00:06:34,353
I'm Jerry Smith.

205
00:06:35,479 --> 00:06:36,397
All right.

206
00:06:36,480 --> 00:06:37,856
I'll just... get to the pitch.

207
00:06:37,940 --> 00:06:41,902
Um, simple question, gentlemen,
[ Hoarsely ] What are apples?

208
00:06:41,986 --> 00:06:43,320
[ Clears throat] Excuse me.

209
00:06:43,404 --> 00:06:45,114
Ahh.

210
00:06:45,197 --> 00:06:47,241
[ Coughs, clears throat]

211
00:06:47,324 --> 00:06:49,201
What are apples?

212
00:06:49,285 --> 00:06:51,870
Apples are food.

213
00:06:51,954 --> 00:06:54,456
And... when do we need food?

214
00:06:54,540 --> 00:06:56,417
When we're hungry.

215
00:06:57,585 --> 00:07:00,546
With that, I give
you your new slogan!

216
00:07:00,629 --> 00:07:02,131
[Sighs]

217
00:07:02,214 --> 00:07:04,049
Well, say something!

218
00:07:04,133 --> 00:07:05,134
Do you like it?

219
00:07:05,217 --> 00:07:06,260
Yes.

220
00:07:06,343 --> 00:07:07,261
You do?

221
00:07:07,344 --> 00:07:08,387
All: Yes.

222
00:07:08,470 --> 00:07:10,014
So... I sold it?

223
00:07:10,097 --> 00:07:12,016
[ Laughs] I sold the idea?

224
00:07:12,099 --> 00:07:13,099
All: Yes.

225
00:07:13,142 --> 00:07:14,768
Oh, my god! Thank you!

226
00:07:14,852 --> 00:07:16,729
Together: Thank you.

227
00:07:16,812 --> 00:07:17,730
You're welcome.

228
00:07:17,813 --> 00:07:20,816
[ "Baker Street" plays ]

229
00:07:22,109 --> 00:07:23,235
Hey!

230
00:07:23,319 --> 00:07:24,695
I just sold my first pitch!

231
00:07:24,778 --> 00:07:26,155
[Dialing]

232
00:07:26,238 --> 00:07:27,364
Slow down! Lookin' good.

233
00:07:27,448 --> 00:07:28,532
My man!

234
00:07:28,616 --> 00:07:31,243
[ Beeping, telephone ringing ]

235
00:07:31,327 --> 00:07:32,453
[Robot] Hello.

236
00:07:32,536 --> 00:07:34,747
Guess who just sold
the apples campaign.

237
00:07:34,830 --> 00:07:36,457
Who just sold
the apples campaign?

238
00:07:36,540 --> 00:07:37,916
Me!

239
00:07:38,000 --> 00:07:40,628
I guess it wasn't a rip—off
of "got milk?" After all.

240
00:07:40,711 --> 00:07:42,504
Guess someone was wrong.

241
00:07:42,588 --> 00:07:43,672
Yes.

242
00:07:43,756 --> 00:07:45,275
Well, all is forgiven,
because right now,

243
00:07:45,299 --> 00:07:47,580
I've got an erection the size
of an east coast lighthouse,

244
00:07:47,635 --> 00:07:49,779
and I'm coming home to share
it with my beautiful wife.

245
00:07:49,803 --> 00:07:50,638
Okay.

246
00:07:50,721 --> 00:07:51,513
Wait... really?

247
00:07:51,597 --> 00:07:52,431
Yes.

248
00:07:52,514 --> 00:07:54,266
Yes! See you in 10 minutes!

249
00:07:54,350 --> 00:07:55,350
[Cellphone beeps] Hey!

250
00:07:55,392 --> 00:07:56,935
I'm going to make
love to my wife!

251
00:07:57,019 --> 00:07:58,354
Lookin' good.

252
00:07:58,437 --> 00:07:59,229
Slow down!

253
00:07:59,313 --> 00:08:00,189
My man!

254
00:08:00,272 --> 00:08:01,649
[ Beeping ]

255
00:08:01,732 --> 00:08:02,983
Aw, geez, Rick.

256
00:08:03,067 --> 00:08:04,794
I-I don't know if I
like this plan, you know?

257
00:08:04,818 --> 00:08:07,655
I mean, crowds,
t-t—t—they have a tendency

258
00:08:07,738 --> 00:08:08,757
to make me really nervous.

259
00:08:08,781 --> 00:08:09,907
Morty, relax.

260
00:08:09,990 --> 00:08:11,659
It's just a bunch
of 1s and os out there.

261
00:08:11,742 --> 00:08:12,951
You're gonna be fine.

262
00:08:13,035 --> 00:08:14,203
Just follow my lead.

263
00:08:14,286 --> 00:08:15,788
Yo, deejay, drop that beat.

264
00:08:15,871 --> 00:08:17,665
[Hip-hop beat plays]

265
00:08:17,748 --> 00:08:18,582
[Cheers and applause]

266
00:08:18,666 --> 00:08:20,125
Uh-oh, morty.

267
00:08:20,209 --> 00:08:23,295
This crowd looks too small for
one of ourfamous rap concerts.

268
00:08:23,379 --> 00:08:25,214
I don't think we can
perform our new song,

269
00:08:25,297 --> 00:08:27,508
"the recipe for
concentrated dark matter,"

270
00:08:27,591 --> 00:08:28,717
for a crowd this tiny.

271
00:08:28,801 --> 00:08:30,302
You got that right, Rick.

272
00:08:30,386 --> 00:08:33,681
[Cheers and applause]

273
00:08:33,764 --> 00:08:35,432
Rick:
Now that's [burps] more like it!

274
00:08:35,516 --> 00:08:37,142
Morty, here we go.

275
00:08:37,226 --> 00:08:40,104
Let me hear everybody
say "hey—oh!" Yeah!

276
00:08:40,187 --> 00:08:41,522
[Crowd cheering ]

277
00:08:41,605 --> 00:08:42,898
All the ladies say, "yeah!"

278
00:08:42,981 --> 00:08:43,982
[ Ladies cheering ]

279
00:08:44,066 --> 00:08:46,235
Everybody over 30,
do this with your hands!

280
00:08:46,318 --> 00:08:48,904
Everybody with a red shirt,
jump up and down!

281
00:08:48,987 --> 00:08:50,781
[ Beeping ]

282
00:08:55,953 --> 00:08:57,162
[Tires screech ]

283
00:09:00,791 --> 00:09:01,875
Mm. Mm. Mm.

284
00:09:01,959 --> 00:09:03,419
Yeah, don't move.

285
00:09:03,502 --> 00:09:05,713
Mm, mm, mm, mm!

286
00:09:05,796 --> 00:09:07,089
Mm!

287
00:09:07,172 --> 00:09:08,340
[Cheers and applause]

288
00:09:08,424 --> 00:09:09,943
Yo, everyone whose first name
begins with an "I"

289
00:09:09,967 --> 00:09:12,594
who isn't hispanic, walk in a
circle the same number of times

290
00:09:12,678 --> 00:09:15,305
as the square root
of your age times 10!

291
00:09:15,389 --> 00:09:18,559
[ Beeping ]

292
00:09:18,642 --> 00:09:19,435
Run, morty!

293
00:09:19,518 --> 00:09:20,728
Before the system reboots!

294
00:09:20,811 --> 00:09:22,146
[Squeaking ]

295
00:09:22,229 --> 00:09:23,309
Jerry: Yeah! You like that?

296
00:09:23,355 --> 00:09:25,357
Now who's unremarkable?

297
00:09:25,441 --> 00:09:26,900
You hungry for apples?

298
00:09:26,984 --> 00:09:28,485
[Squeaking intensifies]

299
00:09:28,569 --> 00:09:30,612
Are you hungry... for... apples?!

300
00:09:30,696 --> 00:09:33,323
[Squeaking stops]

301
00:09:33,407 --> 00:09:34,533
[Sighs deeply]

302
00:09:34,616 --> 00:09:35,617
[ Chuckles ]

303
00:09:35,701 --> 00:09:37,244
Oh, my god.

304
00:09:37,327 --> 00:09:40,164
That's the best sex
I've ever had in my life.

305
00:09:40,247 --> 00:09:44,460
It's... it's... too good.

306
00:09:44,543 --> 00:09:46,754
I don't deserve this, Beth.

307
00:09:46,837 --> 00:09:48,922
I'm a fraud.

308
00:09:49,006 --> 00:09:50,006
Oh, man, Rick!

309
00:09:50,048 --> 00:09:51,300
W-w-w-where we running to?

310
00:09:51,383 --> 00:09:52,634
Out of the simulation, morty.

311
00:09:52,718 --> 00:09:54,636
Normally, the chamber
operates like a treadmill,

312
00:09:54,720 --> 00:09:56,480
with the virtual world
disappearing behind us

313
00:09:56,555 --> 00:09:58,575
and being rendered in front
of us as we move through it,

314
00:09:58,599 --> 00:10:01,560
but while it's frozen, morty,
we can get to...

315
00:10:01,643 --> 00:10:03,270
The edge.

316
00:10:03,353 --> 00:10:04,353
Here we go.

317
00:10:04,396 --> 00:10:05,272
Holy crap!

318
00:10:05,355 --> 00:10:06,355
Come on, morty.

319
00:10:06,398 --> 00:10:07,900
[Grunts]

320
00:10:07,983 --> 00:10:10,027
Sir, they're over the edge.

321
00:10:10,110 --> 00:10:11,195
Yes, they are.

322
00:10:11,278 --> 00:10:14,198
Just... as... planned.

323
00:10:14,281 --> 00:10:18,076
[Evil laughter]

324
00:10:18,160 --> 00:10:20,078
Oh, this is going to
be such a mindfuck!

325
00:10:22,247 --> 00:10:24,517
Keep your eyes peeled for the
central processing room, morty.

326
00:10:24,541 --> 00:10:26,210
That's how we're gonna
scam these idiots.

327
00:10:26,293 --> 00:10:28,629
So, hey, why do these aliens
keep coming after you, Rick,

328
00:10:28,712 --> 00:10:30,112
if you're so
much smarter than them?

329
00:10:30,172 --> 00:10:31,772
It's an obsession
for them at this point.

330
00:10:31,840 --> 00:10:33,735
The zi[Burps]gerions have
been trying to outsmart

331
00:10:33,759 --> 00:10:34,968
me for years, morty.

332
00:10:35,052 --> 00:10:37,054
Every time they do,
I'm one step ahead of them.

333
00:10:37,137 --> 00:10:38,180
Aha!

334
00:10:38,263 --> 00:10:39,348
Here we go.

335
00:10:40,766 --> 00:10:42,619
Grab as many processors
as you can carry, morty.

336
00:10:42,643 --> 00:10:44,019
These guys aren't good at much,

337
00:10:44,102 --> 00:10:46,313
but they're real/ygood
at making these chips.

338
00:10:47,731 --> 00:10:49,292
Rick: I've got so many,
I can barely hold them all.

339
00:10:49,316 --> 00:10:50,234
[ Chuckles ]

340
00:10:50,317 --> 00:10:51,318
Look at... look at this.

341
00:10:51,401 --> 00:10:52,401
Oops. I dropped one.

342
00:10:52,444 --> 00:10:53,779
Don't worry about it, morty.

343
00:10:53,862 --> 00:10:55,340
There's plenty of them,
you little goofball.

344
00:10:55,364 --> 00:10:56,406
[ Both laugh ]

345
00:10:56,490 --> 00:10:58,033
Come here, morty! Oh, I gotcha!

346
00:10:58,116 --> 00:10:58,992
Come on, quit it, Rick!

347
00:10:59,076 --> 00:11:00,369
Quit it! [ Laughs]

348
00:11:00,452 --> 00:11:02,430
Nothing wrong with just a
little bit of horseplay every

349
00:11:02,454 --> 00:11:03,997
now and then, little fella.

350
00:11:08,502 --> 00:11:09,545
[Glass shatters ]

351
00:11:15,759 --> 00:11:16,969
Wow. What do you know?

352
00:11:17,052 --> 00:11:18,387
Huh. That was easy.

353
00:11:18,470 --> 00:11:20,889
Totes malotes, dawg.

354
00:11:20,973 --> 00:11:22,158
Just kind of hard to believe,
you know?

355
00:11:22,182 --> 00:11:23,559
Believe it, morty.

356
00:11:23,642 --> 00:11:25,912
And once again, I'm flying away
with everything I can carry,

357
00:11:25,936 --> 00:11:28,355
and the zigerions
got nothing of mine.

358
00:11:33,735 --> 00:11:34,528
[Sighs]

359
00:11:34,611 --> 00:11:35,880
Mr. Marklevitz, do you have a...

360
00:11:35,904 --> 00:11:37,030
Minute to talk?

361
00:11:37,114 --> 00:11:38,490
[Snaps fingers] Yes.

362
00:11:38,574 --> 00:11:40,158
Look, I'm a fraud.

363
00:11:40,242 --> 00:11:41,702
I mean, let's face it...

364
00:11:41,785 --> 00:11:44,204
"Hungry for apples" is just
a rip-off of "got milk?"

365
00:11:44,288 --> 00:11:45,497
It's almost identical.

366
00:11:45,581 --> 00:11:46,790
[Snaps fingers] Yes.

367
00:11:46,874 --> 00:11:48,083
[Sighs] Okay.

368
00:11:48,166 --> 00:11:49,334
I deserve that.

369
00:11:49,418 --> 00:11:52,713
Umm...! Guess...
I'll just pack up my desk.

370
00:11:52,796 --> 00:11:54,006
[Snaps fingers] Yes.

371
00:11:54,089 --> 00:11:56,758
[Crying ]

372
00:11:56,842 --> 00:11:59,428
[Sobbing] Oh, my god.

373
00:11:59,511 --> 00:12:02,055
Wait. You know what?! No!

374
00:12:02,139 --> 00:12:04,141
The milk people don't
have a patent on

375
00:12:04,224 --> 00:12:06,101
simple rhetorical questions!

376
00:12:06,184 --> 00:12:08,645
There's not even a single word
in "hungry for apples" that's

377
00:12:08,729 --> 00:12:10,522
shared by "got milk?"

378
00:12:10,606 --> 00:12:12,441
It's a completely
different slogan.

379
00:12:12,524 --> 00:12:13,817
It's different!

380
00:12:13,901 --> 00:12:15,819
And I shouldn't be fired.

381
00:12:15,903 --> 00:12:17,529
I should be promoted!

382
00:12:17,613 --> 00:12:18,840
- [ Snaps fingers ] Yes.
- Yeah!

383
00:12:18,864 --> 00:12:19,864
Wait. Really?

384
00:12:19,907 --> 00:12:21,009
- [ Snaps fingers ] Yes.
- Yes!

385
00:12:21,033 --> 00:12:22,576
I mean, I'm...
It may be derivative,

386
00:12:22,659 --> 00:12:24,512
but it's the most successful
campaign to come out of this

387
00:12:24,536 --> 00:12:25,454
agency in a long time.

388
00:12:25,537 --> 00:12:26,955
[Snaps fingers] Yes.

389
00:12:27,039 --> 00:12:29,017
I-I'm not saying it should win
an award for commercials,

390
00:12:29,041 --> 00:12:31,043
but it could certainly be
nominated for an award

391
00:12:31,126 --> 00:12:33,003
for commercials specifically
about apples,

392
00:12:33,086 --> 00:12:34,713
like... an appley or something.

393
00:12:34,796 --> 00:12:35,797
[Snaps fingers] Yes.

394
00:12:35,881 --> 00:12:36,983
Is there really an
award called the appley

395
00:12:37,007 --> 00:12:38,192
for apple-related ad campaigns?

396
00:12:38,216 --> 00:12:39,259
[Snaps fingers] Yes.

397
00:12:39,343 --> 00:12:40,612
- Could we nominate me?
- [ Snaps fingers ] Yes.

398
00:12:40,636 --> 00:12:42,387
Holy crap!

399
00:12:42,471 --> 00:12:43,471
[ Beeping ]

400
00:12:48,268 --> 00:12:49,686
Get in, morty.

401
00:12:49,770 --> 00:12:52,356
I'm gonna [burps] be able to use
these processors to make some

402
00:12:52,439 --> 00:12:54,149
real important science stuff.

403
00:12:55,275 --> 00:12:56,610
[ Keypad beeping ]

404
00:12:56,693 --> 00:12:57,903
Huh.

405
00:12:57,986 --> 00:12:59,213
I thought I entered
the code right.

406
00:12:59,237 --> 00:13:00,489
[ Keypad beeping ]

407
00:13:07,454 --> 00:13:08,956
Wha... well, what's this?

408
00:13:09,039 --> 00:13:11,500
W-What could this possibly be?

409
00:13:11,583 --> 00:13:14,169
Because it looks like
you're inside a simulation...

410
00:13:14,252 --> 00:13:17,089
Inside a simulation.

411
00:13:17,172 --> 00:13:18,715
You're still on the ship.

412
00:13:18,799 --> 00:13:20,342
Game-day bucket go boom.

413
00:13:20,425 --> 00:13:22,928
Sir, the, uh, doctor's
appointment to examine the

414
00:13:23,011 --> 00:13:25,097
discoloration on your
butthole flaps was -...

415
00:13:25,180 --> 00:13:26,515
Too loud, Cynthia.

416
00:13:26,598 --> 00:13:27,766
Too loud and too specific.

417
00:13:27,849 --> 00:13:28,767
Uhh...

418
00:13:28,850 --> 00:13:29,977
[ Chuckles ]

419
00:13:30,060 --> 00:13:31,913
We've known how to make
concentrated dark matter

420
00:13:31,937 --> 00:13:33,897
for a long time.

421
00:13:33,981 --> 00:13:39,403
But now we also know the code to
your fabled safe, Rick Sanchez!

422
00:13:39,486 --> 00:13:42,990
All your most valuable
secrets will now be ours!

423
00:13:43,073 --> 00:13:44,801
Uh, yeah, until I get home
before you and change the

424
00:13:44,825 --> 00:13:46,326
combination,
you bunch of idiots!

425
00:13:46,410 --> 00:13:47,804
That is why you're
never getting home.

426
00:13:47,828 --> 00:13:48,954
Get them!

427
00:13:49,037 --> 00:13:50,330
[Grunts]

428
00:13:50,414 --> 00:13:52,499
[Aliens shouting, groaning]

429
00:13:52,582 --> 00:13:55,419
Run, morty!

430
00:13:55,502 --> 00:13:57,379
[ Both panting ]

431
00:14:02,634 --> 00:14:04,469
Oh, my god!

432
00:14:08,849 --> 00:14:10,225
[ Beep, click]

433
00:14:13,729 --> 00:14:16,189
[Mechanical breathing]

434
00:14:20,986 --> 00:14:21,987
Ow!

435
00:14:25,782 --> 00:14:26,616
[ Click, whoosh ]

436
00:14:26,700 --> 00:14:29,036
[Aliens screaming]

437
00:14:29,119 --> 00:14:31,038
[ Both panting ]

438
00:14:31,121 --> 00:14:32,306
I got to tell you, this morning,

439
00:14:32,330 --> 00:14:33,810
I didn't even know
this award existed.

440
00:14:33,874 --> 00:14:35,333
Now I'm holding one.

441
00:14:35,417 --> 00:14:37,711
And... um...

442
00:14:37,794 --> 00:14:41,548
Look, I want to say that today
was the best day of my life...

443
00:14:41,631 --> 00:14:45,761
But... the truth is, it's...
It's more meaningful than that.

444
00:14:45,844 --> 00:14:46,844
Man: My man!

445
00:14:46,887 --> 00:14:48,138
Yes. Thank you, sir.

446
00:14:48,221 --> 00:14:50,015
[Sighs deeply]

447
00:14:50,098 --> 00:14:53,685
I... am... finally complete!

448
00:14:53,769 --> 00:14:55,353
[ Beeping ]

449
00:14:56,605 --> 00:14:59,191
My... my... my... my man!

450
00:15:02,194 --> 00:15:03,612
Aah!

451
00:15:03,695 --> 00:15:04,946
What the hell?!

452
00:15:05,030 --> 00:15:08,241
[ Beeping ]

453
00:15:08,325 --> 00:15:09,451
No.

454
00:15:09,534 --> 00:15:10,452
- Jerry?!
- Dad!

455
00:15:10,535 --> 00:15:11,995
What are you doing here?

456
00:15:12,079 --> 00:15:13,222
W-Why are you
dressed like a waiter?

457
00:15:13,246 --> 00:15:14,406
Screw it. We don't have time.

458
00:15:14,456 --> 00:15:15,248
Come on.

459
00:15:15,332 --> 00:15:16,750
[Sobbing ] No!

460
00:15:23,256 --> 00:15:25,217
[Alarm blaring ]

461
00:15:25,300 --> 00:15:26,300
Ohhhhh!

462
00:15:28,386 --> 00:15:29,554
[ Beeping ] Aah!

463
00:15:49,116 --> 00:15:51,493
All: Yes! Yes! Yes!

464
00:15:59,626 --> 00:16:00,626
Oof!

465
00:16:01,837 --> 00:16:03,255
Man up, Jerry!

466
00:16:03,338 --> 00:16:04,714
I may need you to
work the lasers.

467
00:16:04,798 --> 00:16:06,633
[ Beeping ]

468
00:16:07,884 --> 00:16:08,677
[Slurps]

469
00:16:08,760 --> 00:16:09,594
[Gasds]

470
00:16:09,678 --> 00:16:11,555
[Alarm blaring ]

471
00:16:17,394 --> 00:16:19,229
Oh, man!
They're hot on our tail, Rick!

472
00:16:19,312 --> 00:16:21,332
I guess they really do have
concentrated dark matter.

473
00:16:21,356 --> 00:16:22,917
Well, you know how to make it,
too, right, Rick?

474
00:16:22,941 --> 00:16:23,942
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

475
00:16:24,025 --> 00:16:25,318
Uh, check the engine room.

476
00:16:25,402 --> 00:16:28,071
We just need cesium, plutonic
quarks, and bottled water.

477
00:16:30,574 --> 00:16:31,575
It's all here, Rick!

478
00:16:31,658 --> 00:16:32,659
Wow, morty. Lucky break.

479
00:16:32,742 --> 00:16:33,910
Grab that bucket.

480
00:16:33,994 --> 00:16:37,164
Okay, two parts plutonic quarks,
one part cesium.

481
00:16:37,247 --> 00:16:38,373
Okay. Uh—huh.

482
00:16:39,749 --> 00:16:40,625
[Fizzing ]

483
00:16:40,709 --> 00:16:41,877
All right.

484
00:16:41,960 --> 00:16:43,521
Now empty the water bottle
into the bucket and pour

485
00:16:43,545 --> 00:16:46,548
it all into the fuel tank so we
can get the hell out of here!

486
00:16:46,631 --> 00:16:47,711
What are you doing, morty?!

487
00:16:47,757 --> 00:16:48,758
There's no time!

488
00:16:48,842 --> 00:16:50,802
[ Beeping ]

489
00:16:53,722 --> 00:16:55,307
[Stammering]

490
00:16:55,390 --> 00:16:57,058
Oh, no.

491
00:16:57,142 --> 00:16:58,268
What the -...

492
00:16:58,351 --> 00:16:59,352
No!

493
00:16:59,436 --> 00:17:01,104
[ Laughter]

494
00:17:04,608 --> 00:17:06,735
Oh, my god, Rick.

495
00:17:06,818 --> 00:17:08,486
How dumb are you?

496
00:17:08,570 --> 00:17:10,238
You're inside a simulation...

497
00:17:10,322 --> 00:17:12,324
Of a simulation...

498
00:17:12,407 --> 00:17:15,118
Inside another giant simulation!

499
00:17:15,202 --> 00:17:16,494
[ Laughs]

500
00:17:16,578 --> 00:17:19,331
W-We never had the recipe for
concentrated dark matter.

501
00:17:19,414 --> 00:17:20,999
But we do now!

502
00:17:21,082 --> 00:17:22,709
We do now, sucka!

503
00:17:22,792 --> 00:17:24,920
You simulated my
grandson's genitalia?!

504
00:17:25,003 --> 00:17:27,422
Y—y-you bunch of
diabolical sons of bitches!

505
00:17:27,505 --> 00:17:29,799
Kevin fought real hard to
supervise that project.

506
00:17:29,883 --> 00:17:31,885
You said you weren't
gonna tell anyone!

507
00:17:31,968 --> 00:17:33,762
I'm never gonna live
this down, am I?

508
00:17:33,845 --> 00:17:35,198
All right. Okay.
All right, great. Wonderful.

509
00:17:35,222 --> 00:17:36,681
You win. Can we go home now?

510
00:17:36,765 --> 00:17:38,391
I don't know. Can you?

511
00:17:38,475 --> 00:17:39,351
Ha! Nice.

512
00:17:39,434 --> 00:17:41,019
Okay, okay.

513
00:17:41,102 --> 00:17:43,063
Show this gullible
turd to his shuttle.

514
00:17:43,146 --> 00:17:44,439
I'm done with him.

515
00:17:44,522 --> 00:17:45,440
Oh, wait. Let me get a picture.

516
00:17:45,523 --> 00:17:46,358
[Shutter clicks]

517
00:17:46,441 --> 00:17:47,943
Aww. Look at his face.

518
00:17:48,026 --> 00:17:50,213
He's trying to figure out if
he's in a simulation still.

519
00:17:50,237 --> 00:17:51,237
Are you, Rick?

520
00:17:51,279 --> 00:17:52,614
Are you?

521
00:17:52,697 --> 00:17:53,740
[ Laughs]

522
00:17:53,823 --> 00:17:55,033
You're not.

523
00:17:55,116 --> 00:17:57,077
Or are you?

524
00:17:59,079 --> 00:18:01,998
Oh, a—and, by the way, I don't
have discolored butthole flaps.

525
00:18:02,082 --> 00:18:03,416
That was part of the simulation.

526
00:18:03,500 --> 00:18:04,584
Oh.

527
00:18:04,668 --> 00:18:06,187
Uh, sir, should I cancel
that appointment, then?

528
00:18:06,211 --> 00:18:07,671
Yeah! Of course you should!

529
00:18:07,754 --> 00:18:08,880
[ Chuckles ]

530
00:18:08,964 --> 00:18:10,006
No, keep it.

531
00:18:10,090 --> 00:18:11,370
Move it up, actually,
if you can.

532
00:18:16,179 --> 00:18:17,531
Rick:
Hey, Jerry, don't worry about it.

533
00:18:17,555 --> 00:18:19,325
So what if the most meaningful
day of your life was a

534
00:18:19,349 --> 00:18:21,810
simulation operating at
minimum cap[Burps]acity?

535
00:18:21,893 --> 00:18:23,270
You know what, Rick?

536
00:18:23,353 --> 00:18:25,563
Those guys took you
for a ride, too.

537
00:18:25,647 --> 00:18:27,750
You should try having a little
respect for the dummies of the universe,

538
00:18:27,774 --> 00:18:29,567
now that you're one of us.

539
00:18:29,651 --> 00:18:31,069
Maybe you're right, Jerry.

540
00:18:31,152 --> 00:18:32,862
Maybe you're right.

541
00:18:32,946 --> 00:18:34,239
[Aliens cheering]

542
00:18:34,322 --> 00:18:36,574
[Dance music plays]
All right, everybody.

543
00:18:36,658 --> 00:18:40,120
Two parts plutonic quarks...

544
00:18:40,203 --> 00:18:42,414
One part cesium...

545
00:18:42,497 --> 00:18:43,707
[Fizzing ]

546
00:18:43,790 --> 00:18:45,959
A—and listen,
I'm sorry for yelling earlier.

547
00:18:46,042 --> 00:18:48,420
I-I couldn't ask
for a better staff.

548
00:18:48,503 --> 00:18:51,840
I love you guys,
and I love all your families.

549
00:18:51,923 --> 00:18:55,051
And the final ingredient...

550
00:18:57,512 --> 00:18:58,596
Jerry: Whoa!

551
00:18:58,680 --> 00:19:00,682
What the hell?!
W-What happened back there?

552
00:19:00,765 --> 00:19:03,310
Why don't you ask the smartest
people in the universe, Jerry?

553
00:19:03,393 --> 00:19:05,186
Oh, yeah. [Burps ] You can't.

554
00:19:05,270 --> 00:19:06,604
They blew up.

555
00:19:06,688 --> 00:19:08,148
[Sighs]

556
00:19:08,231 --> 00:19:09,274
[ Beep]

557
00:19:09,357 --> 00:19:12,485
[ ”Baker Street”plays]

558
00:19:12,569 --> 00:19:15,405
[Vocalizing]

559
00:19:16,406 --> 00:19:21,453
[Vocalizing out of sync]

560
00:19:27,459 --> 00:19:30,837
[ "Baker Street" continues ]

561
00:19:46,978 --> 00:19:48,104
Jerry: So...

562
00:19:48,188 --> 00:19:49,689
What do you think?

563
00:19:50,690 --> 00:19:51,483
You're fired.

564
00:19:51,566 --> 00:19:52,692
Wha-...

565
00:19:52,776 --> 00:19:55,779
But t-this idea was tested in a
state-of—the—art simulation.

566
00:19:55,862 --> 00:19:57,489
Well, then, it was
a terrible simulation.

567
00:19:57,572 --> 00:19:59,074
Get out.

568
00:20:00,992 --> 00:20:02,369
[Door opens, closes]

569
00:20:02,452 --> 00:20:05,872
Man, how does a guy like that go
home and have sex with his wife?

570
00:20:06,748 --> 00:20:07,582
Hey, morty.

571
00:20:07,665 --> 00:20:08,500
What?

572
00:20:08,583 --> 00:20:09,583
Hey, little buddy.

573
00:20:09,626 --> 00:20:11,419
H-H-How you doing
in here right now?

574
00:20:11,503 --> 00:20:13,380
Aw, geez, Rick.
What are you doing, man?

575
00:20:13,463 --> 00:20:14,839
Y—y-you're a good kid, morty.

576
00:20:14,923 --> 00:20:16,925
Y—you're a real i-little
c-character, morty.

577
00:20:17,008 --> 00:20:18,259
Oh, boy.

578
00:20:18,343 --> 00:20:20,887
You know, I had a really
rocky road today, m—morty.

579
00:20:20,970 --> 00:20:23,014
You're my little friend,
aren't you?

580
00:20:23,098 --> 00:20:24,224
[Sighs]

581
00:20:24,307 --> 00:20:26,434
We had some good times together,
huh, m-morty?

582
00:20:26,518 --> 00:20:28,561
We... you're a real
true hero out in the field.

583
00:20:28,645 --> 00:20:31,773
You're a ii... you're a real
trooper, huh, m-m-morty?

584
00:20:31,856 --> 00:20:33,000
Have you been drinking, Rick?

585
00:20:33,024 --> 00:20:34,275
I really appreciate you, morty.

586
00:20:34,359 --> 00:20:35,693
O-Okay, cool.

587
00:20:35,777 --> 00:20:37,505
A-All right, Rick...
You little son of a bitch!

588
00:20:37,529 --> 00:20:39,364
Y—y... are you a simulation?!

589
00:20:39,447 --> 00:20:40,740
Huh?! Are you a simulation?!

590
00:20:40,824 --> 00:20:42,283
No! No! No!

591
00:20:42,367 --> 00:20:43,535
You little son of a bitch!

592
00:20:43,618 --> 00:20:44,618
[Gasping]

593
00:20:44,661 --> 00:20:46,246
I-i-I'm sorry, morty.

594
00:20:46,329 --> 00:20:47,598
Y—you're a good...
You're a good kid, morty.

595
00:20:47,622 --> 00:20:48,706
Geez!

596
00:20:48,790 --> 00:20:49,934
Y—you're a good...
You're a good kid.

597
00:20:49,958 --> 00:20:51,042
Oh, my god!

598
00:20:51,126 --> 00:20:52,126
[Snonng]

599
00:20:52,168 --> 00:20:54,712
W-W-What the hell?

600
00:20:54,796 --> 00:20:55,797
What a life.

601
00:20:57,590 --> 00:20:58,967
Did you get any of that?

602
00:20:59,050 --> 00:21:00,885
It's a good-a show!