1 00:00:32,825 --> 00:00:34,136 Principal: Pr/nc/pa/ vagina here... 2 00:00:34,160 --> 00:00:36,263 Dan '1' let the name fool you. I'm very much in charge... 3 00:00:36,287 --> 00:00:39,123 Reminding you that tonight is our annual flu season dance. 4 00:00:39,207 --> 00:00:41,167 I don't know how many times I have to say this, 5 00:00:41,250 --> 00:00:43,127 but if you have the flu, stay home. 6 00:00:43,211 --> 00:00:44,128 Hey. 7 00:00:44,212 --> 00:00:46,106 The flu season dance is about awareness, not celebration. 8 00:00:46,130 --> 00:00:47,465 [Sighs] 9 00:00:47,548 --> 00:00:49,383 You don't bring dead babies to passover. 10 00:00:49,467 --> 00:00:53,471 Okay. Here we go. H-Hey, Jessica. Uh... 11 00:00:53,554 --> 00:00:55,514 What's up, morty? [Sneezes] 12 00:00:55,598 --> 00:00:56,807 What are you doing? 13 00:00:56,891 --> 00:00:58,517 - Um... - Wait, wait. 14 00:00:58,601 --> 00:01:00,728 Were you about to talk... To her? 15 00:01:00,811 --> 00:01:03,231 Well... I mean, I was thinking about it. 16 00:01:03,314 --> 00:01:05,274 Dude, stay in your league. 17 00:01:05,358 --> 00:01:07,610 Look at how hot she is. You don't see me going... 18 00:01:07,693 --> 00:01:09,445 To a bigger school in a wealthier district 19 00:01:09,528 --> 00:01:11,113 and hitting on their prettiest girl. 20 00:01:11,197 --> 00:01:12,531 Gee, thanks, Brad. 21 00:01:12,615 --> 00:01:14,242 I throw balls far. 22 00:01:14,325 --> 00:01:15,826 You want good words? 23 00:01:15,910 --> 00:01:17,536 Date a ianguager. 24 00:01:17,620 --> 00:01:19,372 Jerry: Try not to worry about it, morty. 25 00:01:19,455 --> 00:01:21,207 You're a good kid, and there's not a premium 26 00:01:21,290 --> 00:01:23,090 on that right now, but you'll be getting girls 27 00:01:23,125 --> 00:01:24,752 sometime after Brad's out of shape. 28 00:01:24,835 --> 00:01:26,435 [Sighing ] You're missing the point, dad. 29 00:01:26,504 --> 00:01:29,048 I don't want girls. I want Jessica. 30 00:01:29,131 --> 00:01:31,926 Ah, well, I remember feeling that way 31 00:01:32,009 --> 00:01:34,095 about a young lady named "your mom," 32 00:01:34,178 --> 00:01:35,554 and that's not an urban diss. 33 00:01:35,638 --> 00:01:37,139 Your mom was my Jessica. 34 00:01:37,223 --> 00:01:38,641 I remember the first time I saw her. 35 00:01:38,724 --> 00:01:40,244 I thought —- - "I should get her pregnant, 36 00:01:40,268 --> 00:01:41,686 and then she'll have to marry me." 37 00:01:41,769 --> 00:01:43,896 I beg your pardon, Rick... Inappropriate. 38 00:01:43,980 --> 00:01:45,564 Sorry, please proceed with your story 39 00:01:45,648 --> 00:01:47,275 about banging my daughter in high school. 40 00:01:47,358 --> 00:01:49,753 I'm not sure you wanna take romantic advice from this guy, morty. 41 00:01:49,777 --> 00:01:51,696 His marriage is hanging from a thread. 42 00:01:51,779 --> 00:01:54,073 My marriage is fine, thank you. 43 00:01:54,156 --> 00:01:55,759 Jerry, it's your house... Whatever you say it is 44 00:01:55,783 --> 00:01:57,636 is how it is... but I think a blind man could see 45 00:01:57,660 --> 00:01:59,287 that Beth is looking for the door. 46 00:01:59,370 --> 00:02:01,580 I barely have a reason to care, and even /noticed. 47 00:02:01,664 --> 00:02:03,874 Come on, Rick! Don't talk about my parents like that. 48 00:02:03,958 --> 00:02:05,710 Listen, morty, I hate to break it to you, 49 00:02:05,793 --> 00:02:07,378 but what people call "love" 50 00:02:07,461 --> 00:02:09,742 is just a chemical reaction that compels animals to breed. 51 00:02:09,797 --> 00:02:12,383 It hits hard, morty, then it slowly fades, 52 00:02:12,466 --> 00:02:14,385 leaving you stranded in a failing marriage. 53 00:02:14,468 --> 00:02:16,387 I did it. Your parents are gonna do it. 54 00:02:16,470 --> 00:02:17,763 Break the cycle, morty. 55 00:02:17,847 --> 00:02:19,640 Rise above. Focus on science. 56 00:02:19,724 --> 00:02:21,642 [Slurps] 57 00:02:21,726 --> 00:02:24,603 All right, well, I'm gonna go get dressed for the dance. 58 00:02:24,687 --> 00:02:28,482 Yeah, I'm just going to... Check on your mom. 59 00:02:28,566 --> 00:02:29,775 [Dog barking] 60 00:02:29,859 --> 00:02:32,945 Morty, hand me that screwdriver, huh? 61 00:02:33,029 --> 00:02:35,781 I'm almost finished making my ionic defibulizer, morty. 62 00:02:35,865 --> 00:02:37,742 - It's gonna be great. - Hey, listen, Rick. 63 00:02:37,825 --> 00:02:39,618 Y—y-you know how you said that, you know, 64 00:02:39,702 --> 00:02:41,702 love is a chemical and all that stuff from earlier? 65 00:02:41,746 --> 00:02:42,986 Well, I was thinking, you know, 66 00:02:43,039 --> 00:02:45,666 w-w... could you make some sort of chemical thing happen 67 00:02:45,750 --> 00:02:47,209 inside of Jessica's mind, you know, 68 00:02:47,293 --> 00:02:48,878 so where she falls in love with me 69 00:02:48,961 --> 00:02:50,379 and all that sort of thing? 70 00:02:50,463 --> 00:02:52,524 You know, like, some sort of love potion or something? 71 00:02:52,548 --> 00:02:54,148 Morty, that's such a poor use of my time. 72 00:02:54,216 --> 00:02:56,469 It's beneath me. Hand me the screwdriver. 73 00:02:56,552 --> 00:02:58,137 You know what? No, Rick! 74 00:02:58,220 --> 00:02:59,764 I'm not gonna hand you the screwdriver. 75 00:02:59,847 --> 00:03:01,825 I-I'm not gonna hand you anything ever again, Rick! 76 00:03:01,849 --> 00:03:04,244 I'm always helping you with this and that and the other thing. 77 00:03:04,268 --> 00:03:06,354 W-w-w-w—w-what about me, Rick? 78 00:03:06,437 --> 00:03:08,356 W-w-w-w—why can't you just help me out once —- 79 00:03:08,439 --> 00:03:09,774 once —- for once? 80 00:03:09,857 --> 00:03:11,942 [Groans ] You're growing up fast, morty. 81 00:03:12,026 --> 00:03:15,029 You're growing into a real big Thorn straight up into my ass. 82 00:03:15,112 --> 00:03:17,031 Listen, this is called oxytocin. 83 00:03:17,114 --> 00:03:18,491 I extracted it from a vole. 84 00:03:18,574 --> 00:03:20,201 Do you know what a vole is, morty? 85 00:03:20,284 --> 00:03:22,012 You know what a vole is? It's a -— it's a rodent 86 00:03:22,036 --> 00:03:23,662 that mates for life, morty. 87 00:03:23,746 --> 00:03:26,099 This is the chemical released in a mammal's brain, you know, 88 00:03:26,123 --> 00:03:27,458 that makes it fall in love. 89 00:03:27,541 --> 00:03:29,794 I just gotta... [burps] Combine it with your DNA. 90 00:03:29,877 --> 00:03:31,629 Oh, well, okay. 91 00:03:31,712 --> 00:03:33,631 A hair, morty. I need one of your hairs. 92 00:03:33,714 --> 00:03:35,383 This isn't "game of thrones." 93 00:03:35,466 --> 00:03:36,926 Ow! 94 00:03:37,009 --> 00:03:38,929 All right, morty, whoever you smear this stuff on 95 00:03:39,011 --> 00:03:40,971 will fall in love with you, and only you, forever. 96 00:03:41,055 --> 00:03:42,973 - Are you happy now, morty? - Heck, yeah! 97 00:03:43,057 --> 00:03:45,059 Thank you, grandpa Rick. 98 00:03:45,142 --> 00:03:46,936 Hey, there's no... Dangers or anything, 99 00:03:47,019 --> 00:03:48,479 or side effects, right? 100 00:03:48,562 --> 00:03:50,147 W-w-w-what am I, a hack? 101 00:03:50,231 --> 00:03:52,400 Go nuts, morty. It's foolproof. 102 00:03:54,276 --> 00:03:56,987 Eh, unless she has the flu. 103 00:03:57,071 --> 00:03:59,865 Beth, do y-you still love me? 104 00:03:59,949 --> 00:04:02,284 Ugh, what kind of question is that? 105 00:04:02,368 --> 00:04:04,203 The "yes or no" kind? [Laughs nervously] 106 00:04:04,286 --> 00:04:06,705 Jerry, do you want homeless people to have homes? 107 00:04:06,789 --> 00:04:07,957 Yes. 108 00:04:08,040 --> 00:04:09,041 Are you gonna build them? 109 00:04:09,125 --> 00:04:10,167 No. 110 00:04:10,251 --> 00:04:11,836 Then what good was the "yes"? 111 00:04:11,919 --> 00:04:14,839 Wait, i-is loving me the house or the homeless people? 112 00:04:14,922 --> 00:04:17,716 Loving you is work, Jerry -— hard work, 113 00:04:17,800 --> 00:04:19,718 like building a homeless shelter -... 114 00:04:19,802 --> 00:04:21,637 Nobody wants to say no to doing it, 115 00:04:21,720 --> 00:04:23,347 but some people put the work in. 116 00:04:23,431 --> 00:04:25,516 So, what do you say? Do you see me working here? 117 00:04:25,599 --> 00:04:27,893 Does this conversation seem tedious to me? 118 00:04:27,977 --> 00:04:29,228 Sort of. 119 00:04:29,311 --> 00:04:30,991 Then I obviously sort of love you, don't I? 120 00:04:31,021 --> 00:04:32,273 [Cellphone chimes] 121 00:04:32,356 --> 00:04:34,084 So stop asking, and maybe I'll love you more. 122 00:04:34,108 --> 00:04:36,026 Crap, they need me at the horse hospital. 123 00:04:36,110 --> 00:04:37,278 Puh! This late? 124 00:04:37,361 --> 00:04:39,572 The racetrack had a starlight derby. 125 00:04:39,655 --> 00:04:41,115 There was a seven-horse collision, 126 00:04:41,198 --> 00:04:43,075 and Davin's there alone. 127 00:04:43,159 --> 00:04:45,995 [ Thinking ] Davin. Davin. 128 00:04:46,078 --> 00:04:48,205 Da vin! Da vin. 129 00:04:48,289 --> 00:04:50,541 Da vin! Da vin! 130 00:04:50,624 --> 00:04:52,918 Da vin! Da vin! 131 00:04:53,002 --> 00:04:54,920 [Rapping ] J” flu, yo. You gotta be aware j“ 132 00:04:55,004 --> 00:04:56,922 j” aware of all the flu up in the air j” 133 00:04:57,006 --> 00:04:59,592 j” I'm-a get me a shot, make the flu go away j” 134 00:04:59,675 --> 00:05:01,886 j” flu-hating rapper, just rapping away j” 135 00:05:01,969 --> 00:05:04,263 j” yo, yo, flu-hating rapper j” 136 00:05:04,346 --> 00:05:05,598 j” it's a flu-hating rap j” 137 00:05:05,681 --> 00:05:09,977 hey, there, Jessica. Whoa! Oh, whoopsie! 138 00:05:10,060 --> 00:05:12,521 Oh, my god. Morty. 139 00:05:12,605 --> 00:05:14,773 You look really nice tonight. 140 00:05:14,857 --> 00:05:17,776 - Wow, thanks. - I love you, morty! 141 00:05:17,860 --> 00:05:19,778 I love you so much it burns! 142 00:05:19,862 --> 00:05:22,781 Oh, man! I-I love you too, Jessica! 143 00:05:22,865 --> 00:05:23,991 [Spits] 144 00:05:24,074 --> 00:05:25,993 Is this punk bothering you, Jessica? 145 00:05:26,076 --> 00:05:28,412 Leave him alone, jerk! I'm in love with him! 146 00:05:28,496 --> 00:05:30,414 He is more man than you will ever be! 147 00:05:30,498 --> 00:05:31,624 [Sneezes] 148 00:05:31,707 --> 00:05:33,584 [Rapping ] J” this is about flu awareness j” 149 00:05:33,667 --> 00:05:36,212 j” gotta be aware of the flu in the air-ness j” 150 00:05:36,295 --> 00:05:38,547 j” yo, I'm a flu-hating rapper j” 151 00:05:38,631 --> 00:05:40,549 oh, man, morty. [Sighs] 152 00:05:40,633 --> 00:05:42,218 I'm really sorry. 153 00:05:42,301 --> 00:05:44,637 Oh, well, n-no problem, Brad. 154 00:05:44,720 --> 00:05:46,889 There's something special about you, morty —- 155 00:05:46,972 --> 00:05:48,307 so special. 156 00:05:48,390 --> 00:05:50,309 Whoa, take it easy! Get your hands off of him! 157 00:05:50,392 --> 00:05:52,311 Back off! I'm trying to be with my man! 158 00:05:52,394 --> 00:05:53,896 That's enough, Bradley! 159 00:05:53,979 --> 00:05:55,707 We don't want you injuring your ball-throwing arm. 160 00:05:55,731 --> 00:05:57,209 Oh, come on, principal vagina. I just... 161 00:05:57,233 --> 00:05:59,401 Never leave me, morty. Never! 162 00:05:59,485 --> 00:06:02,446 Uh, sure. I mean, o—of course not. 163 00:06:02,530 --> 00:06:04,949 W-What do you think that was all about? 164 00:06:05,032 --> 00:06:06,700 Who cares? Just hold me. 165 00:06:06,784 --> 00:06:09,119 Let me go! I love you, morty! 166 00:06:09,203 --> 00:06:10,329 [Sneezes] 167 00:06:10,412 --> 00:06:11,956 Let go of me! 168 00:06:12,039 --> 00:06:14,708 [Sneezes] Morty! 169 00:06:19,129 --> 00:06:21,423 Jerry: She's gonna be alone with that guy all night. 170 00:06:21,507 --> 00:06:23,425 Yeah, dad, digging around the insides of horses. 171 00:06:23,509 --> 00:06:25,219 It's not a very romantic setting. 172 00:06:25,302 --> 00:06:27,030 Rick: Well, summer, there's always the possibility 173 00:06:27,054 --> 00:06:28,681 that she made the whole work thing up. 174 00:06:28,764 --> 00:06:30,683 Maybe Davin's digging around in herinsides. 175 00:06:30,766 --> 00:06:33,644 Grandpa, so gross! You're talking about my mom. 176 00:06:33,727 --> 00:06:35,312 Well, she's my daughter, summer. 177 00:06:35,396 --> 00:06:36,814 I outrank you. 178 00:06:36,897 --> 00:06:39,567 Or family means nothing, in which case don't play that card. 179 00:06:39,650 --> 00:06:41,360 She's not responding to my texts! 180 00:06:41,443 --> 00:06:43,821 Careful, dad. Jealousy turns women off. 181 00:06:43,904 --> 00:06:45,573 Well, isn't that convenient? 182 00:06:45,656 --> 00:06:47,366 Not for the men they cheat on, no. 183 00:06:47,449 --> 00:06:49,785 Okay, I'm... going to go out... 184 00:06:49,868 --> 00:06:51,120 For some ice cream. 185 00:06:51,203 --> 00:06:52,705 And maybe stop by the hospital... 186 00:06:52,788 --> 00:06:54,665 To support my wife... 187 00:06:54,748 --> 00:06:56,959 With my confidence. [Door closes ] 188 00:06:57,042 --> 00:06:59,169 God, grandpa, you're such a dick. 189 00:06:59,253 --> 00:07:01,964 I'm sorry, summer. Your opinion means very little to me. 190 00:07:02,047 --> 00:07:04,192 How come you're not at this stupid dance everyone loves? 191 00:07:04,216 --> 00:07:06,135 Screw that. I don't wanna get sick. 192 00:07:06,218 --> 00:07:07,886 - It's flu season. - It is? 193 00:07:07,970 --> 00:07:09,597 - Yeah. - Uh-oh. 194 00:07:09,680 --> 00:07:12,641 [Hip-hop music plays] 195 00:07:15,144 --> 00:07:17,062 Please just let this work out. 196 00:07:17,146 --> 00:07:20,024 [ Moans ] Do it, morty. Do it. 197 00:07:20,107 --> 00:07:23,068 Rip my clothes off and mate with me for life! 198 00:07:23,152 --> 00:07:24,152 [ Growls ] 199 00:07:24,194 --> 00:07:26,947 Um... can we maybe go somewhere more private? 200 00:07:27,031 --> 00:07:29,116 Jessica, get a hold of yourself! 201 00:07:29,199 --> 00:07:30,701 [Grunts] 202 00:07:30,784 --> 00:07:33,454 You don't deserve to carry morty's genes. 203 00:07:33,537 --> 00:07:35,664 [Rapping ] J” I love morty j” 204 00:07:35,748 --> 00:07:38,167 j” and I hope morty loves me j” 205 00:07:38,250 --> 00:07:40,878 j” I'd like to wrap my arms around him j” 206 00:07:40,961 --> 00:07:43,172 j” and feel him inside me j” 207 00:07:43,255 --> 00:07:44,757 oh, crap. 208 00:07:44,840 --> 00:07:47,259 [Indistinct shouting] 209 00:07:47,343 --> 00:07:49,261 Jessica: Morty! 210 00:07:49,345 --> 00:07:51,764 Morty, come on! We gotta get you out of here. 211 00:07:51,847 --> 00:07:53,825 You won't believe this 'cause it usually never happens, 212 00:07:53,849 --> 00:07:55,225 but I made a mistake. 213 00:07:55,309 --> 00:07:56,644 [ Both panting ] 214 00:07:56,727 --> 00:07:58,437 Come on, morty. We got to get out of here. 215 00:07:58,520 --> 00:07:59,355 - Come on. - Morty! 216 00:07:59,438 --> 00:08:00,624 - Morty: [Wails] - Vagina: Are you okay? 217 00:08:00,648 --> 00:08:02,441 - I'm fine! - Oh, good. 218 00:08:02,524 --> 00:08:05,110 If anything ever happened to you, I would kill myself. 219 00:08:05,194 --> 00:08:07,279 I love you bad, mo—mo! 220 00:08:07,363 --> 00:08:09,031 [All panting] 221 00:08:09,114 --> 00:08:11,283 [Indistinct shouting] 222 00:08:11,367 --> 00:08:13,202 Morty, the principal and I have discussed it, 223 00:08:13,285 --> 00:08:16,789 a-a-and we're both insecure enough to agree to a three-way! 224 00:08:20,668 --> 00:08:22,270 I didn't realize when I gave you that serum 225 00:08:22,294 --> 00:08:24,088 that Jessica had the flu... You know, 226 00:08:24,171 --> 00:08:26,924 t-t-t—t-t-that might have been valuable information for me! 227 00:08:27,007 --> 00:08:28,287 What the hell is going on, Rick? 228 00:08:28,342 --> 00:08:29,802 What does it look like? 229 00:08:29,885 --> 00:08:31,529 T-t-t-the serum is piggybacking on the virus. 230 00:08:31,553 --> 00:08:32,971 It's gone airborne, morty. 231 00:08:33,055 --> 00:08:35,516 Oh, crap. What are we gonna do, Rick? 232 00:08:35,599 --> 00:08:37,101 It's gonna be fine, morty, relax. 233 00:08:37,184 --> 00:08:38,227 I whipped up an antidote. 234 00:08:38,310 --> 00:08:40,479 It's based on praying-mantis DNA. 235 00:08:40,562 --> 00:08:42,540 You know, praying mantises are the exact opposite of voles. 236 00:08:42,564 --> 00:08:43,816 I mean, they... they mate once, 237 00:08:43,899 --> 00:08:45,779 and then they, you know, decapitate the partner. 238 00:08:45,818 --> 00:08:47,236 I mean, it's a whole ritual. 239 00:08:47,319 --> 00:08:49,363 It's really gruesome and totally opposite. 240 00:08:49,446 --> 00:08:50,781 There's no love at all. 241 00:08:50,864 --> 00:08:53,242 I-I-I basically mixed this with a more contagious flu virus. 242 00:08:53,325 --> 00:08:55,786 It should neutralize the whole thing, morty. 243 00:08:55,869 --> 00:08:57,496 It'll all be over very shortly. 244 00:08:57,579 --> 00:08:59,415 [Indistinct shouting] 245 00:09:02,126 --> 00:09:04,104 Uh, by the way, morty, I know you didn't ask or anything, 246 00:09:04,128 --> 00:09:06,046 but I'm not interested in having sex with you. 247 00:09:06,130 --> 00:09:07,756 These serums, they don't work on anybody 248 00:09:07,840 --> 00:09:09,174 related to you genetically. 249 00:09:09,258 --> 00:09:12,136 Morty! 250 00:09:12,219 --> 00:09:14,555 [All groaning] 251 00:09:23,105 --> 00:09:24,606 Okay, well, sometimes, 252 00:09:24,690 --> 00:09:26,608 science is more art than science, morty. 253 00:09:26,692 --> 00:09:28,569 A lot of people don't get that. 254 00:09:31,947 --> 00:09:33,198 [Gasdsi 255 00:09:33,282 --> 00:09:35,868 [tires screech ] 256 00:09:35,951 --> 00:09:37,703 Come on. Are you kidding me? 257 00:09:37,786 --> 00:09:40,664 - Hello! - Morty! 258 00:09:40,748 --> 00:09:43,751 You're not morty! Bring us morty! 259 00:09:51,842 --> 00:09:53,761 [Gun cocks] Nobody's killing me... 260 00:09:53,844 --> 00:09:57,014 Until after I catch my wife with another man. 261 00:09:57,097 --> 00:09:59,349 Woman on TV: /hao' sex with Billy. 262 00:09:59,433 --> 00:10:01,185 Woman #2: But you were already pregnant! 263 00:10:01,268 --> 00:10:02,829 Yeah, so what's the worst that could happen? 264 00:10:02,853 --> 00:10:05,647 We interrupt "pregnant bab y” with breaking news. 265 00:10:05,731 --> 00:10:07,274 [Groans] Come on. 266 00:10:07,357 --> 00:10:09,794 This just in... ll/lorty Smith is whereabouts are still unknown. 267 00:10:09,818 --> 00:10:11,779 What the hell? 268 00:10:11,862 --> 00:10:14,615 The only thing that is known is... how cute he is. 269 00:10:14,698 --> 00:10:17,201 I love him so much, / want to make love to him 270 00:10:17,284 --> 00:10:18,869 and then eat his head. 271 00:10:18,952 --> 00:10:20,871 //o ve him more than you do, Harold! 272 00:10:20,954 --> 00:10:22,623 You wish, you stupid bitch! 273 00:10:22,706 --> 00:10:24,249 - Li/lorty's mine! - Ll/lorty's mine! 274 00:10:24,333 --> 00:10:25,709 Meant to be together! 275 00:10:25,793 --> 00:10:28,879 [ Speaking arabic ] Ll/lorty! 276 00:10:28,962 --> 00:10:31,590 [ Speaking arabic ] 277 00:10:31,673 --> 00:10:35,219 [Banging on door] 278 00:10:35,302 --> 00:10:36,762 Where is morty? 279 00:10:36,845 --> 00:10:39,848 [ Screams ] 280 00:10:48,023 --> 00:10:50,108 [Conversing in foreign language ] 281 00:10:50,192 --> 00:10:53,529 Oh, my god, Rick. The whole world is infected! 282 00:10:53,612 --> 00:10:55,739 Yeah, it's pretty wild how fast that spread. 283 00:10:55,823 --> 00:10:57,991 - I've really outdone myself. - Outdone yourself?! 284 00:10:58,075 --> 00:10:59,910 W-W... a—are -— are you kidding me, Rick? 285 00:10:59,993 --> 00:11:01,537 This is not okay! 286 00:11:01,620 --> 00:11:03,389 Not only do they all want to have sex with me, 287 00:11:03,413 --> 00:11:05,373 but, you know, now they want to eat me aftennards! 288 00:11:05,415 --> 00:11:06,851 Yeah, I don't know what I was thinking. 289 00:11:06,875 --> 00:11:08,544 Mantises are the opposite of voles? 290 00:11:08,627 --> 00:11:11,255 I mean, obviously, DNA's more complicated than that. 291 00:11:11,338 --> 00:11:12,631 You know what, though, morty? 292 00:11:12,714 --> 00:11:14,466 This right here's gonna do the trick, baby. 293 00:11:14,550 --> 00:11:16,969 It's koala mixed with rattlesnake, chimpanzee, 294 00:11:17,052 --> 00:11:19,304 cactus, shark, golden retriever, 295 00:11:19,388 --> 00:11:21,181 and just a smidge of dinosaur. 296 00:11:21,265 --> 00:11:22,933 Should add up to normal humanity. 297 00:11:23,016 --> 00:11:24,776 I don't... that doesn't make any sense, Rick. 298 00:11:24,852 --> 00:11:26,812 How does that add up to normal humanity? 299 00:11:26,895 --> 00:11:28,623 What, morty, you want me to show you my math? 300 00:11:28,647 --> 00:11:30,232 I'm sorry -— a-are you the scientist 301 00:11:30,315 --> 00:11:32,109 or are you the kid that wanted to get laid? 302 00:11:34,069 --> 00:11:35,279 [Exhales deeply] 303 00:11:35,362 --> 00:11:37,155 Well, I'm glad we saved all those horses, 304 00:11:37,239 --> 00:11:39,157 but I'm almost sorry we're finished. 305 00:11:39,241 --> 00:11:40,742 Yes, it's satisfying work. 306 00:11:40,826 --> 00:11:42,911 Unh-unh-unh, it's, uh... It's more than the work. 307 00:11:42,995 --> 00:11:45,414 I love being in that sterilized room, 308 00:11:45,497 --> 00:11:47,666 sealed off from the world. 309 00:11:47,749 --> 00:11:50,002 It's the only time I can really think... and feel. 310 00:11:50,085 --> 00:11:51,211 [Slow music plays] 311 00:11:51,295 --> 00:11:53,589 Hmm, uh, what are you doing? 312 00:11:53,672 --> 00:11:55,757 I'm playing African dream pop. 313 00:11:55,841 --> 00:11:57,968 What do you do after a long night? 314 00:11:58,051 --> 00:11:59,136 [Click] 315 00:11:59,219 --> 00:12:02,014 Oh, ha, um, hey, I b... I'd better get going. 316 00:12:02,097 --> 00:12:04,766 Um, Jerry's been texting some pretty high-maintenance stuff. 317 00:12:04,850 --> 00:12:06,727 - Beth... - What is it, Davin? 318 00:12:06,810 --> 00:12:09,646 Just once, I'd like to know... 319 00:12:09,730 --> 00:12:10,731 [Sneezes] 320 00:12:11,732 --> 00:12:14,234 W-W-What it was like to give your son a bath. 321 00:12:14,318 --> 00:12:15,402 What?! 322 00:12:15,485 --> 00:12:18,822 What does morty's skin smell like? 323 00:12:18,906 --> 00:12:21,450 How soft... [grunts] 324 00:12:21,533 --> 00:12:23,869 How soft are his privates? 325 00:12:23,952 --> 00:12:25,787 Let go of me, Davin! 326 00:12:26,997 --> 00:12:28,206 [Glass shatters ] 327 00:12:28,290 --> 00:12:31,585 [ Roars ] 328 00:12:31,668 --> 00:12:33,795 Take me to morty. 329 00:12:33,879 --> 00:12:35,047 [Grunts] 330 00:12:35,130 --> 00:12:36,924 You're not morty. 331 00:12:37,007 --> 00:12:39,468 No, I'm Mr. Crowbar, 332 00:12:39,551 --> 00:12:41,803 and this is my friend, 333 00:12:41,887 --> 00:12:44,097 who is also a crowbar. 334 00:12:44,181 --> 00:12:45,974 That's... stupid. 335 00:12:46,058 --> 00:12:48,810 [Grunting ] 336 00:12:48,894 --> 00:12:50,020 Yeah? 337 00:12:50,103 --> 00:12:51,855 Well, look where being smart got you. 338 00:12:51,939 --> 00:12:53,857 Jerry! Thank god! 339 00:12:53,941 --> 00:12:55,025 God? 340 00:12:55,108 --> 00:12:58,111 God's turning people into insect monsters, Beth. 341 00:12:58,195 --> 00:13:00,280 I'm the one beating them to death. 342 00:13:00,364 --> 00:13:02,616 - Thank me. - Thank you, Jerry. 343 00:13:02,699 --> 00:13:04,034 Thank you. 344 00:13:08,664 --> 00:13:10,749 Take a good look down there, morty, and soak it in, 345 00:13:10,832 --> 00:13:12,352 because, you know, once I pull this lever, 346 00:13:12,376 --> 00:13:13,669 it's all back to normal. 347 00:13:13,752 --> 00:13:15,212 Just do it already. 348 00:13:15,295 --> 00:13:17,047 Well, technically, morty, there's no rush. 349 00:13:17,130 --> 00:13:18,970 I mean, you know, o-once it's fixed, it's done. 350 00:13:19,049 --> 00:13:20,801 It's fixed. You know, we could... 351 00:13:20,884 --> 00:13:22,803 We could just enjoy it for a little bit. 352 00:13:22,886 --> 00:13:24,322 I mean, i-i-i-look at how crazy it is. 353 00:13:24,346 --> 00:13:25,931 I mean, morty, w-w-when's the next time 354 00:13:26,014 --> 00:13:27,454 you're gonna see something like this? 355 00:13:27,516 --> 00:13:28,976 I mean, soak it in, you know? 356 00:13:29,059 --> 00:13:30,703 It's... it's pretty neat. It's pretty interesting. 357 00:13:30,727 --> 00:13:32,247 That's it, Rick! I'm pulling the lever. 358 00:13:32,312 --> 00:13:33,647 [Grunts] 359 00:13:39,653 --> 00:13:41,029 W-What do we have here, morty? 360 00:13:41,113 --> 00:13:42,953 Looks like I was right and you were wrong, huh? 361 00:13:43,031 --> 00:13:45,993 I-I—I—i-i bet you feel pretty stupid right about now, huh? 362 00:13:46,076 --> 00:13:47,929 I-I—I bet you feel like the world's smallest man 363 00:13:47,953 --> 00:13:50,163 that you were doubting me about this whole thing, morty. 364 00:13:50,247 --> 00:13:52,124 Oh, Rick, something's not right. 365 00:13:52,207 --> 00:13:53,792 [Sighs] Yeah, you. 366 00:13:53,875 --> 00:13:55,127 You're not right... ever. 367 00:13:55,210 --> 00:13:57,004 No, no! Look, you idiot! 368 00:13:57,087 --> 00:13:58,839 [All screaming] 369 00:14:08,890 --> 00:14:11,184 [All speaking foreign language] 370 00:14:11,268 --> 00:14:15,355 [All groaning] 371 00:14:17,774 --> 00:14:20,110 [All speaking foreign language] 372 00:14:21,278 --> 00:14:23,071 Bet you're loving this, morty. 373 00:14:23,155 --> 00:14:25,157 This must be the best day of your life. 374 00:14:25,240 --> 00:14:28,076 You get to be the mayor of i-told-you town. 375 00:14:28,160 --> 00:14:30,162 [ Slurps ] You're welcome. 376 00:14:30,245 --> 00:14:31,246 [Slurps] 377 00:14:40,005 --> 00:14:41,965 - Hold on. - [ Whimpers] 378 00:14:42,049 --> 00:14:45,135 [Engine revs, tires squeal] 379 00:14:59,316 --> 00:15:00,400 [Gun cocks] 380 00:15:00,484 --> 00:15:02,778 I wish that shotgun was my penis. 381 00:15:02,861 --> 00:15:05,739 If it were, you could call me Ernest Hemingway. 382 00:15:05,822 --> 00:15:08,366 I don't get it, and I don't need to. 383 00:15:08,450 --> 00:15:09,367 [ Both moaning ] 384 00:15:09,451 --> 00:15:11,369 Summer: Mom! Dad! 385 00:15:11,453 --> 00:15:13,163 Both: Summer! 386 00:15:14,039 --> 00:15:15,082 [Sighs] 387 00:15:15,165 --> 00:15:16,291 Where's morty? 388 00:15:16,374 --> 00:15:17,667 I don't know. 389 00:15:17,751 --> 00:15:19,896 Do you think grandpa Rick had something to do with this? 390 00:15:19,920 --> 00:15:21,671 It's not fair to assume that, summer. 391 00:15:21,755 --> 00:15:23,715 Oh, not fair? Give me a break. 392 00:15:23,799 --> 00:15:25,801 He is a selfish, irresponsible ass, 393 00:15:25,884 --> 00:15:27,260 and he left my mother. 394 00:15:27,344 --> 00:15:30,138 A real man stands by his woman. 395 00:15:30,222 --> 00:15:35,018 [ Both moaning ] 396 00:15:35,102 --> 00:15:37,854 J” tchoo. Tchoo-tchoo-tchoo. Tchoo-tchoo j” 397 00:15:37,938 --> 00:15:40,524 boy, I really cronenberged the world up, didn't I? 398 00:15:40,607 --> 00:15:42,359 We got a whole planet of cronenbergs 399 00:15:42,442 --> 00:15:44,027 walking around down there, morty. 400 00:15:44,111 --> 00:15:46,172 A—at least they're not in love with you anymore, though. 401 00:15:46,196 --> 00:15:47,948 That's a huge step in the right direction. 402 00:15:48,031 --> 00:15:50,242 Oh, my god! It's a living nightmare! 403 00:15:50,325 --> 00:15:52,786 How could you be so irresponsible, Rick? 404 00:15:52,869 --> 00:15:55,288 Me irresponsible?! You... All I wanted you to do 405 00:15:55,372 --> 00:15:57,040 was hand me a screwdriver, morty! 406 00:15:57,124 --> 00:15:59,793 You're the one who wanted to be... wanted me to buckle down 407 00:15:59,876 --> 00:16:02,129 and make you up a... Roofie-juice serum 408 00:16:02,212 --> 00:16:05,340 so you could roofie that poor girl at your school. 409 00:16:05,423 --> 00:16:08,385 I mean, g... w-w-w-w-w... w... Are you kidding me, morty? 410 00:16:08,468 --> 00:16:10,446 You're gonna try to take the high road on this one? 411 00:16:10,470 --> 00:16:11,930 Y-y-y-y-you're a little creep, morty. 412 00:16:12,013 --> 00:16:13,306 Y—you're a... you're... You're... 413 00:16:13,390 --> 00:16:15,308 You're just a little creepy... Creep person. 414 00:16:15,392 --> 00:16:17,078 All right, fine. I should have just listened to you 415 00:16:17,102 --> 00:16:18,645 when you refused to make the serum. 416 00:16:18,728 --> 00:16:20,623 I'm willing to accept my part of the blame for this, Rick. 417 00:16:20,647 --> 00:16:22,333 But I'll tell you something... You know what? 418 00:16:22,357 --> 00:16:23,942 You gotta accept your part of the blame! 419 00:16:24,025 --> 00:16:25,735 I'm not the one who fouled up the serum! 420 00:16:25,819 --> 00:16:27,571 I'm not the one who -— Who... who... 421 00:16:27,654 --> 00:16:29,030 Who haphazardly, you know, 422 00:16:29,114 --> 00:16:30,699 mixed a bunch of nonsense together 423 00:16:30,782 --> 00:16:32,492 and created a bunch of cronenbergs! 424 00:16:32,576 --> 00:16:34,870 - You gotta fix this, Rick! - All right, all right, morty. 425 00:16:34,953 --> 00:16:36,639 You know, w-w-w-we are in a pretty deep hole, here, 426 00:16:36,663 --> 00:16:39,374 but I do have one emergency solution that I can use 427 00:16:39,457 --> 00:16:41,293 that'll kind of put everything back to normal, 428 00:16:41,376 --> 00:16:42,752 relatively speaking. 429 00:16:42,836 --> 00:16:44,254 Here, morty, put this on while I do 430 00:16:44,337 --> 00:16:46,256 a little bit of scouting. 431 00:16:48,508 --> 00:16:51,052 [Birds chirping] 432 00:16:58,685 --> 00:17:00,604 Morty: Wow, Rick, I gotta say... 433 00:17:00,687 --> 00:17:02,767 You really pulled a rabbit out of your hat this time. 434 00:17:02,814 --> 00:17:04,733 I mean, I-I really thought that the whole place 435 00:17:04,816 --> 00:17:06,610 was gonna be messed up for good, 436 00:17:06,693 --> 00:17:08,570 but here, you did it -— Y-y—you " you '- 437 00:17:08,653 --> 00:17:10,322 you figured out that crazy solution, 438 00:17:10,405 --> 00:17:11,489 like you always do. 439 00:17:11,573 --> 00:17:13,325 Whoo! That's some great luck. 440 00:17:13,408 --> 00:17:15,327 Come on, morty. Luck had nothing to do with it. 441 00:17:15,410 --> 00:17:18,371 I'm great. That's the real reason. 442 00:17:18,455 --> 00:17:20,498 Now, morty, what do you say, buddy? 443 00:17:20,582 --> 00:17:22,334 Will you hand me a screwdriver 444 00:17:22,417 --> 00:17:24,169 so I can finish my ionic dis... defibulizer? 445 00:17:24,252 --> 00:17:26,504 Sure thing, Rick. Here's a screwdriver. 446 00:17:26,588 --> 00:17:28,798 All right, morty. Thank you very much. 447 00:17:28,882 --> 00:17:31,801 We got one screw turn... And two screw turns... 448 00:17:31,885 --> 00:17:33,595 And... 449 00:17:38,725 --> 00:17:40,143 All right, morty, here we are. 450 00:17:40,227 --> 00:17:42,145 Oh, my god, Rick! Is that us?! 451 00:17:42,229 --> 00:17:44,105 W-w-w-we're dead! What is going on, Rick? 452 00:17:44,189 --> 00:17:45,690 I'm freaking out! 453 00:17:45,774 --> 00:17:47,418 Calm down, morty! Look at me! Calm down, morty! 454 00:17:47,442 --> 00:17:49,069 No, I can't deal with this! 455 00:17:49,152 --> 00:17:50,695 Calm yourself, morty. 456 00:17:50,779 --> 00:17:52,280 I can't deal with this, Rick! 457 00:17:52,364 --> 00:17:53,841 - Calm down, morty. - This can't be real! 458 00:17:53,865 --> 00:17:56,052 - You gotta calm down, morty. - W-W—w—w-we're ripped apart! 459 00:17:56,076 --> 00:17:57,953 Shut up and listen to me! 460 00:17:58,036 --> 00:17:59,287 It's fine. Everything is fine. 461 00:17:59,371 --> 00:18:00,848 There's an infinite number of realities, morty, 462 00:18:00,872 --> 00:18:02,540 and in a few dozen of those, 463 00:18:02,624 --> 00:18:04,584 I got lucky and turned everything back to normal. 464 00:18:04,668 --> 00:18:06,336 I just had to find one of those realities 465 00:18:06,419 --> 00:18:09,047 in which we also happen to both die around this time. 466 00:18:09,130 --> 00:18:10,590 Now we can just slip into the place 467 00:18:10,674 --> 00:18:12,175 of our dead selves in this reality 468 00:18:12,259 --> 00:18:13,843 and everything will be fine. 469 00:18:13,927 --> 00:18:15,345 We're not skipping a beat, morty. 470 00:18:15,428 --> 00:18:16,489 Now, help me with these bodies. 471 00:18:16,513 --> 00:18:17,597 This is insane. 472 00:18:17,681 --> 00:18:19,841 Look, morty, I'll grab myself, you grab yourself, okay? 473 00:18:19,891 --> 00:18:21,327 I mean, t-t-t-that seems fair to me... 474 00:18:21,351 --> 00:18:23,311 I mean, that seems like a fair way to divvy it up. 475 00:18:23,353 --> 00:18:25,355 Rick, what about the reality we left behind? 476 00:18:25,438 --> 00:18:28,108 What about the reality where Hitler cured cancer, morty? 477 00:18:28,191 --> 00:18:29,609 The answer is don't think about it. 478 00:18:29,693 --> 00:18:31,820 It's not like we can do this every week, anyways. 479 00:18:31,903 --> 00:18:33,503 We get three or four more of these, tops. 480 00:18:33,530 --> 00:18:35,282 Now, pick up your dead self and come on. 481 00:18:35,365 --> 00:18:36,616 Haste makes waste. 482 00:18:36,700 --> 00:18:38,827 I-I—I don't suppose you've considered this detail, 483 00:18:38,910 --> 00:18:41,413 but obviously, if! Hadn't screwed up as much as I did, 484 00:18:41,496 --> 00:18:45,333 we'd be these guys right now, so, again, you're welcome. 485 00:18:48,461 --> 00:18:55,260 J” look on down from the bridge j” 486 00:18:55,343 --> 00:19:02,434 j” there's still fountains down there j” 487 00:19:05,395 --> 00:19:11,192 j” look on down from the bridge j” 488 00:19:11,276 --> 00:19:18,533 j” it's still raining up here j” 489 00:19:21,286 --> 00:19:29,044 j” everybody seems so far away from me j” 490 00:19:29,127 --> 00:19:36,718 j” everybody just wants to be free j” 491 00:19:36,801 --> 00:19:42,891 j” look away from the sky j” 492 00:19:42,974 --> 00:19:49,689 j” it's no different when you're leaving home j” 493 00:19:51,900 --> 00:19:58,573 j” I can't be the same thing to you now j” 494 00:19:58,656 --> 00:20:02,577 j” I'm just gone j” 495 00:20:02,660 --> 00:20:08,291 j” just gone j” 496 00:20:08,375 --> 00:20:15,382 j” how could I say goodbye? J” 497 00:20:16,383 --> 00:20:20,512 j” how could I say goodbye? J” 498 00:20:20,595 --> 00:20:24,265 you know, the thing about a shark... 499 00:20:24,349 --> 00:20:26,726 He's got lifeless eyes... 500 00:20:26,810 --> 00:20:28,728 Black eyes, like a doll's eyes. 501 00:20:28,812 --> 00:20:30,313 When he comes at ya, 502 00:20:30,397 --> 00:20:32,315 he doesn't seem to be living until he bites ya, 503 00:20:32,399 --> 00:20:35,276 and then the -— the blood, and the red, and the water... 504 00:20:35,360 --> 00:20:36,361 [Sighs] 505 00:20:36,444 --> 00:20:38,571 You ever wonder what happened to Rick and morty? 506 00:20:38,655 --> 00:20:41,408 Sometimes. But, I'm ashamed to admit, 507 00:20:41,491 --> 00:20:47,038 now that they're gone, I'm finally happy. 508 00:20:47,122 --> 00:20:49,249 Here we are, cronenberg morty —- 509 00:20:49,332 --> 00:20:50,875 a reality where everyone in the world 510 00:20:50,959 --> 00:20:52,335 got genetically cronenberged. 511 00:20:52,419 --> 00:20:54,504 We'll fit right in, cronenberg morty. 512 00:20:54,587 --> 00:20:56,965 It'll be like we never even left cronenberg world. 513 00:20:57,048 --> 00:20:58,425 Yeah, cronenberg Rick, 514 00:20:58,508 --> 00:21:00,348 but, you know, I'm gonna miss cronenberg world, 515 00:21:00,385 --> 00:21:02,029 because everyone was cronenberged all along 516 00:21:02,053 --> 00:21:03,721 like us from the beginning, you know? 517 00:21:03,805 --> 00:21:05,408 I mean, I-I wish we hadn't genetically ruined 518 00:21:05,432 --> 00:21:07,350 cronenberg world beyond repair like we did, 519 00:21:07,434 --> 00:21:09,978 you know, and turned everyone into regular, normal people 520 00:21:10,061 --> 00:21:11,521 just walking around. 521 00:21:11,604 --> 00:21:13,204 Don't you worry about that sort of thing, 522 00:21:13,273 --> 00:21:14,357 cronenberg morty. 523 00:21:14,441 --> 00:21:17,735 Let's go make ourselves at home, huh? 524 00:21:21,448 --> 00:21:22,866 Did you get any of that? 525 00:21:22,949 --> 00:21:24,909 It's a good-a show!