1 00:00:01,002 --> 00:00:04,255 [ Dramatic music plays ] 2 00:00:04,338 --> 00:00:05,464 Cynthia... 3 00:00:05,548 --> 00:00:07,175 Jerry: Oh, my god. No. No. 4 00:00:07,258 --> 00:00:09,177 - I told you. - Hold on. 5 00:00:09,260 --> 00:00:11,179 W/I/you please... 6 00:00:11,262 --> 00:00:12,972 Not marry me 7 I chose Veronica. 7 00:00:13,055 --> 00:00:14,223 - What?! - Yes! 8 00:00:14,307 --> 00:00:16,225 - Hold it. - Why would he chose Veronica? 9 00:00:16,309 --> 00:00:17,894 Because he loves her? 10 00:00:17,977 --> 00:00:19,371 Well, if it's any consolation, summer, 11 00:00:19,395 --> 00:00:21,206 none of it mattered and the entire show was stupid. 12 00:00:21,230 --> 00:00:22,607 Okay, I've got an idea, Rick. 13 00:00:22,690 --> 00:00:24,609 You show us your concept of good TV, 14 00:00:24,692 --> 00:00:26,527 and we'll crap all over that. 15 00:00:26,611 --> 00:00:29,197 Thought you'd never ask. 16 00:00:29,280 --> 00:00:30,448 Hey. 17 00:00:30,531 --> 00:00:32,450 Oh, cool. Is that crystallized xanthanite? 18 00:00:32,533 --> 00:00:34,410 It conducts electrons across dimensions. 19 00:00:34,493 --> 00:00:36,329 20% accurate as usual, morty. 20 00:00:36,412 --> 00:00:37,830 The important thing being, 21 00:00:37,914 --> 00:00:39,790 I just upgraded our cable package 22 00:00:39,874 --> 00:00:42,043 with programing from every conceivable reality. 23 00:00:42,126 --> 00:00:43,687 Wait. Does that mean we get showtime extreme? 24 00:00:43,711 --> 00:00:45,421 How about showtime extreme in a world 25 00:00:45,504 --> 00:00:47,089 where man evolved from corn? 26 00:00:47,173 --> 00:00:49,151 We 're not so different. We 're bot/7 corn of action. 27 00:00:49,175 --> 00:00:51,135 Yeah, but one of us is dead corn! 28 00:00:51,219 --> 00:00:52,511 Summer bofing. 29 00:00:52,595 --> 00:00:54,555 Summer [burps] you just spent [burps] three months 30 00:00:54,597 --> 00:00:56,474 watching a man choose a fake wife. 31 00:00:56,557 --> 00:00:58,476 So, what, it'd be better if the people were com? 32 00:00:58,559 --> 00:01:00,102 Rick: Jerry, you don't get it. 33 00:01:00,186 --> 00:01:03,356 This is infinite TV from infinite universes. 34 00:01:03,439 --> 00:01:05,149 - Look. - This shit is delicious. 35 00:01:05,233 --> 00:01:08,194 A movie about a guy eating shit. 36 00:01:08,277 --> 00:01:10,238 A violent antique show. 37 00:01:10,321 --> 00:01:11,715 [Laughs] It's a pleasure to have you. 38 00:01:11,739 --> 00:01:13,574 The pleasure's all mine. 39 00:01:13,658 --> 00:01:15,660 Letterman from a timeline where Jerry's famous. 40 00:01:15,743 --> 00:01:17,383 - — Jerry: Wait! - Beth: What in the hell? 41 00:01:17,453 --> 00:01:18,996 Rick: I agree. Where is this going? 42 00:01:19,080 --> 00:01:20,581 No, the other thing! Go back. 43 00:01:20,665 --> 00:01:22,124 Rick: Really? All right, fine. 44 00:01:22,208 --> 00:01:24,627 Glen, this court order says you can't eat shit anymore. 45 00:01:24,710 --> 00:01:26,629 - [ Dramatic music plays ] - All right, Jerry. 46 00:01:26,712 --> 00:01:28,464 When you're right, you're right. 47 00:01:28,547 --> 00:01:29,840 Now I'm hooked. 48 00:02:01,789 --> 00:02:03,749 Coming up next on ”shm/oois the shm/oss, ” 49 00:02:03,833 --> 00:02:05,376 shm/on y has a nightmare. 50 00:02:05,459 --> 00:02:08,421 - Shmlantha/ shm/ona/ - Rick: Amazing... a dimension 51 00:02:08,504 --> 00:02:10,423 where all proper nouns begin with "shmla." 52 00:02:10,506 --> 00:02:12,925 Shm/a... shm/angela? 53 00:02:13,009 --> 00:02:14,593 Shm/onathan 7 54 00:02:14,677 --> 00:02:16,887 all right, that actually got old pretty quick. 55 00:02:16,971 --> 00:02:18,431 [ Groans ] Rick! 56 00:02:18,514 --> 00:02:20,683 Will you please go back to me on "David letterman“? 57 00:02:20,766 --> 00:02:22,435 Infinity's a big number, Jerry. 58 00:02:22,518 --> 00:02:23,936 I don't remember the channel. 59 00:02:24,020 --> 00:02:25,521 Summer: Ah! Go back! Go back! 60 00:02:25,604 --> 00:02:28,024 - Rick: Geez. - You speak the true-true. 61 00:02:28,107 --> 00:02:30,359 Oh, my god. Dad's in "cloud atlas"! 62 00:02:30,443 --> 00:02:33,154 I'm in “cloud atlas"! What's “cloud atlas"? 63 00:02:33,237 --> 00:02:34,780 Sometimes, small true-true 64 00:02:34,864 --> 00:02:36,782 different than the big true-true. 65 00:02:36,866 --> 00:02:38,326 How is this possible? 66 00:02:38,409 --> 00:02:40,619 Infinite timelines, infinite possibilities, 67 00:02:40,703 --> 00:02:42,583 including a timeline where Jerry's a movie star. 68 00:02:42,663 --> 00:02:44,165 Look, you guys are getting excited 69 00:02:44,248 --> 00:02:45,916 about the wrong aspect of this device. 70 00:02:46,000 --> 00:02:47,585 Wha... look at this. 71 00:02:47,668 --> 00:02:50,254 And now, another quick mystery. 72 00:02:50,338 --> 00:02:52,098 I just want to know who could have done this. 73 00:02:52,173 --> 00:02:54,091 It's a travesty - I did. 74 00:02:54,175 --> 00:02:55,569 See this knife and all the blood on it? 75 00:02:55,593 --> 00:02:56,802 Here's my fingerprints. 76 00:02:56,886 --> 00:02:59,180 Guilty. I sentence you to life in prison. 77 00:02:59,263 --> 00:03:00,765 Here's another quick mystery. 78 00:03:00,848 --> 00:03:02,767 - Lilly mother's dead. - And / killed her. 79 00:03:02,850 --> 00:03:04,477 Here's the weapon, and cuff me. 80 00:03:04,560 --> 00:03:05,770 Thank you very much. 81 00:03:05,853 --> 00:03:07,396 Guilty sentenced to murder. 82 00:03:07,480 --> 00:03:08,522 [ Chokes, gags] 83 00:03:08,606 --> 00:03:10,775 - Hereis another. - I'm the killer. 84 00:03:10,858 --> 00:03:13,444 Oh, wow, that one was really quick, wasn't it? 85 00:03:13,527 --> 00:03:15,988 Now, who wants to watch random, crazy TV shows 86 00:03:16,072 --> 00:03:18,240 from different dimensions, and... and then who wants 87 00:03:18,324 --> 00:03:20,826 to narcissistically obsess about their alternate selves? 88 00:03:20,910 --> 00:03:23,496 I want to obsess about myself. 89 00:03:23,579 --> 00:03:25,498 [Sighs] Here, these scan your retinas 90 00:03:25,581 --> 00:03:27,500 and let you view parallel timelines 91 00:03:27,583 --> 00:03:29,436 through genetically matching versions of your eyes. 92 00:03:29,460 --> 00:03:30,378 Go fetch. 93 00:03:30,461 --> 00:03:32,338 - This is so cool. - Ladies first. 94 00:03:32,421 --> 00:03:33,547 I'm proud of you, morty. 95 00:03:33,631 --> 00:03:35,674 Hey, man, I don't give a crap about myself, Rick. 96 00:03:35,758 --> 00:03:37,593 Let's watch some crazy stuff, yo. 97 00:03:37,676 --> 00:03:38,928 I'm ants in my eyes Johnson, 98 00:03:39,011 --> 00:03:41,263 here at ants in m y eyes Johnson's electronics. 99 00:03:41,347 --> 00:03:43,349 I mean, thereis so many ants in my eyes. 100 00:03:43,432 --> 00:03:46,394 And thereis so many ti/s, microwaves, radios, I think. 101 00:03:46,477 --> 00:03:49,688 Ican't... I'm not 700% sure what we have here in stock 102 00:03:49,772 --> 00:03:51,399 because / can't see anything. 103 00:03:51,482 --> 00:03:54,235 Our prices, lhope, aren't too low. 104 00:03:54,318 --> 00:03:56,904 Check out this refrigerator, only $200. 105 00:03:56,987 --> 00:03:58,781 What about this microwave? Only $ 700. 106 00:03:58,864 --> 00:04:00,408 That's fair. 107 00:04:00,491 --> 00:04:02,868 I'm ants in my e yes Johnson. Everything's black. 108 00:04:02,952 --> 00:04:04,328 I can't see a thing. 109 00:04:04,412 --> 00:04:06,330 And also, / can't feel anything, either. 110 00:04:06,414 --> 00:04:07,456 Did / mention that? 111 00:04:07,540 --> 00:04:10,042 But that's not as catchy as having ants in your eyes, 112 00:04:10,126 --> 00:04:12,670 so that always goes, you know, off b y the wayside. 113 00:04:12,753 --> 00:04:14,839 I can't feel. It's a very rare disease. 114 00:04:14,922 --> 00:04:16,549 All my... all my nerves, 115 00:04:16,632 --> 00:04:18,884 they don't allow for the sensation of touch, 116 00:04:18,968 --> 00:04:20,845 so / ne ver know what's going on. 117 00:04:20,928 --> 00:04:22,847 Am / standing, sitting? I don't know. 118 00:04:22,930 --> 00:04:25,391 Are we sure we wanna look at our own alternate lives? 119 00:04:25,474 --> 00:04:27,726 You're right. Maybe we should just play yahtzee. 120 00:04:27,810 --> 00:04:29,854 Give me those. [ Beeping ] 121 00:04:29,937 --> 00:04:30,938 Beth: What do you see? 122 00:04:31,021 --> 00:04:33,941 Whiteness -— pure whiteness. 123 00:04:34,024 --> 00:04:35,860 [ Snorting ] 124 00:04:35,943 --> 00:04:37,611 You're my best friend, Jerry Smith. 125 00:04:37,695 --> 00:04:39,071 I love doing cocaine with you. 126 00:04:39,155 --> 00:04:42,158 Whoa, I love doing cocaine with you, too, Johnny Depp. 127 00:04:42,241 --> 00:04:45,244 [Groans] Haven't we spent enough time on you? 128 00:04:45,327 --> 00:04:47,997 [ Beeping ] I'm performing surgery... 129 00:04:48,080 --> 00:04:49,999 But not on a horse... On a human. 130 00:04:50,082 --> 00:04:51,625 Jerry: That's great, Beth. 131 00:04:51,709 --> 00:04:53,878 You always wanted to be a real surgeon. 132 00:04:53,961 --> 00:04:55,880 I ama real surgeon. 133 00:04:55,963 --> 00:04:57,590 Uh... summer's turn. 134 00:04:57,673 --> 00:04:59,592 Finally. [ Beeping ] 135 00:04:59,675 --> 00:05:01,594 I don't see anything. 136 00:05:01,677 --> 00:05:03,405 Well, you should select a different timeline. 137 00:05:03,429 --> 00:05:05,349 I mean, if your father and I achieved our dreams, 138 00:05:05,431 --> 00:05:06,908 there's a chance you weren't even born. 139 00:05:06,932 --> 00:05:09,351 That came out wrong. That came out very wrong. 140 00:05:09,435 --> 00:05:12,938 Fine. I'll find a world where you bothered to have me. 141 00:05:13,022 --> 00:05:15,983 [ Beeping ] 142 00:05:16,066 --> 00:05:18,110 We're playing yahtzee. 143 00:05:18,194 --> 00:05:19,862 Yahtzee's fun. We love yahtzee. 144 00:05:19,945 --> 00:05:21,530 It's a fun game for fun families. 145 00:05:21,614 --> 00:05:23,782 Hey, could I get those goggles back for a second? 146 00:05:23,866 --> 00:05:27,203 It's a 45-horsepower with anti/ock brakes, 147 00:05:27,286 --> 00:05:30,372 and it's the official car of ”mr. Sneezy 3D. ” 148 00:05:30,456 --> 00:05:33,167 It's the brand-new sneezy xl. 149 00:05:33,250 --> 00:05:36,045 The horn, when you honk it, makes a sneeze noise. 150 00:05:36,128 --> 00:05:37,213 [ Sneezes] 151 00:05:37,296 --> 00:05:39,215 It's polite, it's right, 152 00:05:39,298 --> 00:05:44,261 and it's sneezy, deezy ll/lc... deluxe. 153 00:05:44,345 --> 00:05:45,930 I'm ll/lr. Sneezy. [ Sneezes] 154 00:05:46,013 --> 00:05:48,474 Huh, seems like TV from other dimensions 155 00:05:48,557 --> 00:05:50,392 has a somewhat looser feel to it. 156 00:05:50,476 --> 00:05:53,229 Yeah, it's got an almost improvisational tone. 157 00:05:53,312 --> 00:05:55,856 It's in theaters now. Coming this summer 158 00:05:55,940 --> 00:05:58,359 two brothers in a Van, 159 00:05:58,442 --> 00:05:59,818 and then a meteor hits. 160 00:05:59,902 --> 00:06:02,071 And they ran as fast as they could 161 00:06:02,154 --> 00:06:03,948 from giant cat monsters. 162 00:06:04,031 --> 00:06:05,866 And then a giant tornado came. 163 00:06:05,950 --> 00:06:11,247 And that's when things got knocked into 72th gear. 164 00:06:11,330 --> 00:06:14,124 A Mexican armada shows up, 165 00:06:14,208 --> 00:06:17,461 with weapons made from t-tomatoes. 166 00:06:17,545 --> 00:06:19,713 And you better bet your bottom dollar 167 00:06:19,797 --> 00:06:23,467 that these two brothers know how to handle business 168 00:06:23,551 --> 00:06:27,429 in '£4lien in vasion tomato monster 169 00:06:27,513 --> 00:06:28,764 Mexican armada brothers, 170 00:06:28,847 --> 00:06:30,849 who are just regular brothers, 171 00:06:30,933 --> 00:06:33,102 running in a Van from an asteroid 172 00:06:33,185 --> 00:06:37,147 and all sort of things: The movie. ” 173 00:06:37,231 --> 00:06:39,149 Hold on. There's more. 174 00:06:39,233 --> 00:06:41,569 Old women are coming, and the y're also in the mo vie. 175 00:06:41,652 --> 00:06:43,445 And the y're gonna come 176 00:06:43,529 --> 00:06:45,990 and cross attack these two brothers. 177 00:06:46,073 --> 00:06:47,575 But lets get back to the brothers, 178 00:06:47,658 --> 00:06:50,578 because they're... They have a strong bond. 179 00:06:50,661 --> 00:06:51,930 You don't want to know about it here, 180 00:06:51,954 --> 00:06:53,539 but ill tell you one thing. 181 00:06:53,622 --> 00:06:55,791 The moon... it comes crashing into earth. 182 00:06:55,874 --> 00:06:57,751 And what do you do then? 183 00:06:57,835 --> 00:07:00,546 It's two brothers and... And they're gonna... 184 00:07:00,629 --> 00:07:02,548 It's called ”two brothers. ” ”two brothers. ” 185 00:07:02,631 --> 00:07:04,717 [ Laughing ] It's just called ”two brothers. ” 186 00:07:04,800 --> 00:07:06,969 Holy crap. I am winning a nobel prize. 187 00:07:07,052 --> 00:07:09,138 Come on. Time's up. [ Beeping ] 188 00:07:09,221 --> 00:07:10,848 I'm taming a lion. 189 00:07:10,931 --> 00:07:12,975 No, wait. There are film cameras. 190 00:07:13,058 --> 00:07:15,603 I might be a lion tamer in a movie. 191 00:07:15,686 --> 00:07:17,313 You get the idea. I work with lions. 192 00:07:17,396 --> 00:07:19,523 [ Beeping ] 193 00:07:19,607 --> 00:07:21,900 Ohh, we're not playing yahtzee! 194 00:07:21,984 --> 00:07:24,194 We're playing chutes and ladders. 195 00:07:24,278 --> 00:07:26,905 Seems like when I exist, life gets a little more... 196 00:07:26,989 --> 00:07:28,574 I don't know —- predictable? 197 00:07:28,657 --> 00:07:30,618 When two people create a life together, 198 00:07:30,701 --> 00:07:33,621 they set aside their previous lives as individuals. 199 00:07:33,704 --> 00:07:35,247 Give me a break. 200 00:07:35,331 --> 00:07:38,000 We're not heroes for having unprotected sex on prom night. 201 00:07:38,083 --> 00:07:39,335 Oh, I get it. 202 00:07:39,418 --> 00:07:41,503 Now that you know you could have had it better, 203 00:07:41,587 --> 00:07:43,922 you resent me for holding you back. 204 00:07:44,006 --> 00:07:46,508 Well, now that we know you think the tables are turning, 205 00:07:46,592 --> 00:07:48,432 we know you thought there were unturned tables. 206 00:07:48,510 --> 00:07:50,387 What are you talking about? 207 00:07:50,471 --> 00:07:52,115 All this time, you've been thinking, "what if that loser, 208 00:07:52,139 --> 00:07:54,350 Jerry, hadn't talked me out of the abortion?" 209 00:07:54,433 --> 00:07:56,435 - Um... - Well, now you know. 210 00:07:56,518 --> 00:07:57,621 You'd be a doctor. Whoop-de—do. 211 00:07:57,645 --> 00:07:59,229 You'd also be drinking wine alone 212 00:07:59,313 --> 00:08:01,482 in a house full of exotic birds. 213 00:08:01,565 --> 00:08:04,318 And I'd be on DiCaprio's yacht, banging Kristen Stewart. 214 00:08:04,401 --> 00:08:06,737 You thought about getting an abortion? 215 00:08:06,820 --> 00:08:08,197 Everyone thinks about it. 216 00:08:08,280 --> 00:08:10,258 Obviously, I'm the version of me that didn't do it, 217 00:08:10,282 --> 00:08:13,285 - so you're welcome. - Yeah, you're welcome. 218 00:08:13,369 --> 00:08:14,953 Yeah, thank you guys so much. 219 00:08:15,037 --> 00:08:16,664 It's a real treat to be raised by parents 220 00:08:16,747 --> 00:08:18,415 that forced themselves to be together 221 00:08:18,499 --> 00:08:20,125 instead of being happy. 222 00:08:20,209 --> 00:08:22,294 Hey, do we have any wafer cookies? 223 00:08:22,378 --> 00:08:23,629 Mmm! 224 00:08:23,712 --> 00:08:24,797 Oh, boy. 225 00:08:24,880 --> 00:08:26,358 Looks like you guys have been checking out alternate lives 226 00:08:26,382 --> 00:08:28,142 and realizing you don't have it as good, huh? 227 00:08:28,217 --> 00:08:29,385 That's too bad. 228 00:08:29,468 --> 00:08:31,108 You know, me and morty are having a blast. 229 00:08:31,136 --> 00:08:32,781 We just discovered a show called "ball fondlers." 230 00:08:32,805 --> 00:08:34,682 I mean, I don't want to rub it in or anything, 231 00:08:34,765 --> 00:08:37,685 but you guys clearly backed the wrong conceptual horse. 232 00:08:38,227 --> 00:08:41,563 [ Metal music plays] 233 00:08:50,698 --> 00:08:53,117 - I'm in heaven right now. - The best day of my life. 234 00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:54,868 So, now what do we do? 235 00:08:54,952 --> 00:08:57,055 That show "ball fondlers" sounded kind of interesting. 236 00:08:57,079 --> 00:08:58,706 - Dad! - What?! 237 00:08:58,789 --> 00:09:01,059 They're having fun in there. What do you guys want from me? 238 00:09:01,083 --> 00:09:03,001 Every family on this block has to wonder 239 00:09:03,085 --> 00:09:04,712 if they're together by choice. 240 00:09:04,795 --> 00:09:06,588 Our family just has interdimensional goggles 241 00:09:06,672 --> 00:09:09,007 to show us for a fact that we're not. 242 00:09:09,091 --> 00:09:11,677 - Well, I'm leaving. - You can't leave. You're 17. 243 00:09:11,760 --> 00:09:13,262 Yeah, and I'm not pregnant. 244 00:09:13,345 --> 00:09:16,223 I'm gonna have betterjudgment than you guys had at my age. 245 00:09:16,306 --> 00:09:18,684 I'm gonna move to the southwest and... 246 00:09:18,767 --> 00:09:21,854 I don't know, do something with turquoise. 247 00:09:21,937 --> 00:09:25,858 It's ”saturda y night live, ” 248 00:09:25,941 --> 00:09:28,527 starring a piece of toast, 249 00:09:28,610 --> 00:09:30,863 two guys with handlebar mustaches, 250 00:09:30,946 --> 00:09:33,782 a man painted silver who makes robot noises, 251 00:09:33,866 --> 00:09:35,617 gar ma nar nar, 252 00:09:35,701 --> 00:09:38,328 three, um, um, um... 253 00:09:38,412 --> 00:09:40,164 Ill get back to that one, 254 00:09:40,247 --> 00:09:41,874 a hole in the wall 255 00:09:41,957 --> 00:09:44,042 where the men can see it all, 256 00:09:44,126 --> 00:09:48,338 and, returning for his 25th consecutive year, 257 00:09:48,422 --> 00:09:51,759 Bobby moynihanl 258 00:09:51,842 --> 00:09:53,302 interesting fun fact... 259 00:09:53,385 --> 00:09:55,888 Moynihan and a piece of toast hate each other. 260 00:09:55,971 --> 00:09:58,891 Apparently, they've got some real creative differences. 261 00:09:58,974 --> 00:10:00,309 Hey, are you tired of real doors 262 00:10:00,392 --> 00:10:01,977 cluttering up your house, 263 00:10:02,060 --> 00:10:03,705 where you open them and you actually go somewhere, 264 00:10:03,729 --> 00:10:05,022 and you go into another room? 265 00:10:05,105 --> 00:10:07,608 Get on down to real fake doors. Thatis us. 266 00:10:07,691 --> 00:10:09,067 Fill a whole room up with them. 267 00:10:09,151 --> 00:10:10,319 See, watch. Check this out. 268 00:10:10,402 --> 00:10:11,445 [Grunts ] Won't open. 269 00:10:11,528 --> 00:10:12,571 [Grunts] Won't open. 270 00:10:12,654 --> 00:10:13,906 [Grunts ] Not this one. 271 00:10:13,989 --> 00:10:15,073 [Grunts] Not this one. 272 00:10:15,157 --> 00:10:16,158 None of them open. 273 00:10:16,241 --> 00:10:17,868 Fakedoors. Com is our website, 274 00:10:17,951 --> 00:10:20,871 so check it out for a lot of really great deals 275 00:10:20,954 --> 00:10:24,166 on fake do-o-o-o-rsl 276 00:10:30,380 --> 00:10:32,174 Hey, wait a minute, Rick. 277 00:10:32,257 --> 00:10:33,634 I thought this was a commercial. 278 00:10:33,717 --> 00:10:35,344 - What's going on? - Relax, morty. 279 00:10:35,427 --> 00:10:39,097 Don't -— don't worry about it. Let's just see where this goes. 280 00:10:39,181 --> 00:10:41,225 Step on it./ we all got places to be! 281 00:10:41,308 --> 00:10:43,644 [ Honks horn] Son of a bitch. 282 00:10:45,437 --> 00:10:47,272 Oh, that must be where he lives. 283 00:10:47,356 --> 00:10:48,690 Okay. 284 00:10:48,774 --> 00:10:52,319 Rick: Huh. He's making himself a sandwich now. 285 00:10:54,988 --> 00:10:56,865 Hey, everybody. So, this is my house. 286 00:10:56,949 --> 00:10:59,201 Just made a sandwich... Peanut butter and jelly 287 00:10:59,284 --> 00:11:01,119 still here, still selling fake doors. 288 00:11:01,203 --> 00:11:02,246 Morty: What? 289 00:11:02,329 --> 00:11:04,289 Oh, my god. It's still the commercial. 290 00:11:04,373 --> 00:11:06,291 We have fake doors like you wouldn't belie ve. 291 00:11:06,375 --> 00:11:08,669 What are you warned about? Come get fake doors. 292 00:11:08,752 --> 00:11:10,963 Call us up and order some fake doors today. 293 00:11:11,046 --> 00:11:12,840 Don't e ven hesitate, don't e ven worry, 294 00:11:12,923 --> 00:11:13,923 and don't even... 295 00:11:13,966 --> 00:11:15,151 All right, I'm bored. Change it. 296 00:11:15,175 --> 00:11:16,927 Wait, wait, Rick. Hold on, hold on. 297 00:11:17,010 --> 00:11:18,136 That's our slogan. 298 00:11:18,220 --> 00:11:20,430 See it on the bottom of the screen below our name. 299 00:11:20,514 --> 00:11:22,558 Here's another slogan right below that one. 300 00:11:22,641 --> 00:11:25,143 What are you warned about? Come get fake doors. 301 00:11:25,227 --> 00:11:27,145 Get in here quick, get out quicker 302 00:11:27,229 --> 00:11:28,939 with an arm of fake doors in your arms. 303 00:11:29,022 --> 00:11:31,441 Okay, okay, you can changeit 304 00:11:31,525 --> 00:11:33,986 [ya wns] I hate mamumanums-days, 305 00:11:34,069 --> 00:11:36,488 and / really could go for some enchiladas. 306 00:11:36,572 --> 00:11:38,907 Morty: Hey, Rick, that's pretty cool. 307 00:11:38,991 --> 00:11:41,827 It's just like Garfield, only instead it's gazorpazorpfield. 308 00:11:41,910 --> 00:11:44,538 Hey, isn't gazorpazorp where those sex robots came from? 309 00:11:44,621 --> 00:11:46,582 Remember that whole thing? 310 00:11:46,665 --> 00:11:48,584 Yeah. Hey, that's a pretty... Pretty... 311 00:11:48,667 --> 00:11:50,127 That's true. That's right. 312 00:11:50,210 --> 00:11:52,796 Yeah. Let's watch some more gazorpazorpfield. 313 00:11:52,880 --> 00:11:54,798 Hey, John. It's me, gazorpazorpfie/d 314 00:11:54,882 --> 00:11:56,633 boy fuck you, John, 315 00:11:56,717 --> 00:11:59,386 you fuckin ' dumb, stupid idiot. 316 00:11:59,469 --> 00:12:02,389 Come on, gazorpazorpfield. Go easy on me, huh? 317 00:12:02,472 --> 00:12:05,183 You dumb, stupid, weak, 318 00:12:05,267 --> 00:12:08,312 pathetic, white, white, 319 00:12:08,395 --> 00:12:10,647 uh... guilt... 320 00:12:10,731 --> 00:12:13,066 White-guilt milquetoast 321 00:12:13,150 --> 00:12:15,110 piece of human garbage. 322 00:12:15,193 --> 00:12:16,473 Geez, gazorpazorpfie/d, thatis... 323 00:12:16,528 --> 00:12:18,071 You know, you're pretty mean to me, 324 00:12:18,155 --> 00:12:19,323 but that takes the cake. 325 00:12:19,406 --> 00:12:20,991 I don't give a fuck. 326 00:12:21,074 --> 00:12:23,285 I'm gazorpazorp-fuckin '-field, bitch. 327 00:12:23,368 --> 00:12:25,621 Now give me my fucking enchiladas. 328 00:12:25,704 --> 00:12:27,915 Hey, Rick, you know, did they use bill Murray for this? 329 00:12:27,998 --> 00:12:29,458 Sounds a lot like bill Murray. 330 00:12:29,541 --> 00:12:30,918 No, morty, it's Lorenzo music. 331 00:12:31,001 --> 00:12:32,586 In this reality, he's still alive. 332 00:12:32,669 --> 00:12:34,421 Oh, okay. Was his name "Lorenzo music"? 333 00:12:34,504 --> 00:12:35,964 Yeah, I'm pretty sure. 334 00:12:36,048 --> 00:12:37,984 He also did the voice of that one guy from "ghostbusters," 335 00:12:38,008 --> 00:12:40,111 which is really strange because it's the same character 336 00:12:40,135 --> 00:12:41,321 bill Murray played in the movie. 337 00:12:41,345 --> 00:12:42,721 But then, when they made the movie, 338 00:12:42,804 --> 00:12:44,848 bill Murray did the voice of gazorpazorp... 339 00:12:44,932 --> 00:12:46,892 - Or Garfield, I mean. - That's pretty cool, Rick. 340 00:12:46,934 --> 00:12:48,769 So all that happened in this reality, too? 341 00:12:48,852 --> 00:12:49,937 I don't know. 342 00:12:50,020 --> 00:12:51,539 Just making conversation with you, morty. 343 00:12:51,563 --> 00:12:52,940 What, you think I'm a... i'm... 344 00:12:53,023 --> 00:12:55,067 I know everything about everything? 345 00:12:55,150 --> 00:12:57,235 Did you really talk me out of the abortion? 346 00:12:57,319 --> 00:13:00,489 Well, we -— we blew a tire on the way to the clinic. 347 00:13:00,572 --> 00:13:03,867 I think, in my head, I was doing it all for the kids. 348 00:13:03,951 --> 00:13:07,371 And now the first kid is going to do something with turquoise. 349 00:13:07,454 --> 00:13:09,498 [Sighs] Which is either code for crystal meth 350 00:13:09,581 --> 00:13:11,375 or a gateway to it. 351 00:13:11,458 --> 00:13:13,502 So we didn't do the kids any favors. 352 00:13:13,585 --> 00:13:16,380 So we should stay together for each other and ourselves, 353 00:13:16,463 --> 00:13:18,256 ol'... 354 00:13:18,340 --> 00:13:20,175 Or... 355 00:13:21,468 --> 00:13:24,596 Man, woman, and now trunkman? 356 00:13:24,680 --> 00:13:26,574 We know science has created men that have a trunk 357 00:13:26,598 --> 00:13:28,141 that allows them to have sex with both 358 00:13:28,225 --> 00:13:30,227 male and female partners. 359 00:13:30,310 --> 00:13:32,580 But we don't like the idea of these people getting married. 360 00:13:32,604 --> 00:13:35,315 Put a line in the sand, everybody. 361 00:13:35,399 --> 00:13:37,109 Vote ”no ” on proposition x w2. 362 00:13:37,192 --> 00:13:39,528 The act that says trunkpeop/e can get married. 363 00:13:39,611 --> 00:13:40,904 Who needs it? 364 00:13:40,988 --> 00:13:42,406 Not on my watch. 365 00:13:42,489 --> 00:13:46,284 Paid for by Michael Denny and the Denny singers. 366 00:13:46,368 --> 00:13:48,412 Hi. I'm a trunkperson, and / want... 367 00:13:48,495 --> 00:13:51,164 Lfee/ love in my heart, too, just like you. 368 00:13:51,248 --> 00:13:53,000 I wanna be able to express that love 369 00:13:53,083 --> 00:13:54,793 with both a man and a woman. 370 00:13:54,876 --> 00:13:56,294 And / won't be able to 371 00:13:56,378 --> 00:13:58,630 if Denny and the Denny singers get their way. 372 00:13:58,714 --> 00:14:01,133 Hey, let the trunkpeople have sex and get married, huh? 373 00:14:01,216 --> 00:14:03,844 Paid for by trunkpeople. 374 00:14:03,927 --> 00:14:06,013 Oh, no ve me strawberry snigg/es. 375 00:14:06,096 --> 00:14:08,140 Ooh, / hope nobody ever gets my hands on me 376 00:14:08,223 --> 00:14:11,435 and tries to steal my strawberry smigg/es. 377 00:14:11,518 --> 00:14:12,954 I'm gonna eat every last one of them, 378 00:14:12,978 --> 00:14:14,896 because... and then the y'// be in my stomach, 379 00:14:14,980 --> 00:14:16,982 and nobody will ever be able to eat them. 380 00:14:17,065 --> 00:14:19,443 Except for me, because the y'// be all inside my stomach. 381 00:14:19,526 --> 00:14:23,822 Um, my name is Mr. Tophat Jones, 382 00:14:23,905 --> 00:14:25,657 and god forbid anyone ever take my sner... 383 00:14:25,741 --> 00:14:27,451 Little-people snibbles. 384 00:14:27,534 --> 00:14:28,952 I'm keeping them all for me. 385 00:14:29,036 --> 00:14:30,996 Mmm. Mmm. 386 00:14:31,079 --> 00:14:33,040 Last bite. Mmm. 387 00:14:33,123 --> 00:14:35,101 Oh, now the y're all resting comfortably in my stomach. 388 00:14:35,125 --> 00:14:36,585 Ooh, am lfee/ing good. 389 00:14:36,668 --> 00:14:38,879 No! Get away from me/ get away from me./ 390 00:14:38,962 --> 00:14:40,881 there's no more strawberry snibb/es... no. I 391 00:14:40,964 --> 00:14:42,549 [ chokes, sputters] 392 00:14:42,632 --> 00:14:44,468 Jesus christi 393 00:14:44,551 --> 00:14:46,136 Jesus christi it hurts! 394 00:14:46,219 --> 00:14:47,637 My entrails are out! 395 00:14:47,721 --> 00:14:49,201 Why would you even want to eat these? 396 00:14:49,264 --> 00:14:51,349 They're soaked with my stomach acid. 397 00:14:51,433 --> 00:14:53,602 Oh, Jesus Christ lord, savior, 398 00:14:53,685 --> 00:14:55,479 and spirit, save me. 399 00:14:55,562 --> 00:14:57,189 Take me to the fight. 400 00:14:57,272 --> 00:14:58,940 Oh, my god lsee demons. 401 00:14:59,024 --> 00:15:00,484 Isee demons are coming! 402 00:15:00,567 --> 00:15:02,194 Geez, Rick. Oh, my god. 403 00:15:02,277 --> 00:15:03,629 That's some pretty hard—core stuff, 404 00:15:03,653 --> 00:15:05,572 you know, for a cereal commercial. 405 00:15:05,655 --> 00:15:08,158 Well, morty —- I mean, you wanna sell boxes of cereal, 406 00:15:08,241 --> 00:15:09,951 you gotta pump the gas a little. 407 00:15:10,035 --> 00:15:11,661 Pedal to the metal, morty. 408 00:15:11,745 --> 00:15:15,082 In a world where muscular mannies are coming, 409 00:15:15,165 --> 00:15:16,750 and the y're coming strong, 410 00:15:16,833 --> 00:15:20,378 there is only three unmuscu/ar Michaels. 411 00:15:20,462 --> 00:15:22,631 Get down. Hurry. Run. 412 00:15:22,714 --> 00:15:24,174 [ Screeching] 413 00:15:24,257 --> 00:15:28,386 And that's when real turbulent juice is coming, 414 00:15:28,470 --> 00:15:31,098 and you got to take care of it. 415 00:15:31,181 --> 00:15:33,517 With turbulent juice, turbulent tables, 416 00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:37,270 no room is safe from the turbulent power 417 00:15:37,354 --> 00:15:39,397 of turbulent juice. 418 00:15:39,481 --> 00:15:41,399 - What in the hell? - Sex sells, morty. 419 00:15:41,483 --> 00:15:43,401 Sex sells what? 420 00:15:43,485 --> 00:15:45,987 Was that a movie or, like, does it clean stuff? 421 00:15:46,071 --> 00:15:47,489 - [Sighs] - Hey, dad. 422 00:15:47,572 --> 00:15:48,990 - God. - What's going on? 423 00:15:49,074 --> 00:15:50,834 Well, your mother and I are gonna be spending 424 00:15:50,867 --> 00:15:52,410 some time apart, morty. 425 00:15:52,494 --> 00:15:54,472 And your sister found out she was an unwanted pregnancy. 426 00:15:54,496 --> 00:15:57,249 - What? - Speaking of [burps] what, 427 00:15:57,332 --> 00:16:00,627 morty, [burps] What should we watch next? 428 00:16:00,710 --> 00:16:02,462 What about this? 429 00:16:02,546 --> 00:16:04,422 Bab y/egs, you're a good detective. 430 00:16:04,506 --> 00:16:06,967 But not good enough, because of your baby legs. 431 00:16:07,050 --> 00:16:08,969 So I'm partnering you up with regularlegs. 432 00:16:09,052 --> 00:16:10,428 Hey, there. 433 00:16:10,512 --> 00:16:12,430 Detective, I'm... This is upsetting to me 434 00:16:12,514 --> 00:16:15,267 because / feel like / don't need no regular-leg partner. 435 00:16:15,350 --> 00:16:17,060 Bab y/egs, don't talk back to me. 436 00:16:17,144 --> 00:16:18,562 Good luck, you two. 437 00:16:18,645 --> 00:16:20,605 There's a criminal to kill. [ Slurps] 438 00:16:20,689 --> 00:16:22,649 Wow, you sure found this guy quick. 439 00:16:22,732 --> 00:16:24,651 Uh, yeah, because I'm a good detective. 440 00:16:24,734 --> 00:16:26,444 Look, bab y/egs. It's the criminal. 441 00:16:26,528 --> 00:16:28,196 Oh, fuck it. I'm the killer. I'm running. 442 00:16:28,280 --> 00:16:29,281 I'm running real quick. 443 00:16:29,364 --> 00:16:31,283 Baby/egs, here we go/ 444 00:16:31,366 --> 00:16:33,160 [ trilling ] 445 00:16:33,243 --> 00:16:35,829 That's the sound / make when I'm trying to run fast. 446 00:16:35,912 --> 00:16:37,622 [ Trilling ] 447 00:16:37,706 --> 00:16:39,457 All right, I'm not gonna get him. 448 00:16:39,541 --> 00:16:41,459 I just learned a real valuable lesson. 449 00:16:41,543 --> 00:16:43,170 I'm coming, baby/egs. 450 00:16:43,253 --> 00:16:45,046 I'm... regularlegs. 451 00:16:45,130 --> 00:16:46,673 [Grunts] We got him. 452 00:16:46,756 --> 00:16:48,341 Hey, that was good team work. 453 00:16:48,425 --> 00:16:50,218 Bab y/egs and regular/egs, 454 00:16:50,302 --> 00:16:52,220 I'm proud of you two for working together. 455 00:16:52,304 --> 00:16:54,222 And, bab y/egs, /know it was hard for you 456 00:16:54,306 --> 00:16:56,683 to come to the conclusion that you need a partner, 457 00:16:56,766 --> 00:16:58,268 but I'm proud of you that you did it. 458 00:16:58,351 --> 00:16:59,351 Hey, thanks, chief 459 00:16:59,394 --> 00:17:01,062 now get the fuck out of here. 460 00:17:01,146 --> 00:17:02,647 Pretty cool, huh, morty? 461 00:17:02,731 --> 00:17:04,232 - Oh. - I thought it was cool. 462 00:17:04,316 --> 00:17:07,694 I don't give a fuck what you think, Jerry. 463 00:17:07,777 --> 00:17:08,778 [Click] 464 00:17:11,156 --> 00:17:14,576 Hey, uh, y-you doing okay? 465 00:17:14,659 --> 00:17:16,244 I kind of know how you feel, summer. 466 00:17:16,328 --> 00:17:18,121 No, you don't. You're the little brother. 467 00:17:18,205 --> 00:17:19,925 You're not the cause of your parents misery. 468 00:17:19,956 --> 00:17:22,626 You're just a symptom of it. 469 00:17:22,709 --> 00:17:24,669 - Can I show you something? - Morty, no offense... 470 00:17:24,711 --> 00:17:26,713 But a drawing of me you made when you were eight 471 00:17:26,796 --> 00:17:28,441 isn't gonna make me feel like less of an accident. 472 00:17:28,465 --> 00:17:31,218 That out there? That's my grave. 473 00:17:31,301 --> 00:17:33,929 - Wait, what? - On one of our adventures... 474 00:17:34,012 --> 00:17:36,723 Rick and I basically destroyed the whole world, 475 00:17:36,806 --> 00:17:39,726 so we bailed on that reality, and we came to this one. 476 00:17:39,809 --> 00:17:42,229 Because in this one, the world wasn't destroyed. 477 00:17:42,312 --> 00:17:44,439 And in this one, we were dead. 478 00:17:44,522 --> 00:17:46,362 So we came here and -— And we buried ourselves, 479 00:17:46,399 --> 00:17:48,235 and we took their place. 480 00:17:48,318 --> 00:17:50,362 And every morning, summer, I eat breakfast 481 00:17:50,445 --> 00:17:54,241 20 yards away from my own rotting corpse. 482 00:17:54,324 --> 00:17:56,076 So you're not my brother? 483 00:17:56,159 --> 00:17:57,786 I'm better than your brother. 484 00:17:57,869 --> 00:17:59,549 I'm a version of your brother you can trust 485 00:17:59,579 --> 00:18:01,498 when he says "don't run." 486 00:18:01,581 --> 00:18:04,125 Nobody exists on purpose. Nobody belongs anywhere. 487 00:18:04,209 --> 00:18:06,544 Everybody's gonna die. 488 00:18:06,628 --> 00:18:10,298 Come watch TV. 489 00:18:10,382 --> 00:18:12,634 Mrs. Sullivan always planned 490 00:18:12,717 --> 00:18:15,136 to leave everything to her cats. 491 00:18:15,220 --> 00:18:18,640 But sometimes, plans need a helping paw. 492 00:18:18,723 --> 00:18:20,642 [ Thunder rumbles] 493 00:18:20,725 --> 00:18:22,269 What are the kitties to do 494 00:18:22,352 --> 00:18:24,562 but buckle together and work as a team? 495 00:18:24,646 --> 00:18:27,524 Mrs. Sullivan, /... please, forgive me for being forward, 496 00:18:27,607 --> 00:18:29,067 but your eyes are so beautiful. 497 00:18:29,150 --> 00:18:30,652 [ Cats meow] 498 00:18:30,735 --> 00:18:32,779 Wait. This is an actual movie? 499 00:18:32,862 --> 00:18:35,282 This fall, sparks will fly... 500 00:18:35,365 --> 00:18:37,117 [ Moaning, cats meowing] 501 00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:39,703 Mrs. [moans] Sullivan. Ohh, 502 00:18:39,786 --> 00:18:41,830 between one guy who can't get a break... 503 00:18:41,913 --> 00:18:44,165 There's something about you, Mrs. Sullivan. 504 00:18:44,249 --> 00:18:47,043 And nine cats who break all the rules. 505 00:18:47,127 --> 00:18:48,253 [ Cats meow] 506 00:18:48,336 --> 00:18:49,963 ”Last will and testi-meow: 507 00:18:50,046 --> 00:18:52,549 Weekend at dead cat ladyis house /. ” 508 00:18:52,632 --> 00:18:55,010 Well, somebody in Hollywood just lost their job. 509 00:18:55,093 --> 00:18:56,845 Written and directed by Jerry Smith. 510 00:18:56,928 --> 00:18:59,306 I wrote and directed that? What am I, nuts? 511 00:18:59,389 --> 00:19:01,266 Oh, hey, morty. You just missed a preview 512 00:19:01,349 --> 00:19:02,892 for your dad's "citizen Kane." 513 00:19:02,976 --> 00:19:04,352 Doesn't matter. 514 00:19:04,436 --> 00:19:06,080 Hey, if your mother and I had to split custody, 515 00:19:06,104 --> 00:19:07,647 who would you guys chose? 516 00:19:07,731 --> 00:19:09,316 Doesn't matter. 517 00:19:09,399 --> 00:19:12,110 Breaking news... academy a ward-winning actor Jerry Smith 518 00:19:12,193 --> 00:19:14,863 is leading police on a slow-speed pursuit 519 00:19:14,946 --> 00:19:16,906 after suffering an apparent breakdown. 520 00:19:16,990 --> 00:19:18,616 Don't even think about it. 521 00:19:18,700 --> 00:19:20,618 Come on. Are you kidding me, Jerry? 522 00:19:20,702 --> 00:19:22,537 It's just a bunch of dumb tabloid crap. 523 00:19:22,620 --> 00:19:26,249 It's my life, and we're watching it. 524 00:19:26,333 --> 00:19:29,878 You did it, Beth. You really nailed it. 525 00:19:29,961 --> 00:19:34,299 [Burps] You're a surgeon -— A human surgeon. 526 00:19:34,382 --> 00:19:37,218 Yay, you win. [Slurps] 527 00:19:37,302 --> 00:19:38,887 Where the hell am I going? 528 00:19:38,970 --> 00:19:41,056 Wh... what are you asking me for, Jerry? 529 00:19:41,139 --> 00:19:43,224 [Burps] I'm sitting here [burps] trying to figure out 530 00:19:43,308 --> 00:19:44,893 why the cops don't just take you out. 531 00:19:44,976 --> 00:19:47,062 I mean [burps] they got a clear shot to your head. 532 00:19:47,145 --> 00:19:49,522 I can't believe our tax dollars pay for this. 533 00:19:51,024 --> 00:19:53,109 [Doorbell rings] 534 00:19:57,739 --> 00:19:59,074 J erry? 535 00:19:59,157 --> 00:20:01,409 Jerry Smith? 536 00:20:01,493 --> 00:20:04,079 Beth Sanchez, I have been in love with you since high school. 537 00:20:04,162 --> 00:20:06,039 I hate acting. I hate cocaine. 538 00:20:06,122 --> 00:20:07,624 I hate Kristen Stewart. 539 00:20:07,707 --> 00:20:09,376 I wish you hadn't gotten that abortion, 540 00:20:09,459 --> 00:20:13,880 and I've never stopped thinking about what might have been. 541 00:20:13,963 --> 00:20:18,510 J” give me a name j” 542 00:20:18,593 --> 00:20:24,265 j” hear my faith j” 543 00:20:24,349 --> 00:20:29,354 j” seal my fate j” 544 00:20:31,064 --> 00:20:36,778 j” and when you breathe j” 545 00:20:36,861 --> 00:20:39,280 j” you breathe for two j” 546 00:20:39,364 --> 00:20:41,044 hey, "ball fondlers"? Huh, "ball fondlers"? 547 00:20:41,074 --> 00:20:42,714 Yeah, I could go for some "ball fondlers." 548 00:20:42,784 --> 00:20:44,244 Yeah, "ball fondlers." 549 00:20:44,327 --> 00:20:45,745 [ Metal music plays] 550 00:20:45,829 --> 00:20:47,789 Aah! 551 00:21:20,029 --> 00:21:21,865 Ha ha, hamster in butt world weather is done, 552 00:21:21,948 --> 00:21:23,575 and now its sports time coming up. 553 00:21:23,658 --> 00:21:25,452 - Oh, hello, there. - Good day to you, miss. 554 00:21:25,535 --> 00:21:27,412 Beth: So, the hamsters live 555 00:21:27,495 --> 00:21:28,872 inside the rectums of those people? 556 00:21:28,955 --> 00:21:30,582 Yes, sweetie. That's where the live. 557 00:21:30,665 --> 00:21:32,000 Well, how does that work? 558 00:21:32,083 --> 00:21:34,061 I mean, do the butts look like little apartments inside? 559 00:21:34,085 --> 00:21:35,587 Yeah, and can they leave the butt 560 00:21:35,670 --> 00:21:37,297 and, like, walk around on their own? 561 00:21:37,380 --> 00:21:40,008 I don't know. I'm watching the same thing you guys are. 562 00:21:40,091 --> 00:21:41,885 Grandpa Rick, if they leave the butt 563 00:21:41,968 --> 00:21:43,511 and the person wanders off, 564 00:21:43,595 --> 00:21:45,239 how would they find their butt person again? 565 00:21:45,263 --> 00:21:47,182 I don't know, summer. I can't even hear the TV. 566 00:21:47,265 --> 00:21:48,641 All right, that's it. 567 00:21:48,725 --> 00:21:50,161 We're just gonna go there so you idiots 568 00:21:50,185 --> 00:21:51,895 can ask your stupid questions all day. 569 00:21:51,978 --> 00:21:54,147 Ooh, family vacation! 570 00:21:54,230 --> 00:21:56,191 [Camera shutter clicks] 571 00:22:08,578 --> 00:22:09,954 Did you get any of that? 572 00:22:10,038 --> 00:22:11,998 It's a good-a show!