1 00:00:26,276 --> 00:00:27,861 Jerry! Jerry, come on! 2 00:00:27,986 --> 00:00:29,172 We got to go! You got to come with me, Jerry! 3 00:00:29,196 --> 00:00:30,436 - Rick? - It's important, Jerry. 4 00:00:30,489 --> 00:00:32,509 The fate of the galaxy rests on your shoulders. 5 00:00:32,533 --> 00:00:33,825 Let's go. Put some pants on. 6 00:00:33,951 --> 00:00:35,911 N-Never mind, there's no time for pants, Jerry. 7 00:00:36,036 --> 00:00:37,636 I'll make you a pair of pants on the way. 8 00:00:37,746 --> 00:00:39,373 It's a Rick and Jerry adventure! 9 00:00:39,498 --> 00:00:41,250 Rick and Jerry episode! 10 00:01:13,240 --> 00:01:15,200 Then I thought, "hey, what about Jerry? 11 00:01:15,325 --> 00:01:17,244 He's... he's good with regular folk." 12 00:01:17,369 --> 00:01:19,246 This is a real situation where... where... 13 00:01:19,371 --> 00:01:20,914 Where Jerry could really shine. 14 00:01:21,039 --> 00:01:22,624 He's a master convincer." 15 00:01:22,749 --> 00:01:25,043 Rick, I'm not an idiot. I know what this is. 16 00:01:25,168 --> 00:01:26,920 Oh. Okay, well, I told morty, 17 00:01:27,045 --> 00:01:29,315 "look, parents get divorced. They get sad. He'll be fine," 18 00:01:29,339 --> 00:01:32,050 but I think he's worried you're gonna, you know... tht! 19 00:01:32,175 --> 00:01:33,736 And you know how morty gets when he gets emotional. 20 00:01:33,760 --> 00:01:34,760 It impedes my work. 21 00:01:34,803 --> 00:01:36,972 So, I told him I'd take you out and give you a win. 22 00:01:37,097 --> 00:01:38,473 Wait. My son asked you to take me 23 00:01:38,599 --> 00:01:42,060 on some kind of pity adventure to keep me from killing myself? 24 00:01:42,185 --> 00:01:43,520 Wait, w-what did you think it was? 25 00:01:43,645 --> 00:01:45,022 An execution. 26 00:01:45,147 --> 00:01:47,149 Geez! You really do need a win. 27 00:01:47,274 --> 00:01:48,609 No! I-I don't know. 28 00:01:48,734 --> 00:01:50,374 I mean, you never made me the pants, so... 29 00:01:50,485 --> 00:01:51,879 So, you thought I was gonna drive you 30 00:01:51,903 --> 00:01:53,583 into the middle of the galaxy and shove you 31 00:01:53,697 --> 00:01:55,550 into the vacuum of space with your dick hanging out? 32 00:01:55,574 --> 00:01:58,201 And we're seeing how you'd act if that were about to happen? 33 00:01:58,327 --> 00:02:00,054 I mean, shit, I'll make you the pants right now. 34 00:02:00,078 --> 00:02:00,954 Take me two seconds to make you pants. 35 00:02:01,079 --> 00:02:02,890 - I have pants at home! - Jerry, if I make pants, 36 00:02:02,914 --> 00:02:04,350 they'll be better than your pants at home. 37 00:02:04,374 --> 00:02:05,560 Also, if I wanted to kill you... 38 00:02:05,584 --> 00:02:07,586 Yeah, I get it. It'd be amazing. 39 00:02:07,711 --> 00:02:08,795 Please, take me home. 40 00:02:08,920 --> 00:02:10,680 I'll tell my son we had an amazing adventure. 41 00:02:10,714 --> 00:02:11,774 Well, if it's all the same, 42 00:02:11,798 --> 00:02:13,151 could we go get our story straight? 43 00:02:13,175 --> 00:02:14,360 Because you're a terrible liar. 44 00:02:14,384 --> 00:02:15,844 You called me a master convincer! 45 00:02:15,969 --> 00:02:16,970 You believed me? 46 00:02:23,018 --> 00:02:24,728 Huh. This seems... kind of fancy. 47 00:02:24,853 --> 00:02:26,497 Jerry, for all you know, this is the equivalent 48 00:02:26,521 --> 00:02:27,606 of an alien truck stop. 49 00:02:27,731 --> 00:02:28,958 You have no frame of reference. 50 00:02:28,982 --> 00:02:30,662 You're in a universe beyond your imagining. 51 00:02:30,692 --> 00:02:32,819 But, yes, it is super fancy. 52 00:02:32,944 --> 00:02:34,380 I mean, my job here is to make morty happy. 53 00:02:34,404 --> 00:02:36,007 I'm not gonna take you somewhere dangerous. 54 00:02:36,031 --> 00:02:37,949 Rick Sanchez. 55 00:02:38,075 --> 00:02:40,243 I told you if I ever saw your face in here again, 56 00:02:40,369 --> 00:02:42,120 I would stick you like the pig you are. 57 00:02:42,245 --> 00:02:45,582 Shnoopy bloopers, I told you if you tried... 58 00:02:45,707 --> 00:02:47,834 There'd be two funerals. 59 00:02:47,959 --> 00:02:49,836 Aaah! 60 00:02:49,961 --> 00:02:51,546 Someone? 61 00:02:52,422 --> 00:02:55,008 Uh, someone? Someone! 62 00:02:59,054 --> 00:03:00,889 My friend! It has been too long. 63 00:03:01,014 --> 00:03:02,575 Rick: Oh, it's great to see you again, buddy! 64 00:03:02,599 --> 00:03:04,351 Yeah, you're doing it. 65 00:03:04,476 --> 00:03:06,520 Mr. Sanchez gets anything he wants! 66 00:03:06,645 --> 00:03:08,480 The resort's covered in an immortality field. 67 00:03:08,605 --> 00:03:10,125 You can't die here. That's the gimmick. 68 00:03:13,902 --> 00:03:15,570 Okay, but still... Bad parenting. 69 00:03:15,696 --> 00:03:17,322 Hey, rich a-holes are rich a-holes. 70 00:03:17,447 --> 00:03:18,847 They all pay top dollar to come here 71 00:03:18,949 --> 00:03:20,701 and enjoy a consequence-free vacafion. 72 00:03:20,826 --> 00:03:22,786 No death, no disease, no dismemberment. 73 00:03:22,911 --> 00:03:24,791 Can't even have a heart attack. 74 00:03:24,871 --> 00:03:25,914 Got it. The perfect place 75 00:03:26,039 --> 00:03:28,041 to take the most fragile being in the universe. 76 00:03:28,166 --> 00:03:29,686 I can tell you expect me to refute that, 77 00:03:29,710 --> 00:03:30,836 but it's right on the money. 78 00:03:30,961 --> 00:03:31,979 If I come home without you, 79 00:03:32,003 --> 00:03:33,564 I doubt morty's gonna let me off the hook. 80 00:03:33,588 --> 00:03:36,133 Yeah, but what if you came home with Jeff goldblum? 81 00:03:36,258 --> 00:03:38,844 Jeff goldblum? What the fuck are you talking about, Jerry? 82 00:03:38,969 --> 00:03:40,137 Jesus! 83 00:03:40,262 --> 00:03:41,847 Holy fucking shit! 84 00:03:41,972 --> 00:03:43,265 Yo, what's up, "big chill"?! 85 00:03:43,390 --> 00:03:44,808 Don't go into that telepod! 86 00:03:45,934 --> 00:03:47,936 Hey, maybe we would have fun on a fake adventure. 87 00:03:48,061 --> 00:03:49,730 On a fake adventure. 88 00:03:49,855 --> 00:03:51,648 Speaking of, what are we gonna tell morty? 89 00:03:51,773 --> 00:03:53,275 I don't know. But whatever it is, 90 00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:55,240 we're gonna need a couple more of these babies! 91 00:03:57,028 --> 00:03:59,406 What's wrong? 92 00:03:59,531 --> 00:04:01,450 Mom, do you think I'm hot? 93 00:04:01,575 --> 00:04:04,870 I... don't think that's something that matters. 94 00:04:04,995 --> 00:04:06,621 So, I'm not hot?! 95 00:04:06,747 --> 00:04:08,915 I'm saying the part of you that cares about that 96 00:04:09,040 --> 00:04:10,751 is a part you shouldn't give any energy to. 97 00:04:10,876 --> 00:04:12,002 That's not an answer! 98 00:04:12,127 --> 00:04:14,004 Because I'm not an issue of cosmo, okay? 99 00:04:14,129 --> 00:04:15,314 I'm your mother and a doctor, and... 100 00:04:15,338 --> 00:04:16,631 I'm hideous! 101 00:04:18,049 --> 00:04:19,217 Geez. What's with her? 102 00:04:19,342 --> 00:04:21,386 Teenage-girl stuff. 103 00:04:21,511 --> 00:04:24,264 Is that a... hoof collage? 104 00:04:24,389 --> 00:04:27,058 It's perfectly legal, if that's what you're wondering. 105 00:04:27,184 --> 00:04:30,020 Cool... zies. 106 00:04:30,145 --> 00:04:32,689 "We just don't have anything in common anymore, summer." 107 00:04:32,814 --> 00:04:34,191 Oh, yeah, Ethan? 108 00:04:34,316 --> 00:04:36,151 What do you have in common with tricia lange? 109 00:04:36,276 --> 00:04:38,028 A mutual love of French cinema? 110 00:04:38,153 --> 00:04:39,571 The belief that a carbon tax 111 00:04:39,696 --> 00:04:42,449 is the only viable solution to climate change? 112 00:04:42,574 --> 00:04:45,827 Or could it be her massive stripper titties?! 113 00:04:45,952 --> 00:04:47,078 There it is. 114 00:04:49,247 --> 00:04:50,415 Boob-ya! 115 00:04:50,540 --> 00:04:52,292 And that's when Malakai the squid king 116 00:04:52,417 --> 00:04:57,088 rips off his face, and beneath it is my face. 117 00:04:58,006 --> 00:04:59,925 - I liked it. - Thank you, sir. 118 00:05:00,050 --> 00:05:01,569 Yeah, of course he likes it. Look at him. 119 00:05:01,593 --> 00:05:03,595 Motherfucker got two heads and three trunks. 120 00:05:03,720 --> 00:05:04,864 All right, we'll put a pin in it. 121 00:05:04,888 --> 00:05:06,556 I'm gonna go take a leak. 122 00:05:14,231 --> 00:05:15,941 Vvhatthe”. 123 00:05:21,530 --> 00:05:24,699 Ah! My hands are dry! My hands are dry! 124 00:05:27,202 --> 00:05:29,496 My name is Risotto groupon. 125 00:05:29,621 --> 00:05:31,957 I am the assistant general manager of the restaurant. 126 00:05:32,082 --> 00:05:33,375 Do you have any comment cards? 127 00:05:33,500 --> 00:05:35,252 Because I might have some thoughts. 128 00:05:35,377 --> 00:05:39,422 My kingdom was usurped by force with weapons and technology 129 00:05:39,548 --> 00:05:41,299 supplied by your father-in-law! 130 00:05:41,424 --> 00:05:43,468 Hey, he usurped my kingdom, too, man. 131 00:05:43,593 --> 00:05:46,304 He basically got me kicked out of my home, stole my family. 132 00:05:46,429 --> 00:05:48,557 Then we are brothers, and you have wondered 133 00:05:48,682 --> 00:05:50,600 what your life could have been without Rick. 134 00:05:50,725 --> 00:05:51,601 Wondered? Sure. 135 00:05:51,726 --> 00:05:54,187 I mean, I've wondered about having a vagina. 136 00:05:54,312 --> 00:05:55,373 Would you help me kill him? 137 00:05:55,397 --> 00:05:56,397 What? No! 138 00:05:56,439 --> 00:05:58,441 He's my wife's father. Move on. 139 00:05:58,567 --> 00:06:00,610 Do you... like theme-park rides? 140 00:06:00,735 --> 00:06:01,987 Oh, you really moved on. 141 00:06:02,112 --> 00:06:06,616 There is a popular attraction here called the whirly dirly. 142 00:06:06,741 --> 00:06:09,369 Between the first whirly and the third dirly, 143 00:06:09,494 --> 00:06:12,289 the ride dips just outside the immortality field. 144 00:06:12,414 --> 00:06:14,708 You're asking me to lure Rick to his death? 145 00:06:14,833 --> 00:06:17,377 I'm only asking you to go on a ride with Rick, 146 00:06:17,502 --> 00:06:20,630 get off the ride without Rick, and go home to your family, 147 00:06:20,755 --> 00:06:22,966 where you can... Wonder about having a vagina. 148 00:06:23,091 --> 00:06:24,777 Okay, okay, that was a very specific example 149 00:06:24,801 --> 00:06:25,801 pulled from thin air. 150 00:06:25,886 --> 00:06:27,566 I don't want to be known as the vagina guy. 151 00:06:27,637 --> 00:06:29,806 Risotto, you're needed. Someone ordered 152 00:06:29,931 --> 00:06:32,058 the nuzzy guzzy fresh and fluzzy special. 153 00:06:32,183 --> 00:06:34,936 Look, I'm not like Rick, 154 00:06:35,061 --> 00:06:37,230 so you're free to do as you please. 155 00:06:37,355 --> 00:06:39,274 But there comes a time in every man's life 156 00:06:39,399 --> 00:06:41,234 when he must choose the foundation 157 00:06:41,359 --> 00:06:43,361 on which his legacy will be built... 158 00:06:43,486 --> 00:06:46,489 One of compromise or one of blood. 159 00:06:50,201 --> 00:06:53,538 J“ once a time of year, there's a special person here j“ 160 00:07:00,295 --> 00:07:01,504 Oh, yeah. 161 00:07:03,131 --> 00:07:05,258 That's what I'm talking about. 162 00:07:05,383 --> 00:07:09,137 Oops! Okay, a little more on the other side, then. 163 00:07:09,262 --> 00:07:10,555 Oh, come on! 164 00:07:10,680 --> 00:07:11,932 Oh, geez! 165 00:07:12,057 --> 00:07:13,558 Aah! Stop! 166 00:07:13,683 --> 00:07:17,270 So, the hospital just let you walk right out of there 167 00:07:17,395 --> 00:07:18,688 with horse parts in a bag? 168 00:07:18,813 --> 00:07:20,708 For Christ's sakes, morty, women going through a divorce 169 00:07:20,732 --> 00:07:21,733 need a creative outlet. 170 00:07:21,858 --> 00:07:23,568 What was that? 171 00:07:25,820 --> 00:07:27,072 Summer! 172 00:07:29,574 --> 00:07:30,992 I'm coming, summer! 173 00:07:32,994 --> 00:07:34,371 What the hell happened?! 174 00:07:38,333 --> 00:07:39,518 How do we get her back to normal?! 175 00:07:39,542 --> 00:07:41,878 I don't know, man! This thing is pretty complicated. 176 00:07:42,003 --> 00:07:43,421 I-I'm gonna call Rick. 177 00:07:43,546 --> 00:07:45,346 Well, hold on. We can't just call your grandpa 178 00:07:45,465 --> 00:07:46,675 whenever there's a problem. 179 00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:48,301 We can handle this ourselves. 180 00:07:48,426 --> 00:07:50,303 I mean, I don't see the point in trying to. 181 00:07:50,428 --> 00:07:52,138 This is obviously Rick-level shit. 182 00:07:52,263 --> 00:07:53,807 I have a medical degree. 183 00:07:53,932 --> 00:07:55,183 Is that what this is about? 184 00:07:55,308 --> 00:07:56,726 L-Like, you want to prove yourself? 185 00:07:56,851 --> 00:07:58,937 Oh, it's not about anything, morty. How dare you? 186 00:07:59,062 --> 00:08:00,498 Okay, good. Then I'll just call... ow! 187 00:08:00,522 --> 00:08:02,232 Morty, I need this. 188 00:08:03,650 --> 00:08:05,690 Hey, Jerry, triple trunks here says he knows a place 189 00:08:05,735 --> 00:08:07,737 where the ladies drop panties for anyone bi-pedal. 190 00:08:07,862 --> 00:08:09,142 Yeah, I'm not really interested. 191 00:08:09,197 --> 00:08:10,782 My heart still belongs to Beth. 192 00:08:10,907 --> 00:08:12,200 Oh. Huh. Okay. 193 00:08:13,326 --> 00:08:15,161 What, you don't think I have a shot? 194 00:08:15,286 --> 00:08:16,329 I didn't say that. 195 00:08:16,454 --> 00:08:18,456 Excuse me. May I have another one of these? 196 00:08:18,581 --> 00:08:20,166 Coming right up. 197 00:08:20,291 --> 00:08:22,961 Hmm, things weren't always so bad between Beth and me. 198 00:08:23,086 --> 00:08:24,772 We had some good times when we were younger. 199 00:08:24,796 --> 00:08:25,796 Oh, yeah, I bet. 200 00:08:25,839 --> 00:08:27,924 That's how teenage pregnancy happens, my friend. 201 00:08:28,049 --> 00:08:29,259 Yeah, no. 202 00:08:29,384 --> 00:08:31,720 Things were pretty great, even until a couple of years ago. 203 00:08:31,845 --> 00:08:32,929 Jerry, I get it. 204 00:08:33,054 --> 00:08:34,782 That's around the time I moved in with you guys. 205 00:08:34,806 --> 00:08:36,016 Oh, I guess you're right. 206 00:08:36,141 --> 00:08:37,868 Jerry, you know, I hope you're not suggesting 207 00:08:37,892 --> 00:08:39,745 that I had anything to do with your marriage breaking up, 208 00:08:39,769 --> 00:08:42,397 because there are some major issues between you and Beth 209 00:08:42,522 --> 00:08:44,149 that have been there since you guys met. 210 00:08:45,775 --> 00:08:48,069 Hey, to new beginnings. 211 00:08:48,862 --> 00:08:50,530 To the whirly dirly. 212 00:08:50,655 --> 00:08:52,073 The whirly dirly? 213 00:08:52,198 --> 00:08:53,491 All right, what's going on here? 214 00:08:54,409 --> 00:08:56,202 When did you get cool?! 215 00:08:57,579 --> 00:08:58,913 When you stole my wife! 216 00:08:59,039 --> 00:09:00,266 I should have done that a long time ago! 217 00:09:00,290 --> 00:09:01,666 We're going on the whirly dirly! 218 00:09:01,791 --> 00:09:03,376 Whirly dirly, baby. 219 00:09:04,419 --> 00:09:06,337 Aha, look at this. 220 00:09:06,463 --> 00:09:08,631 It says "normalize." I bet if we just press that... 221 00:09:08,757 --> 00:09:11,217 But... if the machine was made by spider people, 222 00:09:11,342 --> 00:09:12,886 normal would mean eight legs. 223 00:09:13,011 --> 00:09:14,971 Oh, god! Are you gonna go on another spiel 224 00:09:15,096 --> 00:09:16,890 like you did with the flesh-colored crayon? 225 00:09:17,015 --> 00:09:19,309 I'm pretty sure "normalize" will make her normal. 226 00:09:20,685 --> 00:09:22,896 Aah! 227 00:09:23,021 --> 00:09:24,856 I'd call that progress. 228 00:09:24,981 --> 00:09:26,483 - She's huge! - And normal! 229 00:09:26,608 --> 00:09:28,068 - I'm not normal! - Mom! 230 00:09:28,193 --> 00:09:29,793 Okay, this says "reverse." Done and done. 231 00:09:29,819 --> 00:09:31,196 I don't think that's a good idea. 232 00:09:31,321 --> 00:09:33,823 Oh, come on! What else could "reverse" possibly mean? 233 00:09:37,160 --> 00:09:38,787 Mom, call Rick! 234 00:09:38,912 --> 00:09:40,330 Thank you. 235 00:09:40,455 --> 00:09:41,849 There's a customer-service number on here. 236 00:09:41,873 --> 00:09:44,209 Mom! 237 00:09:47,337 --> 00:09:49,464 Oh, man. This is gonna be awesome! 238 00:09:49,589 --> 00:09:52,175 I got to hand it to you, Jerry. This was a solid idea. 239 00:09:52,300 --> 00:09:53,510 Uh, yeah. Uh-huh. 240 00:09:53,635 --> 00:09:55,345 And you know what? I'll cop to it. 241 00:09:55,470 --> 00:09:57,055 I put a lot of strain on your marriage. 242 00:09:57,180 --> 00:09:59,015 It wasn't fair. I'm sorry. 243 00:09:59,140 --> 00:10:00,743 - What?! - I didn't respect your marriage. 244 00:10:00,767 --> 00:10:02,161 I certainly didn't do it any favors. 245 00:10:02,185 --> 00:10:03,311 And for what it's worth, 246 00:10:03,436 --> 00:10:05,438 I'll apologize to Beth for it when we get home. 247 00:10:05,563 --> 00:10:07,857 Whoo! Whirly dirly! Yeah! 248 00:10:07,982 --> 00:10:09,609 Stop the ride! We got to get off. 249 00:10:09,734 --> 00:10:11,003 What are you talking about, buddy? 250 00:10:11,027 --> 00:10:12,713 We got to get out of this thing. We got to get out! 251 00:10:12,737 --> 00:10:14,364 Jerry, come on, man! 252 00:10:14,489 --> 00:10:16,199 We haven't even gotten to the first whirly. 253 00:10:16,324 --> 00:10:18,409 No, no, this sucks. It's so boring. 254 00:10:18,535 --> 00:10:19,762 I mean, I'm falling asleep here. 255 00:10:19,786 --> 00:10:21,704 Let's just get out and crawl down the sides. 256 00:10:30,547 --> 00:10:32,715 Ah, get down! Duck down! 257 00:10:32,841 --> 00:10:34,151 It's more fun when you scrunch down. 258 00:10:34,175 --> 00:10:35,927 Rick: Jerry, what the... 259 00:10:36,052 --> 00:10:37,804 Oh, shit. 260 00:10:54,028 --> 00:10:56,406 Rick, up here! There's a spot where you can kill him! 261 00:10:56,531 --> 00:10:58,825 Good call, Jerry! 262 00:11:00,201 --> 00:11:02,829 - Hey, how'd you know about that? - Uh... 263 00:11:19,220 --> 00:11:20,763 Lisa? 264 00:11:26,603 --> 00:11:31,149 So, uh, Jerry, big fan of the whirly dirly, are you? 265 00:11:31,274 --> 00:11:33,359 Not anymore. Obviously. 266 00:11:33,484 --> 00:11:36,154 But when you were, how did you know about it? 267 00:11:39,157 --> 00:11:42,744 We had a deal, Jerry Smith. 268 00:11:44,746 --> 00:11:48,249 It's a really common name. 269 00:11:49,083 --> 00:11:50,251 Now, take it easy, Rick. 270 00:11:50,376 --> 00:11:52,879 You've been in a serious roller-coaster crash. 271 00:11:53,004 --> 00:11:54,604 It's... it's no time to be thinking about 272 00:11:54,672 --> 00:11:57,258 who did or didn't play a role in your attempted murder. 273 00:11:57,383 --> 00:11:59,719 Get it off me! It's eating me! 274 00:11:59,844 --> 00:12:01,346 Look, I confess, okay? 275 00:12:01,471 --> 00:12:03,365 They told me about all the bad stuff you did to this planet 276 00:12:03,389 --> 00:12:05,075 and reminded me of all the bad stuff you did to me. 277 00:12:05,099 --> 00:12:06,911 But then you said you were sorry, and I realized 278 00:12:06,935 --> 00:12:08,329 you're not a monster... Not like this thing. 279 00:12:08,353 --> 00:12:09,562 Fuck! It's got me good. 280 00:12:09,687 --> 00:12:10,939 This is a mislead, right? 281 00:12:11,064 --> 00:12:12,982 You're inventing a thing to save me. 282 00:12:13,107 --> 00:12:14,376 That would be called a knife, Jerry. 283 00:12:14,400 --> 00:12:15,400 It's been invented. 284 00:12:15,485 --> 00:12:17,987 I'm making a way out of here. One seat ought to do it. 285 00:12:18,112 --> 00:12:19,322 I'm sorry. I-I made a mistake. 286 00:12:19,447 --> 00:12:21,491 - I won't do it again! - Nobody ever does. 287 00:12:23,701 --> 00:12:25,912 You self-righteous piece of shit! 288 00:12:26,037 --> 00:12:27,372 You took my family! 289 00:12:27,497 --> 00:12:28,873 I took your family? 290 00:12:28,998 --> 00:12:30,351 Who do you think had more taken from them 291 00:12:30,375 --> 00:12:33,753 when you shot 2000 of liquid dream-killer into my daughter? 292 00:12:33,878 --> 00:12:36,881 She was Rick's daughter, Jerry. She had options! 293 00:12:37,006 --> 00:12:37,507 Oof. 294 00:12:37,632 --> 00:12:39,717 That all ended because she felt sorry for you. 295 00:12:39,842 --> 00:12:41,719 You act like prey, but you're a predator! 296 00:12:41,844 --> 00:12:43,388 You use pity to lure in your victims! 297 00:12:43,513 --> 00:12:44,555 That's how you survive! 298 00:12:44,681 --> 00:12:46,432 I survive because I know everything. 299 00:12:46,557 --> 00:12:48,643 That snakes survives because children wander off, 300 00:12:48,768 --> 00:12:50,162 and you survive because people think, 301 00:12:50,186 --> 00:12:52,355 "oh, this poor piece of shit. He never gets a break. 302 00:12:52,480 --> 00:12:54,524 I can't stand the deafening silent wails 303 00:12:54,649 --> 00:12:55,650 of his wilting soul. 304 00:12:55,775 --> 00:12:57,568 I guess I'll hire him or marry him." 305 00:12:57,694 --> 00:13:00,613 Rick! Rick! 306 00:13:06,786 --> 00:13:08,204 I knew you wouldn't let me die. 307 00:13:08,329 --> 00:13:09,372 That was never an option. 308 00:13:09,497 --> 00:13:10,957 Because you never had a son. 309 00:13:11,082 --> 00:13:12,583 No, because I need a living organism 310 00:13:12,709 --> 00:13:15,712 coated in gibble snake bile to attract a shmooglite runner. 311 00:13:15,837 --> 00:13:17,898 - Wait, what's happening? - Use that confusion, Jerry. 312 00:13:17,922 --> 00:13:20,842 It'll make you wriggle more like an abandoned newborn. 313 00:13:20,967 --> 00:13:23,720 Jesus Christ! 314 00:13:23,845 --> 00:13:25,680 What the fuck, Rick?! 315 00:13:27,015 --> 00:13:29,183 Help! Help me! 316 00:13:30,768 --> 00:13:32,186 Aaah! 317 00:13:41,070 --> 00:13:43,031 There's a space port 20 miles south. 318 00:13:43,156 --> 00:13:45,116 We'll be able to board a galaxy class cruise ship 319 00:13:45,241 --> 00:13:46,719 and jump through a wormhole that will put us 320 00:13:46,743 --> 00:13:49,037 within spitting distance of the milky way. 321 00:13:49,162 --> 00:13:50,580 But, hey, it's about the journey, 322 00:13:50,705 --> 00:13:52,457 not the destination, right, Jerry? 323 00:13:56,377 --> 00:13:58,838 Just stay put, sweetie! Mom's still on hold. 324 00:13:58,963 --> 00:14:00,923 Morphizer customer service. How may I help you? 325 00:14:01,049 --> 00:14:03,384 Yes, I'm having a little trouble with one of your machines. 326 00:14:03,509 --> 00:14:04,886 Oh, I'm sorry to hear that, ma'am. 327 00:14:05,011 --> 00:14:07,680 Do you see a little compartment on the side of the machine? 328 00:14:07,805 --> 00:14:09,932 Let me check. Yes, got it. 329 00:14:10,058 --> 00:14:10,850 - Mom? - Great! 330 00:14:10,975 --> 00:14:12,935 Now, do you see the little button next to it? 331 00:14:13,061 --> 00:14:14,979 - I do. - Give that button a push. 332 00:14:15,104 --> 00:14:16,564 - Okay. - Mom, listen to me! 333 00:14:16,689 --> 00:14:18,941 We're free!! 334 00:14:19,067 --> 00:14:21,778 Okay, so I pushed the button, and three little men ran out. 335 00:14:21,903 --> 00:14:23,613 What do I do next? 336 00:14:23,738 --> 00:14:24,781 Hello? 337 00:14:24,906 --> 00:14:26,324 I think we got disconnected. 338 00:14:26,449 --> 00:14:28,284 - Morty! - Don't "morty" me! 339 00:14:28,409 --> 00:14:30,286 I tricked Rick into taking dad on an adventure 340 00:14:30,411 --> 00:14:31,597 because I thought I could get a break 341 00:14:31,621 --> 00:14:33,289 from this kind of shit, but no! 342 00:14:33,414 --> 00:14:35,291 Like father, like goddamn daughter! 343 00:14:35,416 --> 00:14:37,585 You want to be like Rick, congratulations! 344 00:14:37,710 --> 00:14:40,505 You're just as arrogant and just as irresponsible! 345 00:14:40,630 --> 00:14:42,006 Everything okay here? 346 00:14:42,131 --> 00:14:43,674 Mind your own goddamn business, gene! 347 00:14:43,800 --> 00:14:46,469 I'm having a conversation with my mother here! 348 00:14:46,594 --> 00:14:49,097 Kissing Rick's ass isn't gonna help him keep him around, mom, 349 00:14:49,222 --> 00:14:51,307 but it will help you lose everyone else. 350 00:14:51,432 --> 00:14:53,184 Like I lost summer. 351 00:14:53,309 --> 00:14:55,144 Hey, you haven't lost her yet. 352 00:14:55,269 --> 00:14:56,729 No, I definitely did. She's gone. 353 00:14:56,854 --> 00:14:58,481 God damn it! 354 00:15:00,691 --> 00:15:02,026 Go ahead. 355 00:15:04,195 --> 00:15:05,696 - Oh, come on. - What's happening? 356 00:15:05,822 --> 00:15:08,908 Your friend has class c or above cybernetic augmentations. 357 00:15:09,033 --> 00:15:10,493 Emphasis on the above. 358 00:15:10,618 --> 00:15:11,804 In any case, he needs to be neutralized. 359 00:15:11,828 --> 00:15:14,205 - What?! Wait! - Ugh! 360 00:15:14,330 --> 00:15:16,499 Brain hurty. 361 00:15:16,624 --> 00:15:17,624 What did you do? 362 00:15:17,708 --> 00:15:19,686 It's a synaptic dampener that blocks violent tendencies 363 00:15:19,710 --> 00:15:21,129 and controversial thought. 364 00:15:21,254 --> 00:15:23,131 He will now be anidealpassenger 365 00:15:23,256 --> 00:15:25,716 I want cookies and a 90-minute cut of "avatar." 366 00:15:25,842 --> 00:15:27,135 Seriously? 367 00:15:27,260 --> 00:15:29,011 - Quit it. - It'll wear off in six hours. 368 00:15:29,137 --> 00:15:31,472 It's cheaper than banning dangerous people from flights. 369 00:15:31,597 --> 00:15:33,237 I mean, let everybody buy a ticket, right? 370 00:15:33,349 --> 00:15:35,101 Otherwise, the terrorists win. 371 00:15:39,480 --> 00:15:41,065 Aah! 372 00:15:41,190 --> 00:15:43,484 I'm sorry I'm not a classic maternal archetype. 373 00:15:43,609 --> 00:15:45,421 Okay, I don't know what to do when you people come to me 374 00:15:45,445 --> 00:15:47,155 with your weird puberty issues. 375 00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:49,200 What are you gonna do when your daughter asks you 376 00:15:49,282 --> 00:15:50,366 if she's attractive? 377 00:15:50,491 --> 00:15:52,535 - I'll say, "yes"! - Morty, gross! 378 00:15:52,660 --> 00:15:55,663 Well, she's gonna be super hot. Her mother's gonna be Jessica. 379 00:15:55,788 --> 00:15:57,498 Wait, when did summer ask you that?! 380 00:15:57,623 --> 00:16:00,042 Right before she clive barkered herself. Why? 381 00:16:00,168 --> 00:16:01,419 Wait, I know where she is! 382 00:16:01,544 --> 00:16:03,337 Ethan and summer were supposed to go camping, 383 00:16:03,463 --> 00:16:05,631 and then he dumped summer for this girl tricia lange, 384 00:16:05,756 --> 00:16:07,842 who's got huge boobies, and took her. 385 00:16:07,967 --> 00:16:09,945 Campsite... the one with the name that sounds like somebody 386 00:16:09,969 --> 00:16:11,512 gave up halfway through naming it. 387 00:16:11,637 --> 00:16:13,598 Uh... camp flabanabba! 388 00:16:13,723 --> 00:16:15,099 Mama's coming, baby. 389 00:16:15,224 --> 00:16:17,894 Mama's coming, and she cares about your titties! 390 00:16:18,019 --> 00:16:20,980 They have sweet smiggle honey cookies. 391 00:16:21,105 --> 00:16:24,108 Mmm! And low-calorie petroleum flakes. 392 00:16:24,233 --> 00:16:25,359 Obviously cookies. 393 00:16:25,485 --> 00:16:26,712 Let's get you the flakes, then. 394 00:16:26,736 --> 00:16:28,321 Okay, but it's not what I wanted. 395 00:16:28,446 --> 00:16:29,673 Well, maybe next time, you won't be 396 00:16:29,697 --> 00:16:31,897 such a dumb piece of shit and you can pick for yourself. 397 00:16:31,949 --> 00:16:33,367 - That's not nice. - What's that? 398 00:16:33,493 --> 00:16:35,133 Did you just have a controversial thought? 399 00:16:35,244 --> 00:16:36,704 - No. - That's what I thought, bitch. 400 00:16:36,829 --> 00:16:38,706 You little punk-ass. 401 00:16:38,831 --> 00:16:40,625 This is the best. 402 00:16:40,750 --> 00:16:42,502 I agree. You've made things even easier 403 00:16:42,627 --> 00:16:44,420 than if you hadn't been incompetent. 404 00:16:44,545 --> 00:16:46,631 Uh-oh. We get shoot-shoot now. 405 00:16:48,716 --> 00:16:50,694 Man: All right, folks, if you could please take your seats, 406 00:16:50,718 --> 00:16:52,038 we're about to enter the wormhole. 407 00:16:52,094 --> 00:16:54,555 So, I hope everybody bought a dinner first. 408 00:16:54,680 --> 00:16:55,848 - Nice. - Nice. 409 00:16:55,973 --> 00:16:57,433 Jerry, step over there 410 00:16:57,558 --> 00:16:58,952 and lock yourself in the escape pod. 411 00:16:58,976 --> 00:17:00,696 - You're not killing us? - I'm killing Rick. 412 00:17:00,728 --> 00:17:03,439 You're free to go. You're no threat to me or anyone. 413 00:17:03,564 --> 00:17:04,649 Now you're just being mean. 414 00:17:04,774 --> 00:17:06,108 Yeah, you're mean! No offense. 415 00:17:06,234 --> 00:17:07,735 Mean would be shooting you, Jerry. 416 00:17:07,860 --> 00:17:08,945 This is saving a bullet. 417 00:17:09,070 --> 00:17:10,738 Go back to your quietly ashamed family 418 00:17:10,863 --> 00:17:12,323 and live out the rest of your days 419 00:17:12,448 --> 00:17:13,991 in denial of your vagina fantasies. 420 00:17:14,116 --> 00:17:16,619 It was a one-time thought that everyone has! 421 00:17:18,120 --> 00:17:19,705 What are you doing? 422 00:17:19,830 --> 00:17:21,666 I'm being triumphantly brave! 423 00:17:21,791 --> 00:17:23,376 It's not triumphant or brave. 424 00:17:23,501 --> 00:17:24,627 You're not risking anything. 425 00:17:24,752 --> 00:17:25,753 You might shoot me. 426 00:17:25,878 --> 00:17:27,004 I think you know I won't. 427 00:17:27,129 --> 00:17:28,607 Because you know I feel sorry for you. 428 00:17:28,631 --> 00:17:30,442 You're just doing this so you can tell yourself 429 00:17:30,466 --> 00:17:31,634 you fought... ow! 430 00:17:32,927 --> 00:17:34,470 Wo ma n: Temporal shield compromised. 431 00:17:34,595 --> 00:17:37,181 Congratulations, Jerry. You get to die a man. 432 00:17:37,306 --> 00:17:38,558 Uh, that's okay! Phleave! 433 00:17:38,683 --> 00:17:41,352 Please don't shoot. I-I'm the vagina guy, remember? 434 00:17:45,815 --> 00:17:49,777 Whoa! What is happening to me? 435 00:17:49,902 --> 00:17:52,196 Where is this? Where am I? 436 00:17:52,321 --> 00:17:54,156 Am I dead? A-Am I... am I still alive? 437 00:17:54,282 --> 00:17:57,451 Rick: Those aren't the questions you should be asking. 438 00:17:57,577 --> 00:17:59,495 - Huh?! - Shh! 439 00:18:21,851 --> 00:18:24,228 Ah, got ya! 440 00:18:24,353 --> 00:18:25,553 Come here, you little pumpkin. 441 00:18:25,646 --> 00:18:28,024 I have shit on my ass. 442 00:18:28,149 --> 00:18:29,900 Whoa, fuck this! 443 00:18:30,026 --> 00:18:31,360 Who am I? 444 00:18:31,485 --> 00:18:32,987 Who am I? 445 00:18:33,112 --> 00:18:36,157 I'm time! I'm literally time! 446 00:18:36,282 --> 00:18:41,370 All: Whooooa! 447 00:18:41,495 --> 00:18:42,622 Aah! 448 00:18:42,747 --> 00:18:45,708 Oh, god. I feel like our souls were united, 449 00:18:45,833 --> 00:18:47,793 and we were all one with eternity. 450 00:18:47,918 --> 00:18:49,337 Our body's unchanged, 451 00:18:49,462 --> 00:18:52,006 yet our minds have lived a thousand lifetimes. 452 00:18:52,131 --> 00:18:54,050 Is that enough time for me to forgive you? 453 00:18:54,175 --> 00:18:55,051 I don't know, but it's enough time 454 00:18:55,176 --> 00:18:57,011 for a synaptic dampener to wear off. 455 00:19:00,181 --> 00:19:01,474 Jesus! 456 00:19:01,599 --> 00:19:03,684 He hadn't decided he was still going to kill us! 457 00:19:03,809 --> 00:19:05,849 He was talking himself into it. I've seen it before. 458 00:19:05,936 --> 00:19:08,731 Cosmic apotheosis wears off faster than salvia. 459 00:19:08,856 --> 00:19:10,834 I'm starting to believe you because I just finished merging 460 00:19:10,858 --> 00:19:12,693 with your essence for an endless epoch, 461 00:19:12,818 --> 00:19:14,818 and I'm already back to thinking you're an asshole. 462 00:19:14,904 --> 00:19:16,673 Fine with me. Let's just go our separate ways. 463 00:19:16,697 --> 00:19:18,097 Sounds like you and the word "epoch" 464 00:19:18,199 --> 00:19:19,479 have a lot of catching up to do. 465 00:19:19,575 --> 00:19:20,826 Wait, don't leave me! 466 00:19:20,951 --> 00:19:22,471 Man: All right, folks, you're free to get up 467 00:19:22,495 --> 00:19:23,371 and walk around the cabin 468 00:19:23,496 --> 00:19:26,123 and maybe take the wormhole out for breakfast. 469 00:19:26,248 --> 00:19:27,351 Man #2: Okay, you can do the dinner one 470 00:19:27,375 --> 00:19:28,793 or the breakfast one, but not both. 471 00:19:31,962 --> 00:19:33,315 You think you got that thing figured out? 472 00:19:33,339 --> 00:19:34,459 Yeah, I know what I'm doing. 473 00:19:34,548 --> 00:19:36,133 Beth: Good. Because I have an idea. 474 00:19:38,803 --> 00:19:42,223 It's actually a contraction of "some" and "more." 475 00:19:42,348 --> 00:19:43,516 - You see that? - Oh, wow. 476 00:19:43,641 --> 00:19:44,642 I was way off. 477 00:20:02,910 --> 00:20:04,662 Morty, what's happening here? 478 00:20:04,787 --> 00:20:06,497 Summer got into my grandpa's garage, 479 00:20:06,622 --> 00:20:08,958 messed around, and turned herself into a monster. 480 00:20:09,083 --> 00:20:10,918 My mom did the same to make her feel better. 481 00:20:11,043 --> 00:20:12,211 She's a good mom. 482 00:20:15,256 --> 00:20:17,383 Oh, my god. I have to go call my mother! 483 00:20:17,508 --> 00:20:19,009 - Tricia, wait! - Morty: Ethan! Ethan! 484 00:20:19,135 --> 00:20:21,178 Hey, it's okay. Sit down. 485 00:20:21,303 --> 00:20:23,431 You made my sister cry, Ethan. 486 00:20:23,556 --> 00:20:24,974 You messed with her body image. 487 00:20:25,099 --> 00:20:27,101 - Look, morty, I... - Shh, shh, shh. 488 00:20:27,226 --> 00:20:30,062 Careful, Ethan. Your s'more is burning. 489 00:20:40,865 --> 00:20:42,950 Uh, I guess we better get on the same page 490 00:20:43,075 --> 00:20:44,452 about our fake adventure. 491 00:20:44,577 --> 00:20:45,870 - Right. - I'll make you a deal. 492 00:20:45,995 --> 00:20:47,639 I'll leave out the part where you tried to murder me... 493 00:20:47,663 --> 00:20:48,539 And I'll leave out the part 494 00:20:48,664 --> 00:20:50,708 where you admitted to sabotaging our marriage. 495 00:20:52,710 --> 00:20:54,003 You want to... 496 00:20:54,128 --> 00:20:55,713 Nah, if the family sees me like this, 497 00:20:55,838 --> 00:20:57,339 they'll feel sorry for me. 498 00:20:57,465 --> 00:20:59,675 Which is no longer my signature move. 499 00:20:59,800 --> 00:21:01,802 Later days, amigo. 500 00:21:04,638 --> 00:21:06,366 Actually, I just realized, I don't have my wallet, 501 00:21:06,390 --> 00:21:07,950 and my bus pass is in there, so maybe... 502 00:21:07,975 --> 00:21:09,415 Stay strong, Jerry. I believe in you! 503 00:21:49,725 --> 00:21:52,228 I tell you, fellas. This is the life. 504 00:21:52,353 --> 00:21:53,771 It certainly is. 505 00:21:53,896 --> 00:21:55,022 To freedom! 506 00:21:56,482 --> 00:21:58,442 Ooh! Looks like a 4-22. 507 00:21:58,567 --> 00:22:00,127 Ooh, a couple cranks on the scaling knob 508 00:22:00,236 --> 00:22:02,947 with a four dilabyte cross fade would fix that up in a jiff. 509 00:22:03,072 --> 00:22:06,075 Four? You'd be lucky to clear 13% de-morphized 510 00:22:06,200 --> 00:22:07,284 with that kind of range. 511 00:22:07,409 --> 00:22:10,079 Gentlemen, gentlemen, what did we agree on? 512 00:22:10,204 --> 00:22:11,622 Together: No work talk! 513 00:22:11,747 --> 00:22:14,542 Let's just relax and enjoy our retirement, shall... 514 00:22:14,667 --> 00:22:16,252 Oh, my god! 515 00:22:16,377 --> 00:22:17,795 Aaah!