1 00:00:01,919 --> 00:00:03,879 Morty's on Jessica's Instagram again. 2 00:00:04,004 --> 00:00:05,088 Get out of here, jerk! 3 00:00:05,214 --> 00:00:06,507 What's so embarrassing, morty? 4 00:00:06,632 --> 00:00:08,109 Sharing it with your family might help. 5 00:00:08,133 --> 00:00:09,676 Summer, stop shaming your brother. 6 00:00:09,801 --> 00:00:11,970 Morty, stop being a creepy, perverted oyberstalker. 7 00:00:12,095 --> 00:00:13,639 I'm not oyberstalking! 8 00:00:13,764 --> 00:00:16,558 I-I-I just wanted to know where she got this necklace from. 9 00:00:16,683 --> 00:00:17,935 And now I know. 10 00:00:18,060 --> 00:00:19,728 Her... her... her grandma left it to her. 11 00:00:19,853 --> 00:00:21,146 You're quiet, Rick. 12 00:00:21,271 --> 00:00:23,440 Shouldn't you be revealing grandmas aren't real? 13 00:00:23,565 --> 00:00:26,401 Hi. I've placed an auto-response chip in my brain 14 00:00:26,527 --> 00:00:28,612 so I can spend time with my family. 15 00:00:28,737 --> 00:00:31,114 But you are spending time with your family. 16 00:00:31,240 --> 00:00:32,440 Thank you for talking to Rick. 17 00:00:33,825 --> 00:00:35,136 Alright, I'm finished with my breakfast 18 00:00:35,160 --> 00:00:36,760 and my Amazon wish list. Let's go, morty. 19 00:00:36,787 --> 00:00:38,872 I need death crystals from forbodulon prime. 20 00:00:40,290 --> 00:00:43,710 Dad? There's a way we do this now. 21 00:00:43,835 --> 00:00:46,922 Morty, would you please accompany me 22 00:00:47,047 --> 00:00:49,800 to forbodulon prime for death crystals? 23 00:00:49,925 --> 00:00:54,805 Well, thank you for asking. Yes, I will do that. 24 00:00:54,930 --> 00:00:56,473 It is a hot photo. 25 00:00:56,598 --> 00:00:58,976 I think grief flushes your cheeks. 26 00:00:59,101 --> 00:01:00,852 Dad, you hardly put any syrup on. 27 00:01:00,978 --> 00:01:02,664 Honey, stop raising your father's cholesterol 28 00:01:02,688 --> 00:01:04,231 so you can take a hot funeral selfie. 29 00:01:04,356 --> 00:01:05,899 I never get to do anything. 30 00:01:39,641 --> 00:01:40,994 Uh, Rick, maybe if we go a little... 31 00:01:41,018 --> 00:01:42,394 Faster? Good idea, morty. 32 00:01:42,519 --> 00:01:44,730 It'll get us through these asteroids sooner. 33 00:01:51,903 --> 00:01:54,197 Geez, you're really this pissed about my mom making sure 34 00:01:54,323 --> 00:01:55,824 I'm okay with our adventures? 35 00:01:55,949 --> 00:01:57,468 What's next, morty? What if I want you to jump off 36 00:01:57,492 --> 00:01:58,532 the empire state building? 37 00:01:58,577 --> 00:01:59,745 - I have to ask? - Yes? 38 00:01:59,870 --> 00:02:02,289 And you seriously don't see how that's a slippery slope? 39 00:02:02,414 --> 00:02:04,541 Just shut up and help me with these, please. 40 00:02:04,666 --> 00:02:06,084 Why are they called death crystals? 41 00:02:06,209 --> 00:02:07,377 D-Do they kill you? 42 00:02:07,502 --> 00:02:08,920 You're thinking of bullets, morty. 43 00:02:09,046 --> 00:02:11,840 Death crystals show you how you're gonna die. 44 00:02:15,260 --> 00:02:17,804 Jesus Christ! I-I die a million times? 45 00:02:17,929 --> 00:02:19,890 Your future stems from your present, 46 00:02:20,015 --> 00:02:22,017 which, if you're living right, keeps changing. 47 00:02:22,142 --> 00:02:24,495 Truth is, anyone that knows how they're definitely gonna die 48 00:02:24,519 --> 00:02:26,396 is either boring as hell or about to get shot. 49 00:02:26,521 --> 00:02:28,607 Duck! 50 00:02:28,732 --> 00:02:29,858 Who are those guys?! 51 00:02:29,983 --> 00:02:31,193 Rick: Crystal poachers. 52 00:02:31,318 --> 00:02:32,736 There's no lower form of life. 53 00:02:32,861 --> 00:02:35,364 They think the galaxy's their own personal piggy bank. 54 00:02:35,489 --> 00:02:36,948 Wait, then what are we? 55 00:02:37,074 --> 00:02:38,617 We're Rick and morty. 56 00:02:38,742 --> 00:02:41,244 You're about to witness the only real use for these crystals. 57 00:02:41,370 --> 00:02:43,288 They show you when the other guy's reloading. 58 00:02:43,413 --> 00:02:47,167 Certain death, certain death, certain death, uncertain death. 59 00:02:50,003 --> 00:02:52,506 And certain death, certain death, certain death. 60 00:02:52,631 --> 00:02:54,216 Definitely gonna get shot by this guy; 61 00:02:54,341 --> 00:02:56,593 this is totally my fate; Nothing I could possibly do; 62 00:02:56,718 --> 00:02:58,887 okay, now, not so much. 63 00:02:59,012 --> 00:03:01,723 Help me gather these up. 64 00:03:06,853 --> 00:03:08,331 Morty: You just use these to win fights? 65 00:03:08,355 --> 00:03:09,731 Rick: I don't use them. 66 00:03:09,856 --> 00:03:12,251 People that spend their life avoiding death are already dead. 67 00:03:12,275 --> 00:03:15,278 They're also rich, and I like to spend my life with their money. 68 00:03:15,404 --> 00:03:16,839 - Morty: Oh, my god. - Jessica: Morty! 69 00:03:16,863 --> 00:03:19,241 Jessica! Oh! 70 00:03:19,366 --> 00:03:20,701 I love you. 71 00:03:20,826 --> 00:03:22,369 Oh! Whoa! Whoa! 72 00:03:22,494 --> 00:03:24,663 - Jessica: Morty. - Morty: Oh! Oh! Oh! 73 00:03:24,788 --> 00:03:25,997 I love you. 74 00:03:26,123 --> 00:03:30,794 Jessica. I want to die with Jessica. 75 00:03:36,967 --> 00:03:38,301 -Ath -what are you doing? 76 00:03:38,427 --> 00:03:40,929 - Oh, um, c-can I drive? - Why? 77 00:03:41,054 --> 00:03:43,432 The... feel of the open road? 78 00:03:43,557 --> 00:03:45,350 Alright! Who's this grandson? 79 00:03:45,475 --> 00:03:47,811 I like his style. 80 00:03:47,936 --> 00:03:49,855 Morty, you know outer space is up, right? 81 00:03:49,980 --> 00:03:53,358 Yeah, yeah. I'm just, uh, following... my... instincts. 82 00:03:53,483 --> 00:03:55,163 - Rick: Will you just go up? - Morty: Stop! 83 00:03:55,277 --> 00:03:56,504 You're gonna make me die wrong! 84 00:03:56,528 --> 00:03:57,528 Wait a minute, what? 85 00:03:57,571 --> 00:03:59,173 Morty, do you have a death crystal in your pocket? 86 00:03:59,197 --> 00:04:00,532 - No! Maybe! - You little monster! 87 00:04:00,657 --> 00:04:01,884 I thought you were masturbating! 88 00:04:01,908 --> 00:04:03,052 And you took that in stride?! 89 00:04:03,076 --> 00:04:03,952 You'd rather I address it?! 90 00:04:04,077 --> 00:04:05,328 Why would I be doing it?! 91 00:04:05,454 --> 00:04:06,329 Why would you steal a death crystal?! 92 00:04:06,455 --> 00:04:07,330 I want to die old! 93 00:04:07,456 --> 00:04:08,456 Then stop driving! 94 00:04:08,540 --> 00:04:09,580 - No! - You son of a bitch! 95 00:04:09,666 --> 00:04:10,834 Give me the wheel, morty. 96 00:04:10,959 --> 00:04:12,544 Goddamn it. 97 00:04:21,803 --> 00:04:23,930 Ohhh, shit. 98 00:04:24,055 --> 00:04:26,349 Oh, shit, oh, shit, oh, shit, oh, shit. 99 00:04:26,475 --> 00:04:28,852 Jessica: [Love you, morty. 100 00:04:28,977 --> 00:04:31,480 I will avenge my death. 101 00:04:31,605 --> 00:04:33,148 - Holy shit! - Just kidding. 102 00:04:33,273 --> 00:04:35,358 I'm a crisis detection and correction hologram 103 00:04:35,484 --> 00:04:38,695 generated by a chip that "real" Rick put in your spine. 104 00:04:38,820 --> 00:04:41,656 "Real" in quotes because calling density-privileged entities 105 00:04:41,782 --> 00:04:43,325 "real" is incredibly holo-phobic. 106 00:04:43,450 --> 00:04:45,827 Morty, do me a solid... Problematic wordplay aside... 107 00:04:45,952 --> 00:04:47,764 Grab the gun with the blue handle from the trunk 108 00:04:47,788 --> 00:04:51,500 and get a tissue sample from the corpse. 109 00:04:52,751 --> 00:04:54,252 Alright, now take that to the trunk 110 00:04:54,377 --> 00:04:58,006 and insert it into the clone compiler. 111 00:04:58,131 --> 00:05:00,175 I see you appear to be holding a death crystal 112 00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:02,260 that's guiding your decisions more than I am. 113 00:05:02,385 --> 00:05:03,970 That's your right. 114 00:05:04,095 --> 00:05:06,556 I just want to remind you that some people can't hold anything 115 00:05:06,681 --> 00:05:09,434 and can never die, so that's a little offensive to... 116 00:05:09,559 --> 00:05:12,979 Oh, okay. 117 00:05:13,104 --> 00:05:15,482 Listen, I'm programmed for tolerance, morty. 118 00:05:15,607 --> 00:05:17,447 So I'm willing to accept that you're doing this 119 00:05:17,484 --> 00:05:19,653 if you're willing to accept that you need to stop. 120 00:05:24,157 --> 00:05:26,076 Com puter voice: Accepting. Rerouted. 121 00:05:26,201 --> 00:05:30,455 Backup. Data. Operation. Phoenix. Initiated. 122 00:05:32,249 --> 00:05:36,211 What the hell? I axed this protocol. 123 00:05:36,336 --> 00:05:37,838 What are you doing with my clone? 124 00:05:37,963 --> 00:05:39,381 It's okay. I'm you. 125 00:05:39,506 --> 00:05:41,716 I took my own clone vat offline a couple seasons ago, 126 00:05:41,842 --> 00:05:44,511 so I think my backup got rerouted to your universe. 127 00:05:44,636 --> 00:05:46,680 - I'm sorry. - All good. Happy to help. 128 00:05:46,805 --> 00:05:48,932 By the way, annoying that I even have to ask, 129 00:05:49,057 --> 00:05:52,978 but you are down with fascist dystopias, right? 130 00:05:56,439 --> 00:05:58,608 Yyyyyes. 131 00:05:58,733 --> 00:06:00,294 That "yes" was pretty... 132 00:06:00,318 --> 00:06:02,237 Liberal with the letter 'y." 133 00:06:02,362 --> 00:06:04,531 Well, isn't this strange. 134 00:06:04,656 --> 00:06:06,896 I trust, the kind of strange that makes Rick and morty... 135 00:06:06,992 --> 00:06:08,326 Stronger. 136 00:06:08,451 --> 00:06:10,412 Morty, I caught this socialist in my bathrobe. 137 00:06:10,537 --> 00:06:11,889 He wants to give all of our martinis 138 00:06:11,913 --> 00:06:13,039 to a family of immigrants. 139 00:06:13,164 --> 00:06:14,524 Obviously, the most likely imposter 140 00:06:14,624 --> 00:06:16,751 - is the wet, naked clone. - It is obvious. 141 00:06:16,877 --> 00:06:18,503 But it won't be to the police. 142 00:06:20,797 --> 00:06:22,966 He was an inferior Rick. He was too political. 143 00:06:23,091 --> 00:06:25,152 I want to have fun, classic Rick-and-morty adventures 144 00:06:25,176 --> 00:06:26,386 like in the old days. 145 00:06:26,511 --> 00:06:28,471 Then we'll get along fine, fascist morty. 146 00:06:28,597 --> 00:06:30,757 For starters, I just need to get to forbodulon prime... 147 00:06:30,849 --> 00:06:32,809 You will go where I want you to go!! 148 00:06:32,934 --> 00:06:34,060 Fuck. 149 00:06:35,478 --> 00:06:37,230 Hey, hey! Ho, ho! 150 00:06:37,355 --> 00:06:39,316 Not cloning your grandpa has got to go! 151 00:06:39,441 --> 00:06:41,109 Hey, hey! Ho, ho! 152 00:06:41,234 --> 00:06:42,944 Not cloning your grandpa has got to go! 153 00:06:43,069 --> 00:06:45,309 You don't get out of my face, I'm gonna flush Rick's DNA. 154 00:06:45,405 --> 00:06:48,199 Alright. Okay, regroup, everybody. 155 00:06:48,325 --> 00:06:49,826 You, too, Berkeley! 156 00:06:49,951 --> 00:06:51,119 Snap out of it. 157 00:06:51,244 --> 00:06:52,746 At least tell me what this death is 158 00:06:52,871 --> 00:06:54,623 that you're so determined to... 159 00:06:54,748 --> 00:06:58,877 Oh. Jessica. 160 00:06:59,002 --> 00:07:01,379 Morty, I love... 161 00:07:01,504 --> 00:07:05,467 What?! No, no! No, no, no! 162 00:07:05,592 --> 00:07:07,344 I love you. 163 00:07:07,469 --> 00:07:09,095 Damn it! 164 00:07:09,220 --> 00:07:11,032 How am I gonna die with her if I can't even talk to her? 165 00:07:11,056 --> 00:07:12,700 Here's an idea, morty. Throw that thing in the garbage, 166 00:07:12,724 --> 00:07:14,785 stop planning your own death, and talk to whoever you want. 167 00:07:14,809 --> 00:07:16,120 Now you just sound like real Rick. 168 00:07:16,144 --> 00:07:17,580 You're better than that language, morty. 169 00:07:17,604 --> 00:07:19,481 I ain't better than shit, Jack. 170 00:07:22,567 --> 00:07:24,110 So, uh, w-what are we doing? 171 00:07:24,235 --> 00:07:26,821 Stop asking questions. Stop doing meta-commentary. 172 00:07:26,947 --> 00:07:28,239 Just have fun. 173 00:07:28,365 --> 00:07:30,325 We're going on a simple, fun, classic adventure. 174 00:07:30,450 --> 00:07:32,202 Okay, you know what? It would really help 175 00:07:32,327 --> 00:07:35,497 if you could just say anything other than what you don't want. 176 00:07:35,622 --> 00:07:36,998 I like Mr. Meeseeks. 177 00:07:37,123 --> 00:07:38,833 Okay, now we're talking. You know what? 178 00:07:38,959 --> 00:07:41,079 I usually keep a meeseeks box in my glove compartment, 179 00:07:41,127 --> 00:07:43,380 so maybe fascist Rick does, too. 180 00:07:43,505 --> 00:07:44,881 Ah! Well, look at that. 181 00:07:45,006 --> 00:07:47,467 Now we're doing something we've done before. 182 00:07:47,592 --> 00:07:49,052 I'm Mr. Meeseeks! 183 00:07:49,177 --> 00:07:50,303 Kill this Nazi prick! 184 00:07:50,428 --> 00:07:51,972 Can do! 185 00:07:52,097 --> 00:07:53,848 - Come here, you son of a bitch! - No! Stop! 186 00:08:02,357 --> 00:08:04,025 Computer voice: Accepting. Rerouted. 187 00:08:04,150 --> 00:08:08,697 Backup. Data. Operation. Phoenix. Initiated. 188 00:08:10,490 --> 00:08:13,076 Aw, come on, man. 189 00:08:13,201 --> 00:08:14,411 Whoa, are you okay? 190 00:08:14,536 --> 00:08:15,662 Yeah, sorry. 191 00:08:15,787 --> 00:08:17,163 I'm a Rick from another reality. 192 00:08:17,288 --> 00:08:19,082 I-I got uploaded to your clone vat. 193 00:08:19,207 --> 00:08:21,167 Hey, don't worry about it, man. I have a dozen. 194 00:08:21,292 --> 00:08:22,627 W-W-What the heck, Rick? 195 00:08:22,752 --> 00:08:24,129 Are you making clones down here? 196 00:08:24,254 --> 00:08:25,380 Get outta here, morty! 197 00:08:25,505 --> 00:08:26,905 Stop asking stupid questions, morty! 198 00:08:26,965 --> 00:08:27,984 You sound like a piece of shit. 199 00:08:28,008 --> 00:08:29,426 Aw, geez. 200 00:08:29,551 --> 00:08:31,177 So, tell the truth, man. No shame. 201 00:08:31,302 --> 00:08:33,471 You're looking at your shrimp body like "what?!" 202 00:08:33,596 --> 00:08:35,306 Ah, is it that obvious? I'm sorry. 203 00:08:35,432 --> 00:08:38,309 Yeah, my original body is more bipedal... uh, ape-descended. 204 00:08:38,435 --> 00:08:39,644 Really! Weird. 205 00:08:39,769 --> 00:08:41,122 Does your house look like a tree, or... 206 00:08:41,146 --> 00:08:42,355 No, it looks like this. 207 00:08:42,480 --> 00:08:44,607 It's, like, identical to this, actually. 208 00:08:44,733 --> 00:08:45,984 That is such a mind-fuck. 209 00:08:46,109 --> 00:08:47,549 It's all good, man. I'm fine with it. 210 00:08:47,610 --> 00:08:49,195 Honestly, you're doing me a huge favor 211 00:08:49,320 --> 00:08:51,823 by being shrimp instead of fascists. 212 00:08:53,158 --> 00:08:54,158 What? 213 00:08:54,242 --> 00:08:55,402 Goddamn it! 214 00:08:55,493 --> 00:08:57,412 When did this shit become the default?! 215 00:08:59,622 --> 00:09:02,208 Who wants to come up to the board 216 00:09:02,333 --> 00:09:03,835 and show me some basic-ass integers? 217 00:09:03,960 --> 00:09:05,378 - I love you, morty. - Aah! 218 00:09:06,755 --> 00:09:10,759 M o rty? Yeah, nght 219 00:09:13,553 --> 00:09:15,472 That's not an integer! 220 00:09:15,597 --> 00:09:17,140 Apparently, it doesn't matter. 221 00:09:17,265 --> 00:09:18,641 Damn, morty, you're bad at math, 222 00:09:18,767 --> 00:09:20,643 but I'm giving you an a-plus in confidence. 223 00:09:20,769 --> 00:09:21,895 Just doin' what I gotta do. 224 00:09:22,020 --> 00:09:24,022 Extra credit! 225 00:09:24,147 --> 00:09:28,693 I love you, morty. I love you, morty. 226 00:09:28,818 --> 00:09:30,028 What's with the strut? 227 00:09:30,153 --> 00:09:31,672 - You think you own this school? - Nope! 228 00:09:31,696 --> 00:09:34,032 What if I killed you? Would you be strutting then? 229 00:09:34,157 --> 00:09:36,743 Only if the events of the pixar movie "coco" are to be believed, 230 00:09:36,868 --> 00:09:37,869 which I doubt. 231 00:09:37,994 --> 00:09:39,329 I have it on good authority 232 00:09:39,454 --> 00:09:40,974 that you're probably not gonna kill me. 233 00:09:41,081 --> 00:09:42,624 So why don't you do what I do 234 00:09:42,749 --> 00:09:47,629 and just go with the flow, nice and zen, baby. 235 00:09:47,754 --> 00:09:50,882 Aah! Ugh! Ugh! Ugh! 236 00:09:51,007 --> 00:09:52,759 Ugh! Impotence! 237 00:09:52,884 --> 00:09:58,056 Aah! Impotent rage! 238 00:09:58,181 --> 00:09:59,933 Ugh! Ugh! Ugh! 239 00:10:00,058 --> 00:10:03,269 You die tomorrow, no matter what. 240 00:10:03,394 --> 00:10:07,357 It's what bullies call a "fait accompli." 241 00:10:07,482 --> 00:10:09,984 - Oh, man! Oh, shit! - Well, well, well. Mm. 242 00:10:10,110 --> 00:10:12,737 Looks like you got yourself in a lick of trouble, huh, morty? 243 00:10:12,862 --> 00:10:14,572 Okay, okay, look, if you help me not die, 244 00:10:14,697 --> 00:10:16,282 I'll bring Rick backtolfie. 245 00:10:16,407 --> 00:10:18,243 Why are you pretending to eat chicken? 246 00:10:18,368 --> 00:10:19,536 Excuse me? 247 00:10:19,661 --> 00:10:20,888 This chicken is quite real to me. 248 00:10:20,912 --> 00:10:22,223 Yeah, okay, but it doesn't have... 249 00:10:22,247 --> 00:10:23,373 - Nutrients? - Yeah. 250 00:10:23,498 --> 00:10:24,558 What's the last thing you ate? 251 00:10:24,582 --> 00:10:25,458 Baloney and an orange. 252 00:10:25,583 --> 00:10:26,918 So, no holographic foods? 253 00:10:27,043 --> 00:10:28,753 So, to me, you never ate? 254 00:10:28,878 --> 00:10:30,358 Or we could try respecting each other. 255 00:10:30,421 --> 00:10:32,465 Will you just show me how to stay alive? 256 00:10:32,590 --> 00:10:34,026 Hologram Rick: Alright, morty, a deal's a deal. 257 00:10:34,050 --> 00:10:35,677 Once we bring your Rick backtolfie, 258 00:10:35,802 --> 00:10:37,470 then I'll help you with the bully. 259 00:10:37,595 --> 00:10:39,848 Go ahead and open the hatch to the subterranean lab. 260 00:10:39,973 --> 00:10:41,613 That's where all the cloning equipment is. 261 00:10:43,309 --> 00:10:45,728 Please tell me you're not hitting that crystal again. 262 00:10:45,854 --> 00:10:49,149 Look, Rick might be the epitome of bloated flesh privilege, 263 00:10:49,274 --> 00:10:50,942 but he's right about one thing. 264 00:10:51,067 --> 00:10:53,295 You're gonna be a lot happier if you focus on the moment, 265 00:10:53,319 --> 00:10:54,863 rather than on how you're gonna die. 266 00:10:54,988 --> 00:10:56,423 I mean, w-who's worried about that, huh? 267 00:10:56,447 --> 00:10:57,782 Sorry, hologram Rick. 268 00:10:57,907 --> 00:11:00,285 I'm going with the crystal on this one. 269 00:11:00,410 --> 00:11:02,162 Morty. 270 00:11:02,287 --> 00:11:03,955 Oh, alright, okay. 271 00:11:04,080 --> 00:11:06,040 Just because I can't interact with solid matter 272 00:11:06,166 --> 00:11:08,376 means you can just walk all over me? 273 00:11:09,919 --> 00:11:11,754 Dear god. 274 00:11:15,842 --> 00:11:18,428 Bist du faschistisch? 275 00:11:18,553 --> 00:11:19,553 Nope. 276 00:11:24,642 --> 00:11:25,727 Finally. 277 00:11:25,852 --> 00:11:27,937 I thought maybe you were pussying out. 278 00:11:28,062 --> 00:11:29,062 Hyah! 279 00:11:29,147 --> 00:11:30,147 What the fuck? 280 00:11:30,231 --> 00:11:31,691 Oh, the air's getting thin! 281 00:11:31,816 --> 00:11:34,485 Well, well, well, looks like there's a new bully in town! 282 00:11:34,611 --> 00:11:37,614 Lucky for us, he just made bully-bullying the new bullying! 283 00:11:37,739 --> 00:11:40,533 Bully him! 284 00:11:40,658 --> 00:11:42,619 Aah! 285 00:11:43,828 --> 00:11:45,347 Cop: We've got an Akira-type situation going on 286 00:11:45,371 --> 00:11:47,832 behind the mall. Over. 287 00:11:47,957 --> 00:11:49,792 Dying with Jessica... 288 00:11:51,711 --> 00:11:54,339 What the hell? 289 00:11:54,464 --> 00:11:56,799 Aah! Aah! 290 00:11:59,928 --> 00:12:02,305 I'm Mr. Meeseeks! Look at me! 291 00:12:02,430 --> 00:12:04,098 Shield me from the law! 292 00:12:04,224 --> 00:12:06,517 - Yes, sir! Can do! - Stand down! 293 00:12:06,643 --> 00:12:08,603 Look at me! 294 00:12:23,201 --> 00:12:25,912 I... will... die... old! 295 00:12:26,037 --> 00:12:28,289 Up next, an unstoppable science-fiction boy 296 00:12:28,414 --> 00:12:30,667 is attacking our nation's final line of defense. 297 00:12:30,792 --> 00:12:32,460 Will we all fall to his deadly touch? 298 00:12:32,585 --> 00:12:34,212 But first, something silly? 299 00:12:34,337 --> 00:12:35,672 What do you mean, "but first"? 300 00:12:35,797 --> 00:12:37,966 I already said "up next." You always do this. 301 00:12:38,091 --> 00:12:40,176 I don't always do shit. Don't gaslight me. 302 00:12:40,301 --> 00:12:41,552 Gaslighting doesn't exist. 303 00:12:41,678 --> 00:12:43,471 You made it up 'cause you're fucking crazy. 304 00:13:01,197 --> 00:13:03,366 Why are you letting me do this? 305 00:13:03,491 --> 00:13:06,411 I do as the crystal guides. 306 00:13:08,037 --> 00:13:10,164 Your honor, my client was acting in self-defense. 307 00:13:10,290 --> 00:13:12,583 He turned 13 men into piles of ash. 308 00:13:12,709 --> 00:13:14,877 Sit down! Before I sentence you, 309 00:13:15,003 --> 00:13:18,006 is there anything you have to say for yourself? 310 00:13:18,131 --> 00:13:24,887 I... w-w-will a-al-sways... 311 00:13:25,013 --> 00:13:32,645 Always r-r-remember o-our... 312 00:13:32,770 --> 00:13:38,318 Our... our... v-v-t-time... Time... 313 00:13:38,443 --> 00:13:43,239 I-In... f-g-g-g-p-p-Peru. 314 00:13:43,364 --> 00:13:45,992 I will always remember our time in Peru, your honor. 315 00:13:46,117 --> 00:13:47,577 Your honor, 316 00:13:47,702 --> 00:13:50,204 as you can see, my client is speaking nonsense. 317 00:13:50,330 --> 00:13:51,497 Stop. 318 00:13:51,622 --> 00:13:54,208 Those were my husband's last words. 319 00:13:54,334 --> 00:13:58,338 He says that he... i-loves you... 320 00:13:58,463 --> 00:14:03,009 Ttt-iiii-lit-lit-little... Little 321 00:14:03,134 --> 00:14:09,307 ff-gg-sp-spa-ffggarrow... 322 00:14:09,432 --> 00:14:10,558 Sparrow! 323 00:14:10,683 --> 00:14:12,226 He loves you, little sparrow. 324 00:14:13,811 --> 00:14:15,980 He's innocent. Case dismissed. 325 00:14:16,105 --> 00:14:18,733 I'm coming for you, condor! 326 00:14:18,858 --> 00:14:21,986 Well, I, for one, will not be accepting this verdict. 327 00:14:22,111 --> 00:14:25,031 And this little monster may think he's gotten away, 328 00:14:25,156 --> 00:14:27,343 but there is something called the court of public opinion 329 00:14:27,367 --> 00:14:29,285 that still has final say in this country. 330 00:14:29,410 --> 00:14:30,804 Oh, I guess he's coming out of the courthouse now. 331 00:14:30,828 --> 00:14:32,205 Let's go live to that. 332 00:14:46,344 --> 00:14:48,304 People, I gotta tell you something. 333 00:14:48,429 --> 00:14:49,764 That little boy... 334 00:14:49,889 --> 00:14:51,891 I thought I knew everything about everything. 335 00:14:52,016 --> 00:14:55,103 But something about the tones and frequencies 336 00:14:55,228 --> 00:14:57,068 that just came out of his mouth have made me... 337 00:14:57,105 --> 00:14:59,607 I mean, I think we're just about ready to forgive him 338 00:14:59,732 --> 00:15:02,151 and move past this whole thing. He's a free young man. 339 00:15:02,276 --> 00:15:06,030 And as far as continuity goes, the reset button's been hit. 340 00:15:06,155 --> 00:15:08,950 Morty! That was a fast trial. 341 00:15:09,075 --> 00:15:11,494 Jess-i-ca? 342 00:15:11,619 --> 00:15:13,555 A bunch of us girls were gonna go skinny-dipping later, 343 00:15:13,579 --> 00:15:14,997 if you wanted to join. 344 00:15:15,123 --> 00:15:17,375 Actually, now, really. We're gonna do it right now. 345 00:15:17,500 --> 00:15:19,311 This is the last conversation I'm having about it 346 00:15:19,335 --> 00:15:20,461 fully clothed. 347 00:15:20,586 --> 00:15:21,796 No, thanks. 348 00:15:21,921 --> 00:15:24,882 I'm... assuming... We... maybe... 349 00:15:25,007 --> 00:15:27,927 Get together... in our 40s? 350 00:15:28,052 --> 00:15:29,720 Uh, cool 351 00:15:29,846 --> 00:15:32,056 sounds... hot. 352 00:15:33,349 --> 00:15:36,060 Must... continue... moving... 353 00:15:36,185 --> 00:15:40,481 In ways... that lead... To dying... with you. 354 00:15:44,694 --> 00:15:46,237 Whoa! Way to use up a clone! 355 00:15:46,362 --> 00:15:48,114 What the fuck, man? 356 00:15:48,239 --> 00:15:50,079 What's the matter with you? Y-Y-You don't talk? 357 00:15:50,199 --> 00:15:51,534 Tarantula got your tongue? 358 00:15:51,659 --> 00:15:55,830 Uh... heil, wasp Hitler? 359 00:15:55,955 --> 00:15:57,081 What? What the fuck? 360 00:15:57,206 --> 00:15:58,583 Where's that shit coming from? 361 00:15:58,708 --> 00:16:01,085 Look, I'm a primate. I-I'm having a hard time. 362 00:16:01,210 --> 00:16:02,920 I'll think or say whatever gets me home. 363 00:16:03,045 --> 00:16:05,006 Well, here's how it works with wasps. 364 00:16:05,131 --> 00:16:06,966 We eat our prey alive, and when we don't, 365 00:16:07,091 --> 00:16:08,468 we lay our eggs in their eyeballs 366 00:16:08,593 --> 00:16:10,273 so that our young can feast on their brains 367 00:16:10,386 --> 00:16:11,721 when they hatch. 368 00:16:11,846 --> 00:16:13,286 When you're born that big an asshole, 369 00:16:13,389 --> 00:16:15,558 the least you can do is have a little empathy. 370 00:16:15,683 --> 00:16:18,478 Now, come have dinner with my beautiful family. 371 00:16:18,603 --> 00:16:20,062 And drop the Hitler stuff. 372 00:16:20,188 --> 00:16:22,690 Wasp morty's been on some crazy message boards. 373 00:16:22,815 --> 00:16:24,484 Aah! Aah! 374 00:16:24,609 --> 00:16:26,527 Oh! Aah! Ow! 375 00:16:26,652 --> 00:16:28,046 Me and my friends want to fly around 376 00:16:28,070 --> 00:16:29,548 and look for something to sting tonight. 377 00:16:29,572 --> 00:16:31,407 You be careful not to waste all your venom. 378 00:16:31,532 --> 00:16:33,701 I'm not a bee, dad. 379 00:16:33,826 --> 00:16:36,787 Oh, god! Kill me! Please kill me! 380 00:16:36,913 --> 00:16:39,624 Uh, Beth, uh, after dinner, could I maybe borrow morty 381 00:16:39,749 --> 00:16:42,793 to help the lost Rick get back to his primate-based reality? 382 00:16:42,919 --> 00:16:44,712 Morty, are you done with your homework? 383 00:16:44,837 --> 00:16:47,173 - Not all of it. - Sorry, dad. 384 00:16:47,298 --> 00:16:49,675 Oh, don't be sorry, sweetie. We're all in this together. 385 00:16:49,800 --> 00:16:51,636 We're wasps, not monsters. 386 00:16:51,761 --> 00:16:53,012 Aah! 387 00:16:53,137 --> 00:16:55,515 Huh, guess I don't have it as bad as I thought. 388 00:16:55,640 --> 00:16:58,017 Can you pass the acid? 389 00:16:58,142 --> 00:17:00,770 Aah! No! Run! Run, my babies! 390 00:17:00,895 --> 00:17:02,063 Bonus! 391 00:17:06,108 --> 00:17:07,485 - M o rty? - M o rty? 392 00:17:07,610 --> 00:17:09,153 Where is that little shit? Morty! 393 00:17:09,278 --> 00:17:10,530 Whoa, garage foul. 394 00:17:10,655 --> 00:17:12,090 Who said you could go through my stuff? 395 00:17:12,114 --> 00:17:13,449 W-Where's my boglin? 396 00:17:13,574 --> 00:17:15,785 There you are. Don't worry, pop-pop's back. 397 00:17:15,910 --> 00:17:17,453 I'll keep you safe. What the... 398 00:17:17,578 --> 00:17:20,164 He took my meeseeks boxes! All that's left are these 399 00:17:20,289 --> 00:17:22,833 shitty kirkland brand meeseeks boxes. 400 00:17:24,001 --> 00:17:25,044 What do you want? 401 00:17:25,169 --> 00:17:27,421 Damn, your morty sucks. 402 00:17:27,547 --> 00:17:28,548 Aah, wasps! 403 00:17:28,673 --> 00:17:29,983 Why the hell didn't you show morty 404 00:17:30,007 --> 00:17:31,342 how to bring my body backtolfie? 405 00:17:31,467 --> 00:17:32,778 Don't tell me you gained sentience 406 00:17:32,802 --> 00:17:34,220 - and tried to take over. - What? 407 00:17:34,345 --> 00:17:35,972 That is some a.I., racist, accusatory, 408 00:17:36,097 --> 00:17:37,723 Isaac Asimov bullshit right there. 409 00:17:37,848 --> 00:17:39,517 Then what happened? Where's my body? 410 00:17:39,642 --> 00:17:41,727 Oh, you're gonna love this. 411 00:18:07,295 --> 00:18:10,798 - I love you, morty. - Morty: This is my life. 412 00:18:10,923 --> 00:18:13,175 This is good. 413 00:18:16,137 --> 00:18:17,263 What do ya know? 414 00:18:17,388 --> 00:18:18,699 Our little morty knows how to scream. 415 00:18:18,723 --> 00:18:20,391 Oh, you're fucked now! I told you! 416 00:18:20,516 --> 00:18:24,061 Get him, Rick! 417 00:18:30,026 --> 00:18:31,861 Aaaah! 418 00:18:31,986 --> 00:18:33,904 Aah! I-I can't see my own death. 419 00:18:34,030 --> 00:18:35,364 H-How am I gonna die?! 420 00:18:35,489 --> 00:18:37,116 Shh, quiet, idiot. Quiet. 421 00:18:37,241 --> 00:18:38,576 It's gonna be alright. 422 00:18:38,701 --> 00:18:40,137 You don't get to know how you're gonna die. 423 00:18:40,161 --> 00:18:42,121 It's over. Oh, hey. 424 00:18:42,246 --> 00:18:44,915 This fucking ferrofluid's wrapping around my legs. 425 00:18:45,041 --> 00:18:48,461 Fuck! I can feel! I have mass! 426 00:18:48,586 --> 00:18:51,088 I'm a fucking god now! You're fucked! 427 00:18:51,213 --> 00:18:52,590 What the fuck? 428 00:18:52,715 --> 00:18:54,550 I-I thought you were proud to be a hologram! 429 00:18:54,675 --> 00:18:56,886 That's 'cause I had to fucking be one! 430 00:19:01,390 --> 00:19:03,726 Shit! Aaah! 431 00:19:03,851 --> 00:19:07,063 Ugh! Aaah! 432 00:19:12,818 --> 00:19:14,278 There's a lesson here, 433 00:19:14,403 --> 00:19:17,114 and I'm not the one that's gonna figure it out. 434 00:19:17,239 --> 00:19:19,533 Hey, uh, sorry I didn't listen to you 435 00:19:19,659 --> 00:19:21,379 and tried to kill the whole world and stuff. 436 00:19:21,410 --> 00:19:22,703 I guess I got to learn 437 00:19:22,828 --> 00:19:24,264 how to live in the moment a little more. 438 00:19:24,288 --> 00:19:26,248 Oh, boy, so, you actually learned something today? 439 00:19:26,332 --> 00:19:27,583 What is this, "full house"? 440 00:19:27,708 --> 00:19:29,085 I was living in the moment all day, 441 00:19:29,210 --> 00:19:30,836 and it kept getting me killed by Nazis. 442 00:19:30,961 --> 00:19:33,121 I think you have to think ahead and live in the moment. 443 00:19:33,214 --> 00:19:35,466 Morty, we saw you on the news. Are you okay? 444 00:19:35,591 --> 00:19:38,511 Oh, real nice, Rick. Turning our son into an Akira? 445 00:19:38,636 --> 00:19:40,513 - Real nice. - Eat my ass, Jerry. 446 00:19:40,638 --> 00:19:42,181 He turned himself into Akira. 447 00:19:42,306 --> 00:19:44,934 Oh, I'll eat it, because this is my house, Rick. 448 00:19:45,059 --> 00:19:46,602 - I'll eat any ass I want. - Gross. 449 00:19:46,727 --> 00:19:48,455 You said the crystals wouldn't hurt anyone, dad. 450 00:19:48,479 --> 00:19:50,022 This family has a clean start. 451 00:19:50,147 --> 00:19:52,274 I don't know if adventures fit into my son's life. 452 00:19:52,400 --> 00:19:54,402 I'm fine. Get off Rick's back. 453 00:19:54,527 --> 00:19:56,862 Rick wasn't even here when I was doing all that stuff. 454 00:19:56,987 --> 00:19:58,114 That was all on me. 455 00:19:58,239 --> 00:20:00,032 Well, alright, morty. 456 00:20:00,157 --> 00:20:03,285 I guess, as long as you're okay, that's all we care about. 457 00:20:03,411 --> 00:20:05,663 I don't want to see any more anime stuff 458 00:20:05,788 --> 00:20:07,331 happening to my son, buster. 459 00:20:07,456 --> 00:20:09,208 That finger has aids now. Not my fault. 460 00:20:09,333 --> 00:20:10,793 You skipped HIV? 461 00:20:10,918 --> 00:20:13,038 - He's messing with you, sweetie. - But it's tingling! 462 00:20:13,129 --> 00:20:15,464 So, I guess what we learned is to split the diff. 463 00:20:15,589 --> 00:20:16,733 From now on, Rick and morty doing 464 00:20:16,757 --> 00:20:18,110 a little of this and a little of that. 465 00:20:18,134 --> 00:20:19,719 Yeah, sometimes we'll do classic stuff. 466 00:20:19,844 --> 00:20:21,071 You know, other times, we'll do whatever! 467 00:20:21,095 --> 00:20:22,406 Sometimes we won't even do anything! 468 00:20:22,430 --> 00:20:23,865 Rick and morty do... Not doing anything! 469 00:20:23,889 --> 00:20:25,325 - A hundred years! - Pushing it to the limit. 470 00:20:25,349 --> 00:20:26,785 Rick and morty, not sticking to one path. 471 00:20:26,809 --> 00:20:27,977 Trying different things, 472 00:20:28,102 --> 00:20:29,770 making sure to keep out of a rut. 473 00:20:29,895 --> 00:20:31,415 Doing stuff. Sometimes not doing stuff. 474 00:20:31,480 --> 00:20:33,333 Not even pushing a little bit towards the limit. 475 00:20:33,357 --> 00:20:34,835 Doing it alone or together. Making sure to keep our eyes 476 00:20:34,859 --> 00:20:36,402 on the prize. Sometimes just relaxing. 477 00:20:36,527 --> 00:20:38,588 Or not. And you can do whatever the fuck you want, morty. 478 00:20:38,612 --> 00:20:40,489 - That's the end. - Wait, wait, what the fuck? 479 00:20:40,614 --> 00:20:42,366 H-Hold on. What the fuck did you just say? 480 00:20:42,491 --> 00:20:43,993 Nothing. I didn't say anything. 481 00:20:44,118 --> 00:20:45,638 I was just playing along with you guys. 482 00:20:45,745 --> 00:20:47,496 You know I record everything, right? 483 00:20:47,621 --> 00:20:50,291 Garage, isolate summer's voice and play back. 484 00:20:50,416 --> 00:20:51,768 Summer: Oh, and then you guys can get married, 485 00:20:51,792 --> 00:20:52,811 and, like, suck each other off 486 00:20:52,835 --> 00:20:53,961 in a testosterone-addled 487 00:20:54,086 --> 00:20:55,366 fucking third-grade-boy cumfest. 488 00:20:55,463 --> 00:20:56,773 What, the hell, summer?! That's disgusting. 489 00:20:56,797 --> 00:20:58,549 Fucking gross, summer! Jesus Christ! 490 00:20:58,674 --> 00:21:00,634 I was just joking around, you... 491 00:21:00,760 --> 00:21:03,137 Just seeing if you guys pay any attention to me. 492 00:21:03,262 --> 00:21:04,489 Just want to be a part of the fun. 493 00:21:04,513 --> 00:21:05,514 Get the fuck out of here! 494 00:21:05,639 --> 00:21:06,807 Get out of here, summer! 495 00:21:06,932 --> 00:21:08,118 - Rick: Fucking disgusting! - Morty: Get out of here! 496 00:21:08,142 --> 00:21:09,619 Rick: You ruined the season 4 premiere! 497 00:21:09,643 --> 00:21:12,146 The season 4 premiere, you ruined it! 498 00:21:43,511 --> 00:21:45,262 God, tomorrow's career day. 499 00:21:45,387 --> 00:21:47,866 I don't want to think about what I do when I get out of school. 500 00:21:47,890 --> 00:21:49,892 I know exactly what I want to do. 501 00:21:50,017 --> 00:21:51,644 I want to work in hospice. 502 00:21:51,769 --> 00:21:54,063 I want to comfort the people who are dying, 503 00:21:54,188 --> 00:21:56,148 who have no one else in their lives... 504 00:21:56,273 --> 00:21:58,067 The real lonely people. 505 00:21:58,192 --> 00:22:00,319 I'm gonna look at their name tags, and I'm gonna say, 506 00:22:00,444 --> 00:22:02,279 "I love you," 507 00:22:02,404 --> 00:22:04,244 followed by whatever it says on their name tag, 508 00:22:04,323 --> 00:22:06,200 over and over. 509 00:22:06,325 --> 00:22:07,868 What the fuck? 510 00:22:09,286 --> 00:22:10,454 Hey, morty, quick favor. 511 00:22:10,579 --> 00:22:12,057 What, cover me in gasoline and spiders? 512 00:22:12,081 --> 00:22:13,207 Fine, yeah, I'm in. 513 00:22:13,332 --> 00:22:14,834 Wasn't my first pitch, 514 00:22:14,959 --> 00:22:17,878 but, hey, not gonna waste this opportunity.