1 00:00:03,545 --> 00:00:04,963 [Syrup bottle squelches] 2 00:00:05,088 --> 00:00:06,088 We're out of syrup. 3 00:00:06,173 --> 00:00:07,299 Huh. You know what? 4 00:00:07,424 --> 00:00:09,718 Maybe I'll use my intern. 5 00:00:09,843 --> 00:00:12,137 - Glootie? - Good'? 6 00:00:12,262 --> 00:00:13,931 - Thanks, glootie. - Anything else? 7 00:00:14,056 --> 00:00:15,349 Do you want to develop an app? 8 00:00:15,474 --> 00:00:17,160 - No thanks, glootie. - Hey, what's up, glootie? 9 00:00:17,184 --> 00:00:18,784 Hi, morty. Do you want to develop an app? 10 00:00:18,810 --> 00:00:20,250 - No thanks. - Rick, why does it say, 11 00:00:20,354 --> 00:00:22,354 "do not develop my app," on your intern's forehead? 12 00:00:22,397 --> 00:00:23,565 Why, you want to develop one? 13 00:00:23,690 --> 00:00:24,959 Ah, I'm glad you asked that, Jerry. 14 00:00:24,983 --> 00:00:26,527 It's so you don't develop his app. 15 00:00:26,652 --> 00:00:28,529 Glootie, go make some photocopies of something. 16 00:00:28,654 --> 00:00:29,780 Cool. 17 00:00:29,905 --> 00:00:31,216 Well, if anyone wants to develop an app with me, 18 00:00:31,240 --> 00:00:32,282 I'm down. 19 00:00:32,407 --> 00:00:34,868 He seems to really want to develop an app. 20 00:00:34,993 --> 00:00:37,013 He really does, sweetie, but nobody's gonna do that. 21 00:00:37,037 --> 00:00:38,455 Now, if you'll excuse me, 22 00:00:38,580 --> 00:00:40,624 I've got a quick solo adventure to go on, 23 00:00:40,749 --> 00:00:43,293 and this one will not be directed by Ron Howard. 24 00:00:43,418 --> 00:00:44,294 He's gonna go poop. 25 00:00:44,419 --> 00:00:46,059 When grandpa Rick pats his belly like that 26 00:00:46,129 --> 00:00:47,690 and leaves without morty, it means he's going to go poop. 27 00:00:47,714 --> 00:00:49,634 He's a shy pooper. He has a secret pooping place. 28 00:00:49,758 --> 00:00:51,598 - Rick: Man, fuck you, summer. - [ Door closes] 29 00:00:51,677 --> 00:00:54,054 Beth: Honey, why can't you get this excited about your sats? 30 00:00:54,179 --> 00:00:56,974 Well, I'm man enough to simply say, "I'm going to poop," 31 00:00:57,099 --> 00:00:59,643 and I'd be honored to have Ron Howard involved. 32 00:00:59,768 --> 00:01:00,852 Beth: Good job, hon. 33 00:01:00,978 --> 00:01:02,205 - Way to go, dad. - We're rooting for ya. 34 00:01:02,229 --> 00:01:04,648 [Toilet flushes] 35 00:01:06,525 --> 00:01:07,985 He's really putting you to work, huh? 36 00:01:08,110 --> 00:01:09,350 Did you want to develop an app? 37 00:01:09,444 --> 00:01:11,613 - I'll pass, glootie. - Hmm, your loss. 38 00:01:11,738 --> 00:01:13,323 Oh, yeah? Why's that? 39 00:01:13,448 --> 00:01:14,884 Eh, it's an app you'd want to develop. 40 00:01:14,908 --> 00:01:17,286 - Can I ask what it is? - Of course you can. 41 00:01:17,411 --> 00:01:19,830 That's always the first step in app development. 42 00:01:19,955 --> 00:01:23,458 Ah. [Chuckles] 43 00:01:23,584 --> 00:01:24,918 50/50! Final offer! 44 00:01:25,043 --> 00:01:28,046 [Suspenseful music plays] 45 00:01:52,654 --> 00:01:55,657 [Music stops] 46 00:02:09,296 --> 00:02:12,299 [Soft music plays] 47 00:02:25,312 --> 00:02:27,814 [Loon calls in distance] 48 00:02:33,945 --> 00:02:36,907 [Dramatic music plays] 49 00:02:38,075 --> 00:02:41,745 [Device beeping] 50 00:02:41,870 --> 00:02:44,373 [Device buzzing] 51 00:02:48,251 --> 00:02:51,588 [ Device whirs, beeps] 52 00:02:53,507 --> 00:02:57,302 [Grunting] 53 00:03:01,223 --> 00:03:04,685 [Mechanisms whirring] 54 00:03:14,861 --> 00:03:17,364 [ Keyboard beeps ] 55 00:03:21,243 --> 00:03:25,038 Reverse digestion extrapolation. 56 00:03:25,163 --> 00:03:26,790 Time to meet your maker. 57 00:03:26,915 --> 00:03:28,417 [Cork pops] 58 00:03:28,542 --> 00:03:29,793 What are you guys doing? 59 00:03:29,918 --> 00:03:31,253 Did you develop an app? 60 00:03:31,378 --> 00:03:33,255 Rule number one in app development, son... 61 00:03:33,380 --> 00:03:34,923 Never follow the rules. 62 00:03:35,048 --> 00:03:38,051 Except when the rule is tattooed on an alien's forehead, dad. 63 00:03:38,176 --> 00:03:39,612 Why do you think Rick would have that rule? 64 00:03:39,636 --> 00:03:41,054 'Cause he's a disrupt-o-phobe. 65 00:03:41,179 --> 00:03:42,514 No, dad, no. 66 00:03:42,639 --> 00:03:44,117 To keep something horrible from happening, 67 00:03:44,141 --> 00:03:46,059 something he's too lazy to explain. 68 00:03:46,184 --> 00:03:47,728 Guys, we're getting our first users. 69 00:03:48,895 --> 00:03:50,981 [Cellphone beeping] 70 00:03:51,106 --> 00:03:53,150 Whoa, this new app just matched me 71 00:03:53,275 --> 00:03:55,861 with a guy that is su my Ty. 72 00:03:55,986 --> 00:03:57,946 Super my type. Learn to abbre. 73 00:03:59,322 --> 00:04:01,950 Your su Ty works at Jersey Mike's 74 00:04:02,075 --> 00:04:04,161 and sees 25 phish shows a year. 75 00:04:04,286 --> 00:04:06,580 - That is so Danny. - Danny: Summer! 76 00:04:06,705 --> 00:04:08,206 - Danny? - Summer Smith? 77 00:04:08,331 --> 00:04:10,792 Danny publits from lovefinderrz with two "r's" and a "z"? 78 00:04:10,917 --> 00:04:13,295 I ran all the way here while staring at your profile. 79 00:04:13,420 --> 00:04:14,981 I tripped on a fire hydrant and fell down, 80 00:04:15,005 --> 00:04:16,923 so I'm covered in gravel that stuck to my sweat. 81 00:04:17,048 --> 00:04:18,467 And even after a shower, 82 00:04:18,592 --> 00:04:20,469 I'll still be into a jam band for old junkies, 83 00:04:20,594 --> 00:04:22,679 but I think this world cares too much about bands 84 00:04:22,804 --> 00:04:24,973 and too little about love. 85 00:04:25,098 --> 00:04:27,434 - And I think I love you. - Me, too. 86 00:04:27,559 --> 00:04:29,770 Hi, I'm my underaged daughter's mother. 87 00:04:29,895 --> 00:04:31,396 Nice to... whoa! 88 00:04:31,521 --> 00:04:33,690 - Come on. Just met. - [ Cellphone beeps] 89 00:04:33,815 --> 00:04:35,233 Uh, this isn't working. 90 00:04:35,358 --> 00:04:36,669 - Wait. What are you... - [ Cellphone beeps] 91 00:04:36,693 --> 00:04:37,962 - Never mind. - [ Cellphone beeps] 92 00:04:37,986 --> 00:04:40,822 I quit, I'm gay, and I love Xander. 93 00:04:40,947 --> 00:04:43,784 Stupid phones are destroying us. 94 00:04:43,909 --> 00:04:45,410 Hey, sweetie. 95 00:04:45,535 --> 00:04:47,680 Beth: Honey, our daughter ran off with a frisbee golfer 96 00:04:47,704 --> 00:04:49,247 because of some app with a really dumb, 97 00:04:49,372 --> 00:04:50,874 really forgettable name. 98 00:04:50,999 --> 00:04:54,628 Like a really dumb, uncreative, super sweaty name. 99 00:04:54,753 --> 00:04:55,980 Anyway, I'll be late. I love you. 100 00:04:56,004 --> 00:04:58,131 Got it. I love you, too. 101 00:04:58,256 --> 00:05:00,634 Okay, glootie, take the app down. 102 00:05:00,759 --> 00:05:03,261 Can't take it down. I'm just an intern. 103 00:05:03,386 --> 00:05:06,264 [Yells, grunting] 104 00:05:06,389 --> 00:05:08,058 Uh, that's not how apps work. 105 00:05:08,183 --> 00:05:09,810 Then make it how it works. 106 00:05:09,935 --> 00:05:12,729 This isn't how making things work works. 107 00:05:12,854 --> 00:05:14,147 Get... get it off the server. 108 00:05:14,272 --> 00:05:15,899 Y-You think we're stupid, but we're not. 109 00:05:16,024 --> 00:05:17,943 We know apps have something to do with servers. 110 00:05:18,068 --> 00:05:19,253 The server's on the mother ship. 111 00:05:19,277 --> 00:05:20,278 Where's the mother ship? 112 00:05:20,403 --> 00:05:21,738 - It's coming. - Take us to it. 113 00:05:21,863 --> 00:05:23,073 -Yes. 114 00:05:23,198 --> 00:05:24,634 Shake him more, morty. That was working. 115 00:05:24,658 --> 00:05:25,951 Take us to the mother ship. 116 00:05:26,076 --> 00:05:28,119 - [ Beeping ] - [ Gasps] 117 00:05:28,245 --> 00:05:30,580 [Chuckles] 118 00:05:30,705 --> 00:05:33,792 [Suspenseful music plays] 119 00:05:33,917 --> 00:05:38,463 [Beeping continues] 120 00:05:38,588 --> 00:05:40,382 Okay, don't hurt me. Don't hurt me. 121 00:05:40,507 --> 00:05:42,425 Jerry: An ominous beeping app. 122 00:05:42,551 --> 00:05:44,654 You can't stay made at a guy with this kind of talent. 123 00:05:44,678 --> 00:05:46,513 Dad, you can, and you have to. 124 00:05:50,100 --> 00:05:52,769 [Display beeps] 125 00:05:52,894 --> 00:05:54,604 - Ribbit, ribbit. - Ribbit, ribbit. 126 00:05:54,729 --> 00:05:56,582 - Hey, ribbit, ribbit, ribbit! - Ribbit, ribbit, ribbit! 127 00:05:56,606 --> 00:05:58,525 Look at this guy. He wants to eat me so bad. 128 00:05:58,650 --> 00:05:59,860 You want to eat me, don't you? 129 00:05:59,985 --> 00:06:01,736 - Ribbit. - Just kidding. Have some drugs. 130 00:06:01,862 --> 00:06:03,822 - Are you vermigurber? - What does this guy want? 131 00:06:03,947 --> 00:06:05,842 - Who is this monkey? - I'm here about a sandwich. 132 00:06:05,866 --> 00:06:07,093 -Oh, well you came to the right place... 133 00:06:07,117 --> 00:06:08,261 - [ Guns cock] - 'Cause you're about to get 134 00:06:08,285 --> 00:06:09,536 a bullet sandwich 135 00:06:09,661 --> 00:06:12,247 on two slices of whole... gun. 136 00:06:12,372 --> 00:06:14,833 - [ Cellphone ringing] - You might want to get that. 137 00:06:14,958 --> 00:06:16,251 [Ringing continues] 138 00:06:16,376 --> 00:06:17,752 Hello? 139 00:06:17,878 --> 00:06:19,754 Voice: Dad, give the human whatever he wants. 140 00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:21,798 He knows where I live. He's crazy! 141 00:06:21,923 --> 00:06:24,259 [Chuckles] You fucking idiot. 142 00:06:24,384 --> 00:06:27,345 I have 800,000 kids. 143 00:06:27,470 --> 00:06:29,306 Don't forget your voicemail. 144 00:06:29,431 --> 00:06:33,810 Automated male voice: You have 470,000 messages. 145 00:06:33,935 --> 00:06:35,353 Oh, ah, that's half of them. 146 00:06:35,478 --> 00:06:37,238 Okay, w-w-what do you want? What do you want? 147 00:06:38,356 --> 00:06:40,400 Wait, this is seriously about sandwiches? 148 00:06:40,525 --> 00:06:42,777 I thought this was about drugs or guns 149 00:06:42,903 --> 00:06:44,922 or the fact that I'm a fly that runs a frog restaurant. 150 00:06:44,946 --> 00:06:47,240 There's a million things that are interesting about me, 151 00:06:47,365 --> 00:06:48,658 and none of them are sandwiches. 152 00:06:48,783 --> 00:06:51,161 - Who ordered it? - Talk to our delivery drone. 153 00:06:51,286 --> 00:06:53,955 He... he run off to fight in the robot wars. 154 00:06:55,332 --> 00:06:57,167 Hey, ape man, I hope this was worth 155 00:06:57,292 --> 00:06:59,085 making a whole swarm of enemies. 156 00:06:59,210 --> 00:07:02,589 It will be when I find whoever shit in my toilet. 157 00:07:02,714 --> 00:07:05,675 Is that code for something? Someone look that up. 158 00:07:05,800 --> 00:07:07,385 If that's drug slang, I need to know it. 159 00:07:07,510 --> 00:07:09,095 [Keys jingle, both chuckle] 160 00:07:09,220 --> 00:07:10,722 - [ Gasps] - Ah! 161 00:07:10,847 --> 00:07:13,642 - Mom, you can't stop true love. - Oh, yes, I can. 162 00:07:13,767 --> 00:07:15,119 - You're assaulting me! - Keep your voice down. 163 00:07:15,143 --> 00:07:16,436 I'm being assaulted! 164 00:07:16,561 --> 00:07:17,812 Oh, yeah? Okay. 165 00:07:17,938 --> 00:07:19,272 - Statutory rape! - Whoa. 166 00:07:19,397 --> 00:07:20,625 My daughter's about to be raped! 167 00:07:20,649 --> 00:07:21,918 No, I'm not! I'm being assaulted! 168 00:07:21,942 --> 00:07:23,109 - Rape! - Assault! 169 00:07:23,234 --> 00:07:25,278 - Rape! - Nobody cares. It's a motel. 170 00:07:25,403 --> 00:07:27,131 Nobody's here because their life's going so great 171 00:07:27,155 --> 00:07:28,865 they can afford to get mixed up in yours. 172 00:07:28,990 --> 00:07:30,909 Deal with this shit on your own. 173 00:07:31,034 --> 00:07:32,754 You can't stop us from getting a motel room. 174 00:07:32,786 --> 00:07:33,870 Fine. I'll get one, too. 175 00:07:33,995 --> 00:07:35,622 I'm getting the one next door, 176 00:07:35,747 --> 00:07:37,224 and I'm putting a glass to the wall, and I'm listening. 177 00:07:37,248 --> 00:07:39,250 - Fine. Enjoy. - I will. 178 00:07:39,376 --> 00:07:42,128 - I'm Danny, by the way. - You had your chance, dick. 179 00:07:45,256 --> 00:07:47,050 Take your app down. 180 00:07:47,175 --> 00:07:48,176 T-Take... take it down. 181 00:07:48,301 --> 00:07:49,678 - What? - I'm their hostage. 182 00:07:49,803 --> 00:07:51,739 - Do they have weapons? - Nope, but neither do it. 183 00:07:51,763 --> 00:07:52,931 Do... do you have a weapon? 184 00:07:54,849 --> 00:07:56,449 - Take the app down. - Take the app down. 185 00:07:56,476 --> 00:07:57,686 I can't. I'm an intern. 186 00:07:57,811 --> 00:07:59,604 Okay, well who tells interns what to do? 187 00:07:59,729 --> 00:08:01,189 Not you, that's for sure. 188 00:08:01,314 --> 00:08:05,193 Take us to whoever does, or w-w-we'll... we'll punch you. 189 00:08:05,318 --> 00:08:06,318 Okay. 190 00:08:06,403 --> 00:08:08,029 Not bad, morty. 191 00:08:08,154 --> 00:08:09,924 Yeah, I don't know when the other shoe's gonna drop, 192 00:08:09,948 --> 00:08:12,117 but this is working pretty good so far. 193 00:08:12,242 --> 00:08:15,412 Greetings. We are the monogatrons. 194 00:08:15,537 --> 00:08:17,789 While your species was still toying with fire, 195 00:08:17,914 --> 00:08:20,417 ours mastered the science of functioning, 196 00:08:20,542 --> 00:08:22,043 committed relationships. 197 00:08:22,168 --> 00:08:24,004 As the latest planet to develop our app, 198 00:08:24,129 --> 00:08:28,633 you will now witness the true power of superior intimacy. 199 00:08:28,758 --> 00:08:30,260 Take the app down. 200 00:08:30,385 --> 00:08:32,846 Take it down, or... we'll... We'll... we'll punch you. 201 00:08:32,971 --> 00:08:35,223 Is there someone with a gun or... 202 00:08:35,348 --> 00:08:36,349 It's on its way. 203 00:08:36,474 --> 00:08:37,559 The app remains up. 204 00:08:37,684 --> 00:08:39,144 So what's the evil plan? 205 00:08:39,269 --> 00:08:41,104 Does there have to be an evil plan? 206 00:08:41,229 --> 00:08:43,481 - Oh, uh, uh... - Uh, someone wanted a gun? 207 00:08:43,606 --> 00:08:44,834 - I'll take it. Thanks. - [ Gun cocks] 208 00:08:44,858 --> 00:08:46,484 Here's the evil plan. 209 00:08:46,609 --> 00:08:47,609 - Fuck! - Goddamn it. 210 00:08:47,652 --> 00:08:49,446 As a preapp civilization, 211 00:08:49,571 --> 00:08:52,407 your love's value is defined by scarcity. 212 00:08:52,532 --> 00:08:53,801 - [ Cellphone beeps] - [ Breathing heavily] 213 00:08:53,825 --> 00:08:55,368 You are highly trained to seek it, 214 00:08:55,493 --> 00:08:59,456 and you have no idea how to maintain it. 215 00:08:59,581 --> 00:09:01,624 Had you bothered to master love, 216 00:09:01,750 --> 00:09:05,170 you would've learned by now, it is as abundant as water. 217 00:09:05,295 --> 00:09:07,505 You know what isn't? Water. 218 00:09:07,630 --> 00:09:09,507 That shit runs out. 219 00:09:09,632 --> 00:09:11,760 So we'll be taking yours. 220 00:09:11,885 --> 00:09:14,679 While your planet continues to dick around with a, uh... 221 00:09:14,804 --> 00:09:16,556 What is their version of it called? 222 00:09:16,681 --> 00:09:18,767 Lovefinderrz, with two "r's" and a "z" 223 00:09:18,892 --> 00:09:20,602 - oof. - Yeah, not my idea. 224 00:09:20,727 --> 00:09:22,687 - Goddamn. - Am I interrupting? 225 00:09:22,812 --> 00:09:26,232 - Impossible. Here she is. - Mwah. 226 00:09:26,357 --> 00:09:27,984 Your prisoners are getting away. 227 00:09:28,109 --> 00:09:29,736 Prisoners are just things. 228 00:09:29,861 --> 00:09:31,988 Connect with me. Tell me about your day. 229 00:09:32,113 --> 00:09:33,490 I had an incredible meeting. 230 00:09:33,615 --> 00:09:35,909 Did you know humans are 80% water? 231 00:09:36,034 --> 00:09:37,410 [Chuckles] 232 00:09:37,535 --> 00:09:39,513 And I found a new podcast we can listen to tonight. 233 00:09:39,537 --> 00:09:40,537 Loveit 234 00:09:40,580 --> 00:09:42,082 okay, back to work. 235 00:09:42,207 --> 00:09:44,667 Find and kill those earthlings. 236 00:09:44,793 --> 00:09:47,796 [Dramatic music plays] 237 00:09:50,173 --> 00:09:52,133 We're outnumbered. There's no hope. 238 00:09:52,258 --> 00:09:55,428 Then we go out in glory. 239 00:09:55,553 --> 00:09:57,222 Flesh intruder, prepare to die. 240 00:09:57,347 --> 00:09:59,140 Oh, hold on. 241 00:09:59,265 --> 00:10:01,351 My apologies, lieutenant commander. 242 00:10:01,476 --> 00:10:03,353 No problem. At ease, solider. 243 00:10:06,314 --> 00:10:08,525 Initiate employee evaluation mode. 244 00:10:08,650 --> 00:10:11,361 - Accessing delivery archive. - Okay, listen. 245 00:10:11,486 --> 00:10:13,321 You delivered an avian protein club sandwich 246 00:10:13,446 --> 00:10:15,490 with no iettu... goddamn it. 247 00:10:35,760 --> 00:10:37,971 Oy, scoping for this bit, then? 248 00:10:38,096 --> 00:10:39,096 [Chuckles] 249 00:10:39,139 --> 00:10:41,266 Alright, a-a-alright. I know you want to have 250 00:10:41,391 --> 00:10:42,976 the big guy/little guy fight, but... 251 00:10:43,101 --> 00:10:45,353 - [ Gulps] - Aw, are you fucking kidding me? 252 00:10:48,356 --> 00:10:49,750 Alien newscaster: Here at the midland quasar, 253 00:10:49,774 --> 00:10:51,317 where, in a complete upset, 254 00:10:51,442 --> 00:10:53,082 the robolution has overturned the lizards. 255 00:10:53,194 --> 00:10:54,237 It's totally unexpected. 256 00:10:54,362 --> 00:10:55,822 Uh, I understand, Mr. Phillips. 257 00:10:55,947 --> 00:10:57,699 Yes. 258 00:10:57,824 --> 00:11:00,493 Ibeheve this is yours. 259 00:11:00,618 --> 00:11:03,163 You, uh... you dropped that. 260 00:11:03,288 --> 00:11:05,290 I'll have to call you back. 261 00:11:05,415 --> 00:11:06,875 Where do you want to die? 262 00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:09,335 Susan, is conference room three available? 263 00:11:09,460 --> 00:11:12,547 Can I look at a photo of my wife while you kill me? 264 00:11:12,672 --> 00:11:14,090 Sure, but I'm doing her a favor. 265 00:11:14,215 --> 00:11:15,675 She either has terrible taste, 266 00:11:15,800 --> 00:11:17,403 or she's trapped in a marriage to a toilet thief. 267 00:11:17,427 --> 00:11:19,220 She's dead. 268 00:11:19,345 --> 00:11:21,055 And I don't mind joining her. 269 00:11:21,181 --> 00:11:24,893 Life has been hollow since I lost her. 270 00:11:25,018 --> 00:11:27,228 Using your toilet was nice, though. 271 00:11:27,353 --> 00:11:30,440 I'm a bit of a shy pooper. 272 00:11:30,565 --> 00:11:32,192 I'm ready when you are. 273 00:11:34,194 --> 00:11:35,820 Stay there. 274 00:11:38,865 --> 00:11:39,908 Tell him what you told me. 275 00:11:40,033 --> 00:11:41,135 What is this? What's happening? 276 00:11:41,159 --> 00:11:42,178 Tell him what you told me. 277 00:11:42,202 --> 00:11:43,620 My wife's still alive. 278 00:11:43,745 --> 00:11:45,665 Sh... sh... she went into remission 10 years ago. 279 00:11:45,705 --> 00:11:46,745 And what did you do today? 280 00:11:46,831 --> 00:11:48,124 Oh, I, uh, pooped 281 00:11:48,249 --> 00:11:49,918 on a really awesome toilet I found... 282 00:11:50,043 --> 00:11:52,587 Oh, ow, ow, ow, ow, oh! 283 00:11:52,712 --> 00:11:54,589 Don't use your dead wife as an excuse. 284 00:11:54,714 --> 00:11:57,217 You shit on my toilet because you don't know your place, 285 00:11:57,342 --> 00:11:59,093 and your place is nothing. 286 00:11:59,219 --> 00:12:00,762 So next time you stumble onto a toilet 287 00:12:00,887 --> 00:12:04,349 that feels too good for your ass, trust me, it is. 288 00:12:04,474 --> 00:12:05,474 You're not gonna kill me? 289 00:12:05,516 --> 00:12:06,851 Don't tell me what to do! 290 00:12:06,976 --> 00:12:10,563 [ Pod beeps ] 291 00:12:10,688 --> 00:12:13,900 [ Pod beeps, makes farting noise] 292 00:12:15,693 --> 00:12:17,195 J“ every time, they play this song j“ 293 00:12:17,320 --> 00:12:18,947 j“ she say, "this is my shit, my shit" j“ 294 00:12:19,072 --> 00:12:20,072 [ belches] 295 00:12:20,156 --> 00:12:21,908 J“ see the flick of my wrist, of my wrist j“ 296 00:12:22,033 --> 00:12:23,344 j“ and I know she know what's up j“ 297 00:12:23,368 --> 00:12:25,286 j“ baby, this is my shit, my shit j“ 298 00:12:25,411 --> 00:12:26,412 [ keyboard beeps ] 299 00:12:26,537 --> 00:12:28,331 J“ see the flick of my wrist, my wrist j“ 300 00:12:28,456 --> 00:12:31,960 - [ sirens blaring] - Are you fucking kidding me? 301 00:12:32,085 --> 00:12:35,004 J“ when you in my section, fill it up when my cup empty j“ 302 00:12:35,129 --> 00:12:36,631 j“ I can't fuck with rats j“ 303 00:12:36,756 --> 00:12:39,259 j“ that's a fact, that's a dub nigga j“ 304 00:12:41,135 --> 00:12:43,471 [rumbling] 305 00:12:43,596 --> 00:12:45,181 - [ Grunts] - [ Gasps] 306 00:12:45,306 --> 00:12:47,141 Oh, so you like being alive? 307 00:12:47,267 --> 00:12:48,977 So why the fuck are you back here? 308 00:12:49,102 --> 00:12:50,895 After you left, I thought about what you said 309 00:12:51,020 --> 00:12:52,480 and how much I needed to hear it, 310 00:12:52,605 --> 00:12:54,485 but then I thought about why you were saying it, 311 00:12:54,524 --> 00:12:56,025 who you were really saying it to. 312 00:12:56,150 --> 00:12:57,735 You need the same thing I needed, Rick. 313 00:12:57,860 --> 00:13:00,405 You need someone to give you, [Grunts] Permission to live. 314 00:13:00,530 --> 00:13:02,156 - [ Water splashes] - What the...? 315 00:13:02,282 --> 00:13:03,908 I thought you were a shy pooper. 316 00:13:04,033 --> 00:13:05,660 You know what shy pooping is, Rick? 317 00:13:05,785 --> 00:13:07,537 It's a pointless bid for control. 318 00:13:07,662 --> 00:13:09,122 You want to take the one part of life 319 00:13:09,247 --> 00:13:11,308 that you truly think is yours, and you want to protect it 320 00:13:11,332 --> 00:13:13,751 from a universe that takes whatever it wants. 321 00:13:13,876 --> 00:13:15,503 It took my wife. 322 00:13:15,628 --> 00:13:17,588 It clearly took something from you. 323 00:13:17,714 --> 00:13:19,257 We can spend our lives fighting that, 324 00:13:19,382 --> 00:13:20,967 or we can choose to be free. 325 00:13:21,092 --> 00:13:23,469 You're right, Tony. I'm done fighting. 326 00:13:23,594 --> 00:13:24,971 Time to be free. 327 00:13:25,096 --> 00:13:26,156 Oh, wait, you're actually gonna... 328 00:13:26,180 --> 00:13:27,307 Oh, god! Oh, god! 329 00:13:27,432 --> 00:13:30,310 - [ Thud! ] - [ Loon calls in distance] 330 00:13:32,186 --> 00:13:34,439 - Where am I? - Tony's wife: Hi, little mouse. 331 00:13:34,564 --> 00:13:36,983 Baby bee? I missed you so much. 332 00:13:37,108 --> 00:13:38,526 I never really left you. 333 00:13:38,651 --> 00:13:40,361 Then you know that a few years ago 334 00:13:40,486 --> 00:13:42,322 - I started getting into... - Strap-on porn? 335 00:13:42,447 --> 00:13:44,240 Yes. I thought it was hot. 336 00:13:44,365 --> 00:13:46,200 - Now, come on. - Where are you going? 337 00:13:46,326 --> 00:13:47,577 - To poop. - Where? 338 00:13:47,702 --> 00:13:49,829 Wherever you want, forever. 339 00:13:49,954 --> 00:13:50,955 My god. 340 00:13:51,080 --> 00:13:54,208 You rang? I'm pooping, too. 341 00:13:54,334 --> 00:13:55,668 Come, Tony. Come on. 342 00:13:55,793 --> 00:13:58,004 Come poop with me. Poop with me, Tony. 343 00:13:58,129 --> 00:13:59,380 Poop with me. 344 00:13:59,505 --> 00:14:00,757 God: What are you waiting for? 345 00:14:00,882 --> 00:14:02,759 Aren't you gonna join us, Tony? 346 00:14:02,884 --> 00:14:05,178 Aren't you gonna join us in the pooping? 347 00:14:10,975 --> 00:14:13,227 [Alarm blaring] 348 00:14:13,353 --> 00:14:17,106 [Grunting] 349 00:14:20,151 --> 00:14:22,195 [Coughing] 350 00:14:22,320 --> 00:14:23,339 Where are we? What is this? 351 00:14:23,363 --> 00:14:24,572 That's it. Get out. 352 00:14:24,697 --> 00:14:26,008 You can make a perfectly-realized, 353 00:14:26,032 --> 00:14:27,408 toilet-filled simulation of heaven, 354 00:14:27,533 --> 00:14:28,743 but you can't share a toilet? 355 00:14:28,868 --> 00:14:30,078 Don't insult my craft. 356 00:14:30,203 --> 00:14:31,662 The chemical is globaflyn. 357 00:14:31,788 --> 00:14:33,307 It connects the whatever-you-want section 358 00:14:33,331 --> 00:14:35,171 of your brain to the whatever-you-have section. 359 00:14:35,208 --> 00:14:37,585 If your heaven is toilets, that's on you. 360 00:14:37,710 --> 00:14:39,087 All of these people... 361 00:14:39,212 --> 00:14:40,898 Are living their wildest, meaningless dreams 362 00:14:40,922 --> 00:14:42,632 and leaving me out of them. 363 00:14:42,757 --> 00:14:45,593 People you refuse to kill and refuse to let into your life. 364 00:14:45,718 --> 00:14:49,055 An offer you rejected, so here's your last chance. 365 00:14:49,180 --> 00:14:51,432 Goodbye forever. If you touch my toilet again, you die. 366 00:14:51,557 --> 00:14:52,809 You need a friend. 367 00:14:52,934 --> 00:14:54,203 I have a million cooler friends than you. 368 00:14:54,227 --> 00:14:55,704 - I'll be seeing you. - You'll be dying. 369 00:14:55,728 --> 00:14:57,814 - We're gonna be friends. - You're gonna be dead. 370 00:14:57,939 --> 00:14:59,416 Jerry: So, we fight our way to the gas line, 371 00:14:59,440 --> 00:15:00,817 we cut it, and then we set a fire. 372 00:15:00,942 --> 00:15:02,318 Okay. Alright. 373 00:15:02,443 --> 00:15:04,163 Morty, "adventures of Jerry and morty," huh? 374 00:15:04,237 --> 00:15:05,589 - Put her there. - Dad, look, y-you know, 375 00:15:05,613 --> 00:15:06,757 w-we don't need to high-five. 376 00:15:06,781 --> 00:15:08,008 It's... it's kind of your fault 377 00:15:08,032 --> 00:15:09,134 that we're in this situation at all. 378 00:15:09,158 --> 00:15:10,785 I know, but, you know, come on. 379 00:15:10,910 --> 00:15:12,245 "Adventures of Jerry and morty." 380 00:15:12,370 --> 00:15:14,455 Okay. 381 00:15:14,580 --> 00:15:16,541 [Guns cock] 382 00:15:26,426 --> 00:15:28,052 Mwah. 383 00:15:33,933 --> 00:15:35,518 Jeff, I can explain everything. 384 00:15:35,643 --> 00:15:36,727 You don't have to. 385 00:15:36,853 --> 00:15:39,021 Can you just marry us instead? 386 00:15:39,147 --> 00:15:40,148 Jeff, don't do it! 387 00:15:40,273 --> 00:15:42,233 Richard. 388 00:15:42,358 --> 00:15:43,609 - [ Horse whinnies] - Maggie. 389 00:15:43,734 --> 00:15:46,654 - Running bird. - Let's get out of here. 390 00:15:46,779 --> 00:15:48,489 - Priest Witherspoon. - Josiah? 391 00:15:48,614 --> 00:15:51,409 Let's get the fuck out of here. 392 00:15:51,534 --> 00:15:54,328 Summer Smith, let's get the hell out of here. 393 00:15:54,454 --> 00:15:56,539 You had me at my own name. 394 00:15:56,664 --> 00:15:59,375 Oh, yeah, no. Why would I...? 395 00:15:59,500 --> 00:16:00,668 Summer! 396 00:16:00,793 --> 00:16:01,836 Fucking thing. 397 00:16:01,961 --> 00:16:04,130 Come on. I can't steer this. 398 00:16:06,466 --> 00:16:08,342 What in the hell are you doing? 399 00:16:08,468 --> 00:16:10,636 - Parenting. - That's not how I did it. 400 00:16:10,761 --> 00:16:12,388 Yeah, where's your daughter? 401 00:16:12,513 --> 00:16:14,056 Ah, you're right. 402 00:16:14,182 --> 00:16:15,808 She joined Isis. 403 00:16:18,561 --> 00:16:20,980 It's glootie, and he's had a change of heart. 404 00:16:21,105 --> 00:16:22,607 And he's going to set us free. 405 00:16:22,732 --> 00:16:24,859 Actually, he's been blamed for bringing you aboard 406 00:16:24,984 --> 00:16:26,110 and assigned to execute you. 407 00:16:26,235 --> 00:16:27,737 Whoa, whoa, whoa. Okay. 408 00:16:27,862 --> 00:16:30,198 What would your girlfriend think of you murdering? 409 00:16:30,323 --> 00:16:32,163 I happen to be between relationships right now. 410 00:16:32,200 --> 00:16:34,344 Really? I thought your species had perfected relationships. 411 00:16:34,368 --> 00:16:35,495 Here. 412 00:16:35,620 --> 00:16:36,972 We're not allowed to use those apps. 413 00:16:36,996 --> 00:16:39,248 - I wonder why. - [ Cellphone beeps] 414 00:16:39,373 --> 00:16:41,125 Yeah, that's what I thought, glootie. 415 00:16:41,250 --> 00:16:43,020 - Looks like you and I... - [ Cellphone beeps] 416 00:16:43,044 --> 00:16:44,545 Are all we've got. 417 00:16:47,757 --> 00:16:48,984 I'm not helping you any more than that, 418 00:16:49,008 --> 00:16:50,343 but if you can find the hangar, 419 00:16:50,468 --> 00:16:51,987 grab a ship and get the hell out of here. 420 00:16:52,011 --> 00:16:53,346 Where you going, glootie? 421 00:16:53,471 --> 00:16:56,349 I've got a date with dumping a dating app. 422 00:16:56,474 --> 00:16:58,351 Glootie-ootie-ooh! 423 00:16:58,476 --> 00:17:00,144 - Was that ever his thing? - No. 424 00:17:00,269 --> 00:17:02,146 - He never exited that way. - No, first time. 425 00:17:02,271 --> 00:17:03,814 Dad, I want to say something. 426 00:17:03,940 --> 00:17:06,692 I started today disgusted and embarrassed to be your son, 427 00:17:06,817 --> 00:17:08,170 and then later I thought we were gonna die 428 00:17:08,194 --> 00:17:09,862 because you're a loser. 429 00:17:11,531 --> 00:17:12,925 - There's no more, is there? - Nope. 430 00:17:12,949 --> 00:17:14,992 Now quit fucking up, and let's go. 431 00:17:16,452 --> 00:17:18,412 Is Tony here? I br... I brought him some, uh, 432 00:17:18,538 --> 00:17:20,623 vegan fiber chili, delicious family recipe, 433 00:17:20,748 --> 00:17:22,588 and a box of these, uh, chocolates, sugar free. 434 00:17:22,708 --> 00:17:24,228 He can eat as many of these as he wants. 435 00:17:24,252 --> 00:17:25,932 Anyways, uh, just wanted to drop these off, 436 00:17:26,045 --> 00:17:28,589 and you tell him, uh, the toilet's all his. 437 00:17:28,714 --> 00:17:30,049 H-He... he'll know what I mean. 438 00:17:30,174 --> 00:17:31,842 [Sighs] Tony died. 439 00:17:32,969 --> 00:17:35,179 - Excuse me? - He quit his job, 440 00:17:35,304 --> 00:17:37,640 starting living life to the fullest. 441 00:17:37,765 --> 00:17:38,849 He crashed into a tree 442 00:17:38,975 --> 00:17:41,227 space-skiing down mount space Everest. 443 00:17:41,352 --> 00:17:42,436 Fuck. 444 00:17:42,562 --> 00:17:45,189 There's a mount space Everest? 445 00:17:45,314 --> 00:17:46,774 Okay. Uh, Jesus. 446 00:17:46,899 --> 00:17:49,277 I-I got to process this. 447 00:17:49,402 --> 00:17:50,671 Oh, no, no. You... You don't want to eat that. 448 00:17:50,695 --> 00:17:52,130 Y-Y-You'll... you'll... You'll become 449 00:17:52,154 --> 00:17:53,990 the opening of "the Beverly hillbillies." 450 00:17:54,115 --> 00:17:56,200 You know what I'm saying? A little bubbling crude? 451 00:17:56,325 --> 00:17:58,369 - Texas tea? - I don't know these references. 452 00:17:58,494 --> 00:18:00,037 Yeah, but you have a space Everest? 453 00:18:00,162 --> 00:18:02,039 Watch "space Beverly hillbilllies" 454 00:18:02,164 --> 00:18:05,001 so my jokes can land, you fucking twat. 455 00:18:14,385 --> 00:18:16,429 [Cellphone beeps] 456 00:18:21,100 --> 00:18:22,100 Now what? 457 00:18:22,184 --> 00:18:23,477 Happily ever after. 458 00:18:23,603 --> 00:18:24,854 And after that? 459 00:18:24,979 --> 00:18:26,772 We'll find out together. 460 00:18:26,897 --> 00:18:27,982 Summer [scoffs] 461 00:18:28,107 --> 00:18:29,867 How many soul mates is that in the last week? 462 00:18:29,942 --> 00:18:32,653 Four. You can't stop me from loving who I love, mom. 463 00:18:32,778 --> 00:18:34,196 Oh, the shit I can't. 464 00:18:34,322 --> 00:18:36,122 I'm gonna mother you until your 18th birthday, 465 00:18:36,157 --> 00:18:38,993 even if I get thrown in prison for non-consensual mothering. 466 00:18:39,118 --> 00:18:41,120 And even then, I will break out, 467 00:18:41,245 --> 00:18:43,372 come to your house, kick down your door, 468 00:18:43,497 --> 00:18:46,167 and mother your fucking face out of your stupid asshole. 469 00:18:46,292 --> 00:18:48,210 I'm gonna daughter your brains out, bitch. 470 00:18:48,336 --> 00:18:50,713 [Both grunting] 471 00:18:59,513 --> 00:19:00,681 Motherfucker! 472 00:19:00,806 --> 00:19:02,850 That's my name. Don't wear it out. 473 00:19:02,975 --> 00:19:04,685 [ Both grunt] 474 00:19:04,810 --> 00:19:06,395 - [ Cellphone beeps] - [ Grunts] 475 00:19:06,520 --> 00:19:08,981 Gimme dat new soul mate. 476 00:19:09,106 --> 00:19:11,567 Ad wall? 477 00:19:11,692 --> 00:19:14,028 - Fuck this. - [ Cellphone bloops] 478 00:19:14,153 --> 00:19:15,196 -Ad wall? 479 00:19:15,321 --> 00:19:16,423 What, they want us to pay for it now? 480 00:19:16,447 --> 00:19:17,447 [Cellphones blooping] 481 00:19:17,531 --> 00:19:20,159 Come on, mom. Let's go home. 482 00:19:20,785 --> 00:19:22,953 [Display blooping] 483 00:19:23,079 --> 00:19:24,705 Great. We lost earth. 484 00:19:24,830 --> 00:19:27,958 We aren't defined by what we do, and we only need each other. 485 00:19:28,084 --> 00:19:29,835 Each other... and water. 486 00:19:29,960 --> 00:19:31,170 There's no water? 487 00:19:31,295 --> 00:19:32,648 Honey, the whole point of conquering earth... 488 00:19:32,672 --> 00:19:34,382 I know the point of conquering earth. 489 00:19:34,507 --> 00:19:36,550 - Don't talk to me like... - Like I'm thirsty? 490 00:19:36,676 --> 00:19:39,345 Like I'm your mother, you childish prick. 491 00:19:39,470 --> 00:19:40,930 How much water are you sucking 492 00:19:41,055 --> 00:19:42,783 through these stupid fucking tubes on your back? 493 00:19:42,807 --> 00:19:44,850 These tubes are cool, and I want a divorce. 494 00:19:44,975 --> 00:19:49,188 You can have one for a glass of goddamn water. 495 00:19:49,313 --> 00:19:52,858 Look, uh, on the off-chance that you used the app 496 00:19:52,983 --> 00:19:56,487 and there's someone out there waiting for you, I, uh... 497 00:19:56,612 --> 00:19:59,448 Jerry, I didn't use it. Did you? 498 00:19:59,573 --> 00:20:01,951 Me? No. God, of course not. 499 00:20:02,076 --> 00:20:03,869 Well, then, we're all good, dawg. 500 00:20:10,751 --> 00:20:12,920 Hey, uh... hey, uh, Tony's dad, 501 00:20:13,045 --> 00:20:16,382 uh, th-this is, um, $8 billion in your local currency, 502 00:20:16,507 --> 00:20:20,136 and, uh, this is a kit you can use to clone a new son. 503 00:20:20,261 --> 00:20:21,887 He... he won't have the same brain. 504 00:20:22,012 --> 00:20:24,765 He'll kind of be an animal man, but you can teach him stuff. 505 00:20:24,890 --> 00:20:26,159 I-I-I also wanted to let you know 506 00:20:26,183 --> 00:20:27,685 I did explore infinite universes, 507 00:20:27,810 --> 00:20:30,187 and there is a version of Tony that was completely evil 508 00:20:30,312 --> 00:20:31,792 and ended up causing a lot of genocide 509 00:20:31,856 --> 00:20:33,315 because of how fulfilled he was. 510 00:20:33,441 --> 00:20:35,161 So, really, a lot of ways of looking at this 511 00:20:35,234 --> 00:20:37,528 as not much of a loss. 512 00:20:37,653 --> 00:20:39,155 I understand. 513 00:20:39,280 --> 00:20:41,991 It's, uh, hard losing a friend. 514 00:20:42,116 --> 00:20:43,242 - Fuck you. - What? 515 00:20:43,367 --> 00:20:45,077 Rick: He's not my friend. 516 00:20:45,202 --> 00:20:48,205 [Soft music plays] 517 00:20:57,673 --> 00:21:00,885 [Sighs] 518 00:21:01,010 --> 00:21:03,387 [Mechanisms whirring] 519 00:21:03,512 --> 00:21:05,139 There he is. There's our guy. 520 00:21:05,264 --> 00:21:06,491 - [ Cheers and applause ] - Congrats, Tony. 521 00:21:06,515 --> 00:21:07,975 Have fun with your stupid toilet 522 00:21:08,100 --> 00:21:10,060 that you get to use all by yourself now. 523 00:21:10,186 --> 00:21:12,229 Enjoy using it all by yourself while you sit there 524 00:21:12,354 --> 00:21:14,166 and think about how nobody wants to be around you 525 00:21:14,190 --> 00:21:15,566 and how you ruined it for yourself 526 00:21:15,691 --> 00:21:17,002 because you're a huge piece of shit. 527 00:21:17,026 --> 00:21:18,360 Look at you sitting there, 528 00:21:18,486 --> 00:21:20,696 king shit on his throne of loneliness. 529 00:21:20,821 --> 00:21:22,907 Enjoy this toilet with a thousand of me 530 00:21:23,032 --> 00:21:25,242 screaming every time you take a shit. 531 00:21:25,367 --> 00:21:27,244 All hail his majesty, 532 00:21:27,369 --> 00:21:31,582 the sa-a-ddest piece of garbage in the entire cosmos. 533 00:21:31,707 --> 00:21:34,752 Long live the big, bad, doo-doo daddy. 534 00:21:34,877 --> 00:21:38,005 May his reign last 1,000 years. 535 00:21:38,130 --> 00:21:41,133 [Suspenseful music plays] 536 00:22:11,121 --> 00:22:14,333 Rick, did you take the tapatio? 537 00:22:14,458 --> 00:22:16,460 Hmm, globaflyn? 538 00:22:16,585 --> 00:22:18,754 [Gulps] 539 00:22:18,879 --> 00:22:20,673 Thanks. I could never lift it up. 540 00:22:20,798 --> 00:22:22,299 No problem. 541 00:22:22,424 --> 00:22:25,344 I'll be able to drink water for weeks because of you. 542 00:22:25,469 --> 00:22:27,596 It's just part of my job, ma'am. 543 00:22:29,849 --> 00:22:31,684 Breaker one nine, this is Jerry Smith. 544 00:22:31,809 --> 00:22:33,894 Uh, just finished my first delivery of the day. 545 00:22:34,019 --> 00:22:35,229 900 more to go. 546 00:22:37,022 --> 00:22:38,941 [Gulping]