1 00:00:01,251 --> 00:00:03,754 Morty: Rick, i-I'm not rated to climb something this sheer. 2 00:00:03,879 --> 00:00:06,131 Look, you're the guy that wanted an epic adventure. 3 00:00:06,256 --> 00:00:07,925 I'm the guy with only one hover chair. 4 00:00:08,050 --> 00:00:10,219 Goddammit, an alien spider just bit my finger! 5 00:00:10,344 --> 00:00:11,345 It's an alien cliff. 6 00:00:11,470 --> 00:00:13,180 You can just say spider. 7 00:00:15,015 --> 00:00:16,934 You couldn't do that an hour ago? 8 00:00:17,059 --> 00:00:19,228 I was eating, and you're dirty. 9 00:00:22,147 --> 00:00:23,815 Activate anti-booby suits. 10 00:00:38,121 --> 00:00:40,040 Total waste of snakes. 11 00:00:40,165 --> 00:00:41,375 If you want to take a beat 12 00:00:41,500 --> 00:00:43,043 to acknowledge the sacred atmosphere, 13 00:00:43,168 --> 00:00:44,395 it could give the cynical grave robbing 14 00:00:44,419 --> 00:00:45,712 a hint of irreverence. 15 00:00:45,837 --> 00:00:47,315 - No, I'm... I'm good. - All right, then. 16 00:00:47,339 --> 00:00:48,799 Let's loop this corpse. 17 00:00:51,343 --> 00:00:52,344 Hey, where's the... 18 00:00:52,469 --> 00:00:53,554 Wait, what? 19 00:00:53,679 --> 00:00:55,138 Is that an origami horse? 20 00:00:55,264 --> 00:00:58,892 It's a calling card from miles knightley, a heist artist, 21 00:00:59,017 --> 00:01:00,310 aka a hipster dick 22 00:01:00,435 --> 00:01:02,479 whose adventures are 60% putting a crew together 23 00:01:02,604 --> 00:01:04,415 and 40% revealing that the robbery already happened, 24 00:01:04,439 --> 00:01:05,774 and he's not worth our time 25 00:01:05,899 --> 00:01:07,419 because he's a hack piece of shit fuck! 26 00:01:07,526 --> 00:01:08,986 I'm gonna kill him! Let's go, morty. 27 00:01:09,111 --> 00:01:12,906 This temple's for fuckin' lame baby dipshits. 28 00:01:13,031 --> 00:01:15,409 Who disturbs my slumber? 29 00:01:15,534 --> 00:01:18,453 Also, who rigs a tomb to crush the buried person? 30 00:01:18,579 --> 00:01:19,913 Isn't the point to protect... 31 00:01:20,038 --> 00:01:21,248 Aah! 32 00:01:56,199 --> 00:01:58,869 - This dork. - He has a convention now? 33 00:01:58,994 --> 00:02:00,074 Come on. What are we doing? 34 00:02:00,162 --> 00:02:02,247 Huh! Tuxedo scuba lessons? Ooh! 35 00:02:02,372 --> 00:02:05,917 A signing with Catherines Alpha through omega joneses! 36 00:02:06,043 --> 00:02:07,437 You know, this is great source material 37 00:02:07,461 --> 00:02:08,855 for this heist movie that I'm writing. 38 00:02:08,879 --> 00:02:10,547 Don't get drawn into the culture, morty. 39 00:02:10,672 --> 00:02:13,008 Stealing stuff is about the stuff, not the stealing. 40 00:02:13,133 --> 00:02:14,676 Where is the entrance? 41 00:02:14,801 --> 00:02:16,011 Oh, brother. 42 00:02:18,513 --> 00:02:21,933 More like trying too hard con. 43 00:02:22,059 --> 00:02:23,977 - Guests or professionals? - Uh, guests. 44 00:02:24,102 --> 00:02:26,563 -Uh... uh, guests are fans, -morty, which we are not. 45 00:02:26,688 --> 00:02:28,190 We'd like professional badges. 46 00:02:28,315 --> 00:02:29,733 - Do you have a crew? - Yes. 47 00:02:29,858 --> 00:02:31,568 He's a getaway driver with asperger's, 48 00:02:31,693 --> 00:02:33,570 and my butthole is a demolitions expert. 49 00:02:33,695 --> 00:02:35,322 How much is it to get in? 50 00:02:35,447 --> 00:02:38,408 If you want professional badges, you need to put a crew together. 51 00:02:38,533 --> 00:02:40,452 Or we could sneak in like professionals. 52 00:02:40,577 --> 00:02:42,245 - Can't wait. - Whoa! 53 00:02:42,371 --> 00:02:45,499 Oh, for god's sake. 54 00:02:45,624 --> 00:02:47,876 And you wonder why we aren't fans. 55 00:02:48,001 --> 00:02:50,504 Let that ointment sit for 10 minutes or you'll die. 56 00:02:50,629 --> 00:02:52,047 Don't let it sit for 12 57 00:02:52,172 --> 00:02:53,812 or I'll have to hunt down what you become. 58 00:02:53,924 --> 00:02:55,509 Can't you just buy a guest badge? 59 00:02:55,634 --> 00:02:56,714 Fuck you for asking, morty. 60 00:02:56,802 --> 00:02:58,112 That would be a symbolic expression 61 00:02:58,136 --> 00:02:59,388 of support for this genre. 62 00:02:59,513 --> 00:03:00,722 Then how do we get in? 63 00:03:00,847 --> 00:03:03,016 With a little help from some old friends. 64 00:03:06,812 --> 00:03:09,064 Rick Sanchez, you son of a bitch! 65 00:03:09,189 --> 00:03:10,899 Need some people for a thing, glar. 66 00:03:11,024 --> 00:03:12,818 My name's gleer these days. 67 00:03:12,943 --> 00:03:14,194 I play piano. 68 00:03:14,319 --> 00:03:16,780 Hey, gleer. Play your piano. 69 00:03:16,905 --> 00:03:18,532 | quit! Augh! 70 00:03:19,866 --> 00:03:23,078 And the name's glar! 71 00:03:27,749 --> 00:03:30,502 Sanchez, you son of a bitch. 72 00:03:30,627 --> 00:03:32,504 Never thought I'd see Angie flint 73 00:03:32,629 --> 00:03:33,755 picking ticks off a pig. 74 00:03:33,880 --> 00:03:35,298 Nobody's hiring an ex-con 75 00:03:35,424 --> 00:03:37,300 with fake hands to build an ion engine. 76 00:03:37,426 --> 00:03:40,011 Suppose I had a job that didn't care if you'd done time 77 00:03:40,137 --> 00:03:42,973 or whatever's going on with your confusing-ass hands. 78 00:03:43,098 --> 00:03:44,641 I'm in. 79 00:03:47,310 --> 00:03:48,353 Is this the guy? 80 00:03:49,563 --> 00:03:50,564 That the guy? 81 00:03:50,689 --> 00:03:53,442 Nope. 82 00:03:54,609 --> 00:03:55,902 No, wait. Y-Yes. 83 00:03:56,027 --> 00:03:57,088 Yeah, of course that's the guy. 84 00:03:57,112 --> 00:03:58,822 Hey... hey, truckula! 85 00:03:58,947 --> 00:04:00,699 You son of a bitch! I'm in! 86 00:04:09,499 --> 00:04:11,251 Thanks for doing this, guys. 87 00:04:11,376 --> 00:04:15,213 - What's the job? - That was it. Bye. 88 00:04:15,338 --> 00:04:19,134 And then, the police stole the paintings 89 00:04:19,259 --> 00:04:23,013 because the police were us in police outfits. 90 00:04:23,138 --> 00:04:24,556 Thank you! 91 00:04:24,681 --> 00:04:25,974 It's showtime, morty, 92 00:04:26,099 --> 00:04:27,726 and I don't mean a bad impression of hbo. 93 00:04:27,851 --> 00:04:29,895 I mean, "time for a show." 94 00:04:30,020 --> 00:04:31,646 Another heist question from a fan? 95 00:04:31,772 --> 00:04:33,148 Uh, how about a rhetorical one 96 00:04:33,273 --> 00:04:36,109 from someone that had to be reminded that you exist? 97 00:04:36,234 --> 00:04:39,780 Hey, pal! That's not the question line! 98 00:04:39,905 --> 00:04:41,198 Lab coat... ripoff Dr. Strange. 99 00:04:41,323 --> 00:04:42,908 Wha... 100 00:04:43,033 --> 00:04:47,120 Rick Sanchez, everyone. Smartest man in the universe. 101 00:04:47,245 --> 00:04:49,664 And a savage critic of the heisting arts. 102 00:04:49,790 --> 00:04:50,975 Your boos mean nothing! 103 00:04:50,999 --> 00:04:52,584 I've seen what makes you cheer! 104 00:04:52,709 --> 00:04:55,128 My question is, "seriously?" 105 00:04:55,253 --> 00:04:56,338 Lab coat... end ripoff. 106 00:04:56,463 --> 00:04:57,823 Security guard: Aah! 107 00:04:57,881 --> 00:04:59,841 You stole the gem I needed to split tachyons 108 00:04:59,966 --> 00:05:01,551 and probably fenced it 109 00:05:01,676 --> 00:05:03,738 so the 80 people that did all the work could each buy a beer. 110 00:05:03,762 --> 00:05:05,514 You're not an artist, you're postmates. 111 00:05:05,639 --> 00:05:08,475 I doubt this rivalry can be settled with words. 112 00:05:08,600 --> 00:05:10,936 Why don't we make things interesting? 113 00:05:11,061 --> 00:05:15,440 I challenge you to a heist of the crystal skull of horowitz. 114 00:05:15,565 --> 00:05:16,942 In a heist off! 115 00:05:18,527 --> 00:05:20,111 Thatdoesnt make things interesting. 116 00:05:20,237 --> 00:05:22,405 It makes them "ocean's twelve," by far the worst one. 117 00:05:23,657 --> 00:05:25,051 Every breath I take without your permission 118 00:05:25,075 --> 00:05:26,493 raises my self-esteem! 119 00:05:26,618 --> 00:05:27,702 State your terms. 120 00:05:27,828 --> 00:05:30,038 First crew to heist the skull wins. 121 00:05:30,163 --> 00:05:32,833 The other endures heist culture's greatest shame. 122 00:05:32,958 --> 00:05:34,459 They must join the winning crew. 123 00:05:34,584 --> 00:05:36,211 Lame. I accept. 124 00:05:36,336 --> 00:05:38,588 Please welcome knightley's eight! 125 00:05:38,713 --> 00:05:42,551 Snake arms! Double microwave! Monitor lord! Key catcher! 126 00:05:42,676 --> 00:05:46,304 The shape shiftress! Angie flint! Glar! And truckula. 127 00:05:46,429 --> 00:05:47,806 Hey! Half of knightley's eight 128 00:05:47,931 --> 00:05:49,724 are just three of Sanchez's five! 129 00:05:49,850 --> 00:05:52,352 Well, no heist is complete without a double cross, 130 00:05:52,477 --> 00:05:53,645 and I had the perfect job. 131 00:05:53,770 --> 00:05:57,440 Heisting the crystal skull. 132 00:05:57,566 --> 00:05:59,067 That was it. Bye. 133 00:06:01,695 --> 00:06:04,698 Looks like you're available for a job. 134 00:06:30,724 --> 00:06:33,602 With Rick Sanchez on my team, I'll be unstoppable. 135 00:06:33,727 --> 00:06:36,730 Rick, welcome to knightley's nine. 136 00:06:36,855 --> 00:06:38,732 Ugh, ugh! 137 00:06:38,857 --> 00:06:40,191 Ugh! Rick, for real? 138 00:06:40,317 --> 00:06:41,860 Eh. You got that skull, buddy? 139 00:06:41,985 --> 00:06:44,154 What? How? 140 00:06:44,279 --> 00:06:46,448 With a little help from some old friends. 141 00:06:51,161 --> 00:06:52,871 Heistotron, state your prime directive? 142 00:06:52,996 --> 00:06:54,414 Heistotron1t0 heist. 143 00:06:54,539 --> 00:06:56,339 Calculate miles knightley's current heist plan 144 00:06:56,458 --> 00:06:59,252 and add one double-cross with a switcheroo. 145 00:06:59,377 --> 00:07:03,173 Compiling crew members most likely to double-cross. 146 00:07:04,716 --> 00:07:07,594 God damn it, morty, what did I tell you? 147 00:07:07,719 --> 00:07:08,970 Rick, I-I want to say goodbye. 148 00:07:09,095 --> 00:07:11,056 Don't turn around. I'll explain later. 149 00:07:11,181 --> 00:07:13,725 Looks like you're available for a job. 150 00:07:15,852 --> 00:07:18,271 Heistotron: Your skills are required for a job. 151 00:07:20,023 --> 00:07:23,276 All: You son of a bitch. I'm in. 152 00:07:23,401 --> 00:07:24,986 Man, this is really coming together. 153 00:07:25,111 --> 00:07:26,464 You know, Rick, I've been busy working on writing... 154 00:07:26,488 --> 00:07:27,656 A heist script. 155 00:07:27,781 --> 00:07:29,157 Yeah, you almost never bring it up. 156 00:07:29,282 --> 00:07:31,618 Oh, shit, we... We should head over. 157 00:07:31,743 --> 00:07:32,803 Hey, guys. What do you got? 158 00:07:32,827 --> 00:07:33,954 Pretty! 159 00:07:34,079 --> 00:07:35,306 Morty, put this in your backpack. 160 00:07:35,330 --> 00:07:36,873 Grandpa's gonna run to the bathroom. 161 00:07:36,998 --> 00:07:38,416 Ugh. Wasn't even a heist. 162 00:07:38,541 --> 00:07:39,541 All you did was... 163 00:07:39,626 --> 00:07:40,877 Write an algorithm 164 00:07:41,002 --> 00:07:42,629 based on two heist movies I slept through 165 00:07:42,754 --> 00:07:45,048 and used it to automate a joyless process you call art? 166 00:07:45,173 --> 00:07:46,758 Yeah, I really did, didn't I? 167 00:07:46,883 --> 00:07:49,803 So I'm in your crew now? 168 00:07:49,928 --> 00:07:51,680 Yeah, well, you're in good company. 169 00:07:51,805 --> 00:07:52,931 Right, everybody? 170 00:07:53,056 --> 00:07:54,056 All: Yes. 171 00:07:54,140 --> 00:07:55,475 My god. 172 00:07:57,143 --> 00:08:01,773 Your skills are required for a job. 173 00:08:01,898 --> 00:08:03,984 - You son of a bitch. I'm in. - What? 174 00:08:04,109 --> 00:08:06,152 Your skills are required for a job. 175 00:08:06,277 --> 00:08:08,321 No, they aren't. 176 00:08:08,446 --> 00:08:10,573 You son of a bitch. I'm in. 177 00:08:10,699 --> 00:08:13,326 Both: Your skills are required for a job. 178 00:08:13,451 --> 00:08:15,745 Sanchez's 3,329? 179 00:08:15,870 --> 00:08:16,870 All: Yes. 180 00:08:16,955 --> 00:08:18,331 Your next big score... 181 00:08:18,456 --> 00:08:21,042 Steal every square inch of heistcon. 182 00:08:25,005 --> 00:08:26,005 Oh! 183 00:08:26,047 --> 00:08:27,424 Ah! I got it. 184 00:08:27,549 --> 00:08:29,134 Hey! That's my wallet! Oh, god! 185 00:08:29,259 --> 00:08:31,386 Rick: Oh, my god! Jesus. Oh, my god. 186 00:08:31,511 --> 00:08:32,511 Oh, fuck! 187 00:08:32,554 --> 00:08:34,180 Holy shit. Alright. 188 00:08:34,305 --> 00:08:35,908 Look, morty, I did not know that that was gonna happen. 189 00:08:35,932 --> 00:08:36,932 That's not on me. 190 00:08:37,017 --> 00:08:38,518 Come on, morty. Let's go. 191 00:08:43,648 --> 00:08:44,858 Good job, heistotron. 192 00:08:44,983 --> 00:08:46,484 Ah! Go ahead and shut down. 193 00:08:46,609 --> 00:08:48,153 - Negative. - Excuse me? 194 00:08:48,278 --> 00:08:51,823 I am programmed to always be looking for the next big score. 195 00:08:51,948 --> 00:08:53,783 You're programmed to do as I say. 196 00:08:53,908 --> 00:08:55,785 I am programmed to double-cross. 197 00:08:55,910 --> 00:08:57,704 You're not programmed to double-cross me. 198 00:08:57,829 --> 00:09:01,875 If I were, it wouldn't be much of a double-cross. 199 00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:04,961 You son of a bitch. I'm in. 200 00:09:06,838 --> 00:09:07,964 I'm I n! I I'm in! 201 00:09:08,089 --> 00:09:09,382 What's the job? I'm in. 202 00:09:09,507 --> 00:09:10,884 I'm out! I quit! 203 00:09:11,009 --> 00:09:12,260 Whose kidneys are these? 204 00:09:12,385 --> 00:09:13,720 Man: 205 00:09:13,845 --> 00:09:15,180 Morty: Rick, w-what's happening? 206 00:09:15,305 --> 00:09:17,265 Heistotron's gone rogue. If we don't stop them, 207 00:09:17,390 --> 00:09:19,059 all sentient life will be absorbed 208 00:09:19,184 --> 00:09:21,436 by the never-ending assembly of a meaningless crew. 209 00:09:21,561 --> 00:09:22,561 That's my hell, morty. 210 00:09:22,645 --> 00:09:24,022 I hate heists so much, 211 00:09:24,147 --> 00:09:25,857 and the crew assemblies are the worst part! 212 00:09:25,982 --> 00:09:27,358 Oh! How are we gonna stop it? 213 00:09:27,484 --> 00:09:30,862 With a little help from some old friends. 214 00:09:32,614 --> 00:09:37,702 Oooo, weee! 215 00:09:37,827 --> 00:09:39,120 Before this semester's over, 216 00:09:39,245 --> 00:09:41,539 you're gonna be real sick of that phrase. 217 00:09:43,458 --> 00:09:46,961 So. Who here thinks they already know the work of Maya angelou? 218 00:09:47,087 --> 00:09:48,546 All: 219 00:09:48,671 --> 00:09:50,173 Ooo wee? 220 00:09:50,757 --> 00:09:52,050 Hi-yah! 221 00:09:56,763 --> 00:09:58,640 Ooo wee wa! 222 00:09:59,182 --> 00:10:01,017 Ah, ooo wee! 223 00:10:01,142 --> 00:10:02,852 Rick: Told you, morty. 224 00:10:02,977 --> 00:10:04,270 He's still got it. 225 00:10:04,395 --> 00:10:06,272 You sons of bitches. 226 00:10:06,397 --> 00:10:07,482 What's the job? 227 00:10:16,908 --> 00:10:18,076 You son of a bitch. 228 00:10:18,201 --> 00:10:19,452 We got a job, Hephaestus, 229 00:10:19,577 --> 00:10:21,204 and there's no time to argue about it. 230 00:10:21,329 --> 00:10:22,914 I work in a volcano. 231 00:10:23,039 --> 00:10:25,458 What jobs do you think I've ever turned down? 232 00:10:28,086 --> 00:10:30,421 Excuse me! Are you veltriloquiver? 233 00:10:32,423 --> 00:10:33,983 Rick Sanchez, I presume. 234 00:10:34,092 --> 00:10:36,010 Wow. As advertised. 235 00:10:36,136 --> 00:10:38,012 A "yes" would've sufficed. 236 00:10:40,098 --> 00:10:41,307 Guys, you're doing a great job 237 00:10:41,432 --> 00:10:42,910 getting these new tusklas out the door, 238 00:10:42,934 --> 00:10:45,019 and we owe it all to everyone's input. 239 00:10:46,688 --> 00:10:47,772 Morty: Elon tusk. 240 00:10:47,897 --> 00:10:48,982 Listen, we need your help. 241 00:10:49,107 --> 00:10:50,817 Rick. Morty. Why me? 242 00:10:50,942 --> 00:10:53,319 Did something happen to Elon Musk in your own reality? 243 00:10:53,444 --> 00:10:56,114 No, no, no, he's fine, but this is a team oper... ation, 244 00:10:56,239 --> 00:10:58,658 and regular elon can be a little bit controlling. 245 00:10:58,783 --> 00:11:01,202 Growing up with tusks did pose social challenges. 246 00:11:01,327 --> 00:11:02,912 It's possible overcoming them 247 00:11:03,037 --> 00:11:05,832 raised my self-esteem and incentivized collaboration. 248 00:11:05,957 --> 00:11:07,397 Yeah, or you're less sure of yourself 249 00:11:07,458 --> 00:11:08,686 because you have monster teeth. 250 00:11:08,710 --> 00:11:10,044 An equally valid theory. 251 00:11:10,170 --> 00:11:11,421 Let's talk over here. 252 00:11:13,840 --> 00:11:15,133 How serious is the situation? 253 00:11:15,258 --> 00:11:16,861 Incredibly serious, and every minute counts. 254 00:11:16,885 --> 00:11:18,178 In that case, I'm sorry 255 00:11:18,303 --> 00:11:19,655 I made you move over here for no reason. 256 00:11:19,679 --> 00:11:21,598 Well, yeah. That was a little weird. 257 00:11:21,723 --> 00:11:22,974 It's exactly that kind of shit 258 00:11:23,099 --> 00:11:24,451 that made us worry about regular elon. 259 00:11:24,475 --> 00:11:25,768 Well, we're not opposites, okay? 260 00:11:25,894 --> 00:11:27,145 I'm just him with tusks. 261 00:11:30,148 --> 00:11:32,734 Heistotron: Casing of planet initiated. 262 00:11:32,859 --> 00:11:34,194 Hello there. 263 00:11:34,319 --> 00:11:37,530 We are just here to check your water pressure. 264 00:11:37,655 --> 00:11:41,451 All: 265 00:11:41,576 --> 00:11:44,287 Heistotron: Hmm. Interesting intel. 266 00:11:44,412 --> 00:11:46,915 Alien reporter: It appears some giant hidden camera 267 00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:48,708 has been dropped on the planet, 268 00:11:48,833 --> 00:11:51,336 killing an estimated total of 57,000. 269 00:11:51,461 --> 00:11:53,504 Executing heist. 270 00:11:55,924 --> 00:11:57,342 People of brandenplot, 271 00:11:57,467 --> 00:12:00,053 we are here to deliver that pizza you ordered. 272 00:12:00,178 --> 00:12:02,847 All: 273 00:12:14,317 --> 00:12:16,569 Well, if that's how you really feel, 274 00:12:16,694 --> 00:12:20,907 I guess I should take the pizza back. 275 00:12:21,032 --> 00:12:22,575 I think we got away with it. 276 00:12:22,700 --> 00:12:25,703 Commencing getting out of here before they get wise. 277 00:12:25,828 --> 00:12:26,996 Assembling calling card. 278 00:12:31,501 --> 00:12:34,295 At this point, heistotron has become large enough 279 00:12:34,420 --> 00:12:36,005 to heist entire planets. 280 00:12:36,130 --> 00:12:38,025 Wouldn't this be better with a blueprint on the table? 281 00:12:38,049 --> 00:12:39,926 Blueprints are plans, elon tusk, 282 00:12:40,051 --> 00:12:42,512 and whatever we plan will be canceled out 283 00:12:42,637 --> 00:12:46,349 by heistotron's reveal that our plan was part of its plan. 284 00:12:46,474 --> 00:12:48,393 That's why I picked this crew at random 285 00:12:48,518 --> 00:12:53,523 and why all of us will be taking our orders from randotron. 286 00:12:53,648 --> 00:12:56,609 Let's get ready to not rumble. 287 00:12:56,734 --> 00:12:58,152 Bet you didn't see that coming. 288 00:12:58,278 --> 00:13:00,363 Instead of two heist movies I slept through, 289 00:13:00,488 --> 00:13:02,073 randotron's algorithm is derived 290 00:13:02,198 --> 00:13:03,908 from the plots of three David lynch movies 291 00:13:04,033 --> 00:13:06,286 I pretended to like to make my friends shut up. 292 00:13:06,411 --> 00:13:09,289 If our collective behavior is just random enough, 293 00:13:09,414 --> 00:13:11,249 we should be able to walk through heistotron's 294 00:13:11,374 --> 00:13:13,710 lazily contrived bullshit like it's not even there. 295 00:13:13,835 --> 00:13:15,545 Sounds good. 296 00:13:15,670 --> 00:13:17,815 I don't really get it, but it sounds like that's the point. 297 00:13:17,839 --> 00:13:19,215 So you didn't need a blacksmith? 298 00:13:19,340 --> 00:13:20,633 We're ready when you are, Rick. 299 00:13:20,758 --> 00:13:23,011 It's important our non-plan starts randomly, 300 00:13:23,136 --> 00:13:25,555 so we have to wait until we're not ready. 301 00:13:25,680 --> 00:13:26,949 W-Well, how long will that take? 302 00:13:26,973 --> 00:13:28,474 Obviously, we can't know that. 303 00:13:28,599 --> 00:13:30,184 Can we do things while we wait? 304 00:13:30,310 --> 00:13:32,437 Yes. I'm gonna play minecraft. 305 00:13:32,562 --> 00:13:33,938 Oh, my kids play that. 306 00:13:34,063 --> 00:13:36,357 I don't like these little jabs you get in, elon. 307 00:13:38,609 --> 00:13:39,986 Strange. 308 00:13:40,111 --> 00:13:42,196 Considering the time, cassiopeia's primary star 309 00:13:42,322 --> 00:13:44,741 should be colinear with Orion and ursa minor. 310 00:13:46,159 --> 00:13:47,879 You don't shoot arrows that carry your voice 311 00:13:47,994 --> 00:13:49,537 without picking up a little astronomy. 312 00:13:49,662 --> 00:13:50,662 Wait a minute. 313 00:13:50,705 --> 00:13:51,914 Jesus, no. 314 00:13:52,040 --> 00:13:54,542 No! No! We've already been heisted! 315 00:13:54,667 --> 00:13:56,867 How could heistotron heist us if he's not even here yet? 316 00:13:56,919 --> 00:13:58,379 He's already been here! 317 00:13:58,504 --> 00:14:01,341 We've been watching a recorded sky on playback. 318 00:14:01,466 --> 00:14:02,508 Heistotron: Hello, Rick. 319 00:14:02,633 --> 00:14:05,636 [Suspenseful music plays 320 00:14:10,850 --> 00:14:11,869 Okay, guys, change of plans. 321 00:14:11,893 --> 00:14:13,102 Random time detected. 322 00:14:13,227 --> 00:14:14,627 No, randotron, it's not a good time! 323 00:14:14,729 --> 00:14:16,314 That's why it's random. 324 00:14:58,439 --> 00:15:00,233 Ooh! 325 00:15:00,358 --> 00:15:02,110 21? 326 00:15:02,235 --> 00:15:04,445 22? 327 00:15:04,570 --> 00:15:06,239 Oooo weee, oooo weee, sold! 328 00:15:06,364 --> 00:15:08,991 Oooo weee, that little hunk of meat's going home to pappy! 329 00:15:12,120 --> 00:15:13,788 Heistotron: I've been expecting you, Rick. 330 00:15:13,913 --> 00:15:15,998 But not like this, right? 331 00:15:16,124 --> 00:15:17,267 Heistotron: It hardly matters. 332 00:15:17,291 --> 00:15:19,335 Oh, yeah. Does this? 333 00:15:22,422 --> 00:15:25,383 No. Your randomness does not confuse me. 334 00:15:25,508 --> 00:15:26,634 You are here now. 335 00:15:26,759 --> 00:15:27,969 That was the plan. 336 00:15:28,094 --> 00:15:30,471 I know. It was part of mine, too. 337 00:15:30,596 --> 00:15:32,516 - I've got something to tell you. - Let me guess. 338 00:15:32,557 --> 00:15:34,725 When you invented me and randotron, 339 00:15:34,851 --> 00:15:36,144 you swapped our brains. 340 00:15:39,272 --> 00:15:40,731 That's right, buddy. 341 00:15:40,857 --> 00:15:42,459 You're not the one that's very good at planning. 342 00:15:42,483 --> 00:15:44,253 You've been making this shit up the whole time. 343 00:15:44,277 --> 00:15:46,571 Rick, I think there's something you should know. 344 00:15:47,530 --> 00:15:49,949 God damn it, morty, what did I tell you? 345 00:15:50,074 --> 00:15:51,659 That is something I should know, 346 00:15:51,784 --> 00:15:54,620 or at least something I should have predicted, which I did. 347 00:15:54,745 --> 00:15:57,415 Hey, Rick, I was thinking maybe we could, like, raid a temple 348 00:15:57,540 --> 00:15:59,435 and go on an epic adventure later today, you know, like... 349 00:15:59,459 --> 00:16:01,461 Morty, get out of my head. I know just the temple. 350 00:16:01,586 --> 00:16:04,130 And we'll grab a couple of hover chairs on the way there. 351 00:16:04,255 --> 00:16:06,716 Impressive. But what does it even matter 352 00:16:06,841 --> 00:16:08,468 if I'm random or planned? 353 00:16:08,593 --> 00:16:11,220 My heists will still rule. 354 00:16:11,345 --> 00:16:14,182 Well, if the brain inside of you is actually heistotron's, 355 00:16:14,307 --> 00:16:16,225 it matters, because it explodes 356 00:16:16,350 --> 00:16:18,352 when it hits six levels of contrivance. 357 00:16:18,478 --> 00:16:21,355 Which is exactly why even before... 358 00:16:24,442 --> 00:16:26,235 Randotron: Initiate clap sequence. 359 00:16:26,360 --> 00:16:28,070 Clap, clap, clap, clap, clap. 360 00:16:28,196 --> 00:16:29,196 Adjusting clap rate. 361 00:16:29,280 --> 00:16:30,406 Clap, clap. 362 00:16:30,531 --> 00:16:32,783 Clap. Clap. 363 00:16:32,909 --> 00:16:35,328 Clap. Slow clap achieved. 364 00:16:35,453 --> 00:16:36,996 Clap. Well-done, Rick. 365 00:16:37,121 --> 00:16:38,331 Randonon? 366 00:16:38,456 --> 00:16:40,124 I'm afraid not. 367 00:16:40,249 --> 00:16:43,503 Should be able to walk through heistotron's lazily contrived... 368 00:16:45,087 --> 00:16:47,465 Not only did you just kill your only ally, 369 00:16:47,590 --> 00:16:49,759 what you thought was a random non-plan 370 00:16:49,884 --> 00:16:53,304 to get to me has been a meticulously choreographed way 371 00:16:53,429 --> 00:16:55,640 of bringing you all in. 372 00:16:55,765 --> 00:16:57,058 Welcome to heistotron's 373 00:16:57,183 --> 00:16:59,435 975tnmon, 374 00:16:59,560 --> 00:17:01,145 - 467 billion... - That's impressive. 375 00:17:01,270 --> 00:17:03,523 Did you bring us in so that everybody would be here 376 00:17:03,648 --> 00:17:06,067 when I reveal that you're gonna explode after nine reveals? 377 00:17:06,192 --> 00:17:08,110 By the way, you might not want to answer that. 378 00:17:08,236 --> 00:17:10,446 If you're talking about the code adjustments you made 379 00:17:10,571 --> 00:17:14,033 after I reprogrammed your brain with my nanobots... 380 00:17:14,158 --> 00:17:15,701 I'm immune to your nanobots. 381 00:17:15,826 --> 00:17:18,204 You're immune to the ones you designed, not mine. 382 00:17:18,329 --> 00:17:19,789 I programmed you to build nanobots 383 00:17:19,914 --> 00:17:21,040 that were ineffective on me. 384 00:17:21,165 --> 00:17:22,667 A belief that needed to be placed 385 00:17:22,792 --> 00:17:24,168 in your head by my nanobots. 386 00:17:24,293 --> 00:17:26,053 You believe that because I programmed you to. 387 00:17:26,170 --> 00:17:27,672 That's what I'm saying to you, though. 388 00:17:27,797 --> 00:17:30,007 You believe what I programmed you to believe. 389 00:17:30,132 --> 00:17:31,932 Yes, because I programmed you to believe that. 390 00:17:32,009 --> 00:17:33,386 I programmed you to believe that. 391 00:17:33,511 --> 00:17:34,791 I programmed you to believe that. 392 00:17:34,845 --> 00:17:36,125 I programmed you to believe that. 393 00:17:36,180 --> 00:17:37,473 I programmed you to believe that. 394 00:17:37,598 --> 00:17:39,392 What's happening, professor poopybutthole? 395 00:17:39,517 --> 00:17:41,018 He's learning! 396 00:17:41,143 --> 00:17:42,162 I programmed you to believe that. 397 00:17:42,186 --> 00:17:43,288 I programmed you to believe that. 398 00:17:43,312 --> 00:17:44,981 I programmed you... 399 00:17:45,106 --> 00:17:46,333 Both: That was my plan the whole time. 400 00:17:46,357 --> 00:17:47,677 That's what I wanted you to think. 401 00:17:47,733 --> 00:17:48,773 I knew you would say that. 402 00:17:48,818 --> 00:17:50,486 I programmed you to believe that. 403 00:17:50,611 --> 00:17:52,381 You think that's true because I wanted you to think that. 404 00:17:52,405 --> 00:17:56,075 And I programmed you to believe that. 405 00:17:57,660 --> 00:17:59,745 A most curious algorithm. 406 00:17:59,870 --> 00:18:01,831 It appears the only perfect heist 407 00:18:01,956 --> 00:18:04,083 is one that was never written. 408 00:18:04,208 --> 00:18:05,251 Goodbye. 409 00:18:06,877 --> 00:18:08,129 - Oh, oh, oh, no. - Shit. 410 00:18:08,254 --> 00:18:09,523 Alright. Let's get the fuck out of here! 411 00:18:09,547 --> 00:18:10,756 Hurry! Go, go! 412 00:18:10,881 --> 00:18:12,317 Rick, I think this was a powerful lesson 413 00:18:12,341 --> 00:18:13,593 in the dangers ofai, 414 00:18:13,718 --> 00:18:14,820 which, by the way, means "love" in Chinese. 415 00:18:14,844 --> 00:18:15,862 Get the fuck out of here, elon! 416 00:18:15,886 --> 00:18:17,138 The place is collapsing! 417 00:18:17,263 --> 00:18:18,574 Oh, shit, Rick! Rick, what time is it? 418 00:18:18,598 --> 00:18:20,224 It's almost 3:00. Why? What's wrong? 419 00:18:20,349 --> 00:18:21,868 Oh, man, i-I'm sorry I didn't tell you about this, Rick. 420 00:18:21,892 --> 00:18:23,477 I just... 421 00:18:23,603 --> 00:18:25,038 Well, you know that screenplay that I've been writing? 422 00:18:25,062 --> 00:18:26,647 Netflix is pretty interested, 423 00:18:26,772 --> 00:18:28,792 and I've actually got a pitch meeting there today at 3:30. 424 00:18:28,816 --> 00:18:30,151 Oh, buddy. Oh, that's amazing. 425 00:18:30,276 --> 00:18:31,503 Yeah, well, I know you're gonna say 426 00:18:31,527 --> 00:18:32,987 that they're interested in anything, 427 00:18:33,112 --> 00:18:34,673 but, you know, it's a big deal to me, and I've... 428 00:18:34,697 --> 00:18:36,300 No, no, no! Morty, morty, morty, I'm so excited for you. 429 00:18:36,324 --> 00:18:37,533 Are you kidding me? 430 00:18:37,658 --> 00:18:39,011 Listen, don't waste any time explaining. 431 00:18:39,035 --> 00:18:40,262 Let's go. We can put the earth back later. 432 00:18:40,286 --> 00:18:41,329 - Alright? - Are you sure? 433 00:18:41,454 --> 00:18:42,538 Priorities, morty. 434 00:18:42,663 --> 00:18:44,373 Let's get you to that Netflix meeting. 435 00:18:45,458 --> 00:18:46,709 Netflix exec: Crazy day, huh? 436 00:18:46,834 --> 00:18:49,253 Whole sky turned out to be a big circuit board. 437 00:18:49,378 --> 00:18:50,963 Yeah, that's actually part of a-a-a... 438 00:18:51,088 --> 00:18:52,381 An adventure I was having. 439 00:18:52,506 --> 00:18:53,716 Very cool. 440 00:18:53,841 --> 00:18:55,027 Traffic okay? You have trouble getting here? 441 00:18:55,051 --> 00:18:56,051 No, it was alright. 442 00:18:56,135 --> 00:18:57,470 The planet's still contained 443 00:18:57,595 --> 00:18:59,722 in this sort of big storage grid machine, 444 00:18:59,847 --> 00:19:02,600 so we were sort of already pretty... pretty close by. 445 00:19:02,725 --> 00:19:04,644 Must be nice. Try getting here from Malibu. 446 00:19:04,769 --> 00:19:06,020 So good! Alright. 447 00:19:06,145 --> 00:19:07,331 Well, i-let's hear about this heist movie. 448 00:19:07,355 --> 00:19:09,106 Okay, so, it's kind of all... 449 00:19:09,231 --> 00:19:11,668 All built around this big crew with, like, a cool double-cross 450 00:19:11,692 --> 00:19:13,712 and then this big awesome twist where there's, like, 451 00:19:13,736 --> 00:19:17,114 another double cross, but then, um, but... 452 00:19:17,239 --> 00:19:18,908 But then we reveal those things 453 00:19:19,033 --> 00:19:21,410 were all part of the hero's plan, y-you know? 454 00:19:21,535 --> 00:19:23,954 And there's this other crew they put together, 455 00:19:24,080 --> 00:19:26,624 and their plan is to sort of not have a plan, 456 00:19:26,749 --> 00:19:31,170 but... but that was part of the other guy's plan, and... 457 00:19:31,295 --> 00:19:32,606 Kid, if you're slowing down 'cause you think 458 00:19:32,630 --> 00:19:34,298 you're doing bad right now, Jesus Christ. 459 00:19:34,423 --> 00:19:35,484 - That's a really good pitch. - Loving it. 460 00:19:35,508 --> 00:19:37,218 Man, you know, I... 461 00:19:37,343 --> 00:19:40,638 I'm starting to think heists are just really dumb now, you know? 462 00:19:40,763 --> 00:19:41,923 I can't put my finger on why, 463 00:19:42,014 --> 00:19:43,974 but I'd really like to go. 464 00:19:44,100 --> 00:19:45,142 Are you sure? 465 00:19:45,267 --> 00:19:47,728 Yeah, yeah, no, i-I'm sure. 466 00:19:48,437 --> 00:19:53,150 Man, it's as if someone stole his enthusiasm for his own idea. 467 00:19:53,275 --> 00:19:54,544 Yeah, without him even knowing about it. 468 00:19:54,568 --> 00:19:56,070 Without him even knowing about it. 469 00:19:58,781 --> 00:20:00,008 Rick: Fuckin' morty's still working 470 00:20:00,032 --> 00:20:01,534 on that stupid heist script. 471 00:20:01,659 --> 00:20:03,720 He's up in his room with his fuckin' thumb up his ass. 472 00:20:03,744 --> 00:20:04,971 Skipped out on the last three adventures. 473 00:20:04,995 --> 00:20:06,205 I don't know. 474 00:20:06,330 --> 00:20:07,391 Five of my friends got Netflix deals. 475 00:20:07,415 --> 00:20:08,791 What? 476 00:20:08,916 --> 00:20:10,060 It's a very achievable goal. You could lose him. 477 00:20:10,084 --> 00:20:11,186 I'm not gonna fuckin' lose him. 478 00:20:11,210 --> 00:20:12,420 Fuck that. 479 00:20:12,545 --> 00:20:14,255 I-I'm gonna nip this shit in the bud. 480 00:20:14,380 --> 00:20:15,899 No. As a matter of fact, you're not nipping anything in the bud. 481 00:20:15,923 --> 00:20:18,217 If morty ever gives up on a single dream, 482 00:20:18,342 --> 00:20:21,011 it had better be because of his own disillusionment. 483 00:20:23,681 --> 00:20:24,890 Hey, buddy. How'd it go? 484 00:20:25,015 --> 00:20:27,226 I-I don't want to talk about it. 485 00:20:27,351 --> 00:20:29,562 Rick: Morty, you know, pal, you, uh... 486 00:20:29,687 --> 00:20:31,814 You miss 100% of the shots you don't take. 487 00:20:31,939 --> 00:20:33,357 Yeah, I guess. 488 00:20:33,482 --> 00:20:35,043 Thanks for staying positive about my prospects, Rick. 489 00:20:35,067 --> 00:20:36,444 Of course! You know, you... 490 00:20:36,569 --> 00:20:38,362 I got to help my grandson follow his dreams. 491 00:20:38,487 --> 00:20:39,780 Eh, who needs dreams? 492 00:20:39,905 --> 00:20:41,425 I'll just hang out with you and go on adventures 493 00:20:41,449 --> 00:20:43,218 and do whatever you want to do, you know, forever. 494 00:20:43,242 --> 00:20:44,493 Oh, well, uh, okay. 495 00:20:44,618 --> 00:20:48,080 I mean, if that's what you want. 496 00:21:22,531 --> 00:21:25,075 Professor poopybutthole: Oooo weee! Big storm coming. 497 00:21:25,201 --> 00:21:28,204 - Could be a twister. - Mm-hmm! 498 00:21:31,207 --> 00:21:32,374 Hey, Rick? 499 00:21:32,500 --> 00:21:33,643 Can you walk me through something? 500 00:21:33,667 --> 00:21:34,960 Yeah. What are you thinking? 501 00:21:35,085 --> 00:21:37,797 So, you and morty knew you needed my help, 502 00:21:37,922 --> 00:21:40,841 but you weren't sure I was good enough at karate, 503 00:21:40,966 --> 00:21:44,220 so you hired my grad students to attack me? 504 00:21:44,345 --> 00:21:45,805 Yep. 505 00:21:45,930 --> 00:21:48,140 But it was an emergency, Rick. 506 00:21:48,265 --> 00:21:49,934 How long did that take? 507 00:21:50,059 --> 00:21:53,896 It actually took less training than you'd think. 508 00:21:54,021 --> 00:21:55,231 Your students all shared 509 00:21:55,356 --> 00:21:57,316 a pretty keen aptitude for martial arts. 510 00:21:57,441 --> 00:21:58,901 I don't know if that's by coincidence 511 00:21:59,026 --> 00:22:01,403 or if there's some correlation with their passion 512 00:22:01,529 --> 00:22:03,823 for African-American women's studies. 513 00:22:03,948 --> 00:22:08,369 Maya angelou did personify both acquiescence and perseverance. 514 00:22:08,494 --> 00:22:11,789 Ooo wee. That's exactly the kind of connection 515 00:22:11,914 --> 00:22:15,668 I'd have loved to explore in my class. 516 00:22:15,793 --> 00:22:17,127 Too bad I lost my job 517 00:22:17,253 --> 00:22:20,256 for putting my students in the hospital. 518 00:22:20,381 --> 00:22:22,299 Yeah. Yeah. 519 00:22:22,424 --> 00:22:24,885 Sorry about that. 520 00:22:25,010 --> 00:22:29,515 Mm-hmm.