1 00:00:01,418 --> 00:00:03,295 Morty, be sure to pee before we go. 2 00:00:03,420 --> 00:00:04,856 This adventure is gonna be a long haul, 3 00:00:04,880 --> 00:00:06,465 and I don't feel like emptying the jug. 4 00:00:06,590 --> 00:00:08,943 Jerry, will you please just let me automate this fucking task? 5 00:00:08,967 --> 00:00:10,385 I didn't ask for anyone's help. 6 00:00:10,511 --> 00:00:12,012 You two are welcome to leave. 7 00:00:12,137 --> 00:00:13,531 Mom told me she wanted me to stay here 8 00:00:13,555 --> 00:00:15,057 to make sure you didn't die. 9 00:00:15,182 --> 00:00:17,226 Well, you tell your mother that I'm gonna be fine. 10 00:00:17,351 --> 00:00:19,061 Don't train your child to lie, Jerry, 11 00:00:19,186 --> 00:00:20,854 even though, you know, 'tis the season. 12 00:00:20,979 --> 00:00:22,064 Then I'll tell her. 13 00:00:22,189 --> 00:00:23,857 Whoa! 14 00:00:23,982 --> 00:00:25,567 I told you, no more rays. 15 00:00:25,692 --> 00:00:27,152 What ray did you zap me with? 16 00:00:27,277 --> 00:00:30,197 I made your atomic matrix slightly lighter than air, 17 00:00:30,322 --> 00:00:32,407 and now your shoes are heavier than air, 18 00:00:32,533 --> 00:00:34,117 which makes you neutrally buoyant, 19 00:00:34,243 --> 00:00:37,037 which I find personally more impressive conceptually 20 00:00:37,162 --> 00:00:38,956 than walking on water, but what do I know? 21 00:00:39,081 --> 00:00:41,166 I wasn't born into the god business. 22 00:00:41,291 --> 00:00:42,459 I fucking earned it. 23 00:00:42,584 --> 00:00:44,836 Whoa! [Laughs] 24 00:00:44,962 --> 00:00:47,089 Just to be clear, this doesn't mean you helped me. 25 00:00:47,214 --> 00:00:48,423 It wears off in 10 hours, 26 00:00:48,549 --> 00:00:50,425 and the next hit will cost you 30 bucks. 27 00:00:50,551 --> 00:00:53,136 Like I'll even be using it in 10 hours. 28 00:00:53,262 --> 00:00:55,198 [Whispers] Siri, set a 9-hour and 50-minute timer. 29 00:00:55,222 --> 00:00:56,640 Siri: Playing the Beatles. 30 00:00:57,724 --> 00:00:59,059 - I need to pee. - Nope. 31 00:00:59,184 --> 00:01:00,620 Here, I've got a centipede you can swallow 32 00:01:00,644 --> 00:01:01,788 that makes you not have to go. 33 00:01:01,812 --> 00:01:03,355 I ain't swallowing no centipede. 34 00:01:03,480 --> 00:01:05,416 What, you think the centipede wants to eat your pee? 35 00:01:05,440 --> 00:01:07,150 You're not the victim in this transaction. 36 00:01:07,276 --> 00:01:08,986 - [ Thump] - Uh-oh, flat tire. 37 00:01:09,111 --> 00:01:11,089 How the hell do you get a flat tire in space, Rick? 38 00:01:11,113 --> 00:01:13,323 Obviously from a sharp thing in space, morty. 39 00:01:13,448 --> 00:01:14,676 It's just crazy how much it feels 40 00:01:14,700 --> 00:01:16,118 like getting a regular flat. 41 00:01:16,243 --> 00:01:18,036 Oh, no, no, that's just my custom-programmed, 42 00:01:18,161 --> 00:01:21,290 fully immersive flat-tire indication experience. 43 00:01:21,415 --> 00:01:23,055 I can turn it off. I thought it was cooler 44 00:01:23,125 --> 00:01:25,294 than the celebrity voice package, but here. 45 00:01:25,419 --> 00:01:28,797 Christopher walken: Flat tire... You should be... walkin'. 46 00:01:28,922 --> 00:01:30,173 - Oof. - Yeah. 47 00:01:30,299 --> 00:01:31,693 Morty: Can I come out with you, Rick? 48 00:01:31,717 --> 00:01:32,735 Rick: No, I've seen this movie. 49 00:01:32,759 --> 00:01:34,386 Two guys leave th[Burps]e ship. 50 00:01:34,511 --> 00:01:35,762 One guy goes spinning away. 51 00:01:35,887 --> 00:01:37,431 You're staying in here where it's safe. 52 00:01:37,556 --> 00:01:39,516 [Gasps] 53 00:01:39,641 --> 00:01:40,726 [ Pants] 54 00:01:42,394 --> 00:01:43,687 - Morty, goddamn it. - Come on. 55 00:01:43,812 --> 00:01:45,355 I n... I never get to be out here. 56 00:01:45,480 --> 00:01:47,149 Ugh, you young people think space is like 57 00:01:47,274 --> 00:01:48,609 "Saturday night live." 58 00:01:48,734 --> 00:01:51,153 You see it every day, so you dream of being in it, 59 00:01:51,278 --> 00:01:53,447 but it dreams of removing all the air from your body 60 00:01:53,572 --> 00:01:55,252 and making you float around it for eternity 61 00:01:55,282 --> 00:01:56,825 as a flash-mummified corpse, 62 00:01:56,950 --> 00:01:59,995 which is also what space wants, so get back in the car. 63 00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:01,955 I'm not in danger. There's nothing out here. 64 00:02:02,080 --> 00:02:03,582 Literally everything is out here, 65 00:02:03,707 --> 00:02:06,001 and unlike everywhere else, I'm too busy to help you. 66 00:02:06,126 --> 00:02:08,295 Right, because you're always so helpful. 67 00:02:08,420 --> 00:02:10,005 Ah! 68 00:02:12,132 --> 00:02:13,842 - God damn it. - What is that? 69 00:02:13,967 --> 00:02:15,844 Obviously, it's a space snake. 70 00:02:15,969 --> 00:02:17,387 T-There's snakes in space? 71 00:02:17,512 --> 00:02:19,681 There's literally everything in space, morty! 72 00:02:19,806 --> 00:02:21,808 Now get the fuck back in the car. 73 00:02:21,933 --> 00:02:24,936 [Suspenseful music plays] 74 00:02:53,799 --> 00:02:55,759 Morty: I'm dying, Rick. 75 00:02:55,884 --> 00:02:57,969 [Groans] I can see the black mountain. 76 00:02:58,095 --> 00:03:00,222 People who are really dying don't keep bring it up. 77 00:03:00,347 --> 00:03:01,765 - Is that true? - I don't know. 78 00:03:01,890 --> 00:03:03,975 I'm just usually around people that die faster. 79 00:03:04,101 --> 00:03:06,269 - [ Groans] - All right. All right. 80 00:03:06,395 --> 00:03:07,872 J-Just let me analyze the snake's planet, 81 00:03:07,896 --> 00:03:09,439 so I can whip up an antivenom. 82 00:03:09,564 --> 00:03:11,404 Computer, you might want to put a rush on this. 83 00:03:11,483 --> 00:03:13,944 Morty's starting to look like a '90s Japanese ghost. 84 00:03:14,069 --> 00:03:15,779 Computer: Cutting corners. 85 00:03:15,904 --> 00:03:18,281 Oof, oh, my god, these snakes are a mess. 86 00:03:18,407 --> 00:03:20,909 19 billion snakes divided into 10,000 nations 87 00:03:21,034 --> 00:03:23,161 all on the brink of global war over... 88 00:03:23,286 --> 00:03:25,080 [Laughs] Race. 89 00:03:25,205 --> 00:03:26,206 How funny is that? 90 00:03:26,331 --> 00:03:28,166 Imagine being a racist snake. 91 00:03:28,291 --> 00:03:29,459 "Hey, other snake, I hate you 92 00:03:29,584 --> 00:03:31,795 because you're the wrong color, snake." 93 00:03:31,920 --> 00:03:34,131 Oh, my god. You're not laughing? 94 00:03:34,256 --> 00:03:35,716 Oh, you're dying. 95 00:03:35,841 --> 00:03:38,135 It's a miracle they were able to fling one this far out 96 00:03:38,260 --> 00:03:39,970 before they slithered into extinction. 97 00:03:40,095 --> 00:03:42,639 Oh, oh, god, I killed their... 98 00:03:42,764 --> 00:03:44,641 What's his name, their buzz aspirin? 99 00:03:44,766 --> 00:03:46,059 It's actually buzz advil, morty, 100 00:03:46,184 --> 00:03:47,537 and, uh, this is totally different. 101 00:03:47,561 --> 00:03:48,770 It's a female snake. 102 00:03:48,895 --> 00:03:50,335 There's an extra layer of heartbreak. 103 00:03:50,439 --> 00:03:52,149 Wait. Wait. Morty, morty, you hear that? 104 00:03:52,274 --> 00:03:53,650 - Listen. - [ Rhythmic hissing] 105 00:03:53,775 --> 00:03:55,402 Snake jazz. 106 00:03:55,527 --> 00:03:57,738 Ha. Idiots. Let's get moving. 107 00:03:57,863 --> 00:03:59,072 We've got a long way to go, 108 00:03:59,197 --> 00:04:00,341 and I'm not sharing that centipede. 109 00:04:00,365 --> 00:04:01,950 Rick, wait. Go back. 110 00:04:02,075 --> 00:04:04,435 I-I can't be the reason why 19 billion snakes lost all hope. 111 00:04:04,536 --> 00:04:05,662 That's right, morty. 112 00:04:05,787 --> 00:04:07,330 Only 19 billion snakes can do that. 113 00:04:07,456 --> 00:04:09,583 That species was never getting beyond this stage. 114 00:04:09,708 --> 00:04:11,752 To paraphrase the great Jeff foxworthy, 115 00:04:11,877 --> 00:04:14,045 if you bite your first contact on its ankle, 116 00:04:14,171 --> 00:04:16,715 you might be a type-zero-civilization-neck." 117 00:04:18,759 --> 00:04:20,177 What up, homeys? 118 00:04:20,302 --> 00:04:22,179 Shooting hoops, I see. 119 00:04:22,304 --> 00:04:23,740 Hey, who's interested in a friendly bet 120 00:04:23,764 --> 00:04:25,515 that this white guy can jump. 121 00:04:25,640 --> 00:04:27,809 Hey, leave the racial stuff off the court, okay? 122 00:04:27,934 --> 00:04:29,954 Oh, I thought that kind of talk was part of street ball. 123 00:04:29,978 --> 00:04:32,647 Well, now it's part of everything else, so chill. 124 00:04:32,773 --> 00:04:34,125 We... we got off on the wrong foot. 125 00:04:34,149 --> 00:04:36,067 My name is Jerry Smith. I live in the suburbs. 126 00:04:36,193 --> 00:04:38,028 I'm only here because I have a certain power 127 00:04:38,153 --> 00:04:40,113 I wanted to kind of celebrate before it goes away. 128 00:04:40,238 --> 00:04:41,698 Yo, we got a Nazi up here. 129 00:04:41,823 --> 00:04:44,075 Hey, I think there's a misunderstanding. 130 00:04:44,201 --> 00:04:45,827 Here, just... just watch. 131 00:04:45,952 --> 00:04:47,037 Huh? 132 00:04:47,162 --> 00:04:48,205 Help! Help! 133 00:04:48,330 --> 00:04:50,165 I-I need that shoe! 134 00:04:51,249 --> 00:04:53,668 No, no, don't touch that shoe or that money. 135 00:04:53,794 --> 00:04:55,837 Let them be a powerful but confusing monument 136 00:04:55,962 --> 00:04:57,297 to our neighborhood's integrity. 137 00:04:57,422 --> 00:05:00,592 Oh, boy, what an adventure, huh? 138 00:05:00,717 --> 00:05:02,653 Hey, morty, listen. I can tell you're pretty upset 139 00:05:02,677 --> 00:05:04,113 about the whole snake encounter thing, 140 00:05:04,137 --> 00:05:05,305 so I'll tell you what. 141 00:05:05,430 --> 00:05:06,616 I'm just gonna go ahead and avoid you 142 00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:07,516 for the rest of the day. 143 00:05:07,641 --> 00:05:08,934 [Cans clatter] 144 00:05:10,727 --> 00:05:12,270 Play snake jazz. 145 00:05:12,395 --> 00:05:14,773 [Rhythmic hissing] 146 00:05:26,868 --> 00:05:28,161 Morty: I-is this one friendly? 147 00:05:28,286 --> 00:05:29,663 It's a snake. 148 00:05:29,788 --> 00:05:31,516 You ever... you ever see this one look up at the sky 149 00:05:31,540 --> 00:05:33,708 like it's dreaming of something more? 150 00:05:33,834 --> 00:05:36,962 No, but, uh, all those ones marked with red sticker, yeah. 151 00:05:37,087 --> 00:05:38,922 Any snake over 50 bucks yearns for the beyond. 152 00:05:39,047 --> 00:05:40,423 I-i-I've seen them do it. 153 00:05:40,549 --> 00:05:44,052 [Hissing] 154 00:05:44,177 --> 00:05:46,888 Ow! Damn it, slippy, come on. 155 00:05:47,013 --> 00:05:48,890 Ow! Just please. 156 00:05:49,015 --> 00:05:51,142 [Crying] I'm sorry. 157 00:05:51,268 --> 00:05:55,063 Man on TV: Everyone has a plumbus in their home. 158 00:05:55,188 --> 00:05:57,816 First, they take the ding/epop. 159 00:06:01,778 --> 00:06:04,447 Ow! Fucking monster. 160 00:06:08,451 --> 00:06:11,454 [Radar beeping] 161 00:06:11,580 --> 00:06:12,956 [Hissing] 162 00:06:20,130 --> 00:06:22,299 [Hissing] 163 00:06:22,424 --> 00:06:24,843 [Hissing] 164 00:06:24,968 --> 00:06:26,428 [Hissing] 165 00:06:26,553 --> 00:06:27,971 [Camera shutters clicking] 166 00:06:32,893 --> 00:06:34,477 [Hissing] 167 00:06:40,358 --> 00:06:42,193 [Monitors beeping] 168 00:06:45,322 --> 00:06:47,449 [Hissing] 169 00:06:49,284 --> 00:06:52,287 [Hissing] 170 00:07:13,892 --> 00:07:15,477 [Hissing] 171 00:07:17,270 --> 00:07:18,271 [ Hisses] 172 00:07:24,194 --> 00:07:27,197 [ Hissing ] 173 00:08:01,940 --> 00:08:03,066 Downbeat. 174 00:08:03,191 --> 00:08:04,484 How do you win this fucking game? 175 00:08:04,609 --> 00:08:06,111 We-we've never gotten that far. 176 00:08:06,236 --> 00:08:08,321 Guys, did I not tell you to keep your eye on Jerry? 177 00:08:08,446 --> 00:08:09,864 - We did. - Then where is he? 178 00:08:09,990 --> 00:08:11,157 Maybe he's having an affair. 179 00:08:11,282 --> 00:08:14,285 [ Laughter] 180 00:08:14,411 --> 00:08:16,121 But for real, has anyone seen him? 181 00:08:16,246 --> 00:08:17,807 Grandpa, did you trap him in a painting again? 182 00:08:17,831 --> 00:08:18,831 I didn't do shit. 183 00:08:18,915 --> 00:08:20,583 Well, y-y-you made him floaty. 184 00:08:20,709 --> 00:08:22,460 - Asshole. - Made him floaty? 185 00:08:22,585 --> 00:08:25,380 I saved his life by making his body slightly lighter than air, 186 00:08:25,505 --> 00:08:27,007 anditepoes in a couple of hours. 187 00:08:27,132 --> 00:08:29,384 Expires, like he'll fall out of the sky? 188 00:08:29,509 --> 00:08:31,052 He won't by in the sky, Beth, 189 00:08:31,177 --> 00:08:34,889 unless it's possible for Jerry to fuck up wearing shoes. 190 00:08:35,015 --> 00:08:37,095 - Oh, crap, he's gonna die. - What were you thinking? 191 00:08:37,726 --> 00:08:40,854 [Shivering] 192 00:08:40,979 --> 00:08:45,316 [Cellphone vibrating] 193 00:08:45,442 --> 00:08:46,651 Hey, babe. 194 00:08:46,776 --> 00:08:48,653 Jerry, are you in the air? 195 00:08:48,778 --> 00:08:50,280 Rick told me he made you floaty. 196 00:08:50,405 --> 00:08:52,198 Made me floaty? Pfft. 197 00:08:52,323 --> 00:08:54,659 Got to love Rick's world view. 198 00:08:54,784 --> 00:08:56,578 Yes, I had Rick make me floaty 199 00:08:56,703 --> 00:08:57,912 so I could put up some lights. 200 00:08:58,038 --> 00:08:59,456 Now, I'm at the light store. 201 00:08:59,581 --> 00:09:01,124 - [ Squawking ] - Get away! 202 00:09:01,249 --> 00:09:04,794 Sorry, this lady at the store is trying to peck me. 203 00:09:04,919 --> 00:09:06,796 Jerry: Yes, you can help me find lights 204 00:09:06,921 --> 00:09:08,298 after I'm off the phone. 205 00:09:08,423 --> 00:09:10,463 We're in Rick's ship. How about we just pick you up? 206 00:09:10,508 --> 00:09:11,944 - Jerry: You're with Rick? - Well, why wouldn't I... 207 00:09:11,968 --> 00:09:13,470 Jerry, I paused Beth with a device 208 00:09:13,595 --> 00:09:15,930 Christopher walken gave me after a record session. 209 00:09:16,056 --> 00:09:17,348 Real talk, buddy, where you at? 210 00:09:17,474 --> 00:09:19,118 - Go to hell, Rick. - Rick: Come on, Jerry. 211 00:09:19,142 --> 00:09:20,727 I can recognize the sound of a seagull. 212 00:09:20,852 --> 00:09:23,021 Can you recognize the sound of a man's pants 213 00:09:23,146 --> 00:09:24,773 filling up with rain? 214 00:09:24,898 --> 00:09:26,858 I hope to one day. 215 00:09:26,983 --> 00:09:28,568 Jerry, I'll tell you what. 216 00:09:28,693 --> 00:09:30,653 Because it's Christmas, I'm gonna do you a favor. 217 00:09:30,779 --> 00:09:32,697 I won't let you die, and I won't tell Beth 218 00:09:32,822 --> 00:09:34,199 that you almost killed yourself. 219 00:09:34,324 --> 00:09:36,785 - Sounds like a win-win to me. - Rick: Come again? 220 00:09:36,910 --> 00:09:39,287 If I survive, it'll be without you, 221 00:09:39,412 --> 00:09:41,414 and if I die, it'll be on your ass. 222 00:09:41,539 --> 00:09:43,541 Merry Christmas, bitch. 223 00:09:43,666 --> 00:09:47,670 I am the Jesus Christ of Christmas! 224 00:09:57,055 --> 00:09:59,891 [Screaming] 225 00:10:00,016 --> 00:10:02,102 - [ Cellphone vibrates] - I be with him? 226 00:10:02,227 --> 00:10:04,270 We both care. 227 00:10:04,395 --> 00:10:06,106 - Whoa. Jerry. - Jerry: Yes, honey? 228 00:10:06,231 --> 00:10:07,816 Let us just come get you. 229 00:10:07,941 --> 00:10:09,442 Jerry: Beth, I am so touched 230 00:10:09,567 --> 00:10:11,528 that you care for me this much, but I'm fine, 231 00:10:11,653 --> 00:10:13,422 and I just want to put up these Christmas lights, 232 00:10:13,446 --> 00:10:15,115 and [distorted] I will eat your world. 233 00:10:15,240 --> 00:10:17,575 Beth: Honey, my dad can hear you. 234 00:10:17,700 --> 00:10:18,785 [Normal voice] Got to go. 235 00:10:18,910 --> 00:10:20,203 [Distorted] See you soon. 236 00:10:20,328 --> 00:10:21,788 Beth: Okay. 237 00:10:21,913 --> 00:10:24,791 [Screams] 238 00:10:24,916 --> 00:10:26,459 Well, it sounds like he's fine. 239 00:10:26,584 --> 00:10:29,170 Yeah, I'm almost kind of rooting for him this time. 240 00:10:29,295 --> 00:10:34,342 [ Rock music plays ] 241 00:10:34,467 --> 00:10:36,219 [All gasp] 242 00:10:36,344 --> 00:10:38,221 One diet sprite remix, please, 243 00:10:38,346 --> 00:10:40,807 and, uh, is anyone here an uber driver? 244 00:10:40,932 --> 00:10:42,392 You can't bring that Boulder in here. 245 00:10:42,517 --> 00:10:44,102 - What? - I said no boulders. 246 00:10:44,227 --> 00:10:45,955 - This ain't the lake, buddy. - Drop the rock. 247 00:10:45,979 --> 00:10:48,106 Well, it's kind of a... A service Boulder. 248 00:10:48,231 --> 00:10:49,524 Yeah, I float without it. 249 00:10:49,649 --> 00:10:51,693 Big man holding a big rock, 250 00:10:51,818 --> 00:10:52,986 think you can take me down? 251 00:10:53,111 --> 00:10:55,196 No, obviously not. You're huge. 252 00:10:55,321 --> 00:10:56,590 - Then put it down. - Put the Boulder down! 253 00:10:56,614 --> 00:10:58,116 If I put it down, I'm going to float. 254 00:10:58,241 --> 00:10:59,701 - Drop it! - Put it down! 255 00:10:59,826 --> 00:11:01,637 And frankly, your bar has a lot of ceiling fans. 256 00:11:01,661 --> 00:11:02,661 Drop the rock. 257 00:11:02,704 --> 00:11:04,330 - Put it down. - Okay, okay, okay. 258 00:11:04,455 --> 00:11:05,790 Hey, whoa, what the fuck?! 259 00:11:05,915 --> 00:11:07,226 - Stop doing that. - I told you this would happen. 260 00:11:07,250 --> 00:11:08,793 Well, stop floating. 261 00:11:08,918 --> 00:11:10,187 - Who said you could float here? - I can't control it. 262 00:11:10,211 --> 00:11:12,755 [Indistinct shouting] 263 00:11:12,881 --> 00:11:16,384 Aaaaaaaaaah! 264 00:11:16,509 --> 00:11:18,469 And take your girlfriend with you. 265 00:11:18,595 --> 00:11:20,346 [Grunts] 266 00:11:20,471 --> 00:11:23,558 [Snake jazz playing] 267 00:11:23,683 --> 00:11:25,518 Summer, how supes shook am I 268 00:11:25,643 --> 00:11:27,312 about your playlisting fleekness tonight? 269 00:11:27,437 --> 00:11:29,063 You love it? It's snake jazz. 270 00:11:29,189 --> 00:11:31,125 My little brother got bit by a snake in outer space 271 00:11:31,149 --> 00:11:32,400 and killed it with a hubcap, 272 00:11:32,525 --> 00:11:33,878 and my grandpa had to scan its planet's culture 273 00:11:33,902 --> 00:11:35,612 for an antivenom, and they found this. 274 00:11:35,737 --> 00:11:37,071 It's my jam. 275 00:11:37,197 --> 00:11:40,200 Seriously, my new thing now is snake jazz. 276 00:11:40,325 --> 00:11:42,052 Can you alter the course of a species' evolution 277 00:11:42,076 --> 00:11:43,356 like that without repercussions? 278 00:11:43,453 --> 00:11:44,871 Gee, I don't know, Nancy. 279 00:11:44,996 --> 00:11:47,156 Can you alter the course of being a giant fucking nerd? 280 00:11:47,207 --> 00:11:48,958 Sorry. 281 00:11:49,083 --> 00:11:50,561 Also, later, we need to discuss your clothing and your weight. 282 00:11:50,585 --> 00:11:51,585 That's fair. 283 00:11:51,669 --> 00:11:53,755 [Moans] 284 00:11:53,880 --> 00:11:55,006 What the hell? 285 00:11:55,131 --> 00:11:56,371 [ Robotically] Target acquired. 286 00:11:56,466 --> 00:11:57,967 [Gunshot] 287 00:11:59,636 --> 00:12:01,054 [Gun clicks] 288 00:12:01,179 --> 00:12:03,890 [Gunshot] 289 00:12:04,015 --> 00:12:05,391 Snakes! Get back in the car! 290 00:12:05,516 --> 00:12:07,227 Morty, enough with the... Snakes! 291 00:12:07,352 --> 00:12:09,062 [ Robotically] Target acquired. 292 00:12:11,231 --> 00:12:14,400 Aliens, I am a robot sent back in time by the snake resistance 293 00:12:14,525 --> 00:12:16,236 to protect you from serpacorp. 294 00:12:16,361 --> 00:12:18,881 My appearance is designed to be familiar and to put you at ease. 295 00:12:18,905 --> 00:12:22,408 The ape child must be eliminated to protect our timeline. 296 00:12:22,533 --> 00:12:23,813 Morty, what the hell did you do? 297 00:12:23,868 --> 00:12:25,453 I was just trying to do the right thing. 298 00:12:25,578 --> 00:12:27,080 I took a living snake... 299 00:12:27,205 --> 00:12:29,540 [Groans] 300 00:12:29,666 --> 00:12:31,042 Get behind me. I will protect... 301 00:12:31,167 --> 00:12:33,294 Aaah! 302 00:12:38,591 --> 00:12:40,218 Why... why are they attacking us? 303 00:12:40,343 --> 00:12:41,761 I-I-I helped them. 304 00:12:41,886 --> 00:12:43,364 You gave them proof that there was something bigger 305 00:12:43,388 --> 00:12:45,348 and scarier to unite against, you little idiot. 306 00:12:45,473 --> 00:12:46,951 They would have gone back into the dark ages 307 00:12:46,975 --> 00:12:48,142 for a couple of generations, 308 00:12:48,268 --> 00:12:49,769 but instead, they dedicated themselves 309 00:12:49,894 --> 00:12:51,312 into making universe-destroying, 310 00:12:51,437 --> 00:12:53,773 UN-thought-out technology like time travel 311 00:12:53,898 --> 00:12:56,276 all so they could try to kill a little shit sack on earth 312 00:12:56,401 --> 00:12:57,841 who couldn't let a dead snake be dead 313 00:12:57,902 --> 00:13:00,154 even after it bit his ankle. 314 00:13:00,280 --> 00:13:02,490 Next time, stay in the fucking car. 315 00:13:02,615 --> 00:13:08,037 Narrator: 17 billion snake lives ended on June 21, 2026. 316 00:13:08,162 --> 00:13:12,333 The survivors lived only to face a new nightmare, 317 00:13:12,458 --> 00:13:16,379 the war between snake and machine. 318 00:13:16,504 --> 00:13:19,090 In the end, snake overcame machine 319 00:13:19,215 --> 00:13:21,259 because of what we couldn't predict... 320 00:13:21,384 --> 00:13:26,514 That an alien, a child from a distant star, would save us. 321 00:13:41,279 --> 00:13:43,364 W-Where are we going? W-What are we doing here, Rick? 322 00:13:43,489 --> 00:13:44,675 Rick: We got to get the heart of snake net. 323 00:13:44,699 --> 00:13:46,784 Now, shut up, and stay close. 324 00:13:46,909 --> 00:13:48,619 [ Robotically] Resistance is mouselike. 325 00:13:48,745 --> 00:13:50,955 Whoa, hey, look. That one's actually really cool. 326 00:13:51,080 --> 00:13:52,080 Come here, little guy. 327 00:13:52,123 --> 00:13:53,833 Ah, you little son of a bitch. 328 00:13:53,958 --> 00:13:56,127 Come on, morty. 329 00:13:56,252 --> 00:13:59,297 [ Robotically ] Your brood must be exterminated. 330 00:13:59,422 --> 00:14:02,050 You will not kill her or her brood. 331 00:14:02,175 --> 00:14:04,719 - Must kill brood and mother. - Get behind me. 332 00:14:04,844 --> 00:14:06,888 Your brood will seed all life on this planet. 333 00:14:07,013 --> 00:14:09,053 - That doesn't make sense. - That didn't make sense. 334 00:14:09,140 --> 00:14:10,350 Hey, it's... it's slippy! 335 00:14:10,475 --> 00:14:12,268 Keep up, shit bag. 336 00:14:21,319 --> 00:14:24,947 [Sighs] 337 00:14:25,073 --> 00:14:26,633 Beth: Hi, you went directly to volcemall 338 00:14:26,657 --> 00:14:28,010 because your number is not in my phone. 339 00:14:28,034 --> 00:14:29,160 Don't leave a message. 340 00:14:29,285 --> 00:14:30,703 Hi, honey. 341 00:14:30,828 --> 00:14:33,706 Uh, look. Morty told me that you didn't think 342 00:14:33,831 --> 00:14:35,875 I could hang lights without killing myself. 343 00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:42,090 Look, I want to be a strong man for you, but the truth is... 344 00:14:42,215 --> 00:14:45,718 The truth is, I'm coming home with the best lights ever. 345 00:14:48,930 --> 00:14:50,139 Oof. 346 00:14:50,264 --> 00:14:51,344 Whoa, feel that turbulence? 347 00:14:51,432 --> 00:14:52,517 Nope, I'm on Molly. 348 00:14:52,642 --> 00:14:54,227 [Both laugh] 349 00:14:54,352 --> 00:14:55,603 Give me some. Ahh. 350 00:14:59,190 --> 00:15:00,608 Siri: 10 hours has expired. 351 00:15:00,733 --> 00:15:03,778 Aaaah! 352 00:15:05,613 --> 00:15:07,049 I don't suppose you guys will take a bribe? 353 00:15:07,073 --> 00:15:07,949 [ Hisses] 354 00:15:08,074 --> 00:15:09,117 Ah! 355 00:15:12,245 --> 00:15:14,288 Anyone else want legs? 356 00:15:19,919 --> 00:15:21,379 God damn it. Are you kidding me? 357 00:15:21,504 --> 00:15:23,224 I thought there'd be a time machine in here. 358 00:15:23,339 --> 00:15:25,317 They're not even a quarter of the way through making it. 359 00:15:25,341 --> 00:15:27,135 I'm gonna have to invent it for them. 360 00:15:27,260 --> 00:15:28,553 I-I don't know snake math. 361 00:15:28,678 --> 00:15:30,158 Ugh, I didn't want to have to do this. 362 00:15:30,221 --> 00:15:32,140 Fuck. All right. 363 00:15:32,265 --> 00:15:33,891 W-What's going on? What are you doing? 364 00:15:34,016 --> 00:15:37,019 I'm reminding myself to commit even more to your fuck-up. 365 00:15:37,145 --> 00:15:38,271 Hey, assholes. 366 00:15:38,396 --> 00:15:39,676 Fuck you. Takes one to know one. 367 00:15:39,772 --> 00:15:41,107 What the heck? 368 00:15:41,232 --> 00:15:43,392 - Hey, man, you... you okay? - You know what? Fuck you. 369 00:15:43,484 --> 00:15:45,945 - What? Screw you. - Here. 370 00:15:46,070 --> 00:15:47,339 Come on. Was it really that hard? 371 00:15:47,363 --> 00:15:49,157 What do you think? Come on, morty. 372 00:15:49,282 --> 00:15:51,159 Man, I-I-I wonder why I had a black eye. 373 00:15:51,284 --> 00:15:53,369 Morty, shut the fuck up and put these on. 374 00:15:56,414 --> 00:15:59,417 [Mid-tempo funk music plays] 375 00:16:03,129 --> 00:16:04,505 Okay, so w-what are we doing? 376 00:16:04,630 --> 00:16:05,941 That book has everything they need 377 00:16:05,965 --> 00:16:07,425 to create snake time travel, 378 00:16:07,550 --> 00:16:10,386 a-and they're getting it in 1985, snake time. 379 00:16:10,511 --> 00:16:12,831 Now, they're gonna do it so early that it won't involve us, 380 00:16:12,889 --> 00:16:14,366 and they're gonna be even stupider with it. 381 00:16:14,390 --> 00:16:15,766 Huh, a-and then what? 382 00:16:15,892 --> 00:16:17,532 We're removing ourselves from this sloppy, 383 00:16:17,602 --> 00:16:19,395 fucked-up story and letting snake time travel 384 00:16:19,520 --> 00:16:21,022 eat its own tail. 385 00:16:26,152 --> 00:16:27,820 [Hissing] 386 00:16:27,945 --> 00:16:29,322 [All hissing] 387 00:16:57,850 --> 00:17:00,853 [Hissing] 388 00:17:30,466 --> 00:17:32,635 Just have to keep my grip. 389 00:17:32,760 --> 00:17:35,012 Jerry Smith, I am here to save you. 390 00:17:35,137 --> 00:17:37,223 What? I already told Rick I don't want help. 391 00:17:37,348 --> 00:17:38,849 I do not know Rick. 392 00:17:38,975 --> 00:17:41,227 I was sent by a society of human-snake hybrids... 393 00:17:41,352 --> 00:17:43,312 - Classic Rick. - From an alternate version... 394 00:17:46,274 --> 00:17:48,317 I did it! We're landing! 395 00:17:48,442 --> 00:17:49,652 I knew I could do it. 396 00:17:49,777 --> 00:17:51,445 [Laughs hysterically] 397 00:17:59,328 --> 00:18:01,914 Jesus Christ, Rick, it's pandemonium out there! 398 00:18:02,039 --> 00:18:04,041 T-This is worse than when we left. 399 00:18:04,166 --> 00:18:05,751 Rick, look, summer! 400 00:18:09,130 --> 00:18:12,550 Nobody chokes me without consent. 401 00:18:12,675 --> 00:18:14,343 Y-You just made things worse, Rick. 402 00:18:14,468 --> 00:18:15,636 Trust me, morty. 403 00:18:15,761 --> 00:18:17,263 We helped them press on the gas pedal. 404 00:18:17,388 --> 00:18:19,515 We just got to wait for them to blow by a cop. 405 00:18:21,809 --> 00:18:23,686 [Telephone rings] 406 00:18:23,811 --> 00:18:25,479 Shleemypants here, what's up? 407 00:18:25,605 --> 00:18:28,524 Snakes? Time travel? They did what? 408 00:18:28,649 --> 00:18:31,777 How the fuck did... Okay, okay, I'm on it. 409 00:18:31,902 --> 00:18:35,114 We got a 10-51 on a goddamn snake planet. 410 00:18:35,239 --> 00:18:37,283 Don't look at me. I'm afraid of snakes. 411 00:18:37,408 --> 00:18:39,076 "I'm afraid of snakes," bullshit. 412 00:18:39,201 --> 00:18:41,001 You afraid of work. That's what you afraid of. 413 00:18:41,037 --> 00:18:42,288 All right. All right. 414 00:18:42,413 --> 00:18:43,998 [Sighs] Let's go take care of this. 415 00:18:45,833 --> 00:18:49,170 [ Hisses] 416 00:18:49,295 --> 00:18:50,630 Oh, look at you. 417 00:18:50,755 --> 00:18:52,173 You a smart snake, huh? 418 00:18:52,298 --> 00:18:53,966 You using tools now, huh? 419 00:18:54,091 --> 00:18:55,402 Those tools are gonna turn into you 420 00:18:55,426 --> 00:18:57,011 manipulating the fabric of shit. 421 00:18:57,136 --> 00:18:58,155 Get over here, motherfucker. 422 00:18:58,179 --> 00:18:59,239 What the fuck you think you doing? 423 00:18:59,263 --> 00:19:02,725 - Don't fuck with time. - You don't fuck with time. 424 00:19:02,850 --> 00:19:04,852 [Snakes hissing] 425 00:19:04,977 --> 00:19:07,355 - Holy shit. - What happened? 426 00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:09,166 Look, this is better than them attacking us. 427 00:19:09,190 --> 00:19:10,608 Also, that's about as much curvature 428 00:19:10,733 --> 00:19:12,652 as you're gonna get from a time-travel story. 429 00:19:12,777 --> 00:19:15,017 You know what? This one counts as one of your adventures. 430 00:19:15,112 --> 00:19:16,405 - Hey, come on. - No freebies. 431 00:19:16,530 --> 00:19:18,407 Aw, man, I-I wanted to go to boob world. 432 00:19:18,532 --> 00:19:20,493 Well, now, we can't because you fucked up. 433 00:19:20,618 --> 00:19:22,370 Got to learn a lesson. 434 00:19:22,495 --> 00:19:23,996 You want to go to boob world, summer? 435 00:19:24,121 --> 00:19:25,373 Eh, not today. 436 00:19:25,498 --> 00:19:29,126 [Sighs] This sucks. 437 00:19:29,251 --> 00:19:31,170 [ Panting ] Hey, honey, check it out. 438 00:19:31,295 --> 00:19:33,297 Jerry, I was worried about you. 439 00:19:33,422 --> 00:19:35,622 Oh, just killing some snakes up here like everyone else, 440 00:19:35,716 --> 00:19:37,468 I guess, and finishing the Christmas lights. 441 00:19:37,593 --> 00:19:39,011 Wait, the whole time? 442 00:19:39,136 --> 00:19:41,305 I was screaming for help, and you stayed on the roof? 443 00:19:41,430 --> 00:19:43,516 I couldn't hear you over my own screaming. 444 00:19:43,641 --> 00:19:44,684 We've talked about this. 445 00:19:44,809 --> 00:19:47,019 Well, I'm just glad you're safe. 446 00:19:47,144 --> 00:19:49,522 Well, duh, of course, I'm safe. 447 00:19:49,647 --> 00:19:50,940 Hey, guess what, asshole. 448 00:19:51,065 --> 00:19:52,191 I did it without you. 449 00:19:52,316 --> 00:19:53,693 Whoa! Ah! 450 00:19:53,818 --> 00:19:56,612 Oh, god, it hurts. 451 00:19:56,737 --> 00:19:57,780 What was that? 452 00:19:57,905 --> 00:19:59,407 I healed your leg 50%. 453 00:19:59,532 --> 00:20:01,575 The rest is on you, big man. 454 00:20:01,701 --> 00:20:04,537 That's what I'm talking about. Respect, my brother. 455 00:20:04,662 --> 00:20:06,706 Geez, your dad sucks. All right, morty. 456 00:20:06,831 --> 00:20:08,624 Let's go enjoy a little bit of eggnog, huh? 457 00:20:08,749 --> 00:20:09,750 All right. 458 00:20:09,875 --> 00:20:11,335 Not so fast, boys. 459 00:20:11,460 --> 00:20:13,146 Yeah, I think you might be forgetting something. 460 00:20:13,170 --> 00:20:15,047 Merry Christmas, fuck nuts. Get to work. 461 00:20:15,172 --> 00:20:16,650 Geez, I don't see why you have to be smug about it. 462 00:20:16,674 --> 00:20:18,068 - A bunch of bullshit. - That's not necessary. 463 00:20:18,092 --> 00:20:19,468 This fucking sucks. 464 00:20:19,593 --> 00:20:21,154 Yeah, it's fun until it's you, huh, shit nog? 465 00:20:21,178 --> 00:20:23,389 Yeah, have fun sewing those snake costumes together, 466 00:20:23,514 --> 00:20:25,266 - you little tramp. - You tell them, morty. 467 00:20:25,391 --> 00:20:27,244 Geez, you guys don't have to be dicks about it, all right? 468 00:20:27,268 --> 00:20:29,468 Yeah, neither did the guys before us, but you know what? 469 00:20:29,520 --> 00:20:31,160 They were. Merry Christmas, you shit bags. 470 00:20:31,272 --> 00:20:33,858 Yeah, ghost of Christmas future, bitches, you fucking idiots. 471 00:20:33,983 --> 00:20:36,527 - So mean. - Those guys are mean. 472 00:20:36,652 --> 00:20:39,655 [Suspenseful music plays] 473 00:21:07,892 --> 00:21:09,935 Man, I just want to open my Christmas presents. 474 00:21:10,060 --> 00:21:12,260 Well, I'm waiting on you to finish those snake costumes. 475 00:21:12,354 --> 00:21:14,106 I'm almost done. You know what? 476 00:21:14,231 --> 00:21:15,566 T-They're good enough. I'm done. 477 00:21:15,691 --> 00:21:17,276 All right. Let's go. 478 00:21:19,320 --> 00:21:20,630 All right. We're landing. Come on. 479 00:21:20,654 --> 00:21:22,656 Man, I can't believe we're almost done, Rick. 480 00:21:22,782 --> 00:21:24,450 I can practically taste the eggnog. 481 00:21:24,575 --> 00:21:25,951 Hey, you know what? 482 00:21:26,076 --> 00:21:27,953 I... I feel like we're forgetting something. 483 00:21:28,078 --> 00:21:29,914 Oh, yeah, uh, thanks for reminding me. 484 00:21:30,039 --> 00:21:31,916 Morty, next time, stay in the car. 485 00:21:32,041 --> 00:21:33,459 [Camera shutter clicks]