1 00:00:08,091 --> 00:00:10,761 [Engine rumbling] 2 00:00:10,886 --> 00:00:12,721 Tickets, please. 3 00:00:12,846 --> 00:00:16,391 [Indistinct chatter] 4 00:00:18,060 --> 00:00:20,103 Barkeep. A drink for my colleague. 5 00:00:20,229 --> 00:00:21,438 Do I know you? 6 00:00:21,563 --> 00:00:23,163 I know the only reason to travel by train 7 00:00:23,273 --> 00:00:24,525 is to travel with weapons. 8 00:00:24,650 --> 00:00:26,735 And we all know that at the end of this line, 9 00:00:26,860 --> 00:00:28,987 there's only one creature worth killing. 10 00:00:29,112 --> 00:00:31,949 The man in the white coat. 11 00:00:32,074 --> 00:00:34,576 May as well take turns exchanging stories. 12 00:00:34,701 --> 00:00:38,205 Mine begins on planet ramamama. 13 00:00:38,330 --> 00:00:40,666 Lower him into acid. 14 00:00:40,791 --> 00:00:44,628 Once he's dissolved, lower someone else into acid. 15 00:00:44,753 --> 00:00:46,630 Is he dissolved? 16 00:00:46,755 --> 00:00:49,591 At least use the downtime to reset the acid iowerer. 17 00:00:49,716 --> 00:00:51,552 I really don't like the attitude around here. 18 00:00:51,677 --> 00:00:54,221 It's a very "lower me into acid" attitude. 19 00:00:54,346 --> 00:00:55,347 [Door slams open] 20 00:00:56,557 --> 00:00:57,557 Who are you? 21 00:00:57,599 --> 00:00:58,684 [ Farts] 22 00:00:58,809 --> 00:00:59,977 How did you reach my sanctum? 23 00:01:00,102 --> 00:01:01,228 [ Farts] 24 00:01:01,353 --> 00:01:02,622 All right, this is going in circles. 25 00:01:02,646 --> 00:01:04,314 Seize him! 26 00:01:04,439 --> 00:01:06,233 - Aah! - Aah! 27 00:01:06,358 --> 00:01:08,694 [All shouting] 28 00:01:12,573 --> 00:01:14,032 [Glass shatters] 29 00:01:14,700 --> 00:01:16,118 - Aah! - Aah! 30 00:01:19,955 --> 00:01:21,164 [Farting] 31 00:01:21,290 --> 00:01:22,374 Very well. 32 00:01:22,499 --> 00:01:24,793 Now I will fight you. 33 00:01:25,752 --> 00:01:27,605 Anyway, he tells a different version of the story 34 00:01:27,629 --> 00:01:29,464 where I start crying or something. 35 00:01:29,590 --> 00:01:31,633 That's why he has to die. 36 00:01:31,758 --> 00:01:33,051 'Cause he's a liar. 37 00:01:34,428 --> 00:01:36,263 Why are you going to kill Rick Sanchez? 38 00:01:36,388 --> 00:01:37,628 Okay, I don't know who that is. 39 00:01:37,723 --> 00:01:39,349 I don't accept your weird leap in logic 40 00:01:39,474 --> 00:01:41,474 that has everyone on a train going to kill one guy. 41 00:01:41,560 --> 00:01:43,645 And even if I did, why would we take turns 42 00:01:43,770 --> 00:01:44,872 telling stories about it like 43 00:01:44,896 --> 00:01:46,023 little girls at a sleepover? 44 00:01:46,148 --> 00:01:47,691 If you're trying to be hurtful, 45 00:01:47,816 --> 00:01:48,942 you're doing a good job. 46 00:01:49,067 --> 00:01:50,319 I'll take his turn. 47 00:01:50,444 --> 00:01:52,154 Here's why I'm going to kill Rick Sanchez. 48 00:01:52,279 --> 00:01:53,530 You guys have fun with this. 49 00:01:53,655 --> 00:01:55,198 Dissolve to a clam-shaped sun 50 00:01:55,324 --> 00:01:57,117 rising over a giant beach. 51 00:01:57,242 --> 00:01:58,660 Whew. [Sighs] 52 00:01:58,785 --> 00:02:00,287 By then, of course, he had left toys 53 00:02:00,412 --> 00:02:03,540 and flesh drops for every one of us in the spore-hive. 54 00:02:03,665 --> 00:02:04,916 Ah, a newcomer! 55 00:02:05,042 --> 00:02:06,561 I suppose you think you have a better story 56 00:02:06,585 --> 00:02:09,421 about how Rick Sanchez saved space Christmas. 57 00:02:09,546 --> 00:02:11,882 What is with the Rick Sanchez obsession? 58 00:02:12,007 --> 00:02:13,175 [ Laughter] 59 00:02:13,300 --> 00:02:14,968 I think the best way to answer that 60 00:02:15,093 --> 00:02:17,346 is with my Christmas Rick tale. 61 00:02:19,056 --> 00:02:20,057 Whoo! 62 00:02:20,182 --> 00:02:21,808 Could've used Rudolph tonight! 63 00:02:21,933 --> 00:02:23,560 Oh, thank god. I'm not too late. 64 00:02:23,685 --> 00:02:24,912 I don't know how to thank you, goomby. 65 00:02:24,936 --> 00:02:26,104 No need. 66 00:02:26,229 --> 00:02:27,582 You just go in there and have a nice time. 67 00:02:27,606 --> 00:02:29,191 I will. Thanks. 68 00:02:32,611 --> 00:02:33,820 - [Door opens] - Rick: Hey. 69 00:02:33,945 --> 00:02:35,322 Merry Christmas, goomby. 70 00:02:35,447 --> 00:02:37,240 Merry Christmas, Rick. 71 00:02:37,366 --> 00:02:38,492 Oh. Uh... 72 00:02:38,617 --> 00:02:39,868 Oh, it's okay. 73 00:02:39,993 --> 00:02:41,346 I-I don't have to. Sorry if that was... 74 00:02:41,370 --> 00:02:42,621 No. Um, um, I can ask. 75 00:02:42,746 --> 00:02:44,015 No, no, no, I don't wanna be a burden. 76 00:02:44,039 --> 00:02:45,540 Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, there's just... 77 00:02:45,666 --> 00:02:46,893 There's a lot of people. Family. You know? 78 00:02:46,917 --> 00:02:47,917 I get it. 79 00:02:47,959 --> 00:02:49,239 - You're not mad? - Totally fine. 80 00:02:50,462 --> 00:02:52,464 [Wind whistling] 81 00:02:55,759 --> 00:02:57,052 [ Laughter] 82 00:02:57,177 --> 00:02:58,595 That... Okay, none of my business 83 00:02:58,720 --> 00:03:00,156 but he didn't even save Christmas in that story. 84 00:03:00,180 --> 00:03:01,223 Oh, how dare you! 85 00:03:01,348 --> 00:03:02,588 That doesn't mean I'm invested. 86 00:03:02,641 --> 00:03:03,892 Tell your Christmas Rick story! 87 00:03:04,017 --> 00:03:05,852 Step the hell back! Bach 88 00:03:09,022 --> 00:03:11,400 [panting] 89 00:03:11,525 --> 00:03:13,245 You start teeing up a Rick Sanchez vignette, 90 00:03:13,276 --> 00:03:14,945 and you'll be doing it through two holes. 91 00:03:15,070 --> 00:03:16,839 I'm just trying to figure out what's going on with this train. 92 00:03:16,863 --> 00:03:18,073 Do you remember getting on it? 93 00:03:18,198 --> 00:03:20,826 No. First thing I remember is... 94 00:03:20,951 --> 00:03:22,703 Tickets, please. 95 00:03:23,912 --> 00:03:26,915 So, why did you date Rick Sanchez? 96 00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:28,375 What? 97 00:03:28,500 --> 00:03:30,103 Oh, you don't have to pretend you didn't date him. 98 00:03:30,127 --> 00:03:31,753 We all did. We get it. 99 00:03:31,878 --> 00:03:35,298 Low point in your life, rebound from an ex, et cetera. 100 00:03:35,424 --> 00:03:36,633 No, really, who? 101 00:03:36,758 --> 00:03:38,760 [Chuckles] Oh, exactly. 102 00:03:38,885 --> 00:03:42,889 In fact, and get this, when he met my family... 103 00:03:43,014 --> 00:03:44,349 -[ Wolf ' -aah! Growling] 104 00:03:44,474 --> 00:03:45,475 [Grunting] 105 00:03:45,600 --> 00:03:47,853 Leah! Leah, check it out. 106 00:03:47,978 --> 00:03:49,080 Where'd you meet this, um... 107 00:03:49,104 --> 00:03:50,939 - [ Sighs] - Sprite? 108 00:03:51,064 --> 00:03:53,191 He's actually a human. 109 00:03:53,316 --> 00:03:55,777 But he invented portal tech? 110 00:03:55,902 --> 00:03:57,612 I am the concept of time. 111 00:03:57,738 --> 00:03:58,738 Jesus! 112 00:03:58,822 --> 00:03:59,990 I warned you not to do that. 113 00:04:00,115 --> 00:04:01,950 - I wasn't trying. - You don't have to. 114 00:04:02,075 --> 00:04:03,355 The train is obviously amplifying 115 00:04:03,410 --> 00:04:04,929 and linking unrelated narrative fields. 116 00:04:04,953 --> 00:04:06,163 Uh-huh... 117 00:04:06,288 --> 00:04:07,914 Morty? I told you if you found me again, 118 00:04:08,039 --> 00:04:09,416 identify yourself. 119 00:04:09,541 --> 00:04:11,209 I didn't know it was you. 120 00:04:11,334 --> 00:04:12,494 How did you not recognize me? 121 00:04:12,586 --> 00:04:13,920 Didn't you create the disguises? 122 00:04:14,045 --> 00:04:15,797 When I create shit, it works, morty. 123 00:04:15,922 --> 00:04:17,007 It's called being talented. 124 00:04:17,132 --> 00:04:18,300 Why can't we find the engine? 125 00:04:18,425 --> 00:04:20,427 It's not a real train, it's a story device. 126 00:04:20,552 --> 00:04:22,721 Literally. A literal literary device 127 00:04:22,846 --> 00:04:25,098 quite literally metaphorically containing us. 128 00:04:25,223 --> 00:04:26,099 A simulation. 129 00:04:26,224 --> 00:04:27,601 Worse. An anthology. 130 00:04:27,726 --> 00:04:29,269 Okay, so how... How do we hijack it? 131 00:04:29,394 --> 00:04:30,729 Oh, morty, it's been hijacked 132 00:04:30,854 --> 00:04:32,230 for at least two full minutes. 133 00:04:32,355 --> 00:04:34,357 Are you not hearing this insane conversation? 134 00:04:34,483 --> 00:04:36,902 Okay, tickets please guy, stop the anthology. 135 00:04:37,027 --> 00:04:39,088 If we wanted one-offs, we'd do interdimensional cable, 136 00:04:39,112 --> 00:04:41,072 not some uptight, overwritten... 137 00:04:41,198 --> 00:04:42,616 - Rick? - God damn! 138 00:04:42,741 --> 00:04:43,867 Tickets, please. 139 00:04:43,992 --> 00:04:45,219 Dude, I'm sure you've got, like, 140 00:04:45,243 --> 00:04:46,953 so many tickets at this point. 141 00:04:47,078 --> 00:04:49,331 Jesus! The tickets please guy is cut! 142 00:04:49,456 --> 00:04:51,096 He... he... he's... he's got those things. 143 00:04:51,166 --> 00:04:53,126 W-What do you call them. Uhm, cum gutters. 144 00:04:53,251 --> 00:04:54,771 - Morty, gross! - That's what people call them. 145 00:04:54,795 --> 00:04:56,355 Gross people. I don't want to have to picture 146 00:04:56,379 --> 00:04:58,507 cum so watery in such volumes that... 147 00:04:58,632 --> 00:04:59,966 Hey, hey, hey, stay back. 148 00:05:00,091 --> 00:05:01,611 I'll kick you. I-I'll kick your shin, bro. 149 00:05:01,635 --> 00:05:03,136 - Aaah! - Hey! 150 00:05:03,261 --> 00:05:05,388 I'll fuckin' cook and eat your ticket-taking ass. 151 00:05:05,514 --> 00:05:07,641 - [ Coughs] - Hey, I found a ticket. 152 00:05:07,766 --> 00:05:09,017 [Coughs] 153 00:05:09,142 --> 00:05:11,478 Wow, you are just... Ladies and gentlemen, 154 00:05:11,603 --> 00:05:13,396 the Jackie chan of human shielding. 155 00:05:13,522 --> 00:05:14,874 Who takes the time to get this good at... 156 00:05:14,898 --> 00:05:15,982 Fuck this. 157 00:05:16,107 --> 00:05:17,609 -Aaah -structural breach. 158 00:05:17,734 --> 00:05:18,985 Losing continuity. 159 00:05:19,110 --> 00:05:20,487 Morty, hold on to something. 160 00:05:20,612 --> 00:05:21,488 Keep your head inside. 161 00:05:21,613 --> 00:05:22,697 Aaah! 162 00:05:22,823 --> 00:05:24,866 [Gasps] 163 00:05:24,991 --> 00:05:27,452 [Video games beeping] 164 00:05:27,577 --> 00:05:28,787 Share with your sister, Josh. 165 00:05:28,912 --> 00:05:30,223 Just because it's your birthday doesn't mean 166 00:05:30,247 --> 00:05:31,665 you can be an asshole. 167 00:05:31,790 --> 00:05:33,750 - You okay, dad? - Is this real? 168 00:05:33,875 --> 00:05:35,186 I doubt it, but you get what you get 169 00:05:35,210 --> 00:05:36,437 when you eat dinner in an arcade. 170 00:05:36,461 --> 00:05:38,672 I mean are you real, is life real? 171 00:05:38,797 --> 00:05:40,441 Okay, I'm calling the nurse because you are not 172 00:05:40,465 --> 00:05:41,984 - doing this tonight. - You're god damn right 173 00:05:42,008 --> 00:05:44,128 - I'm not because... - You are not doing this tonight! 174 00:05:44,177 --> 00:05:45,387 This isn't real life! 175 00:05:45,512 --> 00:05:46,906 - Dad? Oh, my god! - Honey. Sweetie. 176 00:05:46,930 --> 00:05:48,074 - What's happening? - Give me your tickets. 177 00:05:48,098 --> 00:05:49,391 I... I need tickets. 178 00:05:49,516 --> 00:05:52,727 Everyone give me tickeeeeeettttttts! 179 00:05:52,853 --> 00:05:54,229 Aaaah! 180 00:05:55,230 --> 00:05:56,857 Aaah! 181 00:05:58,525 --> 00:06:00,694 Female voice: Emergency continuity deployed. 182 00:06:00,819 --> 00:06:02,070 [Breathing heavily] 183 00:06:02,195 --> 00:06:03,488 [Groans] 184 00:06:05,407 --> 00:06:07,093 - This could come in handy. - Can't we just ride out the... 185 00:06:07,117 --> 00:06:08,451 Fuck you, I'd rather die. 186 00:06:08,577 --> 00:06:10,263 - [ Crashing] - Train cops! Hands in the air! 187 00:06:10,287 --> 00:06:11,607 Tee up a story about Rick Sanchez! 188 00:06:11,663 --> 00:06:13,039 - He is Rick! - Jesus Christ! 189 00:06:13,164 --> 00:06:14,499 Is that the tickets please guy? 190 00:06:14,624 --> 00:06:15,876 Well, just the stub. 191 00:06:16,001 --> 00:06:17,210 - Too soon! - Too soon! 192 00:06:17,335 --> 00:06:18,962 Don't move! Too soon! 193 00:06:20,922 --> 00:06:23,216 So, what did the train cops do wrong? 194 00:06:23,341 --> 00:06:24,885 Shot... people? 195 00:06:25,010 --> 00:06:26,636 - Shot passengers. - Wrong. 196 00:06:26,761 --> 00:06:28,865 The passengers tampered with the anthology's structure. 197 00:06:28,889 --> 00:06:30,265 Lethal response was permitted, 198 00:06:30,390 --> 00:06:32,601 but not with him holding that tank. 199 00:06:32,726 --> 00:06:34,495 Let's take a look at what they should have done. 200 00:06:34,519 --> 00:06:35,687 Train cops! Hands in the air! 201 00:06:35,812 --> 00:06:37,022 - Drop the tank! - Drop it! 202 00:06:37,147 --> 00:06:38,607 Drop it! Drop the tank. 203 00:06:39,441 --> 00:06:41,276 [Applause] 204 00:06:41,401 --> 00:06:42,921 Sorry to nitpick, sir, but if there was 205 00:06:42,986 --> 00:06:45,989 a continuity explosion, isn't there always one? 206 00:06:46,114 --> 00:06:48,009 And doesn't that mean those two could be anywhere? 207 00:06:48,033 --> 00:06:49,743 What? No, you idiot, that... it's... 208 00:06:49,868 --> 00:06:51,971 It's just a training video. That didn't actually happen. 209 00:06:51,995 --> 00:06:52,995 That's what you think. 210 00:06:53,038 --> 00:06:54,581 Hey. How'd you get here? 211 00:06:54,706 --> 00:06:56,267 Yeah, like we're the ones that popped up out of nowhere? 212 00:06:56,291 --> 00:06:57,167 Fuck these guys. 213 00:06:57,292 --> 00:06:59,336 [Grunting] 214 00:07:00,879 --> 00:07:02,589 Hey, what the hell? Your leg is healed. 215 00:07:02,714 --> 00:07:04,299 Yeah, it's a real free-for-all. 216 00:07:04,424 --> 00:07:05,842 Here we go. 217 00:07:05,967 --> 00:07:07,486 Of course this thing is just a fucking circle. 218 00:07:07,510 --> 00:07:09,196 You'd think it was so god damn complicated... 219 00:07:09,220 --> 00:07:11,640 Okay, here's where the stupid vignettes were. 220 00:07:11,765 --> 00:07:13,534 God, imagine if that had been the whole thing. 221 00:07:13,558 --> 00:07:17,312 So now we're here, and the engine must be here. 222 00:07:17,437 --> 00:07:18,998 I'll have to rig us a couple of space suits 223 00:07:19,022 --> 00:07:21,191 that start failing around here so we can 224 00:07:21,316 --> 00:07:22,484 [burps] Pay a heavy price 225 00:07:22,609 --> 00:07:23,929 for re-entering at this threshold. 226 00:07:24,027 --> 00:07:25,362 We have to leave the train? 227 00:07:25,487 --> 00:07:26,988 We don't have to do anything, morty. 228 00:07:27,113 --> 00:07:28,573 This is just a structural guide. 229 00:07:28,698 --> 00:07:30,742 We're obviously gonna impart our own style. 230 00:07:30,867 --> 00:07:32,261 I don't like how meta this is getting, Rick. 231 00:07:32,285 --> 00:07:33,411 Shut up, morty. You're 14. 232 00:07:33,536 --> 00:07:34,976 You watch videos of people on YouTube 233 00:07:35,038 --> 00:07:36,581 reacting to fucking YouTube. 234 00:07:36,706 --> 00:07:37,934 I'll be the judge of when we get too meta. 235 00:07:37,958 --> 00:07:38,959 Holy shit. 236 00:07:39,084 --> 00:07:40,353 - How is he still breathing? - Aah! 237 00:07:40,377 --> 00:07:41,962 He's suspended in disbelief, 238 00:07:42,087 --> 00:07:43,773 slowly dying while living out an alternative 239 00:07:43,797 --> 00:07:45,006 non-diagetic reality. 240 00:07:45,131 --> 00:07:47,008 Geez, what a horrible way to die. 241 00:07:47,133 --> 00:07:48,152 You don't know the half of it. 242 00:07:48,176 --> 00:07:49,719 - Oh! - [ Both laugh] 243 00:07:49,844 --> 00:07:51,656 You're on fuego with the guy-torn-in-half bits, Rick. 244 00:07:51,680 --> 00:07:52,847 That one was organic, though. 245 00:07:52,973 --> 00:07:54,453 That's because you're naturally funny. 246 00:07:54,557 --> 00:07:55,785 That... that's good old-fashioned fun 247 00:07:55,809 --> 00:07:57,143 right there, you know? 248 00:07:57,268 --> 00:07:58,663 W-W-We don't need to over-think shit, okay? 249 00:07:58,687 --> 00:07:59,927 Okay, buddy. Nice and grounded, 250 00:07:59,980 --> 00:08:01,260 fully immersive from here on out. 251 00:08:01,314 --> 00:08:02,607 [Rumbling] 252 00:08:02,732 --> 00:08:04,332 - Right after this. - W-What's happening? 253 00:08:04,359 --> 00:08:05,568 Going into an act break. 254 00:08:06,403 --> 00:08:08,154 J“ not quite a bird j“ 255 00:08:08,279 --> 00:08:10,156 j“ not quite a person j“ 256 00:08:10,281 --> 00:08:11,533 j“ maybe what matters j“ 257 00:08:11,658 --> 00:08:13,994 jlstolove yourself first and j“ 258 00:08:14,119 --> 00:08:15,620 j“ soar j“ 259 00:08:15,745 --> 00:08:17,455 j“ child of air and land j“ 260 00:08:17,580 --> 00:08:19,708 j“ with wings and hands j“ 261 00:08:19,833 --> 00:08:21,584 j“ yes, you're a bird and a person j“ 262 00:08:21,710 --> 00:08:23,795 j“ I'm a bird and a person j“ 263 00:08:23,920 --> 00:08:25,672 both: J“ and more j“ 264 00:08:25,797 --> 00:08:27,465 sure, that was a great moment, 265 00:08:27,590 --> 00:08:28,651 but it was hardly the best time 266 00:08:28,675 --> 00:08:29,777 Rick and morty were musical. 267 00:08:29,801 --> 00:08:31,011 Who can forget the t... 268 00:08:31,136 --> 00:08:32,887 Hey. You guys think there's something weird 269 00:08:33,013 --> 00:08:34,180 about this train? 270 00:08:34,305 --> 00:08:35,408 We've been here a really long time 271 00:08:35,432 --> 00:08:36,617 and nobody's taken our tickets. 272 00:08:36,641 --> 00:08:37,767 Aaah! 273 00:08:37,892 --> 00:08:38,893 [All screaming] 274 00:08:39,019 --> 00:08:41,438 Aaaah! 275 00:08:41,563 --> 00:08:43,648 The galaxy's greatest scientists continue to ponder 276 00:08:43,773 --> 00:08:46,443 the horrific figure known to children as floaty blood man. 277 00:08:46,568 --> 00:08:49,070 But after three months, nobody is any closer to the truth. 278 00:08:49,195 --> 00:08:51,114 For cutesy name news, I'm uncle nibbles. 279 00:08:51,239 --> 00:08:53,450 I can't believe floaty bloody man is real. 280 00:08:53,575 --> 00:08:55,577 He's more than real, he's my new god. 281 00:08:55,702 --> 00:08:57,579 - Check it. - Is that brand-new, 282 00:08:57,704 --> 00:08:59,682 - or is the blood just... - Accurately depicted, yeah. 283 00:08:59,706 --> 00:09:01,750 His followers believe the entire universe 284 00:09:01,875 --> 00:09:03,668 is floaty bloody man's nightmare as he dies 285 00:09:03,793 --> 00:09:05,128 in a time-dilated reality. 286 00:09:05,253 --> 00:09:06,588 So we could go at any minute. 287 00:09:06,713 --> 00:09:09,049 No. I'm part of the floaty nogasm brotherhood. 288 00:09:09,174 --> 00:09:10,508 We believe we're keeping him alive 289 00:09:10,633 --> 00:09:13,011 by redirecting our suppressed sexual energies. 290 00:09:13,136 --> 00:09:14,471 You're staying a virgin 291 00:09:14,596 --> 00:09:17,057 just to keep the universe existing? 292 00:09:17,182 --> 00:09:19,434 That's... so attractive. 293 00:09:19,559 --> 00:09:20,643 It is? 294 00:09:20,769 --> 00:09:22,729 Okay, look, let's just do it once. 295 00:09:22,854 --> 00:09:25,231 [Moaning] 296 00:09:26,816 --> 00:09:28,443 Sorry. 297 00:09:29,444 --> 00:09:30,945 Aaah! 298 00:09:31,071 --> 00:09:32,447 - Happy now? - He was suffering. 299 00:09:32,572 --> 00:09:33,823 Keep moving. 300 00:09:33,948 --> 00:09:35,428 We have to get to the return threshold 301 00:09:35,492 --> 00:09:36,927 before the ticking clock on your suit gets to zero. 302 00:09:36,951 --> 00:09:38,179 Why would you put ticking clock... 303 00:09:38,203 --> 00:09:39,430 Because if it's too easy to get there, 304 00:09:39,454 --> 00:09:40,955 we'll never get there. 305 00:09:41,081 --> 00:09:42,892 If you don't want to be meta stop, deconstructing shit. 306 00:09:42,916 --> 00:09:44,542 That's the thematic seal. 307 00:09:44,667 --> 00:09:46,169 Gotta find a way to disrupt it. 308 00:09:46,294 --> 00:09:49,172 Okay, morty, tell a story unrelated to us. 309 00:09:49,297 --> 00:09:51,341 - Uh, what do... - Stop thinking and do it! 310 00:09:51,466 --> 00:09:53,426 Uh, okay, uh, there was this... 311 00:09:53,551 --> 00:09:55,512 My name is Mike Johnson. That's good coffee. 312 00:09:55,637 --> 00:09:56,513 [Doorbell rings] 313 00:09:56,638 --> 00:09:58,306 Better get that door. 314 00:10:00,100 --> 00:10:01,309 I want your cookies. 315 00:10:01,434 --> 00:10:02,714 I'm hungry, I want your cookies. 316 00:10:02,811 --> 00:10:04,145 Scorpions, scorpions. 317 00:10:04,270 --> 00:10:06,272 There's scorpions outside. Get inside. 318 00:10:06,397 --> 00:10:07,649 What do they want from us? 319 00:10:07,774 --> 00:10:09,275 - They want food. - Me too. 320 00:10:09,400 --> 00:10:10,401 Rick: Okay, just stop. 321 00:10:10,527 --> 00:10:12,112 I'm not a writer, okay? 322 00:10:12,237 --> 00:10:14,048 Relax, your story was supposed to be awful and stupid. 323 00:10:14,072 --> 00:10:15,299 I just failed to predict how well 324 00:10:15,323 --> 00:10:16,699 that would mesh with the theme. 325 00:10:16,825 --> 00:10:18,034 Think. Think. 326 00:10:18,159 --> 00:10:19,619 What kind of story would we never... 327 00:10:19,744 --> 00:10:21,704 Morty, do you know what the bechdel test is? 328 00:10:21,830 --> 00:10:23,230 - The what? - For god's sake, morty, 329 00:10:23,289 --> 00:10:24,833 the formula for measuring female agency 330 00:10:24,958 --> 00:10:26,977 in a story proposed by lesbian cartoonist Allison... 331 00:10:27,001 --> 00:10:28,729 What the hell are they teaching you in that school?! 332 00:10:28,753 --> 00:10:30,473 - Other stuff! - Then you've killed us both! 333 00:10:30,588 --> 00:10:32,507 Why is lesbian part of her job title?! 334 00:10:32,632 --> 00:10:33,883 Oh, now you're progressive?! 335 00:10:34,008 --> 00:10:35,648 - What is the test?! - You have to tell... 336 00:10:35,677 --> 00:10:36,719 [ Beeping ] 337 00:10:36,845 --> 00:10:38,930 [Gagging] 338 00:10:39,055 --> 00:10:41,099 Morty, morty. 339 00:10:41,224 --> 00:10:43,643 Two women. They both have to have names 340 00:10:43,768 --> 00:10:45,329 and talk to each other about something... 341 00:10:45,353 --> 00:10:46,688 Rick! 342 00:10:46,813 --> 00:10:48,731 - Other than a man... - Oh, Rick, listen to me. 343 00:10:48,857 --> 00:10:51,401 Once upon a time, my mom and my sister... 344 00:10:51,526 --> 00:10:53,111 Listen to me! 345 00:10:54,279 --> 00:10:56,197 Mom, can I try yourtea? 346 00:10:56,322 --> 00:10:58,032 Yes, summer. 347 00:10:58,158 --> 00:10:59,659 Yes. Try my tea. 348 00:10:59,784 --> 00:11:02,036 It's so good. It's so warm. 349 00:11:02,162 --> 00:11:04,164 Mom, can I talk to you 350 00:11:04,289 --> 00:11:05,707 about my special time? 351 00:11:05,832 --> 00:11:07,917 It's okay. I have one, too. 352 00:11:08,042 --> 00:11:09,127 Mine is heavy today. 353 00:11:09,252 --> 00:11:10,920 Mine is never light. 354 00:11:11,045 --> 00:11:12,797 I love you ever since you were... 355 00:11:12,922 --> 00:11:14,090 Mailed to me. 356 00:11:14,215 --> 00:11:15,758 By a doctor woman. 357 00:11:15,884 --> 00:11:17,260 Your special time is your power. 358 00:11:17,385 --> 00:11:19,470 It makes you strong like a boob. 359 00:11:19,596 --> 00:11:20,763 Strong against what? 360 00:11:20,889 --> 00:11:22,849 Scorpions. Female scorpions. 361 00:11:22,974 --> 00:11:24,976 They're attacking outside. Come on. 362 00:11:27,478 --> 00:11:29,189 Fight them with your heavy special time. 363 00:11:29,314 --> 00:11:30,565 You do it, too. 364 00:11:30,690 --> 00:11:33,693 [Epic music plays] 365 00:11:36,654 --> 00:11:37,780 [Cellphones ring] 366 00:11:37,906 --> 00:11:39,449 - Hello? - Hello? 367 00:11:39,574 --> 00:11:42,285 I'm that supreme court lady, and you fucking did it. 368 00:11:42,410 --> 00:11:44,537 - We did it! - We did it! 369 00:11:47,165 --> 00:11:49,125 [Grunts] 370 00:11:49,250 --> 00:11:50,877 Great job, morty. 371 00:11:51,002 --> 00:11:52,462 A feminist masterpiece. 372 00:11:52,587 --> 00:11:54,172 Hey, look. 373 00:11:57,926 --> 00:12:00,136 Guess who's got two penises and all the agency? 374 00:12:00,261 --> 00:12:02,138 Rick and morty. 375 00:12:02,263 --> 00:12:03,806 Story lord. 376 00:12:03,932 --> 00:12:05,618 I should've known you were behind this, and I did. 377 00:12:05,642 --> 00:12:06,809 - Who is this guy? - Ugh. 378 00:12:06,935 --> 00:12:08,811 He's like a matrix space frasier. 379 00:12:08,937 --> 00:12:10,080 Let's get this fight over with, nerd. 380 00:12:10,104 --> 00:12:11,189 I've got shit to do. 381 00:12:11,314 --> 00:12:12,690 You of all people know, Rick, 382 00:12:12,815 --> 00:12:15,193 there can be no destination without a journey. 383 00:12:15,318 --> 00:12:17,403 I don't know that at all. I regularly teleport. 384 00:12:17,528 --> 00:12:20,156 Oh, of course. No rules for you. 385 00:12:20,281 --> 00:12:21,866 Spiraling through the multiverse, 386 00:12:21,991 --> 00:12:24,744 burping semi-improvised dialogue about how nothing matters, 387 00:12:24,869 --> 00:12:27,330 so we may as well pull out our dicks and rub them 388 00:12:27,455 --> 00:12:29,999 on fate's glaring teeth like we're brushing fate's teeth 389 00:12:30,124 --> 00:12:32,210 but we're using your gross, dirty dick. 390 00:12:32,335 --> 00:12:33,419 Must be nice. 391 00:12:33,544 --> 00:12:34,772 - [ Slurps] - Nobody's stopping you. 392 00:12:34,796 --> 00:12:36,839 True. Not anymore. 393 00:12:36,965 --> 00:12:37,965 [Grunts] 394 00:12:38,049 --> 00:12:39,329 - Goddamn! - We already did this. 395 00:12:39,425 --> 00:12:41,511 Oh, is this a double beat? Oh, well. 396 00:12:41,636 --> 00:12:43,429 Just how I adventure, dawg. 397 00:12:43,554 --> 00:12:44,674 This is more impressive than 398 00:12:44,722 --> 00:12:45,950 the tickets please guy, though. 399 00:12:45,974 --> 00:12:47,517 You are like 90% cum gutter. 400 00:12:47,642 --> 00:12:50,728 It's called discipline. Watch this. 401 00:12:51,229 --> 00:12:52,480 - God damn. - Geez! 402 00:12:52,605 --> 00:12:53,606 Do we have to fight him? 403 00:12:53,731 --> 00:12:54,899 I don't want to. 404 00:12:55,024 --> 00:12:56,442 We surrender. We're not fighting. 405 00:12:56,567 --> 00:12:57,567 -[ Gruntin -ow! G ] 406 00:12:58,820 --> 00:13:00,405 Fucking kick your ass. 407 00:13:01,531 --> 00:13:02,824 Oh! 408 00:13:02,949 --> 00:13:05,034 - [ Alarm ringing] - Hey! Get back in your egg! 409 00:13:06,703 --> 00:13:08,013 - What the... - Don't worry, morty! 410 00:13:08,037 --> 00:13:09,056 Nothing out there is canon! 411 00:13:09,080 --> 00:13:10,290 [Grunts] 412 00:13:10,415 --> 00:13:11,976 - We've got a pulse. - Stay with me, private. 413 00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:13,668 Smith, listen to me. You were exposed 414 00:13:13,793 --> 00:13:15,712 to a chemical that is altering your mind. 415 00:13:15,837 --> 00:13:17,106 To beat it, you have to hold on... 416 00:13:17,130 --> 00:13:18,130 We're losing him. 417 00:13:18,214 --> 00:13:19,757 Aliens. Sarge?! 418 00:13:19,882 --> 00:13:22,218 Morty, never forget the highest truth of all... 419 00:13:22,343 --> 00:13:24,470 You're getting your ass kicked on a train. 420 00:13:24,595 --> 00:13:25,471 [Grunts] 421 00:13:25,596 --> 00:13:26,931 Professor Sanchez? 422 00:13:27,056 --> 00:13:28,056 Did it work? 423 00:13:28,141 --> 00:13:29,767 I wouldn't say that, Marcus. 424 00:13:29,892 --> 00:13:32,353 I'd say it fucking worked. 425 00:13:32,478 --> 00:13:35,106 100% time dilation and total immersion. 426 00:13:35,231 --> 00:13:36,566 - Define "total." - Marcus, 427 00:13:36,691 --> 00:13:38,359 I've been back in reality for three hours, 428 00:13:38,484 --> 00:13:40,713 and I still have memories of a completely different life. 429 00:13:40,737 --> 00:13:42,572 I-I-I was a scientist still. 430 00:13:42,697 --> 00:13:44,365 I-I-I was... I-I-I had developed 431 00:13:44,490 --> 00:13:47,452 inter-dimensional travel, i-i-i-i had a daughter. 432 00:13:47,577 --> 00:13:49,120 I-I didn't have a mustache. 433 00:13:49,245 --> 00:13:53,291 H was kinda funny sometimes, mostly burping. 434 00:13:53,416 --> 00:13:54,751 No more secret testing. 435 00:13:54,876 --> 00:13:56,169 I can help people now. 436 00:13:56,294 --> 00:13:57,378 You've helped people. 437 00:13:57,503 --> 00:13:58,671 I've hurt more. 438 00:13:58,796 --> 00:14:00,089 Aaah! 439 00:14:00,214 --> 00:14:02,008 P-P-Professor Sanchez. I-I'm morty Smith 440 00:14:02,133 --> 00:14:03,593 from the... the... The the 241st. 441 00:14:03,718 --> 00:14:05,195 They... they... put your pill in our food. 442 00:14:05,219 --> 00:14:06,721 - It... it works. - Call the police! 443 00:14:06,846 --> 00:14:08,514 It's okay. It's okay. It's not real. 444 00:14:08,639 --> 00:14:10,183 N-n-n-n-nothing's real. 445 00:14:10,308 --> 00:14:11,392 I'm sorry, son. 446 00:14:11,517 --> 00:14:13,227 I-I-It's okay. You aren't real. 447 00:14:13,353 --> 00:14:15,021 [All screaming] 448 00:14:15,146 --> 00:14:17,815 God, you're right. I should do more freeform stuff. 449 00:14:17,940 --> 00:14:19,942 - Story lord: In you go. - What's happening? 450 00:14:20,068 --> 00:14:21,527 The reason I brought you here. 451 00:14:21,652 --> 00:14:23,613 I'll now fuel my anthology with your 452 00:14:23,738 --> 00:14:25,365 limitless potential, propelling it to 453 00:14:25,490 --> 00:14:28,659 its final stop... Beyond the fifth wall. 454 00:14:30,912 --> 00:14:33,206 You idiot. Our potential isn't limitless. 455 00:14:33,331 --> 00:14:34,516 You'll never break the fifth wall 456 00:14:34,540 --> 00:14:35,625 before you've burnt us out. 457 00:14:35,750 --> 00:14:38,378 Is that so? Oh, well. Win-win. 458 00:14:38,503 --> 00:14:39,670 Rick, w-what's he doing? 459 00:14:39,796 --> 00:14:41,214 He's trying to tap into us, morty. 460 00:14:41,339 --> 00:14:43,174 Resist. 461 00:14:43,299 --> 00:14:45,385 I can't believe you're finally headed off to college. 462 00:14:45,510 --> 00:14:46,870 Yeah, you know, it really felt like 463 00:14:46,928 --> 00:14:48,304 you were gonna be 17 forever. 464 00:14:48,429 --> 00:14:50,348 For, like, 16 years, at least. 465 00:14:50,473 --> 00:14:52,433 I can't believe I'm tearing up over this. 466 00:14:52,558 --> 00:14:54,894 Jesus, Rick, you know, you've really softened up. 467 00:14:55,019 --> 00:14:56,479 It's a human moment, morty. 468 00:14:56,604 --> 00:14:58,189 It's a human moment. 469 00:14:58,314 --> 00:15:00,108 - Aaah! - Aaah! It hurts! 470 00:15:04,529 --> 00:15:06,155 [Crashing] 471 00:15:06,280 --> 00:15:08,157 Abradolph lincoler? I thought you were dead. 472 00:15:08,282 --> 00:15:11,202 I'm very much alive, and I need your help. 473 00:15:11,327 --> 00:15:12,662 Yeah! 474 00:15:12,787 --> 00:15:14,181 Shit. He's taking the good stuff, morty. 475 00:15:14,205 --> 00:15:15,790 Wait, is... Is any of this canon? 476 00:15:15,915 --> 00:15:16,999 It could have been. 477 00:15:17,125 --> 00:15:18,709 [Chuckles] Oh, dear. 478 00:15:18,835 --> 00:15:21,712 Are there things Rick Sanchez holds sacred after all? 479 00:15:21,838 --> 00:15:22,838 [Whirring] 480 00:15:22,922 --> 00:15:24,507 [Both groaning] 481 00:15:26,467 --> 00:15:28,094 [Grunts] 482 00:15:28,219 --> 00:15:29,595 How did you find us? 483 00:15:29,720 --> 00:15:31,013 [Grunting] 484 00:15:31,139 --> 00:15:32,390 I trusted you! 485 00:15:32,515 --> 00:15:34,642 Don't blame others for your bad decisions. 486 00:15:34,767 --> 00:15:36,394 [Grunting] 487 00:15:36,519 --> 00:15:38,855 Resist, morty! Resist before he burns us out! 488 00:15:38,980 --> 00:15:40,565 Oh, too late now! 489 00:15:40,690 --> 00:15:41,899 What's wrong, Rick? 490 00:15:42,024 --> 00:15:44,193 Don't you want to see how your story ends?! 491 00:15:44,318 --> 00:15:45,945 [Laughs] 492 00:15:52,201 --> 00:15:56,914 [All shouting] 493 00:15:57,874 --> 00:15:59,625 Holy shit, Rick. What do we... 494 00:15:59,750 --> 00:16:00,978 There... there... There's now way out! 495 00:16:01,002 --> 00:16:02,253 You're right, morty. 496 00:16:02,378 --> 00:16:04,064 Sometimes it does seem like there's no way out. 497 00:16:04,088 --> 00:16:05,423 Like it's hopeless. 498 00:16:05,548 --> 00:16:07,717 But remember, there's always someone there for us. 499 00:16:07,842 --> 00:16:09,051 Who? 500 00:16:09,177 --> 00:16:10,195 My best friend and personal savior, 501 00:16:10,219 --> 00:16:11,512 Jesus Christ. 502 00:16:11,637 --> 00:16:12,990 What?! You... you don't believe in god. 503 00:16:13,014 --> 00:16:14,390 But he believes in us, morty. 504 00:16:14,515 --> 00:16:16,225 You know, I thought I was the inventor, 505 00:16:16,350 --> 00:16:17,578 but the greatest invention of all 506 00:16:17,602 --> 00:16:19,061 is the free gift of eternal life. 507 00:16:19,187 --> 00:16:21,063 Is this... Are you fucking with me? 508 00:16:21,189 --> 00:16:22,648 [Chuckles] Oh, trust me, morty. 509 00:16:22,773 --> 00:16:24,573 I've done plenty of effed up stuff in my life. 510 00:16:24,692 --> 00:16:26,819 But it's never too late to accept Christ. 511 00:16:26,944 --> 00:16:28,404 Jesus is always knocking at the door. 512 00:16:28,529 --> 00:16:30,089 All we have to do is open it and let him 513 00:16:30,156 --> 00:16:31,282 - into our hearts. - How? 514 00:16:31,407 --> 00:16:32,700 I'm so glad you asked, morty. 515 00:16:32,825 --> 00:16:34,827 Just close your eyes and go to him in prayer. 516 00:16:34,952 --> 00:16:36,204 Like this. 517 00:16:36,329 --> 00:16:37,955 - Heavenly father. - Heavenly father. 518 00:16:38,080 --> 00:16:39,850 Together: Thank you for sending your only begotten son. 519 00:16:39,874 --> 00:16:41,751 What a second, no! What are you doing?! 520 00:16:41,876 --> 00:16:43,836 Together: Jesus, I accept you into my heart. 521 00:16:43,961 --> 00:16:45,213 No! This sucks. 522 00:16:45,338 --> 00:16:47,089 Stop! You guys would never do this. 523 00:16:47,215 --> 00:16:48,575 Together: Fill me with your spirit. 524 00:16:48,633 --> 00:16:50,233 Make me a shining city on a hill for you. 525 00:16:50,259 --> 00:16:51,928 - No! No! - Together: Make me born again. 526 00:16:52,053 --> 00:16:53,721 - No! - In Jesus' name, we pray. 527 00:16:53,846 --> 00:16:55,139 - Amen. - Amen. 528 00:16:55,264 --> 00:16:56,724 - Amen! - You did it! 529 00:16:56,849 --> 00:16:58,184 - Way to go, morty! - Crossy. 530 00:16:58,309 --> 00:16:59,435 Bible-saurus. You made it. 531 00:16:59,560 --> 00:17:01,521 We wouldn't miss this for anything! 532 00:17:01,646 --> 00:17:02,813 You said it, Mr. Celery. 533 00:17:02,939 --> 00:17:04,774 What the fuck is all of this?! 534 00:17:04,899 --> 00:17:06,609 Greatest story ever told, story lord. 535 00:17:06,734 --> 00:17:08,486 No, it's not. It's awful! 536 00:17:08,611 --> 00:17:10,029 [Whooshing] 537 00:17:10,154 --> 00:17:11,656 I beg your pardon? 538 00:17:11,781 --> 00:17:13,449 Ah! 539 00:17:13,574 --> 00:17:15,201 Goddamn. 540 00:17:15,326 --> 00:17:17,119 - [ All gasping] - My lord and my god! 541 00:17:17,245 --> 00:17:18,764 - No! No! It sucks in here. - Let's get the fuck 542 00:17:18,788 --> 00:17:20,623 outta here. Go, now. 543 00:17:20,748 --> 00:17:22,124 Ugh. We're safe, morty. 544 00:17:22,250 --> 00:17:23,793 Nobody ever wanted to see that shit. 545 00:17:23,918 --> 00:17:25,586 Wh-what's gonna happen to story lord? 546 00:17:25,711 --> 00:17:27,922 He gets to spend eternity in every writer's hell... 547 00:17:28,047 --> 00:17:29,257 - The Bible. - I don't know. 548 00:17:29,382 --> 00:17:31,133 Some people actually like that stuff. 549 00:17:31,259 --> 00:17:32,677 Seems kind of cynical. 550 00:17:32,802 --> 00:17:34,404 I just don't like taking cheap shots, you know? 551 00:17:34,428 --> 00:17:36,097 Cheap shots? Morty, we were literally 552 00:17:36,222 --> 00:17:37,515 saved by Jesus Christ. 553 00:17:37,640 --> 00:17:39,392 Tell me in any way how that's offensive. 554 00:17:39,517 --> 00:17:41,060 This was a little confusing, 555 00:17:41,185 --> 00:17:43,163 but I guess it brought us closer together, you know? 556 00:17:43,187 --> 00:17:44,564 Tested our demons. 557 00:17:44,689 --> 00:17:46,250 Made us believe in ourselves more than ever. 558 00:17:46,274 --> 00:17:47,567 Yeah. You're right, morty. 559 00:17:47,692 --> 00:17:49,419 We got all that meta-canon shit outta the way 560 00:17:49,443 --> 00:17:51,070 and now we can just be ourselves. 561 00:17:51,195 --> 00:17:52,780 Now what do you say we bring this train 562 00:17:52,905 --> 00:17:54,490 into the station. 563 00:18:03,958 --> 00:18:06,419 Oh, shit. 564 00:18:06,544 --> 00:18:08,004 Morty: So what do you think? 565 00:18:08,129 --> 00:18:09,449 Wow. Where did you get this thing? 566 00:18:09,547 --> 00:18:11,173 The citadel of ricks gift shop. 567 00:18:11,299 --> 00:18:13,759 Do you really like it? I didn't think you'd even care. 568 00:18:13,884 --> 00:18:15,970 What? Morty. No. I love it. 569 00:18:16,095 --> 00:18:17,680 You did the most important thing. 570 00:18:17,805 --> 00:18:19,056 You... you bought something. 571 00:18:19,181 --> 00:18:20,516 - What? - You bought something. 572 00:18:20,641 --> 00:18:23,227 With money. God. I love money so much, morty. 573 00:18:23,352 --> 00:18:25,354 - Are you being sarcastic? - Merchandise, morty. 574 00:18:25,479 --> 00:18:28,024 Your only purpose in life is to buy and consume merchandise. 575 00:18:28,149 --> 00:18:29,709 And you did it. You went into a store... 576 00:18:29,775 --> 00:18:32,445 An actual honest to god store... And you bought something. 577 00:18:32,570 --> 00:18:34,548 You didn't ask questions or raise ethical complaints. 578 00:18:34,572 --> 00:18:36,508 You... you just looked straight into the bleeding jaws 579 00:18:36,532 --> 00:18:38,743 of capitalism and said "yes, daddy, please." 580 00:18:38,868 --> 00:18:41,162 And I'm... I'm so proud of you. 581 00:18:41,287 --> 00:18:42,639 I only wish you could've bought more. 582 00:18:42,663 --> 00:18:45,041 I... I love buying things so much, morty. 583 00:18:45,166 --> 00:18:46,334 Rick, are... are you... 584 00:18:46,459 --> 00:18:47,779 Do you need to go to the hospital? 585 00:18:47,835 --> 00:18:50,046 I love you, morty. Give grandpa a kiss. 586 00:18:50,171 --> 00:18:51,931 Give... give... gimme... Give grandpa a kiss. 587 00:18:52,006 --> 00:18:53,215 Lips if you want. 588 00:18:53,341 --> 00:18:54,651 What... whatever you're comfortable with. 589 00:18:54,675 --> 00:18:55,843 Some cultures do that. 590 00:18:55,968 --> 00:18:57,720 That was sweet. Thank you. 591 00:18:57,845 --> 00:19:00,181 I... I love you. You're my little buddy. 592 00:19:00,306 --> 00:19:01,849 Okay. 593 00:19:01,974 --> 00:19:03,493 Let's watch some interdimensional cable. 594 00:19:03,517 --> 00:19:05,519 [Television clicks, static crackles] 595 00:19:05,645 --> 00:19:08,314 [Train whistle blows] 596 00:19:08,773 --> 00:19:10,441 So you're saying my father 597 00:19:10,566 --> 00:19:11,942 and his kingdom... 598 00:19:12,068 --> 00:19:14,820 Well, yes... It's based on the fusion 599 00:19:14,945 --> 00:19:16,364 of a sumerian god named "ya" 600 00:19:16,489 --> 00:19:19,158 and a mesopotamian god named "way." 601 00:19:19,283 --> 00:19:21,619 And we're in a toy train? 602 00:19:21,744 --> 00:19:23,079 Yes. 603 00:19:23,204 --> 00:19:24,514 It's enough to really make you question 604 00:19:24,538 --> 00:19:26,415 all of existence, isn't it? 605 00:19:26,540 --> 00:19:28,918 So what do you think you're gonna do about it? 606 00:19:29,043 --> 00:19:32,129 I'm gonna do what I've always done. 607 00:19:32,254 --> 00:19:34,173 I'm gonna get the fuck outta here. 608 00:19:34,298 --> 00:19:38,761 Father of omens! Give me blood beyond sight! 609 00:19:38,969 --> 00:19:41,055 [Crackling] 610 00:19:41,180 --> 00:19:42,765 Hey, what the fuck, morty? 611 00:19:42,890 --> 00:19:44,576 The train you got me just completely derailed itself. 612 00:19:44,600 --> 00:19:46,119 There's blood all over the windows on it. 613 00:19:46,143 --> 00:19:48,063 Oh, man, I'm sorry, Rick. I guess I'll return it. 614 00:19:48,187 --> 00:19:49,480 Return... are you insane? 615 00:19:49,605 --> 00:19:50,725 Did you hear nothing I said? 616 00:19:50,773 --> 00:19:51,899 Buy another one, morty. 617 00:19:52,024 --> 00:19:53,484 Consume, morty. 618 00:19:53,609 --> 00:19:55,587 Nobody's out there shopping with this fucking virus. 619 00:19:55,611 --> 00:19:57,071 Where's your fucking wallet?! 620 00:19:57,196 --> 00:20:00,199 [Dramatic music plays] 621 00:20:27,685 --> 00:20:29,285 Rick: Tired of the same boring adventures 622 00:20:29,311 --> 00:20:30,479 with your dogshit Marty? 623 00:20:30,604 --> 00:20:32,314 - Yeah! - Aw. Geez 624 00:20:32,440 --> 00:20:34,608 then get ready for the citadel of Rick's story train. 625 00:20:34,734 --> 00:20:36,193 Deep voice: Story train. Story train. 626 00:20:36,318 --> 00:20:37,838 Rick: The citadel of Rick's story train 627 00:20:37,903 --> 00:20:39,822 comes with car after car of enemies, lovers, 628 00:20:39,947 --> 00:20:41,323 and goomby, all grappling with 629 00:20:41,449 --> 00:20:42,634 the nature of who you truly are. 630 00:20:42,658 --> 00:20:44,098 Morty: Rick is a god! Tickets please. 631 00:20:44,160 --> 00:20:45,680 Rick: Whoa! Watch out! It's story lord! 632 00:20:45,745 --> 00:20:46,954 Damn. He's jacked. 633 00:20:47,079 --> 00:20:48,581 Deep voice: Pure cum gutter. 634 00:20:48,706 --> 00:20:50,475 Rick: And of course, what story would be complete 635 00:20:50,499 --> 00:20:52,185 without the engineer of the greatest story ever told. 636 00:20:52,209 --> 00:20:53,210 Morty: Oh, Jesus Christ. 637 00:20:53,335 --> 00:20:54,575 Jesus: I have come not to judge 638 00:20:54,628 --> 00:20:56,255 the world, but to save it. 639 00:20:56,380 --> 00:20:58,108 Rick: And the best part is, the fun never ends. 640 00:20:58,132 --> 00:20:59,568 Thanks to the Rick-patented anthology generator, 641 00:20:59,592 --> 00:21:00,952 you'll never run out of new stories 642 00:21:01,051 --> 00:21:02,136 and people to tell them. 643 00:21:02,261 --> 00:21:03,655 - Are they alive? - Rick: Of course. 644 00:21:03,679 --> 00:21:04,959 But not in any ways that matter. 645 00:21:05,055 --> 00:21:06,432 Deep voice: They. Have. No. Souls. 646 00:21:06,557 --> 00:21:07,767 Puppets. Of. Fate. 647 00:21:07,892 --> 00:21:09,226 Rick: The story train. 648 00:21:09,351 --> 00:21:10,978 Available now in the citadel of ricks. 649 00:21:11,103 --> 00:21:12,581 Buy it ironically. Buy it sincerely. Just buy it. 650 00:21:12,605 --> 00:21:13,957 Not buying it is an act of buying it. 651 00:21:13,981 --> 00:21:15,208 Buy it now. Look it up. It's real. 652 00:21:15,232 --> 00:21:16,942 Www. Story-train. Com. 653 00:21:17,067 --> 00:21:19,004 On the Internet. It's there. Buy it. Buy the train. 654 00:21:19,028 --> 00:21:20,279 We want you to buy the train.